The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Colette]

He also showed me a picture of her and another guy (more like kid whose 3 years younger than me) who is (or was?) a clingy orbiter which she used as an emotional tampon for 2 years. I hope for her dignity she's not banging him. Ewwww.
I guess she's not official with that doctor after all?

It's making me doubt my opinion of her, maybe she does care about me? Maybe she's not seeing anyone and just waiting for me to approach her?


My mind says HELL NO but the heart says YES.

**** **** **** **** ****

Also didn't finish my workout, sh!tty new commander is looking for ways to screw with me by limiting my free time to zero

Sounds to me she is just a shallow and ordinary girl who can not stay alone; not even one month. I found nothing profound about her. stop dreaming about someone who doesn't exist. Your ex is nothing special really.

 

[Colette]

Cannot stop thinking about her since she said I am still in love with you 2 days ago.. She keeps texting me, I replied once, to the point and did not reply after that.. I dont know how to keep no contact if my emotions can be stirred up so easily..

I am trying to do crunches whenever I think about her.. But it is so difficult to keep doing crunches and sit ups without breaking a sweat.. Help me people..

I cannot stop thinking how beautiful she looks.. I keep fantasizing about her.. I mean i would like to fantasize about so many other hot women out there.. This one is in my head.. Getting it out seems highly improbable!!

Help me!! Please!!

If you really don't want to hear from her why don't you just be honest with her , text her and say: Please do not contact me I don't want to hear from you again. And if she proceed in contacting you again, just block your number.
Stop dreaming and fantasizing like a little girl and make your decision . either tell her to leave you alone or give this another go.

 

[Dtsm3]

Guys I ain't gonna let you down! Gym tonight! Gym tomorrow night! Running Wednesday night!

I will be the best version of me possible!

 

[Dtsm3]

So after realising why we have to do NC, which is about learning to be happy in yourself, I've had a **** evening. I've spent it emotionally up and down.

I've come to realise I never accepted any of this when I left my long term ex and I've tried to avoid and skip the pain. But it's time to go through it finally. We will all get there one day. I know that.

 

[Dtsm3]

So after prob my most emotional Evening since leaving the long term ex last year, I receive two texts. One from the long term ex asking how I am.

One from the recent short term ex, I fixed something for her, just a little text saying thank you for making it work.

My response? None what so ever. I made a promise to you guys. And to me. I intend to keep it.

 

[JohnChops]

It's cool, you got caught off guard. Just block both numbers or ignore and be on your way.

Thanks bud!

 

[rackcity63]

Long story, bear with me fellas.

I'm 22, she's 19. My first love. We were together for 2 months, which is the longest relationship I've ever been in. All my life I've avoided relationships with girls because I never wanted to get hurt. I built walls around my heart so nobody could get in. This is a huge deal for me because this is the first time I've ever let anybody in, and the first time I've actually LOVED a girl, as well as felt loved.. so I'm having a pretty rough time.

Just a little background information on her, she's a very lonely and depressed person. I became the only person she could come to and trust to talk about things going on with her. I also work with her, and that's how we became friends.

We started dating almost 3 months ago. We were both happy as hell. Throughout the relationship, she always told me how happy and excited she was to be with me. But she also got sad as well. One night she got extremely depressed and cried at the thought that our relationship would either end with marriage, or a breakup.. and that she's afraid of that reality. I'm trying to make a long story short here, but she would always express how afraid she is of losing me, because she always thought she loved me so much more than I loved her.

Things went downhill the night before Easter. After work that night, I was sick and wanted to go home and sleep and she wanted to go out. I trusted her, so I said go have fun. At a party she went to, she told me she ran into an ex that she broke up with 4 years ago. She was VERY sad the next day. Visibly upset. She told me she never really was able to get "closure" with him, and it just made her upset. She was crying all day.

From that point on, nothing was the same. I felt distant from her. She stopped saying "I love you" at night before going to sleep. Stopped doing cute stuff on Facebook and Instagram that she used to do. We just felt distant.. and while this was going on, I got sick with mono, so the fact that she thought she could catch it from me and didn't want to be around (which I don't understand at all) made things worse. Essentially turned into a texting relationship.

I was bed ridden for a while. Since Easter pretty much. Two weeks later, I took a blood test and was officially diagnosed with mono.. and that's when everything came crashing down. She told me she's been thinking recently, and not seeing me / not being able to see me is going to make it worse.

So she got upset, and officially dumped me. Words from her mouth, "I've been in a weird mood for weeks and you didn't even notice. Haven't you noticed I stopped saying I love you? Haven't you noticed I stopped doing cute stuff? All of that is for a reason." I told her I noticed all that stuff, but was admittedly afraid to ask. I was afraid to find out the truth that she was drifting away from me because I'm a coward.. but it was too late. She said she felt disconnected from me, which is not how she should feel after 2 months. Honestly, I accepted it and cried, and decided to remain friends with her in hopes of getting back together.

