The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[finickywake]

Ex sent me a long e-mail affirming how she is basically in the right for trying to contact me and reach out to me, and how I'm wrong for treating her with NC.

Not gonna reply, of course.

 

[Noyou]

Ex sent me a long e-mail affirming how she is basically in the right for trying to contact me and reach out to me, and how I'm wrong for treating her with NC.

Not gonna reply, of course.

This made me lol.

She ended it and wants away from you, but yet she comes back and try's to make you feel that way for doing what she asked.

Selfish *****.

Day 179

You all will be proud to know that I haven't looked at my exs facebook for a month, and it's because I really don't care.

I recently though look back at all the back and forth we did via text msging near the end and I thought this one simple sentence on my head

"Damnit.....I was stupid"

Now without looking at it with my heart, I should have seen this a mile away and like wakes position, she told me one thing and how to worry about me, and she didn't know if she wanted to date me anymore, to a month later contacting on how I was doing.

Selfish *****es

I also recently met a good looking, self respecting woman that is educated and is just like me.

She got out of a LTR about the same time I did, the same way I did, getting dumped, and she has a hard time getting back out there because she got hurt.

I've only known this woman for 2 weeks, but I adore her completely, not because she's good looking or smart (though they are good reasons) but because we are almost alike it's scary, but exciting. We always have interesting conversations and we look at things in a similar light, where as my ex, I'd have to fake my ideals.

I'm just going to take it easy and just let things happen as they happen.
I also like the fact that people from my work are now starting to hit the gym with me and they see me as a part of their lives as somewhat of a leader.

So many good things

Things happen for a reason ladies and gents.
LET IT HAPPEN!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Good day to my NC brothers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okpf-cgIwFE

 

[Darrenez]

I'm on Day 90 now or around that Mark.. Haven't heard from her and I'm obviously not healed yet. 7 years in a relationship, I don't expect to be fully healed for a good couple of months yet.

I am keeping myself busy with weight training 5 times a week and going to pilates. My lifestyle itself is completely dedicated to the gym and a healthy lifestyle, saying that tho I was always healthy and into my gym before the BU.

I haven't met anyone since the break up and even now, think of the ex everyday even tho I always trying to stay busy. I won't break Nc though as whenever I think I may I go on the net and read about how it would only make things worse.

If the ex really would like to work things out or see me then she will have to contact me.. It is strange tho that after 7 years of everything my family done for her, she never came round to say thank you and that she is sorry things didn't work out. However life isn't like that and I guess she just thought it would be to awkward for her.

 

[Shaka]

I'm on Day 90 now or around that Mark.. Haven't heard from her and I'm obviously not healed yet. 7 years in a relationship, I don't expect to be fully healed for a good couple of months yet.

I am keeping myself busy with weight training 5 times a week and going to pilates. My lifestyle itself is completely dedicated to the gym and a healthy lifestyle, saying that tho I was always healthy and into my gym before the BU.

I haven't met anyone since the break up and even now, think of the ex everyday even tho I always trying to stay busy. I won't break Nc though as whenever I think I may I go on the net and read about how it would only make things worse.

If the ex really would like to work things out or see me then she will have to contact me.. It is strange tho that after 7 years of everything my family done for her, she never came round to say thank you and that she is sorry things didn't work out. However life isn't like that and I guess she just thought it would be to awkward for her.

Hey,
I wanted some news from you, since we have a similar situation.
And I didn't think about the parents things...
I did say farewell to her mother, but the ex didn't say anything to my parents. And it's kinda make me angry I guess lol. They treated her very nicely so...
I guess gratitude isn't something that she is familiar with... Or maybe like you said, it will be too awkard or something...
Like you, I guess 7 years can easily be erased from a woman memory lol

Anyway, still thinking about her everyday (I'm around the same number of days of NC as you are I think).
It's not painful as it was the first week. It's more like a nostalgic feeling (and sometime anger )
So I think I'm doing pretty good. I spinned some plates too, working out 3 days a week + some other activities.

