The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lotus Effect]

Oh S&^t, I messaged her back and we are meeting up on Thursday for a bite to eat. What should I do? I'm going to play it cool and not give her indication I would maybe like to give it another go. All the conversations we have had have been just general stuff no deep stuff and I won't message any deep stuff when we meet.

She said shes up for meeting up maybe I should not have bothered , but I only just read your message now

Yeah, now you'll get what you want man.

I've done the exact same sh*t. Look it up, it was one of my first posts in here. I was feeling just like you, nervous and excited that I've managed to call her out on a date after 2 months of the breakup, and only some occasional contact (ALWAYS INITIATED BY ME)

And so we went. I did not hooked up with her because it was not my intention, but I've could have easily pulled it off.

Anyway. After this so called date I've never ever saw her again. She got whatever she wanted to, and vanished. Got so cold that playing frisbee, barefoot, on the snow would have been a warmer experience.

Anyway, I've learned the hard way. And boy I've got to tell you it was hard. I've got tons of inbox messages of dudes like you telling me that now they understand what I've tried to tell them, but, you need to go through with it by yourself.

My experience will not be valid to you. You can only learn from your mistakes alone.

 

[Darrenez]

Yeah, now you'll get what you want man.

I've done the exact same sh*t. Look it up, it was one of my first posts in here. I was feeling just like you, nervous and excited that I've managed to call her out on a date after 2 months of the breakup, and only some occasional contact (ALWAYS INITIATED BY ME)

And so we went. I did not hooked up with her because it was not my intention, but I've could have easily pulled it off.

Anyway. After this so called date I've never ever saw her again. She got whatever she wanted to, and vanished. Got so cold that playing frisbee, barefoot, on the snow would have been a warmer experience.

Anyway, I've learned the hard way. And boy I've got to tell you it was hard. I've got tons of inbox messages of dudes like you telling me that now they understand what I've tried to tell them, but, you need to go through with it by yourself.

My experience will not be valid to you. You can only learn from your mistakes alone.

I wish I knew whether there was another guy before I decide to meet up with her. Surely its possible for us together again it does happen with other couples. She may remember how fun I am to be around etc...if she a fella why would she agree to meet !e up with if she was with someone.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I wish I knew whether there was another guy before I decide to meet up with her. Surely its possible for us together again it does happen with other couples. She may remember how fun I am to be around etc...if she a fella why would she agree to meet !e up with if she was with someone.

I am very sad to inform you that there is another guy indeed.

The nostalgic feelings are always a plus, for anyone, you or her, and she even might enjoy the so called date, the same way my ex did, and me as well...

...But there is another guy for sure. Or (even worse), guys!

I specfically recall that when we went out on that date, she left her phone on the table, with her whatsapp opened, as she went on the bathroom, and I couldn't avoid to see the barrage of dudes that she was talking to.

The whole screen was filled with lines and lines of profile pics, and green new message warnings. Bruno, Camilo, Eduardo... and so on.

Eduardo was the dude she cheated on me while we were on the brink of the end, and Bruno, was her "best friend", the one guy I should not feel jealous about, because he was one of the girls...

...The same bruno she end up dating afterwards.

I'm not telling you this because I'm a jaded motherflipper that hates my ex and don't trust in anyone anymore, and believe that every situation will be just like mine.

But think for a second. Everyone is telling you the same sh*t for a reason. It is a harsh truth, but your EX, and always remember that she is your EX now, is not the exception for the rule...

She is the sad, untrustworthy, rule!

Bottomline...
I'll leave this one for you to figure for yourself. But I'm pretty sure you will. Eventually.

Cheers.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 1 once again, lol

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=2172752&postcount=42

She just called me a minute ago.

I answered her and told her "I told you not to contact me anymore"
She said "I'm just calling to see how you are feeling"
I told her "Look, you don't feel for me what I feel for you so we can't talk anymore"
She hung up.

Not making excuses here but I was being honest. I don't want anything to do with this girl anymore so it doesn't matter what she thinks of me.

I actually feel good telling her that. BPD or not - she lost a person who had feelings for her and that will make her MAD.

Ego boost for her? Whatever...I'm not going to answer her calls anymore.

 

[Noyou]

Day 1 once again, lol

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=2172752&postcount=42

She just called me a minute ago.

I answered her and told her "I told you not to contact me anymore"
She said "I'm just calling to see how you are feeling"
I told her "Look, you don't feel for me what I feel for you so we can't talk anymore"
She hung up.

Not making excuses here but I was being honest. I don't want anything to do with this girl anymore so it doesn't matter what she thinks of me.

