The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[rackcity63]

My interjection in bold






Continue to ignore her, she will get the hint.

Looks like she is thinking breaking up with you was a mistake, huh??

Too bad.

Maybe, who knows. She gets very lonely and "thinky" (word she always used when she didn't feel right mentally) at night, and I was always the one she would go to. Always was the shoulder to lean on. Last night was probably real hard for her to have to deal with by herself.

Anyways, what sucks is I work with her and have to see her on Friday. I won't be around her all day, but I will come in contact with her from time to time. Last Friday she got all sad when she saw me and almost started crying. She was like, "this is weird, when I saw you and said hi I had a major urge to touch you but I had to hold it back." We were broken up for 2 weeks already at this point.

Whatever. Whenever I get that strong urge to talk to her, I'll just think about how she made me feel that night, and how she picked another guy over me. That should overcome feeling bad about ignoring her.

 

[Dtsm3]

So end of day one of total no contact (as I'm calling it). It's actually been a week since contact with any exs. But no contact with any women today, **** buddies the lot

Feeling pretty **** and at a loose end. Got loads of plans for the week and to keep busy, and I've heard one of my exs is having a really hard time, which makes me feel bad, but not my problem.

Anyway. Day two tomorrow, got a very busy day planned so should go quick.

 

[rackcity63]

Big message today.

"I know you're not talking to me because you think i lied and am a terrible person, but you really just proved to me that even when i'm honest, for weeks of honesty whenever you asked me to talk or be there, i was.. You truly showed me a side of you i believed you werent. You told me you wouldn't dead me, and here you are. Thanks for leaving me with nothing and no one to really talk to.. When you were the one who was like 'im ok' for the last week and even hung out as friends."

 

[Redwood]

Big message today.

"I know you're not talking to me because you think i lied and am a terrible person, but you really just proved to me that even when i'm honest, for weeks of honesty whenever you asked me to talk or be there, i was.. You truly showed me a side of you i believed you werent. You told me you wouldn't dead me, and here you are. Thanks for leaving me with nothing and no one to really talk to.. When you were the one who was like 'im ok' for the last week and even hung out as friends."

DO NOT REPLY. Remember any type of attention to a female is good attention. Continue your radio silence, brother.

 

[rackcity63]

DO NOT REPLY. Remember any type of attention to a female is good attention. Continue your radio silence, brother.

Yes I know.. but as I said, I have to see her in person Friday when we work together. Have a feeling she's going to completely lose it, because as I thought it would, this is KILLING her inside.

 

[Firjah]

Help!!!!

In my search for answers and what to do, i ended here, i only made this acocunt to be able to post in this.
This is gonna be really long (hope you can read it) but i really do need your help as men