I don't want to contact her so I don't think i'll break NC, ever. She will have to be very determined if she wants to come back. But I don't think this will happen.


Anyway, let's keep us busy and be strong pal,

Best of luck

 

[zorg198]

Wow,
iv'e been in the "relationship" only 5 months and i feel bad, you guys 7 years?

i feel for you bro, hope everything will be good in your life. stay strong. i only in this few days. one day NC. hope i will stay strong.
Cerwingvega is helping me , my brother from another mother

 

[Rave18]

Disoriented and venting

I had a major crush on a girl in my school. Should have told her...she was so lively. I miss her

 

[zorg198]

Second day of complete NC, i don't know how i feel.... what i know i need to keep NC no matter what. i still have pain in my chest and keep thinking about her and what she's doing with him. does she think about me or miss me.

Damn, i wish it was so easy , where is the red pill?

Joe.

 

[Genos]

It's been a little over two weeks now since I've spoken to her.

Yesterday, I was extremely tempted to contact her. When we separated 2 weeks ago, she deleted/unfollowed me off of twitter, and since her settings were on private, I couldn't see her profile. A day after that, she made her profile public (for whatever reason - I don't really know, maybe trying to make me jealous?). I'm sad to say that I checked her twitter feed several times over these past 2 weeks, gave in to temptation..

A couple days ago, she returned to having her profile on 'private'. Does this mean she's moved on? Maybe baiting me to want to contact her? I don't know. Somehow, I've resisted. Trying to forge on and restore my internal state of happiness...but if she has moved on, it's crazy that it's only been 2 weeks since....man...;__;

 

[finickywake]

Day 30something

Saw some old pictures of the ex and I, and the date they were taken. I hadn't realized we'd been together for so long (on & off, mostly on [bpd]). Over 3 years. Damn.

Anyways, kept NC. Didn't reply to her message. Been getting numbers off Tinder, OKC, and POF like mad.

Missed the gym this morning cause I couldn't sleep well. Gonna go tomorrow instead (usually take Wednesdays off).

Keep NC guys. Stay fresh.

 

[expos]

but if she has moved on, it's crazy that it's only been 2 weeks since....man...;__;

That's a woman dude. They always have plenty of options. Some just like to follow up on that option quicker than others. If she's a branch swinger, be glad you got out.

 

[Redman316]

Finally! I signed up to this site just because of this thread. I have been searching the internet high and low for something like this. Its all well to read something but after it wares off by the next morning you need to read something new. This though I can focus on and keep posting here and go through this **** with other guys.

So I was with my ex for 4 years, pretty bad relationship to be honest especially the first 2 years. It got better on around year 3 but then year 4 went back down hill. My friends and family are so chuffed that she finished with me because they all hate her and think she isnt right for me.

Anyway about 2 months ago I broke up with her and then when I tried to get back she decided to follow the break up through. This wasnt uncommon for us so I took it with a pinch of salt. After about 3 weeks I realised this isnt the norm and it could be serious. I asked her to take me back but she wouldnt so I decided I would delete her details and try and move on. A week later I contacted her and we got together had sex and the next day she seemed like she wanted me back. She even said something like 'Im not sure what I want to do, I do love and miss you, I dunno what to do.'

Nothing happened though and about a week went by, she didnt want to meet up for more sex and she barley texts me throughout this whole break up. Its always me texting her and she replys like 3 hours after. I blocked her again.....1 week goes by. I missed her and contacted her. She was really down about something in her life so I made her feel better. The next day she treated me like ****. Saying its my fault her Sky bill is so high because of the Sports package I added. Being a total doormat I gave her £20.

She said she would text me that night but I contacted her first again and she still didnt want to get back but she might have sex with me in 2 days (friday). So friday comes and I here nothing, I text her. She replys at 8 PM and says she has been busy all day. She says to phone her at 11PM because she is going out and I can pick her up and take her home so we can have sex.