I actually feel good telling her that. BPD or not - she lost a person who had feelings for her and that will make her MAD.

Ego boost for her? Whatever...I'm not going to answer her calls anymore.

You shouldn't have answered in the first place, she hung up because she knows you still have feelings, mad or otherwise. She still "has" you

You guys need to stop talking to these toxic women.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

@PairPlusRoyalFlush

I was thinking the same thing last night! Going NC as a newbie will not give the full benefits as intended, but will rather make the newbie sit there and wait to see what happens.

I am far from over her, I still wish things would've gone differently but it's only mental masturbation, no real benefit will come out of it. One good thing that came out of that "closure talk" few days ago is her describing every detail of her new sex life, which made me absolutely certain of my decision.

She pushed me beyond the limit; You wouldn't drink a glass of water with a ****roach inside, right? Not even if you pull it out! The water is contaminated and should be discarded.
There are plenty of glasses of water out there, as much as it hurts to throw out that special glass of holy water, in time I will come to realize that the glass is not special and the water are not holy, just like her vagina is not golden and she's not special at all.

 

[Rave18]

Mentioned before that my ex was getting married. Not sure about the details, but I think things are moving rapidly in that direction.

Never knew what it feels like to lose someone you've known so intimately. All the happy memories cam flooding back. The way her skin felt, the way she smiled and how her eyes used to light up Had hoped that somehow things would not work out for her and she would return.

...would strongly recommend newbies to follow the advice given here, cause I've made nearly all the mistakes which you aren't supposed to make. Desperation, placing the girl on a pedestal, allowing disrespectful behaviour, going for the girl before going for my dreams and so on...

 

[Lion1985]

Del

 

[StuffofLegends]

Wow.. She actually contacted me today... Been almost 2 months since we spoke last. I unfriended her long time ago on FB but never blocked her so she sent me this message on there today

her: I know it doesn't matter. There's a lot of things I never said to you. And things I still should say but can't so I though it best to just leave it alone and let you be happy. I don't want or expect a reply. I've heard you lost a lot of weight. I'm happy for you and proud of you congratulations. I know how hard you must have worked.

me: Tell me what? I know your with someone else now. I don't understand how you can just ditch me and move on so fast but you made your decision and guess that's what you wanted.

No reply after. I know I wasn't supposed to break NC but gotta admit it felt good to let her finally know that I knew she was with someone else now.

Anybody have any guess as to why she would send me that message???

 

[Shaka]

^^^
always the same reason (validation ego boost etc... while riding another c0ck)

You shouldn't have replied and let her hamster spin

 

[Noyou]

^^^
always the same reason (validation ego boost etc... while riding another c0ck)

You shouldn't have replied and let her hamster spin

You guys aren't learning,

She needs to come back pleading to you for you to even CONSIDER taking her back.

You guys are just validating their egos by responding.

The best payback is living happy and not giving a damn, because they do not matter.

Let her mind wonder guys

Look, how did she know you are losing a lot of weight? if you blocked her, and everything, and didn't talk to her, she WENT OUT OF HER WAY TO FIND INFO ABOUT YOU.

You are getting power back, keep it that way

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Yeah the closure does help for inexperienced guys especially. I lingered with my BPD(my first everything) for 1 year AFTER coming to this site, which was what drove me here to begin with. There is no doubt in my mind that all that no contact did was to rekindle "attraction" in her after which she would come back and re-start the cycle. I was too weak to say no as a full blown AFC. Better to just tell her to fvck off and she actually probably will, so you can finally stick to NC and heal! A lot of advice like "just go ghost" or "just keep her around for sex" or "closure doesn't matter" is not tailored to the recovering AFC with an active imagination.

The girl has the ho gene in a ho oriented culture my man, nothing you could have done. You weren't wrong to bond from sex, she was wrong to not bond from it. Just be grateful for the experience. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=208932
TL/DR

That's an amazing post my friend! It's very confusing to meet a ho right at her beginning, she seems like a sweet angel and things she's doing just don't add up.

Here's a motivational video I've been watching everyday now for the past week or so, Rocky's speech always gives me goosebumps.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6xLYt265ZM

 

[MattTheW]

Wow.. She actually contacted me today... Been almost 2 months since we spoke last. I unfriended her long time ago on FB but never blocked her so she sent me this message on there today

Her: I know it doesn't matter. There's a lot of things I never said to you. And things I still should say but can't so I though it best to just leave it alone and let you be happy. I don't want or expect a reply. I've heard you lost a lot of weight. I'm happy for you and proud of you congratulations. I know how hard you must have worked.

