The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[finickywake]

Day 3

Can't find the energy to do much of anything. Hopefully the softball game later will give me some life.

Hang in there bro. Stay busy. You'll be feeling better with time.

 

[Cheeks]

been about 60 days. feel numb, resigned. no women, no prospects...just emptiness and loneliness. better than oneitis I guess.

 

[Induced Drag]

Almost 8 months have gone by since the breakup. I've been great the last 5 or 6 months. I've been spinning plates and bettering myself. I couldn't sleep Tuesday night so I checked out the ex's FB and saw the guy she left me for. My jaw dropped. I just couldn't believe it. He's bald with grey hair, scraggly grayish teeth and old. A friend of mine thought he was her father judging from the pictures. She left me for him?! Are you serious? I just don't get it. So now I feel horrible. She must be crazy.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Almost 8 months have gone by since the breakup. I've been great the last 5 or 6 months. I've been spinning plates and bettering myself. I couldn't sleep Tuesday night so I checked out the ex's FB and saw the guy she left me for. My jaw dropped. I just couldn't believe it. He's bald with grey hair, scraggly grayish teeth and old. A friend of mine thought he was her father judging from the pictures. She left me for him?! Are you serious? I just don't get it. So now I feel horrible. She must be crazy.

Do you think you would've felt better if he was hotter than you?
No.

 

[finickywake]

4 Weeks or so NC:

Went on a 'date' Friday. Pretty cute. Unfortunately not as hot as my ex. First date or sober date I've ever been on. I got bored pretty quickly, it was all super predictable and I pretty much nailed the game on the head. She texted me early the next morning wanting me to come over Monday to watch a movie and cook me dinner. She was complimenting me a lot on the date, seemed nervous, laughing at all my witty remarks, etc...That all felt good, but for whatever reason it just made me think of my ex. Mainly because it was just easy having her due to comfortability. But, getting out of my comfort zone lately has been beneficial.

This, however, signifies a new beginning for me, she will become my first plate after a long time with the ex.

Such is life. Onwards and upwards.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 7X

Today I barely thought about my ex. Life's routine goes on - the sadness is still there but I'm mostly disappointed because I know that no relationship will be as intense, but if I'll fall for it once again, I'll be totally screwed because it's so hard to crawl out of it.

Now read this post again and imagine I'm talking about drugs, fits perfectly, doesn't it?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

but I'm mostly disappointed because I know that no relationship will be as intense,

That's a nonsense my friend. Believe that your next relationship will be better than you ever imagined. Remember you need to have more self-worth.

 

[Noyou]

but I'm mostly disappointed because I know that no relationship will be as intense,

That's a nonsense my friend. Believe that your next relationship will be better than you ever imagined. Remember you need to have more self-worth.

THIS!

I had the same mindset when my ex dumped me. After some time, I did date some women and with one, it was INTENSE both dating/sex wise. What my ex lacked in dating and in the bedroom, she made up for in a huge way and wanted to please me more. Mind blowing no? She WANTED to make things better for me because it MADE her happy. Your ex dumped you for whatever **** reason, and it is **** unless you cheated on her or treated her like crap, but look at it this way:

I spent 5 years trying to please her and make her feel special and I only asked little things of her that would be common sense to the normal human, ie: Clean up after yourself, be more hygienic, be more responsible. Yet, where did it get me?

"I don't love you as much as I used to"

Do you really want a woman who will not stand by you when times get tough? When things don't go her way? When she will not stand up for you?

Look don't hope that the relationship you got dumped from will ever return, because it won't. IF you are meant to be with this woman who dumped you, it will happen eventually that you'll cross paths again. You crossed paths in the first place a certain way did you not?

You are free, you are free to do as you please and mold yourself in the way you see fit. If she comes around again, you can ultimately decide if you want to take her back or not. If she doesn't come back? Her loss.

Do not waste what time you have on this earth over a woman who is flaky in the first place, you deserve better. A special someone will cross you when you least expect it.

This is the opposite for women to men too if you got dumped.

 

[Dtsm3]

Time for an update I guess.

Well firstly I failed at day 49, and Text my short time ex.

