The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Noyou]

Guys,

Honestly, you contacted them at the wrong time.

THEY DUMPED YOU, and you just fed their ego and came to them, when in reality they are supposed to come back to you, because then hopefully they realize how much a catch you are, AND YOU ARE.

All you've said to them is this:

1. I want you
2. I love you
3. I care about you

when they clearly do not.

Now their ego is full, you regressed and they moved on more.
You clearly did not do NC for yourself, you did it because you wanted them back.

Sure I love my ex and I will care about her, but I cannot talk / be friends / forgive her for what she did to me when I cared for her so much, and she took me for granted. The thing is I SAW and REFLECTED on why she is no good for me and how much I've improved and grown the past months.

You guys need to sit down and get your head on right.
I'll be honest with you, you got absolutely nothing accomplished relationship wise with them by breaking NC.

DO NC FOR YOU. Find someone who will love you for you.

I also read the link about who should contact who first.

Dumper: "Well its Immature that he/she is not talking to me and it shows how weak he/she is and they can't control emotions."
Translation: I can't have my cake and eat it too, so I'm going to call them weak because I can't get my way because I'm selfish.

It's real easy to say something when you're on the dumper side of things because you are selfish.

Damn right I'm the dumpee and I'm not talking to them. They ****ed me over, screw them. It's not about immaturity or anything like that, I just know that I'm not going to fall for the crap or deserve crap and they don't deserve to be in my life. I mean they wanted out right? Give them the cosmos of space

"No that's ok, you screwed me over and stomped on my heart in every which way....but I'm ok with that, I forgive you."
Yea, no.

Someone who LOVES you will not take you for granted and will try to get back into your good graces if they messed up and called it off.

Sorry for being human and having feelings, but its not about taking the "high road" on what your ex thinks about you, its about taking YOUR road and life is too short to be hoping after someone who doesn't deserve it.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Good stuff right here!

 

[StuffofLegends]

Guys,

Honestly, you contacted them at the wrong time.

THEY DUMPED YOU, and you just fed their ego and came to them, when in reality they are supposed to come back to you, because then hopefully they realize how much a catch you are, AND YOU ARE.

All you've said to them is this:

1. I want you
2. I love you
3. I care about you

when they clearly do not.

Now their ego is full, you regressed and they moved on more.
You clearly did not do NC for yourself, you did it because you wanted them back.

Sure I love my ex and I will care about her, but I cannot talk / be friends / forgive her for what she did to me when I cared for her so much, and she took me for granted. The thing is I SAW and REFLECTED on why she is no good for me and how much I've improved and grown the past months.

You guys need to sit down and get your head on right.
I'll be honest with you, you got absolutely nothing accomplished relationship wise with them by breaking NC.

DO NC FOR YOU. Find someone who will love you for you.

I also read the link about who should contact who first.

Dumper: "Well its Immature that he/she is not talking to me and it shows how weak he/she is and they can't control emotions."
Translation: I can't have my cake and eat it too, so I'm going to call them weak because I can't get my way because I'm selfish.

It's real easy to say something when you're on the dumper side of things because you are selfish.

Damn right I'm the dumpee and I'm not talking to them. They ****ed me over, screw them. It's not about immaturity or anything like that, I just know that I'm not going to fall for the crap or deserve crap and they don't deserve to be in my life. I mean they wanted out right? Give them the cosmos of space

"No that's ok, you screwed me over and stomped on my heart in every which way....but I'm ok with that, I forgive you."
Yea, no.

Someone who LOVES you will not take you for granted and will try to get back into your good graces if they messed up and called it off.

Sorry for being human and having feelings, but its not about taking the "high road" on what your ex thinks about you, its about taking YOUR road and life is too short to be hoping after someone who doesn't deserve it.

Good stuff!!!

 

[Darrenez]

Guys,

Honestly, you contacted them at the wrong time.

THEY DUMPED YOU, and you just fed their ego and came to them, when in reality they are supposed to come back to you, because then hopefully they realize how much a catch you are, AND YOU ARE.

All you've said to them is this:

1. I want you
2. I love you
3. I care about you

when they clearly do not.

Now their ego is full, you regressed and they moved on more.
You clearly did not do NC for yourself, you did it because you wanted them back.

Sure I love my ex and I will care about her, but I cannot talk / be friends / forgive her for what she did to me when I cared for her so much, and she took me for granted. The thing is I SAW and REFLECTED on why she is no good for me and how much I've improved and grown the past months.

You guys need to sit down and get your head on right.
I'll be honest with you, you got absolutely nothing accomplished relationship wise with them by breaking NC.

