The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Genos]

@pbsurf - best of luck man...peace out...for now!

I'm a little over a month into NC...A couple days ago I went on a trip, took a 4 hr drive to visit a relative (8 hrs round trip).

During the 4 hours there and back...I thought of her for probably all of it lol; on cruise control, with nothing to really focus on, my mind began to wander...

I'd imagine scenarios of me running into her, she'd see me with other women (dat preselection), we'd have a conversation where I was one suave mofo, and she'd totally be all over me. I'd be able to show her the new man I'd become, be able to tell her the things I couldn't tell her, do things with her that I wasn't able to do before...

We're talkin real pixie fairy dust land here haha, major fantasizing. I'm ashamed to admit it, but it was extremely nice, even pleasurable, hiding in my head like that...it's almost like I was taking refuge from the pain of having lost her by imagining circumstances that she would come back to me (or even that things worked out and were great from the beginning). While playing these scenarios out in my head, I was 'content'. I'd then need to do something, make a turn, etc. After I finished that task, reality sunk in again that she was gone - and I'd begin the fantasy again.

It's so difficult coming to terms with the fact that I didn't make use of the opportunities that I had with her. I honestly can't put much blame on her for things not working out, I could've been so much better, been more of a man...the regret of missed opportunities has been striking me extremely hard...I can only blame myself and my own mistakes for not taking better care of myself, being less beta, more alpha...

I've wanted to break NC so badly the past couple days...but I've resisted. Just trying to sort out the regrets I have left over..

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I know it may sound pathetic but I gotta share something that happened today:
This hot chick from my army base came to meet me at the hospital today, my ex works at the hospital so I was so open with this girl - hugging, laughing, touching, lots of IOIs and basically having a blast.
I really hope my ex saw me with the new girl and it hit her right in her the face. I hope she won't sleep tonight, I hope it will torture not knowing who the f**k is this hot girl.
I'm not looking to impress her, I just want her in pain.

I just remembered how pathetic she looked like in all of her "LOOK HOW HAPPY I AM" post breakup photos with her disgusting lipstick and tons of makeup. DISGUSTING, SHE LOOKS LIKE A FVCKING WH0RE.

 

[StuffofLegends]

@CerwinVegaFan

Yeah man your probably right.. I may have already screwed it up by acting so weird around her lately... My emotions are all over the place!

I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to hang out with a female though.. Hopefully I can get back to my normal self soon and be the man I need to be for the right lady.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Pair Plus...

You have better chance on hitting girls on libraries and bookstores if you are looking for non-over-the-top-wh0res like the ones you get at college campus' and the nightclub/bar scene than looking for them at churches.

And even in churches it does not mean you are looking at wife material chicks.
Here in Brazil, people that go to church are know as 'Crentes', which can be badly translated to 'Believers'

And there is a saying that rhymes that goes like this
"Crente do cu Quente, só e virgem do buraco da frente"

Which can be preciselly translated to:
'A believer loves to take on the @ss, and is just a virgin of the "front hole"'

Meaning, you might even marry a virgin chick. She is just 'not that virgin' if you know what I mean!

and CerwinVega

Your thoughts are normal, and healthly. You are in the anger phase. You just wish everything bad to happen to her! Good for you!

This means you are in the recovery journey! Just remember to, unlike her posting online sh*t, keep it to yourself!

There is nothing more pathetic, as you've stated, than online braggin/flaming!

 

[StuffofLegends]

5 days NC completed and it feels good to accomplish this small victory! Day 6 begins...

Still grieving the loss, how rapidly her feelings changed for me, and the heartlessness of it all...

Received a message from her boss where she works on facebook this morning. I use to do business there often (I even got her the job there) but he was just saying hi and telling me he missed me coming in there! I decided to go to a different place of business due to the fact that she works there (Ex) and the guy she branch swung with works there too. I told him I missed going there, they were like family, and where I go now isn't the same... I don't know if he is even aware that my ex and the guy are together now so mentioned it to him.. I'll find out later if he knows... He doesn't like my Ex, tolerated her for me pretty much. I know employees aren't supposed to date there too so I'm curious if they even know? She (Ex) refrains from posting pics of her new guy on facebook, she has her relationship status set that they are together but she could keep that private from management. Gotta be careful though, I don't want him to even mention to her that we are talking about her or that I give 2 ish about her! He's cool so should be safe.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Stop looking at her FB.

 

[StuffofLegends]

@CerwinVega

I have not looked at it.. Not for the past 5 days, going on 6...

 

[MattTheW]

Stop looking at her FB.

HE never said he'd looked at her facebook

however, personally I wouldn't be talking to her boos about her in any way shape or form.....

Chinese whispers or even her getting wind that you are talking to him in any fashion about her will just give her more ammunition against you

Obviously you don't want to bottle sh1t up, but choose who you talk to about it carefully.......

What you have written tells me that you aren't as over her as you would like to think, a little bit of vindictiveness (this is how I read it) by telling her boss about her new guy - means that you want to hurt her, to want to hurt her due to her hurting you......if you are hurting then you aren't over her.....
I realise it's under a week NC, but how long have you guys been broken up for now? (I ask as I don't know)

 

[StuffofLegends]

Her boss and I are friends.. He's not her main boss, just supervisor over her department she works in. He reached out to me so I was just touching base with him.. I am curious if he knows about her new relationship? She and I have been broken up for 2 months now.