i will try to keep it short, excuse me my bad english, it isn't my first language,
I am a girl and my ex is a girl also, 6 years older than me.. last year on november she broke up with me
because she became a christian, she had a very wild life in her youth drugs, no father, etc you get my point
Her mom didn't accept her sexuality always speaking bad about her in her back to her sister, she said that she felt
that she was going to hell and that she wanted to live according to god's book, that day we had sex for being the
last day we were going to be together, still very emotional every 2 weeks we would end having sex, then she became
cold with me trying to "keep as friends" helped to paint her house (we were supposed to live together bla bla you know "have a future" together)
i would talk to her everyday still until she told me to forget her to no tmake plans with her, etc on january she told a friend
that i was looking for her, that she could finally got ride of me bla bla, when in fact she would look for me in ocassional times
asking to chill or to help with her, asking me for huges, kisses, on january we had a big fight, she looke for ex gf
and wanted to go to her house, i mean wtf! drama happened, obviously i exploded, told her many thing and according to her she felt guitly, one day before that we kissed and almost had sex, anyways
at the end she told to both of us by email (we 3 work together) that she didn't want to talk to any of us and told me "irma i dont miss you and won't miss you, both of you two are already in the past now my life is with god"
many emotions and crying happened before that so i am avoiding details to don't make it too long.
after that email i started the "NC" lost many weight would hang out with people, she blocked me on fb, she sent me text, then no reply after that i found out that she looked for her ex
but only as a free, her ex asked her to live together and she said no because she was only a free, her an i lived together i belive this other girl did because of that idk...
anyways their "free" only lasted 2 weeks i think or less, she felt guitly because of god and all of that, in one of that days, she arrived with hickeys
i was so hurt but i couldn't show her that, what did i do? with my fingers i made on my neck a fake hickey it hurted next day on the coffe room she saw me and she was shocked, didn't say anything
but changed her attitude from rude to down, when she saw that she left inmediatly then arrived again we had an small conversation about random things and i left here there a lone, 1 week after that
i wa sgetting some water and she touched my belly and sent me an email that she was never going to forget that i asked her to don't inmediatly go and date someone else, that it was funny how i did it first
we went from one email to other, she randomly sent me a whatsapp with the picture of us toger saying she missed me, last day of Feb she would send me a random email trying to
conversate with me then saying it was me no showing interest, she asked me to see me bla bla, she went to my place then she would ask me to go to places with her
saying maybe i had a gf already, i told her "but you said "irma i dont miss you and wont miss you" according to her it was only to finish the drama between us, but
that i wasn't fake unlike other people
and that she realized that she loved me and didn't feel anything for the other girl that i was her only "baby, cutie pie" she became very attentive with me
inviting me to stay asleep in her house, or she would sleep at mine, .. yeah i was so stupid to fell on that, first night i stayed at her place we slept together
then next day saying she couldn't even kiss me because she was thinking in the other girl kissing me and making love to me
idk how, but we kept talking and seeing each other, randonmly kissing from one time to other, huging mostly, i spent her birthday with her, took her for a dinner, she would still went to church,
giving me presents, etc, making me jealous scenes, it seemed like a relationship again, we had some dramas, cries, we said "bye" many times then next day or next hour we could be talking again all
lovely, etc. just 4 weeks ago she started to feel guitly again, confessed to a christian friend of her that she failed god and her mom, et, and started to be cold with me, but would still look for me!!!!
until one at her soccer game i randoly left it was my "good bye to her" i applied the "if you love something to leave it free" she looked for me, called me where i was at, i told her i didn't have anything to do there because i was part of her past
she was like "irma i wanted you to be there by my side, you don't know how i felt when i was looking for you and i didn't see you, you are so stupid you are not part of my past we are friends i want you in my new life"
i told her i couldn't see her as friend i see her as woman, next day she would be very attentive with me again, taking me to places, i started to treat her as friend and she said i wa sbeing rude with my words
and she didnt knpow why i was being like that, next day she was being mean to me and sent me an email "sorry but now you know how i feel when u are rude with me =(" i wa slike "yeah" she said "i won't talk to you like that again babe =("
...confusing! we are friends but doesn't want me to talk to her as a friend and viceversa

 

[Firjah]