DO NC FOR YOU. Find someone who will love you for you.

I also read the link about who should contact who first.

Dumper: "Well its Immature that he/she is not talking to me and it shows how weak he/she is and they can't control emotions."
Translation: I can't have my cake and eat it too, so I'm going to call them weak because I can't get my way because I'm selfish.

It's real easy to say something when you're on the dumper side of things because you are selfish.

Damn right I'm the dumpee and I'm not talking to them. They ****ed me over, screw them. It's not about immaturity or anything like that, I just know that I'm not going to fall for the crap or deserve crap and they don't deserve to be in my life. I mean they wanted out right? Give them the cosmos of space

"No that's ok, you screwed me over and stomped on my heart in every which way....but I'm ok with that, I forgive you."
Yea, no.

Someone who LOVES you will not take you for granted and will try to get back into your good graces if they messed up and called it off.

Sorry for being human and having feelings, but its not about taking the "high road" on what your ex thinks about you, its about taking YOUR road and life is too short to be hoping after someone who doesn't deserve it.

Have to say I disagree with some of what you wrote. I only messaged asking how she was doing and how was her day. Both times we had a conversation about various things. I didn't mention anything about the relationship and how I was feeling, just a casual message.

Now don't get me wrong, both times it has been me that initiated contact and she probably wont be contacting me first for awhile I imagine however if you do want to at least try and get back with your ex because you love them and the breakup was amicable it is worth a try in my eyes.

As I said I done the NC for well over 90 days so I didn't break the rules, I haven't messaged her begging, if anything she probably sees me as a better man than when we split as I am just sending her a simple message and not bothering her if she doesn't reply.:wave:

 

[MattTheW]

Have to say I disagree with some of what you wrote. I only messaged asking how she was doing and how was her day. Both times we had a conversation about various things. I didn't mention anything about the relationship and how I was feeling, just a casual message.

By messaging her you feed her ego - you let her know that at some level you are thinking of her
And it doesn't matter how much you try and mask how you feel - something will leak out, either by the way you message or what you ask......

Now don't get me wrong, both times it has been me that initiated contact and she probably wont be contacting me first for awhile I imagine however if you do want to at least try and get back with your ex because you love them and the breakup was amicable it is worth a try in my eyes.

Was it really amicable, are breakups really ever amicable - usually one person wants to split up and the other one goes along with it.....

If I'm honest with you, don't aim for the "get back together" goal

Go NC - get yourself in a better place, and then in the future see if that is what you want.....

You need that clarity in your mind, the centre of your universe should be you, not the person you want to be with, they can orbit closely to you - but they should never be the centre......

As I said I done the NC for well over 90 days so I didn't break the rules, I haven't messaged her begging, if anything she probably sees me as a better man than when we split as I am just sending her a simple message and not bothering her if she doesn't reply.:wave:

She'll either see this as you ARE still interested and think - "good I'm still in his head" or she'll be indifferent and let you orbit her.....

Either way - you are doing yourself no favours

90 days is only 3 months, realistically I reckon you need close to double this time to start to see things differently

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Darrenez, keep rationalizing bro. I thought I'm super strong after 90 days of NC, I contacted her to lure her away from her boyfriend and into a friends with benefits relationship, now lo and behold - the sh!t hit the fan and it's all over the place.

Contacting her sucks you into a negative feedback loop which gives you extreme emotions (exactly what you've been missing being out of the relationship), but as women are - they move on rather easily, mercilessly and without contempt, and then you find out she went on a sex vacation with her new boyfriend of 2 weeks, and now you're F**KED, wishing you never met her in your life.

 

[Darrenez]

By messaging her you feed her ego - you let her know that at some level you are thinking of her
And it doesn't matter how much you try and mask how you feel - something will leak out, either by the way you message or what you ask......


Was it really amicable, are breakups really ever amicable - usually one person wants to split up and the other one goes along with it.....

If I'm honest with you, don't aim for the "get back together" goal

Go NC - get yourself in a better place, and then in the future see if that is what you want.....

You need that clarity in your mind, the centre of your universe should be you, not the person you want to be with, they can orbit closely to you - but they should never be the centre......


She'll either see this as you ARE still interested and think - "good I'm still in his head" or she'll be indifferent and let you orbit her.....

Either way - you are doing yourself no favours



90 days is only 3 months, realistically I reckon you need close to double this time to start to see things differently

Thank you for the advice , I think I am in a better place but I still want to be with her which is why i conatced her. My thought of thinking was, the longer I leave it the more chance she will meet someone else and lose all feelings for me and then I will never get a chance, I also didn't want to live with the regret that I didn't even try which I have done now.