Big mistake. I bottled everything up and it began to destroy me slowly, but I never showed it to her. Told her I was upset, but never told her it was killing me inside.. but the worst part happened a few days ago (Thursday). She started talking to me about how hard it is for her, and asked me if I still have feelings. I said yes, I do. Then she sent me a picture of her holding the bunny I got her for Easter, and I was like wtf? Completely took that as a sign to move back in.

Even bigger mistake. Learned the hard way that girls are INSANE like that. She sent me a million signs hinting that she was still into me.. even admitted that her feelings didn't just drop.. and stupid me tried going after her again. We hung out Friday night and she was flirty as hell. Wanted to hang out alone, got very touchy like she used to, but sexually nothing happened. I took it as a sign that I could make a move to win her back.. but boy was I wrong.

Saturday night, she didn't talk to me at all. I was at work. I looked at Instagram, and I saw her post a picture late at night with the ex (that she talked to the night before Easter) at a party. Destroyed me, because it's obvious that she's choosing him over me. Didn't answer her text that night or most of the next day.. but Sunday night I blew up on her. Told her everything she ever told me was a lie, she never loved me, and to enjoy her life with the guy she's with now. She said our relationship was real and she didn't leave me for him, just felt disconnected from me and felt she needed to end the relationship.

So here I am. That night, I said "have a nice life" and stopped answering her. Day 1 of NC is almost complete, and it's hard. It's so hard knowing she chose him over me even though she won't come out and say it. It's so hard because she's a good person and I feel bad for her emotional problems and want to be there for her, but I just can't. I can't stay her friend. I can't watch her with somebody else. It hurts too much.

I know this is going to destroy her. After we broke up, she said if I ever stopped loving her, she'd be destroyed. But I don't know what else to do. I have to do this. It's hard, but I have to.

Sorry for the length. Having a hard time facing the reality of being alone and I needed to vent.

 

[rackcity63]

@Mauser96

I just don't understand. I'm confused. How could a girl make you feel so loved.. so cared for.. and give you that on top of the world feeling when she expresses how happy she is with you, and then just drop it? Just move on so fast, because she feels "disconnected" out of nowhere? That alone makes me feel like I could never love again. The feeling this girl gave me was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous for such a short time spent with her.. and it's all over in the blink of an eye.

If everything was a lie, she deserves an oscar for that performance.. but I just don't understand how she could move on to her ex that fast if she actually did care about me.

EDIT: When I blew up on her Sunday night, and called her a liar and said the relationship wasn't real.. she lost it. She called me crying asking how I could be so cold to say something like that, because to her it was very real.. and as a person she still loves me (and always will). When I told her I can't talk to her anymore, she cried saying I lied saying I'd stay friends with her.. and I just hung up.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Kudo's the Mauser96, couldn't have said it better myself my man.

Also, you said you come out of a relationship of 19 years? Goddamn son that probably hurts to end it after so many years. But you seem to handle it well. Respect!

As for me:

Day 18 of NC just started.

Seems you lost to bet Noyou. You predicted she would contact me by day 17 of NC, but the ex has not contacted me yet, nor does it seem she even tried to contact me.

I wasn't hoping for her to contact me though. I think if she would try that it would only make things more difficult for me. But at the same time I do feel kinda hurt that she apperantly cares so little about us that she never felt the need to ask me "what's up between us?"

To clarify for those who don't know my story; my ex and I never broke up. We just had a big argument, she wanted "a temporary break" between us. After some more arguing I told her;

"Fine, have your temporary break, I'm gonna leave you alone completely now and focus on myself. But just to be clear; I'm not gonna wait for you until whenever you feel like contacting me again. I'm gonna move on. If you want to stay with me, you better make up your mind fast, because if you wait too long, I might already be completely gone."

By now I already feel that I moved on to the point where I no longer want her back. If she would contact me now I'd most likely either ignore her, or tell her the truth; that I've moved on from her and she should leave me alone.

 

[rackcity63]

@Mauser96

I know dude, the wounds are just still very fresh. In time I will get better. I'm committed to NC because now I know for a FACT that there's no other option. I know for a fact talking to her does nothing but bring grief into my life, no matter how much I want to cling to the thought of getting back together. Just sucks because I work with her and have to see her during the week too. Makes it harder to block her out of my life. She saw me at work on Friday and nearly broke down in front of me.

 

[rackcity63]

Well my day 1 of NC is complete. Had to do some real soul searching. Was incredibly hard. I'm sure it's going to get much harder though. She didn't text me today, but she likely will in the coming days.

Gotta keep focused and stay strong as much as I just wanna collapse.

 

[Blackmesa]

Blackmesa, trust me when I say this - things will get better. You can read my older posts from days 1-10, I was so depressed it was driving me out of my mind.