i am a very attentive person she started to be kind of cold again i confronted her, we had an small fight we told eachother good and bad things,that she felt happy with me but also felt bad of feeling that because of god. and at the end i told her i was tired i loved her and wished her a good life" she would send me emails saying sorry to hurt me
bla bla, didn't reply to them, then sent me text saying i could find someone else bla bla, didn't reply it, for lunch time, she sent me a random email saying "don't be spoiled! you are a cry baby, i do worry about you so dont say i don't!!! like right now
why you haven't gone to lunch?" i went to the cafeteria she went to eat with me too, we spoke about random things, she suddendly invited me to her game and i was like "maybe" after that we didn't talk by email
at the end of the shift she calls me and says "you are going to the game with me, right???, yes?????? i want you to come, but give 10 min, don't leave please!!" went to it, then she took me to another game
without asking me i wanted, and was all attentive with me again, took me to dinner, etc" we kept talking like if nothing happened!!! we would keep talking everyday and night on whatsapp.. as friends
on mothers day she asked me if i still love her, i told her yes and she was like " i want you to be happy bla bla bla" she told me she loved me too and all of that jazz almost to end, this last week
she would make comments out of nowehre saying "we ar ejust friends" i reocmmended her to a dr he asked her who? she told her "a coworker did" i was like "so a coworker and not irma your friend? " she replied
"well yeah i mean one day we are not even going to talk anymore.." i got serious and only said "ok" she was like "what can i do to don't be mad at me?" i didn't reply anything
i mean why you she tells me she wants to be friends then make that kind of comments (did it more than once) or would randomly say we ar ejust friends, i knew that already i didn't need her to repeat it to me
every 30 min! anyways on thursday she would say i have many boys and girls commenting me that i am beautiful and trying to flirt bla bla i explained her that it wasn't true and she was like "you don't need to explain me nor do i
we are friends and will eventually stop seeing eachother" on the night a friend invited us to the wings, we both went she gave me a raid to home, i got very emotional she was like "please don't be playing and don't act like a baby" and i
asked her how could she be so cold and be like if it didn't hurt her? "you know what? the only want for me to stop talking to you is *i took the chip out of my cellphone, broke it and throw it to the street
she was like "you know my number anyways bla bla, arrived home, we had a really ugly fight, i told her the truth that she wa sbeing a ***** and i also told her i loved her with all my heart but couldn't anymore with her cold and hot attitude"
we both started to cry, she only said a few things that she loved me too but as a friend, (4 days before she was saying i was her "beautiful thing she loved me and missed me a lot)lol, that she only dated woman cause she was stupid and didn't know about god and apologized to me again, we hugged i asked her to leave and she said no, then she said yes, then she said she didn't have her contact eyes liquid i was like "ok"
we hugged and told her that was the last time we would speak she was like "no you will buy another chip and talk to me" i took my phone and dropped to the floor, it got destroyed and told her "no i dont think so"
she left me there.. crying in the sidewalk 20 minutes after she returns with the eye liquid asking me if she could stay with me, we slept together.. no sex, no kissing.... next morning i could see her that she was being cold again
i didn't say anything, she took me to work and she left for an interview, i wished her good luck later that day she arrives and randomly sents me an email saying "it's gonna be weird no talking to you anymore"
see what i mean??? why would you sent me an email!!! i didn't reply to it, we didn't speak anymore almost 2 days and she didn't speak to me either, until saturday night i got home late and were feeding the dogs,
when her dog (well now mine since she didn't have enough space she gave it to me) i sent her a fb message asking her about the vaccines, she replied to me at 2 am, was at her moms and only woke up to talk to me
she was all like "if you want i can go tomorrow to take care of you, take you to the doctor bla bla =(" i was like "no thanks" at the end she said well i will go tomorrow to your house ok to see how u are doing, PLEASE let me know how you doing tomorrow"
i was like "ok" i didn't send her anything next day when she arrives to my place in the afternoon, takes me to the dr speaks to me about how wa sher day at the church bla bla"only saw her for an hour,
she didn't even invite me to her game i didn't say anything tried to keep it cool, at night she sents me message son fb saying that she got hit in the game and that how i was doing, sent me pictures of her leg with the mark
i replied and after that she didn't reply anymore, she said she was going to take me to the hospital to get the tetanus shot, so yesterday early morning i told her i took my papers to go to the hospital
just wanted to confirm if we were going, so some hours later out of nowhere sents me an email "i dont want to start any drama or anything because i think it's the less you and i want but for all the things that have happened i don't think it's correct that we keep talking or seeing eachother, sorry" i went to the restroom, cried a little bit, then went back to work.