What's the next step. I was going to contact her later on in the week on Facebook. We have been conversating on there although its been me that's intitated it. It has all been casual and not serious stuff and I won't make the mistake of doing that.

http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/no-contact-brought-back-my-ex-im-sticking-to-nc/

Reading that is what convinced me to speak to her. So what's my next step?if need be I'll delete my profile off Facebook. I don't like to give up but if you guys suggest going no contact again then I'll do it.

 

[Lion1985]

[Qdelete

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I'd ignore this Toronto's number 1 date doctor website, it looks like a blue pill website.

 

[StuffofLegends]

2 months ago today she dumped me.. Threw away 3 yrs. like it was nothing... I don't feel like I'm getting any better with time, if anything I feel like I'm getting worse! Am I normal for feeling this way? Anybody going through this or that ha been through this know when I may see some light?

 

[Shaka]

2 months ago today she dumped me.. Threw away 3 yrs. like it was nothing... I don't feel like I'm getting any better with time, if anything I feel like I'm getting worse! Am I normal for feeling this way? Anybody going through this or that ha been through this know when I may see some light?

If you hole yourself up in a room staring at a picture of them for days, time will NOT be your friend. Time only works in your favor if you spend it positively. It’s the currency of life, and you only get so much of it. While you may have to pay your dues to heartbreak, be sure to invest it in healthy activities!

 

[Darrenez]

If you hole yourself up in a room staring at a picture of them for days, time will NOT be your friend. Time only works in your favor if you spend it positively. It’s the currency of life, and you only get so much of it. While you may have to pay your dues to heartbreak, be sure to invest it in healthy activities!

Trust me,I'm keeping busy..gym 5 times a week, Pilate's,going out in the evening however I still miss her. I just want to ask her out for a casual drink via text message even though I feel there's a strong chance it could be a no.

She did intitaite contact with me today although it was a simple message more of a reply to a question I sent yesterday so I'm not sure whether to message back?

 

[StuffofLegends]

If you hole yourself up in a room staring at a picture of them for days, time will NOT be your friend. Time only works in your favor if you spend it positively. It’s the currency of life, and you only get so much of it. While you may have to pay your dues to heartbreak, be sure to invest it in healthy activities!

I run and read a lot.. Have dropped almost 40 lbs. since the break up. I just have to man up, get her off my mind, and stop being so whiny. Hope to meet a girl soon to take my mind off of her. Just trying to better myself in the meantime. Reading everybody's post on this thread has helped a lot. Glad to know I'm not alone.

 

[Noyou]

Been with the ex 5 years and she treated it like it was nothing at the end.

Know what I say to that?

**** her, that's what. I cared for her when she didn't deserve it, loved her when she didn't deserve it, or worry about her when she didn't deserve it. I was so good to her and this is what I get?

No, screw all that noise.

I sat down, worked on me, got a new paying job, going on trips, going to purchase a house of my own with a nice car, working out everyday, getting lean and big again like I used to to. Everything started to go up as soon as she left me. Lots can happen in 7 months

Sure I miss her, sure I miss the intimacy and the love, but you know what? It's really her loss because I'm having fun now and I'm becoming the man I want to be.

 

[latebloomer1984]

Lads! Hope all is well, getting a lot of positive reinforcement from the posts ive read so far.

So here goes no contact day 1.

Ill give you a brief outline of my story. Been friends with a girl since college (9+ years) we met up a few months ago on holiday and hooked up having a few intense days. Really thought it had potential but we live a long way apart (New York/London) so I was fooling myself.

Things got pretty heavy, I went on holidays and didn't get involved with any girls, she goes to see a guy she was involved with before we met to break it off... You guessed it, 'drunken fumble' as she was 'confused'. I don't give a **** about that I fkd girls since, its just the hot/cold ever since. I am basically her fall back I reckon, her little ego booster across the pond. So I closed it last night, not doing the hot/cold and not waiting on her. Goodbye. No response since then, but that's to be expected. Probably licking her wounds or something else... but fk it.


So here goes, day 1... trying to keep it all about me from now on.

Wish me luck.

 

[MattTheW]

Ill give you a brief outline of my story. Been friends with a girl since college (9+ years) we met up a few months ago on holiday and hooked up having a few intense days. Really thought it had potential but we live a long way apart (New York/London) so I was fooling myself.