This is their "subtle" way of keeping you on the hook mate, all she's looking for is an ego boost.
It's almost like a deflection as well "I should have told you BLAH BLAH BLAH" and now that you haven't given her the chance to tell you all this CR@P that wasn't important enough to be said when you were together, now you become the bad guy........

The "being proud" part - head fooking to get in on your achievement.....

me: Tell me what? I know your with someone else now. I don't understand how you can just ditch me and move on so fast but you made your decision and guess that's what you wanted.

No reply after. I know I wasn't supposed to break NC but gotta admit it felt good to let her finally know that I knew she was with someone else now.

This is where you went wrong fella, you let her know that what she's done/doing is still eating you up. You want her to know that you are now completely indifferent to what she does - you've moved (or are moving) on. She needs to know that You are becoming a better person, having a better life without her, and that what she's done to you has done F*ck all to you

Anybody have any guess as to why she would send me that message???

Purely ego boost and checking to make sure you are still on the hook and attempting to ensure that she stays that way by making you question the contact she's made

 

[Lion1985]

day 98

Hmmm, tough day, tough day today......

Have to control myself -> I have her Facebook login data

it will take seconds to login and check everything:

- pics
- news
- all her conversations with other d1cks (Which she invited from Tinder)

Knowing this will lead into a relapse is the only thing which withhold me from doing it....


One thing which makes me very curious:

She has a tattoo on her cleavage, I was her "Inspiration" for doing it.
The place on the body + how it should look like.
Im curious if she connect the tatoo with me, is thinking about me, toweling herself after the shower, looking at the tattoo in the mirror, sudden inspirations about me appeare in her subconscious?

Ironically:

Only days before the break we have a small dispute.
After clearing it we cuddle on the couch, she looked at me with her sweet eyes pointing on her tattoo, an said

"You know, if we ever break up, this tattoo will always remember me at you"

Yeah i know, "judge her by her actions, not by her words"....but wo knows.....

~ 100 days are to short I know, but maybe remembering will start at month 5

 

[StuffofLegends]

^^^Thanks Shaka, Noyou, and MattTheW.

I see the value of ignoring her in this situation now.. It will be tough but I wont respond next time until she reaches desperation, and even then I don't want her back... It would just be cool to hear

 

[StuffofLegends]

I just wanted to add that the wisdom found on this thread is rich! I've been reading every page, even from the past... Someone had posted a while back that usually in most cases the dumper will contact the dumpee 2 months after the break up.. My ex was pretty much right on time (2 months and 2 days to be exact)

I found this article to be good
http://markmanson.net/my-girlfriend-just-dumped-me

It is also where I came up with my So Suave user name

Let's keep each other encouraged! Onwards and upwards!!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

day 98

Hmmm, tough day, tough day today......

Have to control myself -> I have her Facebook login data

it will take seconds to login and check everything:

- pics
- news
- all her conversations with other d1cks (Which she invited from Tinder)

Knowing this will lead into a relapse is the only thing which withhold me from doing it....
Do you too get this huge anxiety rush whenever you even think of logging in or is it just me?

One thing which makes me very curious:

She has a tattoo on her cleavage, I was her "Inspiration" for doing it.
The place on the body + how it should look like.
Im curious if she connect the tatoo with me, is thinking about me, toweling herself after the shower, looking at the tattoo in the mirror, sudden inspirations about me appeare in her subconscious?

Ironically:

Only days before the break we have a small dispute.
After clearing it we cuddle on the couch, she looked at me with her sweet eyes pointing on her tattoo, an said

"You know, if we ever break up, this tattoo will always remember me at you"

Yeah i know, "judge her by her actions, not by her words"....but wo knows.....
She may be reminded of you, but look around - those earphones she bought for you, do you think of her every time you're using them? No, you already forgot she gave them to you. Same goes for the golden watch I gave my ex as a birthday gift. "This watch reminds me of you every single day" - what a bunch of bullsh*t
~ 100 days are to short I know, but maybe remembering will start at month 5

...

 

[Lion1985]

...

Well, I deactivated my FB account
I also wanted to disappear completety (beeing mysterious...)
No big deal, I never used FB really, playground for attention *****s...
And yes, I know that anxiety while logging in (hoping not see any newsfeeds from her, pics and and and)

Wise words from Yoda:

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/only-pain-you-will-find.jpg

hehe, you cant compare earphones with a tattoo.
she has it on her body, she sees it everyday in the bathroom, its a part of her.
But yeah, I agree with you.

Breakup is fresh (~ 100 days), I defintelly know time will come she will connect it with me (from month ~ 5-6, if shes single or whatever).