I phone at 11 and no answer. I phone again no answer, I text, phone, I text. Its now 12PM and nothing. I decided to drive home from my mates and who do I see walking up the road. My ex with some knobhead. He does resemble her mate but for now lets assume he is some guy she picked up. 2AM comes around and she phones me blotto. I asked her how she got home 'I walked'. 'Alone?' I asked. 'Yes she said'. ****ing busted! I played **** with her screaming down the phone all sorts of abuse. She was sticking to her guns that he was a specific mate and he did resemble the boy but the guy did seem alot bigger than her mate to me.

Anyway that was 3 days ago. The next day Sat. I didnt contact her at all. She phones me and I dont answer. I wait 5 mins and text 'Whats up am busy cant really talk'. She phones back immediatley with nothing to really say just wants to know why I am busy and why I sound so happy. She claims 'I wish I could be happy.' Anyway I told her I cant talk and pretty much hung up. She text me more than she has in 2 months and I was replying. She kept accusing me of meeting someone else and asking her would I tell her when I do. She claims she isnt going to meet anyone for a long time and has never been single longer than a month (I know this to be true) so she wants to try it. She prob full of **** and is ****ing someone already but whatever.

So Sunday, nothing all day and I text her. She doesnt text back for like 3 hours and basically says 'Soz been busy text you tommorow.' Monday. Nothing. I text her and say I cant do this anymore I thought I could be mates but cant. I wanna go back to no contact so I am blocking you. She says 'I dont wanna do that but its up to you. I love you though hope you know that'.

I've put her on block now and it hasnt even been a day and Im already thinking about taking her off block just to see if she texts. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She had me proper round her finger and still does.

Any advice guys would be awesome and I am going to do my absolute best to keep NC. I will post here when I get the urge. This is my first proper break up that was over more than a year.

 

[MattTheW]

So I was with my ex for 4 years, pretty bad relationship to be honest especially the first 2 years. It got better on around year 3 but then year 4 went back down hill. My friends and family are so chuffed that she finished with me because they all hate her and think she isnt right for me.

Try and hold onto the sh1t she put you through, it's all too easy to try and forget the bad stuff and cling on to the good stuff.......I bet the more you think about the more you'll realise how much sh1t you actually put up with in those 4 years - even in the good years

So Sunday, nothing all day and I text her. She doesnt text back for like 3 hours and basically says 'Soz been busy text you tommorow.' Monday. Nothing. I text her and say I cant do this anymore I thought I could be mates but cant. I wanna go back to no contact so I am blocking you. She says 'I dont wanna do that but its up to you. I love you though hope you know that'.

Classic, tries to make you feel like the @sshole in all this......she's just trying to manipulate you fella into not cutting her out for her own ego, nothing to do with you what so ever!!

I've put her on block now and it hasnt even been a day and Im already thinking about taking her off block just to see if she texts. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She had me proper round her finger and still does.

Any advice guys would be awesome and I am going to do my absolute best to keep NC. I will post here when I get the urge. This is my first proper break up that was over more than a year.

Personally, I leave them (I have 2) unblocked, the reason I do this is then it removed that feeling of wondering whether they have messaged or phoned me and I don't know because they are blocked......
I find it helps because (to be brutally honest) after a while they stop sh1t testing you........

Best advice, keep busy - take up new hobbies, meet new people and hang out a tonne with your mates.....don't be a hermit and don't cling to your phone waiting for it to ring/beep at you

 

[Redman316]

Thanks Matthew. Yeah she is a genius at relationships. Like I said she had me wrapped around her finger. When it comes to book smarts she is as dumb as a tree, she doesnt even know what the globe looks like ffs. But when it comes to relationships she can play me like a fool without ever knowing I was played.

I was thinking of leaving her unblocked for the same reason but also incase of an emergency (I'd wanna know if she got hurt). Also so she can contact me if she ever changed her mind but most importantly to show her that I can do it and am just as strong as her. I will unblock her for now, she wont know I blocked her I will just explain to her that I will leave the line open just incase of an emergency however if she contacts me for any other reason I will block her. If she does then though I will have to follow through with that or I will look like a jackass.....again.