WHAT! we already said bye!! i thought on my mind. i didn't reply to that email, then she sent me other one saying "i will still take you to the hospital because health is first"
i told her "i have a meeting i go other day" she saw that email later, she saw me on the restroom and talk to me like we always do, then go to her desk and saw the email (this was 3 hours after)
and didn't reply me, apparently she is avoiding to use whatsapp and facebook.. today we only saw at the coffe room, she was with her coworker and only talk about random thinhs, no emails no texts
but i see that she looks at me when i walk to some place or see with who i am talking to

she used to tell me people that i am the one that looks for her and that maybe i would only stop talking to her if she were dating someone, i know she is not talking or flirting with any boy, she only chills with her sister and mom and goes to the church
doesn't get durnk or anything like that, she is been lesbian since 16! now she is 31 years old


=( what to do? would no contact work to get her attention? delete her off fb? any advise or opinion?

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Yes I know.. but as I said, I have to see her in person Friday when we work together. Have a feeling she's going to completely lose it, because as I thought it would, this is KILLING her inside.

Stop thinking about how she's gonna react.
Look, it's gonna be much harder once she STOPS contacting you, trust me. She hasn't contacted me in 16 days already after trying to call me 5 times a day and leaving me all these voice messages. It does boosts your ego to see HER chasing YOU for once, but don't let it fool you, prepare for a real challenge when she stops.
You're on the right path brother, keep it going and don't look back.

I talked to a friend of mine and told him what happened, he said she basically castrated me. I agree, and I now understand why these relationship CANNOT continue.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Day 19:

Just managed to score a date with a solid 7 on OKCupid who apperantly lives only 10 minutes away from me. Gonna see her next friday. Wish me luck!

Obviously I care very little about my ex at this point. I think I've mostly gotten over her by now. If this chick from OKCupid turns out to be with more than just a quick bang then I'm gonna be really happy, though I wouldn't complain if I'd just get a lay out of this and nothing more.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

You're placing your center of happiness in other people (this chick for instance).
If it won't work out you'll be super depressed, and if it will - you're just jumping from one relationship to another without really working on your issues.

I learned it the hard way, I need to be alone for a while to figure out who am I and find my internal happiness.

Go for a quick bang, good luck brother.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

You're placing your center of happiness in other people (this chick for instance).
If it won't work out you'll be super depressed, and if it will - you're just jumping from one relationship to another without really working on your issues.

I learned it the hard way, I need to be alone for a while to figure out who am I and find my internal happiness.

Go for a quick bang, good luck brother.

Nah don't think I place my center of happiness in other people. I never did and I never will. No single person will ever be able to make me depressed.

I just got really good vipes with this girl so far and I think it would be a waste if I'd just pump and dump her. She could be a very awesome fvckbuddy or maybe more, I'm not going to jump to conclusions yet. I'm just going with the flow you know. That's really all I'm doing when it comes to women at this moment; going with the flow. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

 

[Colette]

@Firjah

go on 60 days NC to clear your head and for your own sanity , sounds to me this relationship causes lots of distress. stay away from it for 60 days. you wont die , you will get stronger.

 

[Firjah]

@Colette

You said the correct word to descrive this "relationship".. distress

i know you are right, what sucks here is that we work in the same place, she sits 3 meters from me, i see her back everyday, to go to the restroom or cafeteria i need to walk infront of her,

am i doing good in just be polite when i see her like good morning and that's it or completely ignore her like an stranger?
would you recommend to delete her off facebook? i was thinking in ask a friend to change my password and leave it as a "dead thing" for those 60 days :/ some part of me still wants to leave the door open for her ..sigh

also for my cellphone i am thinking in get the same number because of my contacts or just start with a new one?

I ask many questions i know..

i guess this day 1 ._.

 

[Colette]

@Colette

You said the correct word to descrive this "relationship".. distress

i know you are right, what sucks here is that we work in the same place, she sits 3 meters from me, i see her back everyday, to go to the restroom or cafeteria i need to walk infront of her,

am i doing good in just be polite when i see her like good morning and that's it or completely ignore her like an stranger?
would you recommend to delete her off facebook? i was thinking in ask a friend to change my password and leave it as a "dead thing" for those 60 days :/ some part of me still wants to leave the door open for her ..sigh

also for my cellphone i am thinking in get the same number because of my contacts or just start with a new one?

