I'll tell you guys the whole story.
I cowardly texted her "Hello, my phone messed up my contacts, please
text me back with your name so I could fix it, thanks!"
She replied with "The love of your life"
So I replied back with "you're quite the comedian aren't you?"
We texted back and forth, she was very flirtatious:
-laughing at everything I say, even the worst jokes
-she reminded me of a lot of good memories and funny stories we've had along with many private jokes and nick-names
-she told me the picture of me and her is still on the wall over her bed
-she told me I am always in her heart
-we talked about blood donations (don't ask), when I said "oh you reminded me that I recently donated", then she said "sperm?" when she clearly knows I was talking about blood
-she said "only you know me this well"
-she hasn't mentioned her boyfriend even once
I was non needy, non reactive throughout the whole conversation. I showed high value and she sounded just like when me and her started dating and she was all over me. I busted her balls several times and she was laughing her ass off.
I told her I want to tell her something very exciting and suggested to meet at a local park, she then said she'll be visiting her female friend (=boyfriend most likely, again - hiding him) and she'll come over to me afterwards.
Later that day she asked me what did I want to talk to her about and told me "You deleted me off your life, you told everyone we broke up and you dumped me before we had a chance to talk this through, I don't want to tear up the old wounds" "I'm afraid of meeting you" etc.
I brushed it off, told her I just wanted to tell her something exciting and if she thinks she won't be able to keep her hands off me then I'll bring some pepper spray just in case. She laughed so I kept busting her balls, but she eventually told me she won't make it and hasn't suggested another time. My best guess is her much older feminist best friend talked her out of it. Fvcking *****.
I stopped texting shorly her after that.
What happened to her
She's so into me. She can feel I've changed A LOT. Her boyfriend amused her for less than a week but she got sick of that homo.
She wants us to meet. She's down to fvck and she would have no regrets doing so, it just feels natural. She was thinking about cheating. She was getting ready to shave her pvssy. She was ready to cheat.
She's so attracted to me that her boyfriend is just a bump on the road.
What happened to me
I'm still not over her. As one of the brothers here mentioned, I'm still not emotionally stable enough to do what I planned. I let my lust and ego take over me, and worst of all -
I used the social skills I learned to pick up the one person I am forbidden to.
What I expected to happen
Simple. I wanted to have sex with her. I wanted to make her my fvck buddy. Part of me even wanted revenge.
I didn't want to get back with her as she ruined my trust, but no commitment sex was fine by me. Let her keep dating that homo boyfriend of hers, let him buy her flowers and take her to expensive restaurants while she still have some of my sperm on her chest can barely walk after me.
Childish? Immature? Selfish? Shallow? Crazy? You name it. Just remember, you only live once
What could've happened
(1) We'd become **** buddies and my plan would've succeeded, only sex no strings attached
(2) We'd become **** buddies but then emotions will fvck it up and sh!t will hit the fan
(3) My emotions would overflow my logic and we'd be back together
(4) She would come over but reject me (not likely)
(5) She would flake
Hello option No.5 - the one option with the least consequences. She flaked on me.
What's now
I dodged a bullet I guess. There's no valid reason for my actions but I can only say I haven't gotten laid in 4 months and my lust is building up. I need to relieve it before I'll rape someone by mistake - just kidding.
Rape is not a funny matter.
What's next
Back to square one, but not empty handed. I am now 3 months wiser and this time it will be quicker. I should go NC asap.
I barely slept this night (was out till 4am with some friends and woke up at 8am due to dreams involving the ex) and I can barely keep my eyes open.
I will open up a thread logging my life progress as soon as I get some rest.
Update:
She just called me, said she's near my house. I told her we can't meet. I think I'm going to regret this so much.