 

[MattTheW]

I was thinking of leaving her unblocked for the same reason but also incase of an emergency (I'd wanna know if she got hurt). Also so she can contact me if she ever changed her mind but most importantly to show her that I can do it and am just as strong as her. I will unblock her for now, she wont know I blocked her I will just explain to her that I will leave the line open just incase of an emergency however if she contacts me for any other reason I will block her. If she does then though I will have to follow through with that or I will look like a jackass.....again.

Fella - you need to get out of the mindset of her "changing her mind" this is for you, not for her. Even if she does change her mind, do you really want to be involved in all that sh1t again??

I know at the moment "she's your world" but seriously, you can do better, I wouldn't even have her as a FB FWB or even a friend to be honest.....steer clear, find someone better and MOVE ON

Don't tell her anything about contacting you in emergencies in fact DON'T BE TEMPTED TO CONTACT HER AT ALL

You give her any excuse to fook with your head and she will, leave her unblocked but DO NOT make any contact with her what so ever......

If she texts you - you decide, read it or just delete it, I doubt there will be anything in that text that you need to reply to - SO DON'T
If she rings you - you decide whether to answer it or not, if you answer it but she's testing you then just hang up - she'll get the message......

Everytime you respond to her in any way shape or form you put yourself back to square one - believe me, I know

Learn from my mistakes

 

[Redman316]

Thanks Matt I am going to memorise that lol. I do kind of want her back to be honest but I sure as hell dont wanna be mates and I am done groveling to her. Its about self respect for me now.

I wont contact her definatley thats not a problem but if she contacts me I might need some guidance so I will post it here when it happens. I am kind of a noob to break ups even though I had about 50 with her. This is my first major one of significance.

 

[MattTheW]

Ok - so, i'm back at day 2.....

Was doing well. I have a bit of a weird situation where we met at a mutual hobby, and she is (usually) my partner for it.

Anyways, the only contact we've had is at this class. Until this Monday, she never turned up, managed to do first class with another partner, but the other 2 I had to knock on the head

I'll be honest, I was 50/50 between angry and concerned
So I bit - I phoned her, she didn't answer. Got a message straight back "cant talk right now, sorry"
That started my mind going over different scenarios

She eventually phoned me around 11ish in the night, I was already tired at this point, and then went on about her day BLAH BLAH BLAH

So I told her I was tired and hung up.......

Lesson learned, she don't care and if I talk to her then I get nothing out of it
Felt worse after talking to her than I had all the time of NC......

Wont make that mistake again.......

 

[christoff522]

Finally! I signed up to this site just because of this thread. I have been searching the internet high and low for something like this. Its all well to read something but after it wares off by the next morning you need to read something new. This though I can focus on and keep posting here and go through this **** with other guys.

So I was with my ex for 4 years, pretty bad relationship to be honest especially the first 2 years. It got better on around year 3 but then year 4 went back down hill. My friends and family are so chuffed that she finished with me because they all hate her and think she isnt right for me.

Anyway about 2 months ago I broke up with her and then when I tried to get back she decided to follow the break up through. This wasnt uncommon for us so I took it with a pinch of salt. After about 3 weeks I realised this isnt the norm and it could be serious. I asked her to take me back but she wouldnt so I decided I would delete her details and try and move on. A week later I contacted her and we got together had sex and the next day she seemed like she wanted me back. She even said something like 'Im not sure what I want to do, I do love and miss you, I dunno what to do.'

Nothing happened though and about a week went by, she didnt want to meet up for more sex and she barley texts me throughout this whole break up. Its always me texting her and she replys like 3 hours after. I blocked her again.....1 week goes by. I missed her and contacted her. She was really down about something in her life so I made her feel better. The next day she treated me like ****. Saying its my fault her Sky bill is so high because of the Sports package I added. Being a total doormat I gave her £20.