I ask many questions i know..

i guess this day 1 ._.

@Firjah

I think it is ok to say hi to her if she says hi to you. I wouldn't delete her from Facebook if I was you , but I would just stop logging in to my account for 60 days. I know it is hard but do your best . try to look indifferent and cool even though it may kill you inside.
don't change your number. There is no reason to change everything in your life for only one person.
After 60 days. look back and see how you feel then decide what you want to do accordingly. Meanwhile, enjoy your summer

 

[Firjah]

@colette, thanks a lot for the advice, will see how it goes, my birthday is coming i kinda wonder if she will tell happy birthday to me or something...

 

[Colette]

@colette, thanks a lot for the advice, will see how it goes, my birthday is coming i kinda wonder if she will tell happy birthday to me or something...

If she wishes you happy birthday , be polite and just say Thanks. Avoid any small talk. Stay away from this relationship , you need to find yourself . It is so easy to lose ourselves in our relationships .

 

[Noyou]

DAY 116

Ok so guys and gals, I had a break through today.

The last couple of days I started to get weak again and started to think about her after seeing her picture. Long story short (kinda) I was interrupted in my thoughts of her by this wise sage at my work. He asked me what was wrong and I convened in him that I was stuck on the ex again, 116 days after the breakup.

He proceeded to ask me to sit down with him at lunch. He told me during the 2 months that he has known me, in his 35 years of engineering career, has never seen anyone so good at his job and move up quickly in the ranks better than I. He then told me that I was going to be going to another trip here in 3 weeks in order to head a project for one of #1 leaders in everything engineering in terms of a prototype. Let me know how much the company I work for believe in me, where once, most of them didn't.

He told me there was one problem with me.

I'm still stuck on the ex

"You are about to undergo a life changing event that will follow you in your career. Forget her. From what I know about you, what you've told me about her. She's a liar, a cheater, a slut and you are way too good for her. She may care about you, she may forgotten about about you, but you don't know and I know that's whats killing you, but in all honesty? Who gives a ****? You've come so far in the last 3 months. Do not got back for any reason. If it's meant to be it will happen but she will ruin you and ruin your very way of life. I've seen it quite a few times, take my word on it. You have a bright future and are in the perfect realm to make something of your career and reach even greater heights, do not let one little girl ruin what you have that defines you."

Something that almost brought me to tears was the next thing he said

"I'm glad the breakup happened, because if it didn't happen, I'd never have met one of the most caring, hardest workers I've seen in my career, and you would have been lost to the engineering world over a little girl"

Seriously, that hit me right in the feels and I just said thank you.

I now know what I must do.
My future awaits.

Day 116 to Day ??????, here we go.

 

[Jarednicholls]

Alright I am a previous practitioner of the No Contact method I know know it works. I was left heartbroken once and was it literal shambles all I wanted to do was go back to sleep because that's the only place I didn't feel her, and even a few nights when I dreamt of her was worse. Now because of the no contact rule I am able to talk to her on a completely plutonic level and am so happy she found a guy she is happy with.
But now I have been heartbroken again ... Although it was only three months I loved this girl a lot and really say my near future with her. Up until the end she would tell me she loves me and frankly completely led me on ie long distance couple apps, weekend vacation , plans to visit. But as soon as she had space ( we attend university together and left for a month or so of the summer ) she endeed it and left me desperate ... For about 2 days I was left dumbfounded on what was going in because she was barely even talking to me.
I know what I need to do and I am starting it ... I Jared Nicholls am starting the no contact challenge on May 22nd 2013 ... Wish me luck boys and good luck to all the other men out there on the road I recovery

 

[john1234]

I screwed up! I was out and about...and she was close by and spotted me came up to say hello.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 24
Things are looking good!!!