Why??? You will all be screaming and shouting at me. To explain -

I went out for a meal with an old friend, someone I hadnt seen in over 12 years, during this meal we were discussing what had happened in our lives and where we had been. The subject came to my very difficult last year, and the ex's. I suddenly realised at that point that I wasn't thinking about them anymore, that I did'nt have those feelings anymore. My friend asked, "why not contact her? how would you feel if you did and she didnt reply?", truth being I wouldnt have cared. So I text her and asked how she was, she replied, and we text a few times. That was it. I felt nothing, and have not felt any need to text her again since.

I still hope that one day, in the distant future we will become friends, I want nothing else from her anymore, and I hope that this will help lead to a friendship. But the time is not right for now, and Ive started dating someone else which is getting serious and I'm happy to see where that goes.

So at Day 5 now, and feeling very content, first time in many years for me.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

THIS!

I had the same mindset when my ex dumped me. After some time, I did date some women and with one, it was INTENSE both dating/sex wise. What my ex lacked in dating and in the bedroom, she made up for in a huge way and wanted to please me more. Mind blowing no? She WANTED to make things better for me because it MADE her happy. Your ex dumped you for whatever **** reason, and it is **** unless you cheated on her or treated her like crap, but look at it this way:

I spent 5 years trying to please her and make her feel special and I only asked little things of her that would be common sense to the normal human, ie: Clean up after yourself, be more hygienic, be more responsible. Yet, where did it get me?

"I don't love you as much as I used to"

Do you really want a woman who will not stand by you when times get tough? When things don't go her way? When she will not stand up for you?

Look don't hope that the relationship you got dumped from will ever return, because it won't. IF you are meant to be with this woman who dumped you, it will happen eventually that you'll cross paths again. You crossed paths in the first place a certain way did you not?

You are free, you are free to do as you please and mold yourself in the way you see fit. If she comes around again, you can ultimately decide if you want to take her back or not. If she doesn't come back? Her loss.

Do not waste what time you have on this earth over a woman who is flaky in the first place, you deserve better. A special someone will cross you when you least expect it.

This is the opposite for women to men too if you got dumped.

I'd like to thank you both for your words, brothers.

It's almost been 3 months since I last talked to her, I have what you call "withdrawal symptoms".

I just asked my female friend to delete my Facebook account permanently (so I won't see my ex on Facebook), foolishly I asked her to check on my ex and here's what she told me:

She now has a profile picture with her new boyfriend kissing her. (On the last 1/2 year of our relationship she removed the picture of me and her and placed a picture of herself).
"He's hideous, he looks like a bulldozer - hairy, dark and ugly"
"You look 1000 times better than him"

After hearing this I can't even imagine the amount of disgust I'm feeling right now - it's not jealousy - it's GENUINE DISGUST.

I feel I want to go to the shower and scrub every piece of skin on my body until there are no skin cells left.

I don't want to have anything to do with her.

You know what? I'm going to burn all of the stuff she gave me.

Be back soon.

 

[tripod23]

cerwin......dont let it get to you mate,,,,,i know its easy for someone else to say this but once you think to yourself....fvck this ****e you can then start to move forward with your life which is what you need to focus on....

i am 10 months of no contact with an ex of mine.......she mind fvcked me like no-one ever has before......this is what women do ...they are masters at it a lot of the time.....

do yourself a massive favour and decide where you want to be mentally , emotionally , phisically , and all the rest of it say a year from now......it seems a long time away but its not..

focus on dreams , missions , passions , friends , hobbies , making more money , and move in that direction...

remember these words......what goes around comes around.......and i trully believe this qoute.

good luck pal i feel your pain

take care

 

[Cerwin Vega]

The deed is done. I will soon post a picture to prove it.

tripod23 - I will do all of this, right after...
My hands are fvcking shaking and I feel so exhausted, just took a shower and I'm going to take a nap now. Thank you for your advice.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Too lazy to put up a picture. maybe I will do it one day, meanwhile you'd have to take my word for it.

Came back from a 5km run, I already see results - I used to be DEAD after the first 2km, now I finish the whole 5 with relative ease, but I think I pushed myself too much today:

My left leg started to hurt really bad at the last km, good thing my dad is a doctor, he told me it's most likely Achilles Tendinitis. I took some NSAIDs; gonna rest and read some pickup books.

 

[finickywake]

My workouts have been ridiculous post breakup too. I had plateaued so hard in the gym, I could barely do half my normal routine for the past 8 months. Amazing transformation overnight.

Man, that's good!

It's kinda cool to see everyone's hitting the gym. Today was deadlift day for me.