Start working out! I'm on day 8 on Kris Gethin's plan and I can already see results. Once I'll be shreded I'm dying to see my ex and her ugly skinny boyfriend at the beach!

You're 100% right Cerwin! You won't believe how better I am since I wrote that. Every day that passes I feel better. I feel more confident and I feel I want/need/love her less and less. I am getting more confident that if she contacts me wanting to get back, I will take the right decision to refuse it.

Thanks for the motivation, it helps a lot, and every post that I read on SoSuave makes me more knowledgeable and confident.

She's actually getting worse and her friends think that this looks good.

I'm not too surprised that her friends are pushing her along because none of them have the guts or anything to tell her that she looks awful, they seem to have the same mindset / want to bone her because she's an AW.

Either way she isn't changing any so moving on.

I'd say the universe is working out, just as it should. I worked hard to get my Engineering degree, I get a raw abusive relationship deal. I get better in my life (Professionally / Body / Soul / Mind) and she stays the same or worse to try to look better to get a "acceptable" suitor so he can put up with her MANY issues and baggage as I did. It will be just a matter of time (if not already) that it hits what she has done, and I'll be here with my new home, with my awesome job, enjoying the finer things in life, and all I was trying to do this whole time was love her for who she was, which might have been a front displayed to me.

It's a shame, I expected more from her.

I understand exactly how you feel. My first GF was a no-go borderline. And I was her nice guy. And even though my rational self said there was no future with her, I couldn't let her go, I "loved" her so much, I did everything to her.

It takes some time to sink in that the decision you made is the best. That she was a mess of person, that she isn't worth of your attention or love or care. To accept the hard truth that there is no future with her. That you are better without her. That you can get better prospects than her. But once you do, is like leaving a sandstorm, everything becomes clearer, and a world of possibilities arises. Once you realize she is "a mess" like you said, the easier is to let go and move on.

I am glad you're having the right mindset moving on. Keep that up!

Regards,

Blackmesa

 

[Blackmesa]

Long story, bear with me fellas.

I'm 22, she's 19. My first love. We were together for 2 months, which is the longest relationship I've ever been in.

It is your first time dude, our first fully trip in a woman's world makes us act, feel and think in a very immature way. Trust me, you will learn more and get better.

Just a little background information on her, she's a very lonely and depressed person. I became the only person she could come to and trust to talk about things going on with her.

That's a red flag for personality problems, careful there.

One night she got extremely depressed and cried at the thought that our relationship would either end with marriage, or a breakup.. and that she's afraid of that reality.

She was thinking only of the later. Breaking up. She said marriage to make it look dubious, but she was thinking of breaking up.

Things went downhill the night before Easter. After work that night, I was sick and wanted to go home and sleep and she wanted to go out. I trusted her, so I said go have fun. At a party she went to, she told me she ran into an ex that she broke up with 4 years ago. She was VERY sad the next day. Visibly upset. She told me she never really was able to get "closure" with him, and it just made her upset. She was crying all day.

She still likes her ex.

"I've been in a weird mood for weeks and you didn't even notice. Haven't you noticed I stopped saying I love you? Haven't you noticed I stopped doing cute stuff? All of that is for a reason."

"I've started to lose interested in you. When I saw my ex, he made my hamster run. Then I completely lost interest in you. The reason is I miss my ex nailing me in bed all night."

I looked at Instagram, and I saw her post a picture late at night with the ex (that she talked to the night before Easter) at a party.

That's the bottom line rackcity. She probably cheated you with her ex. If not, she wants to. But her ex probably don't care about her. So she's using you as her emotional tampon, her ego booster. Her backup guy.

You've only been with this girl a couple months, count your losses and move on. I've been a similar situation, but it lasted a couple years instead of a couple months. Did hurt as hell, but got over it.

Start reading the uplifting material on of the Don Juan Bible: http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/

It has helped a lot on my last recent break up. Read Pook's 15 lessons, I am sure you will encounter a lot of things you probably did wrong in your relationship.

And DO. NOT. CONTACT HER.

Regards,

Blackmesa

 

[Cerwin Vega]

It's nice to see some fresh meat around here!
@radicity63 They always drift away before they break up. That's when you start spinning plates and pushing them further away. If it's meant to be then she'll come back. otherwise? Good riddance.
I know how you feel brother. trust me, It will get better.
3 months? You're in luck! We have guys here who had their relationships ended in much worse scenarios after 2,3,5+ years, myself included. Imagine how pissed we are for wasting our time!

 

[Noyou]

Kudo's the Mauser96, couldn't have said it better myself my man

Seems you lost to bet Noyou. You predicted she would contact me by day 17 of NC, but the ex has not contacted me yet, nor does it seem she even tried to contact me.