 

[wishyo]

seems like I will start posting/checking this thread lol.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Welcome wishyo!

We were together for 3 yrs and been broken up now for 2 months.. Talked to her boss/my friend and it was brief... No long winded talk about the ex or anything. I know I'm better off w/o her but it doesn't make the pain of betrayal and the blow to my ego of choosing another man over me any easier... Hopefully time will be my friend.

 

[wishyo]

Welcome wishyo!

We were together for 3 yrs and been broken up now for 2 months.. Talked to her boss/my friend and it was brief... No long winded talk about the ex or anything. I know I'm better off w/o her but it doesn't make the pain of betrayal and the blow to my ego of choosing another man over me any easier... Hopefully time will be my friend.

my case is much easier emotionally, dated a chick for two month, developed some strong feelings towards her though, she flaked few of my recent date offers so.. it is not even nc, it is just very low interest on her part. trying to get over her as she was so darn hot :/
my #1 goal is just to keep working on myself and to actually get up, grab my balls and start spinning plates

 

[Cerwin Vega]

2 months? Damn...

 

[wishyo]

2 months? Damn...

yea i know it's a joke, still experiencing strong feelings for some reason. when i broke with a girl i dated for 3 years, i was rather relieved to be alone finally... had obviously some painful moments

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 7 NC

Woke up this morning without the usual depressed, empty, and lonely feels.. Felt more of an indifference towards her as she came to mind. Then I started to think about how she doesn't care anymore about what I'm up too, how my day goes, or any concern about my life... She's more interested in her new guy and new friends. Hard for me to understand this? We were together for 3 yrs, hardly ever fought, and she LOVED me! I had all the power the entire relationship. She used to tell me 1 day away from me felt like a week. Now I could be laying in a coffin some where and would make no difference to her based on her actions...

I gave her attention and love but she was very needy and always what I gave wasn't enough. I was her only serious/LTR so I guess she has nothing to gauge how good I was to her or compare what we had too. Still can't believe she could throw away everything we built together...

 

[Colette]

StuffofLegends : why did you guys break up ?

 

[StuffofLegends]

@Colette

She met me in the park, handed me a letter to read because she couldn't tell me herself and even tried to read the letter to me but couldn't.. She sat there with sunglasses on her face while I read the letter...

It read that she needed to find herself, needed time alone, I was amazing, hoped we could still be friends... I asked her if we could work in this together and she said no that she had to do this by herself... I said thanks for wasting 3 yrs of my life and stormed off! She ran off balling...

A week later I found out she was seeing someone else, contacted her about it and she denied it all, then 3 wks after the break up they (same guy I heard about previously) announced in facebook that they were together.. I didn't even bother with contacting her this time.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Oh, and I did clarify that she was breaking up with me at the park that day and not just asking for space and she agreed that yes she is breaking up with me... The letter was longer than that too if course but that was the gist of it all.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

They always lie and deny everything.
Mine said "I will never date him!!!!", and a month goes off to a vacation with that same guy.

But what the f*ck does that matter, it's her sh!tty life - she based her new relationship on a foundation of lies, it will collapse, hopefully burying her deeply under the ruins.

She will get married, get fat just like her mother and treat her husband terribly.

Just like a brilliant man said on another forum:

Its not your ex bro, its the fantasy version of your ex that only exists in your mind. Go hang out with her as friends, and you will likely see that she isn't as sexy, amazing, and cool as your mind makes her out to be. If that doesn't work, just wait untill she pops out a few kids and gets fat, or she becomes a desperate 30 something with faded beauty and looks gross from partying, drugs, and alchohol. You will only get more awesome, the girls you **** will be young and pretty for many years, but your ex will look disgusting long before your pimp hand stops working. You can bang hot girls well into your 50's if you stay in shape and have good game, after that there is always sexy hookers that you can afford because you didn't get drained of resources by some fat ***** ex wife.

StuffofLegends, reading your post of day 7 puts me in a bad mood. Sorry brother, but you must snap out of it.
I know how you feel, that pain, anxiety and depression kicks you so hard in the balls that it seems like you'll never be able to get up.

Guess what? Life goes on brother, I'm on the same day as you ever since my recent breaking of NC, and IT IS hard just like it was at day 8 last time, maybe even harder.
Realizing that all what your ex told you is fvcking bullsh!t is a very tough pill to swallow
Realizing that a woman is only here to ADD VALUE to your life is a very tough pill to swallow
Realizing that every woman is capable of cheating is a very tough pill to swallow
Realizing that you should be ready for a woman to walk off your life at any moment is a very tough pill to swallow
Realizing that unless you start doing sh!t, ONLY THEN stuff will happen; no girl will magically fall on her knees and begin sucking on your d...
is a very tough pill to swallow.

 

[StuffofLegends]

3 other things I should include:

1. I'm 34 and she is 22
2. 1 wk before the break up she was really distant; had other things going on and couldn't hang our like usual, didn't respond to txt messages till way later than normal etc.
3. She had family issues going on over property and was gonna have to be in court soon dealing with the issue. She never would tell me the whole story with that though.. She had said when she broke up with me that her life was going to get harder now (due to this). Said she didn't want to ruin my life. Said there was so much more to it all with this and the break up but wouldn't tell me what exactly or the details???