1 Month NC:

Last night the girl who I went on a 'date' with Friday invited me over to cook me dinner. She looked way better last night than what I remembered. Anyways, she cooked & it was actually pretty good. We had a pretty gnarly make out session, but she was on her period. So she said to come back in 4 or 5 days : )

First of all, this is huge for me. The only girl I was ever with sober was my ex. This girl is the FIRST girl I've ever hooked up with or dated or went out with sober. It feels really good, seriously, to know that this chick's into me without the aid of alcohol. My confidence is returning, basically. And now I know for sure I don't need substances to be direct & act how I want.

I have another date with a younger, 21y/o girl that's really quite stunning this weekend. Also got a few more numbers. Life's really looking up. I still think about the ex, but it already feels like a distant & fading memory.

Hang in there everyone. This is only as hard as you make it.

 

[Induced Drag]

Do you think you would've felt better if he was hotter than you?
No.

Good question. Honestly, I think I would have felt like this regardless of what the guy looked like.

If you have low self esteem then either brsnching up or branching down can make your warped mind feel pain, haha.

Uglier means crazier girl. Better looking means typical hor values. Ugly is a little better imo.

You're right. Despite my accomplishments I do have self esteem issues. I'm working on my inner game. I realized that's what's holding me back the most.

I'm curious why you consider uglier to be better?

 

[zorg198]

Hello Guys ,

Yesterday the girl i am dating told me she wants space and quite. i know for a fact she was talking to another man and the "quite" thing is just a reason for her to see him. its very hard for me after 5 months. i am clearly heartbroken , feeling empty. i don't know what to do. its so hard to do NC when i keep thinking about her every second of my time. i hope it will be OK.
I talked with a girl and i might have a date on Thursday but i don't know if its too early to date.
What you guys think?

 

[rawson-1992]

I've posted a number of times on here about the girl I was dating for 4 and a half months who is now dating my best friend.

I haven't exactly followed no contact to a tee - if she initiates contact with me I will reply as I work with her and it looks childish but anyway recently she's been emailing me (whilst still dating my best friend) constantly throughout the working day with quite flirtatious emails and she says things that make it sound like she still likes me.

Anyway this week she has asked me to have dinner with her twice (this is at work so we went and had dinner) and last night I was at a meal with my family and she asked if she could come and join us which I agreed to.

I don't understand why she is dating my best friend and doing this with me at the same time?! And how I should proceed?! I still want to be with her and get back on track but I have no idea what to do.

 

[MattTheW]

I've posted a number of times on here about the girl I was dating for 4 and a half months who is now dating my best friend.

I haven't exactly followed no contact to a tee - if she initiates contact with me I will reply as I work with her and it looks childish but anyway recently she's been emailing me (whilst still dating my best friend) constantly throughout the working day with quite flirtatious emails and she says things that make it sound like she still likes me.

Anyway this week she has asked me to have dinner with her twice (this is at work so we went and had dinner) and last night I was at a meal with my family and she asked if she could come and join us which I agreed to.

I don't understand why she is dating my best friend and doing this with me at the same time?! And how I should proceed?! I still want to be with her and get back on track but I have no idea what to do.

Sounds similar to a situation I was/am in

She'll get the emotional support (and whatever else is missing from their relationship at the mo) from you and gets the sex from him......

Be civil, but don't blur the lines, keep NC except at work if I was you.
If she needs to fill the gaps in her current relationship by seeing you, then chances are she'll be running back to you in the future when the inadequacies of the relationship hit home and she wants to move on.........

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Just came home from a great evening with my buds!

Guys, you can't even imagine how much better I'm feeling.

Whatever you do, try not to talk about your ex! The guys I went out with just shut me up when I mentioned her name, and I really appreciate them for it.

Talk to your friends, suggest them to go out and have fun. Don't try to go out "sarging" if you're not ready yet, it will just make everything worse since you WILL radiate neediness, anger and depression resulting in an immediate rejection which is really bad in your sensitive outcome-depended mode.

 

[zorg198]

Yesterday she texted me , its been only on the same day she told me she wants space. she texted me: how are you ? foolish of me and i answered after two hours , i am great. after 10 min she asked how i am ? i said just fine. that's it. no more texting. ohhh i wish i wouldn't answer her and ignore her text.

so stupid!!!!

Joe.