She said she would text me that night but I contacted her first again and she still didnt want to get back but she might have sex with me in 2 days (friday). So friday comes and I here nothing, I text her. She replys at 8 PM and says she has been busy all day. She says to phone her at 11PM because she is going out and I can pick her up and take her home so we can have sex.

I phone at 11 and no answer. I phone again no answer, I text, phone, I text. Its now 12PM and nothing. I decided to drive home from my mates and who do I see walking up the road. My ex with some knobhead. He does resemble her mate but for now lets assume he is some guy she picked up. 2AM comes around and she phones me blotto. I asked her how she got home 'I walked'. 'Alone?' I asked. 'Yes she said'. ****ing busted! I played **** with her screaming down the phone all sorts of abuse. She was sticking to her guns that he was a specific mate and he did resemble the boy but the guy did seem alot bigger than her mate to me.

Anyway that was 3 days ago. The next day Sat. I didnt contact her at all. She phones me and I dont answer. I wait 5 mins and text 'Whats up am busy cant really talk'. She phones back immediatley with nothing to really say just wants to know why I am busy and why I sound so happy. She claims 'I wish I could be happy.' Anyway I told her I cant talk and pretty much hung up. She text me more than she has in 2 months and I was replying. She kept accusing me of meeting someone else and asking her would I tell her when I do. She claims she isnt going to meet anyone for a long time and has never been single longer than a month (I know this to be true) so she wants to try it. She prob full of **** and is ****ing someone already but whatever.

So Sunday, nothing all day and I text her. She doesnt text back for like 3 hours and basically says 'Soz been busy text you tommorow.' Monday. Nothing. I text her and say I cant do this anymore I thought I could be mates but cant. I wanna go back to no contact so I am blocking you. She says 'I dont wanna do that but its up to you. I love you though hope you know that'.

I've put her on block now and it hasnt even been a day and Im already thinking about taking her off block just to see if she texts. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She had me proper round her finger and still does.

Any advice guys would be awesome and I am going to do my absolute best to keep NC. I will post here when I get the urge. This is my first proper break up that was over more than a year.

She sounds like a BPD. The guy-mates, the depressive behaviour, the push-pull. The acting all "i love you hope you know that" - sounds just like a bpd I used to know.

Get out, stay NC. I know from experience that these beasts will go evil, if they see a sign of weakness in you, they'll paint you black and call you a creep if you show any feelings for them. You must stay NC, and when they come creeping about - enforce NC.

Like you say she had you round her finger, this is abuse stuff, they manipulate you, and basically devalue you, they start out idealizing you, making you feel like the man!! then one day suddenly they change..usually after the first argument, and now you're ****. The only time they're nice is when they fear you're leaving - then they "love" you.

The biggest thing to categorize them.....the lies

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 

[Redman316]

You nailed alot of things that I havent even told you Christoff. Sounds like you have been there yourself?

Mauser, I brokeup with her because she had a guy in the house. Turns out that guy was family but I didnt know this. Then she just went on that I dont trust her. I never really trusted her though to be honest. She will never change or improve not anymore. When I first met her she was practically an alcoholic, drinking bottles of Vodka during the day. Taking loads of drugs and the guys she usually got with would encourage her and take them with her but I ****ing hate drugs so I wouldnt put up with it. She still does them though just when I wasnt there. She has issues. She is a pretty girl but if she keeps taking drugs and drinking she wont have her looks forever.

Im not scared of being single so much as I am scared of being with someone else. I've already talked to several girls but I just didnt like them. When it came down to asking them out I just thought 'I dont wanna ask them out though'. Maybe Im not ready or they just werent right for me I dunno. But I really dont wanna date anyone else, one of them was really fit as well but I just couldnt bring myself to ask any of them out. Id rather just get back with the ex. I know that I am not really a man of change but I think theres more to it than that. I think she treated me bad so now I want her approval or some ****.

 

[pbsurf]

She contacted me sunday nite - cutesy pic and a text "hi".

Lonely on Sunday night when f*cktard isn't around i'm sure.

was goingt to text her back.

Think i'll clean my place and shave my ballz instead