Day 114

I almost got weak today and looked more at her picture on facebook. I KNOW its all BS and I keep falling for the BS
Men that are commenting on the picture are one of the following, if not multiple aspects.

1. Very fat
2. Very Unkempt
3. Have +1 kids (All of them have this aspect because she wants a family LOL)
4. Have no pronounced future in a career
5. From her job
And this is a big one
6. Married or have a gf

Thanks to a couple of people who brought me back to reality as I was thinking with my heart, and not my logic, and I know at her current state, she is ABSOLUTELY toxic to me.

I didn't really bet a date, but I promise you she will eventually contact you. The REASON why she contacts you is the real question.

My ex contacted me 2-3 weeks twice after the breakup, only because something wasn't working out with the guy she left me for (Who was pathetic looking and had kids, and looked like a woman) and that I showed her attention during Valentines day, which would feed her selfish ego.

Since then there have been attempts to stalk me but I've blocked them all.
She hasn't fully contacted me at all since Late Feb, also mainly because she made herself busy with school and all. Now that she's out of school, the real test begins as there fewer things to do and to find out who she really is and see how she feels on things (Which I predict, she'll know she screwed up but not admit it)

In all honesty, I know what she is:
1. A liar - 3 times during our "break"
2. A cheater - Lied to me about trying to find someone else but went and did so anyway.
3. A girl that doesn't know what she wants - Even said this, but know its a BS copout
4. Not independent - Her mother RULES the way she lives.
5. Not strong willed - See above / Can never finish what she started

Who knows, maybe she'll date around and see that there is no one of value compared to me, or maybe she'll ***** it out and become something like her mother and divorce 3 times and be bitter the rest of her life, or maybe she just will never get it.

Either way, I have no time for games. I know what I want and it's not that, even if I did try to make things work out with her at the end of the break. Maybe she'll realize one day and look back that I was a man that loved her for who she was, if she hasn't figured it out already. What will even hit her more is that she left me when I was down and will come back and see me when I'm at my very best.

All I know is,
I'm in control of me
I'm doing great in my career, getting the recognition I earned, great pay
I'm getting out there again and meeting new people both job related and socially
I'm getting ripped and strong as hell again, even some of my colleagues at work want me to go to the gym with them
I'm getting myself back and not being that beta fool I was turned into by my ex

Getting over the ex is the only way to move on if the ex does or doesn't decide to come back. Let the universe work the way as it should. So far it has for me, and I almost lost sight of that today.

 

[Dtsm3]

So here we go. This is my offical day 1 (although I have had no contact since last week with the ex's).

No contact with any of the bloody women in my life. Just Friends and Family.

All ready difficult as I have a female friend that I was talking to everyday. But I need to shift this feeling that I have to have women in my life. Lets get on with it!

P.S. I have a mate who is also friends with the ex. in the interest of disappearing - I've blocked him to. (if youre gonna do a job, do it right!)

 

[beatjunkie]

So here we go. This is my offical day 1 (although I have had no contact since last week with the ex's).

No contact with any of the bloody women in my life. Just Friends and Family.

All ready difficult as I have a female friend that I was talking to everyday. But I need to shift this feeling that I have to have women in my life. Lets get on with it!

P.S. I have a mate who is also friends with the ex. in the interest of disappearing - I've blocked him to. (if youre gonna do a job, do it right!)

I am doing/did the same thing you are bro. It sucks at first but trust me man, the confidence and person you become after this will be unstoppable. Goodluck!

 

[Dtsm3]

Thanks Bro! I know your right, I have avoided this for a long time. Your my wing man!

 

[rackcity63]

@Blackmesa

Yeah, I know all this stuff. Just really hard to face. Don't fully understand why people play with other people's hearts like that.

Today's my day 2 of NC. She got high with her friend last night and texted me late at night. She said, "guess you're just gonna be that way." Didn't answer it. Then, she texted me 45 minutes later trying to make small talk. Trying to bait me into a conversation I guess. That made it so much harder. I'm reading guys here initiated NC and their ex never contacts them at all. Ignoring her interest to still talk to me makes it harder. Wish she would just not talk to me at all.. but I'm still going strong.

 

[Colette]

@Blackmesa

Yeah, I know all this stuff. Just really hard to face. Don't fully understand why people play with other people's hearts like that.

Today's my day 2 of NC. She got high with her friend last night and texted me late at night. She said, "guess you're just gonna be that way." Didn't answer it. Then, she texted me 45 minutes later trying to make small talk. Trying to bait me into a conversation I guess. That made it so much harder. I'm reading guys here initiated NC and their ex never contacts them at all. Ignoring her interest to still talk to me makes it harder. Wish she would just not talk to me at all.. but I'm still going strong.

,


as you said she has depression... she is depressed with nothing to lose .
of course she will contact you whenever she feels like it , it`s up to you if you want to suck into her black hole again or just ignore her for good .