But the more time will vanish (years...), it will be only a tattoo, and thoughts of it will disappear.

 

[Lotus Effect]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=207528

Although I agree with you in many things. I disagree with you on many things on this post PairPlus. And one thing I can guarantee you that don't work as you said is that going cold turkey NC is a fool-proof way to get your ex back

5. It is TOO effective in winning the girl back relatively quickly when the goal should be the opposite.

It's not quite a good idea to post this kind of thing in here, because the newbies might read it and believe that going NC will bring back their former girls. Which will not!

And even worse they might keep a little spark of hope that going NC will bring their exes back, which will kill their spirits as the ex don't show up...

Because after all. They do not come back! At least not until you are really over them...

Yeah the closure does help for inexperienced guys especially. I lingered with my BPD(my first everything) for 1 year AFTER coming to this site, which was what drove me here to begin with. There is no doubt in my mind that all that no contact did was to rekindle "attraction" in her after which she would come back and re-start the cycle. I was too weak to say no as a full blown AFC. Better to just tell her to fvck off and she actually probably will, so you can finally stick to NC and heal! A lot of advice like "just go ghost" or "just keep her around for sex" or "closure doesn't matter" is not tailored to the recovering AFC with an active imagination.

Even though, you made a very valid point on this one, bolded in Red! The best way to go NC is to tell her to F*ck off, and then go.

This bellow, is a "good" (bad) example of how this is not a good idea

Breakup is fresh (~ 100 days), I defintelly know time will come she will connect it with me (from month ~ 5-6, if shes single or whatever).

^^This is not happening mate!

Bellow, another bad example!

Wow.. She actually contacted me today... Been almost 2 months since we spoke last. I unfriended her long time ago on FB but never blocked her so she sent me this message on there today

her: I know it doesn't matter. There's a lot of things I never said to you. And things I still should say but can't so I though it best to just leave it alone and let you be happy. I don't want or expect a reply. I've heard you lost a lot of weight. I'm happy for you and proud of you congratulations. I know how hard you must have worked.

me: Tell me what? I know your with someone else now. I don't understand how you can just ditch me and move on so fast but you made your decision and guess that's what you wanted.

No reply after. I know I wasn't supposed to break NC but gotta admit it felt good to let her finally know that I knew she was with someone else now.

Anybody have any guess as to why she would send me that message???

The girl came back after a little while, because of branch swinging and ego validation and this happens usually.

^^^Thanks Shaka, Noyou, and MattTheW.

I see the value of ignoring her in this situation now.. It will be tough but I wont respond next time until she reaches desperation, and even then I don't want her back... It would just be cool to hear

But now, and sadly, this dude believes that she will show up again in desperation, and he will be in a position where he will be wiser and not wanting her.

This belief will be fed for months (or years) to come, and will slowly depress him!


@And speaking to you now Stuff'O!

You lost a golden chance to remain silent. You see, anxiety is like water on a glass! And think of months of silence feeding this little glass with this liquid called anxiety. The same way it was happening to you, was happening to her as she was not hearing anything from you!

The moment you answered her, you've dropped the glass. She did trapped you on saying "I know you might not answer and stuff" and the sole reason of this was to make you fell bad about yourself on not answering, and at first she would might even had though "What a loser (for not answering)".

But as time went by, you not answering her, would have filled this glass of anxiety. And then it would overflown it! And then she would get desperate!

But, that is not the case, you answered her. And she is fully satisfied. Specially with the stupid and felly answer you gave her. Of course you made her sit back and relax, as now she is fully aware that she still have you on her hands.

Anyway. Don't expect her to get in touch with you so soon again! In fact, don't expect her to get in touch with you. At all!

Well, this got too long. Anyway, it is a bad roller coaster ride you are about to hop on, and welcome back to DAY ONE again! Sadly, you have more sh*t to regret now!

But don't be sad. We've all been there as well!

 

[StuffofLegends]

^^^
I know that unfortunately now Lotus I wish I had come here and talked to you guys before responding but I didn't... I am a "noob" at all of this and learning. The only positives I take away from how I handled the message was that I didn't go all AFC and tell her how much I loved and missed her, think about her, how she has crushed me and shattered my heart, etc. (I wanted too...) I refrained from all that thank God! Plus, she had no idea that knew she was with someone else. I think she has to think, "Dang.. This whole time he knew I already had someone else and didn't even try to contact me and cry about it???"

However, I fully agree that SILENCE and NC are more powerful and would have been more effective in this situation. If I get another chance then cool and if I don't I just continue working on myself, becoming a better man, and attracting the right lady.

Thanks for the tough love, sir! Appreciate ya!