Damn, there's LDR's and then there is this
LDRs struggle to work - unless a relocation for one of you was on the cards - this was going nowhere from the off........

Things got pretty heavy, I went on holidays and didn't get involved with any girls, she goes to see a guy she was involved with before we met to break it off... You guessed it, 'drunken fumble' as she was 'confused'. I don't give a **** about that I fkd girls since, its just the hot/cold ever since. I am basically her fall back I reckon, her little ego booster across the pond.

No confusion, probably not even drunk - she knew full well that you 2 don't have legs, and as you said, you are just her little ego booster.....
Move on mate - you don't need that in your life, you did ok for 9+ years without the drama of her around.......

So I closed it last night, not doing the hot/cold and not waiting on her. Goodbye. No response since then, but that's to be expected. Probably licking her wounds or something else... but fk it.

Good work, step one done......just try and keep it up
This shouldn't be too bad for you, you've got distance between you, and you've experienced a long time in the past without her in your life

So here goes, day 1... trying to keep it all about me from now on.

Wish me luck.

You don't need luck fella

Just concentrate on you, you're the centre of your universe - don't forget that (although I think you know that)

 

[fuko2007]

Trust me,I'm keeping busy..gym 5 times a week, Pilate's,going out in the evening however I still miss her. I just want to ask her out for a casual drink via text message even though I feel there's a strong chance it could be a no.

She did initiate contact with me today although it was a simple message more of a reply to a question I sent yesterday so I'm not sure whether to message back?

Dude, you need to quit talking to her period. Even if you did enter into a FWB type of thing your going to have to keep in mind your FRIENDS. And from the way you sound now i don't think your ready for that. You would start to think your in a relationship again and it would just drive her away even more.

FWB rarely works out after an LTR unless a very significant amount of time has passed since the relationship and even then its not guaranteed you wont get emotionally attached again. I've tried it , it works for a bit then it goes down hill.

I don't know your whole story but it seems like you were emotionally dependent on her and for your happiness. Alot of guys will tell you to spin plates stay active or whatever. They are all good bits of advice , but choose which one best fits your lifestyle and makes you feel good.

Also delete her number, messages,emails, pictures , and anything she has ever given you put it in a box and put it away. That helps you break the connection. But please don't get in touch with her anymore, your only setting yourself up for more heart ache and prolonging your healing.

 

[MattTheW]

Trust me,I'm keeping busy..gym 5 times a week, Pilate's,going out in the evening however I still miss her. I just want to ask her out for a casual drink via text message even though I feel there's a strong chance it could be a no.

She did intitaite contact with me today although it was a simple message more of a reply to a question I sent yesterday so I'm not sure whether to message back?

OK - so let's get this clear, she's not initiating - YOU ARE!!!

The only reason she messages you back is to keep you on the hook.

DO NOT MESSAGE HER BACK - DO NOT MESSAGE HER AGAIN!!!!

You are nowhere near over this girl - you need to go NC to even start the process.

Don't think of any kind of reconciliation with her - and no sort of "relationship" with her - you're not in the right place to even consider friends let alone fwb etc.....

Go NC and sort yourself out fella - stop clinging to something that wont work

 

[Darrenez]

OK - so let's get this clear, she's not initiating - YOU ARE!!!

The only reason she messages you back is to keep you on the hook.

DO NOT MESSAGE HER BACK - DO NOT MESSAGE HER AGAIN!!!!

You are nowhere near over this girl - you need to go NC to even start the process.

Don't think of any kind of reconciliation with her - and no sort of "relationship" with her - you're not in the right place to even consider friends let alone fwb etc.....

Go NC and sort yourself out fella - stop clinging to something that wont work

Oh S&^t, I messaged her back and we are meeting up on Thursday for a bite to eat. What should I do? I'm going to play it cool and not give her indication I would maybe like to give it another go. All the conversations we have had have been just general stuff no deep stuff and I won't message any deep stuff when we meet.

She said shes up for meeting up maybe I should not have bothered , but I only just read your message now

 

[Lion1985]

Oh S&^t, I messaged her back and we are meeting up on Thursday for a bite to eat. What should I do? I'm going to play it cool and not give her indication I would maybe like to give it another go. All the conversations we have had have been just general stuff no deep stuff and I won't message any deep stuff when we meet.

She said shes up for meeting up maybe I should not have bothered , but I only just read your message now

LaLaLaaaa, Another One Bites the Dust!

Some people have to learn it the hard way...

Gates open for da FriendZzZzoneeee

oooh, Im at day 96 btw, dont count honestly, just reminder, I will never contact dad B1atch!