The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Adz--]

Week 2/3 again

its been over 3 months now altogether. i broke NC once before coming to this site.
i still have daily thoughts about her..
went out this weekend and got with a girl F*cked her, and she still popped into my head for one second..
3 days have passed since. I still have the urge to look at her twitter.. even though i have deleted her..

Wtf is wrong? i'v met another girl who iv met through friends and likes me yet i am still thinking of my ex..

adz--

 

[RedScorpion]

Adz, it sounds like to me, the reason you're still having difficulty, is in simple terms, you haven't let go. This is the hardest step of moving on, realizing truly in your heart that the past is over, and is not coming back. It's extremely hard to do with someone that you've connected with, put your faith into, your trust. That feeling that reality is worth that much more being with them. Just remember that what you're going through is completely normal. You must not shame yourself for feeling this way - otherwise you will just prolong it, playing denial. We keep wanting to re-establish what we have had with them, and dwell on why it couldn't be. It's a different kind of pain too. We are used to weathering pain - "I just need to endure, and this will fade". Most pain is like that, thus we associate enduring with pain. But this pain, can only fade with choice, an honest choice. It can't be faked, or fooled. The choosing of letting go is a foreign concept to pain, which is partly why we resist doing ('pain doesn't work that way! You can't choose!'). The thing is, we were capable of living without them before (and hopefully enjoying too), and to grasp that you can be the same now afterwards.

The trick, which is difficult, is realizing that your mind will literally adapt to anything, and that your thoughts are the key to your emotions. You have to practice that your life is without this person, like they never existed. And, to overcome the feeling of 'never seeing them again'. It may be in reality you will meet again, but it is hard to let go. And to be accepting of the reality you are now in.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Got back from date. No sex, not even a kiss.
We had the best time racing the go-karts, she bought us coffee, I made a lot of DHV, some kino
Suggested we move to my place to laugh at our exes and watch a movie (thanks, beatjunkie), she said she must go home and babysit her brother later (whatever)
We were walking, I suddenly stopped her and told her to close her eyes. She said "I know what you're gonna do!" - I asked her what, she said "you want to kiss me", then I said "like this?" and started pulling her only to receive a rejection. Well, at least she was nice about it.
Afterwards, some more DHVs and kino - I did the whole kissing fingers magic trick and she seemed very uncomfortable to kiss me so I asked her if she's nervous because of me. She said she's still not over her ex and she doesn't want to confuse me. I told her I'm a big boy and won't get hurt that easily. She said she would like to move slowly. I told her that if we move slowly I'm afraid that she might fall into my friendzone.
The 3rd time she was looking at me licking her lips, her body facing me while mine was turned outwards and looked disinterested so I asked her "do you want to kiss me?" to which she responded "I don't know" and then I said "let's find out" and then she goes again about her ex and confusion.
Don't blame me for over-verbalizing the kiss thing, I did give it a few more tries but it just felt awkward. I wasn't even that nervous.

**** THIS ****. Why my ex is such a ****ing slut that goes and sleeps with anyone a second after we break up, and I can't even pull a girl that is HIGHLY INTERESTED ?!!!!

This is the first time I got rejected in a date. I feel like I'm broken, emotionally. Ex is on my mind 24/7...I don't even know what I want anymore. Such a helpless feeling.

Today is our 4 years anniversary, I can't stop but thinking of her even if I know it's ****ING BAD and unproductive.

I can't deal with rejection. I can't deal with loss. I feel alone all the time. I even try to get sympathy from strangers (whatever I'm doing right now!), no ****ing wonder she left me, GOD DAMMIT I feel like such a LOSER it's making me wanna cry like a little *****. I just need to talk to somebody.

End of day 15 and the beginning of a sleepless night

 

[Darrenez]

Sounds like the typical b!tch who kept you around for as long as she needed you, then when she realized she no longer needed you she ditches you like old trash.

Fvck her, you're too good for her and you deserve better.

Hi,

This is what I done..a few years ago we found out that she was pregnant and my reaction to this was not good and I'm ashamed of how I acted. I wasn't even that young ,at the time I was 29 so I have no excuses. At the time she was on the pill but I'm guessing she had forgotten to take it and of course this news was a massive shock to me,however that doesn't excuse my reaction. We didn't keep the baby and stayed together for nearly 3 years after until we got to where we are now.. So that's how I let her down and believe I feel awful for how reacted, saying if she kept it I didn't want to be around as at the time both of us were really bad fincially both of us were living at home..still no excuse I know..saying that, it did come down to her and she did decide on the final outcome.

That's the main reason we aren't together as she doesn't want to have children with me as she is now 30 and wants to start again if she does decide she wants children in the future. That was the only thing I ever did wrong, I supported her through depression ,took us on holiday, brought her nice birthday presents etc..literally the perfect BF except for that time above. We brought an engagement ring earlier this year but obviously that's not on the cards now. I'm on 25 days NC and do miss her so much as we were also best friends however I can see why she wants to start again and be a apart from me, so that's why I don't hate her and its all my fault

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Got back from date. No sex, not even a kiss.
We had the best time racing the go-karts, she bought us coffee, I made a lot of DHV, some kino
Suggested we move to my place to laugh at our exes and watch a movie (thanks, beatjunkie), she said she must go home and babysit her brother later (whatever)
We were walking, I suddenly stopped her and told her to close her eyes. She said "I know what you're gonna do!" - I asked her what, she said "you want to kiss me", then I said "like this?" and started pulling her only to receive a rejection. Well, at least she was nice about it.
Afterwards, some more DHVs and kino - I did the whole kissing fingers magic trick and she seemed very uncomfortable to kiss me so I asked her if she's nervous because of me. She said she's still not over her ex and she doesn't want to confuse me. I told her I'm a big boy and won't get hurt that easily. She said she would like to move slowly. I told her that if we move slowly I'm afraid that she might fall into my friendzone.
The 3rd time she was looking at me licking her lips, her body facing me while mine was turned outwards and looked disinterested so I asked her "do you want to kiss me?" to which she responded "I don't know" and then I said "let's find out" and then she goes again about her ex and confusion.
Don't blame me for over-verbalizing the kiss thing, I did give it a few more tries but it just felt awkward. I wasn't even that nervous.

**** THIS ****. Why my ex is such a ****ing slut that goes and sleeps with anyone a second after we break up, and I can't even pull a girl that is HIGHLY INTERESTED ?!!!!

This is the first time I got rejected in a date. I feel like I'm broken, emotionally. Ex is on my mind 24/7...I don't even know what I want anymore. Such a helpless feeling.

Today is our 4 years anniversary, I can't stop but thinking of her even if I know it's ****ING BAD and unproductive.

I can't deal with rejection. I can't deal with loss. I feel alone all the time. I even try to get sympathy from strangers (whatever I'm doing right now!), no ****ing wonder she left me, GOD DAMMIT I feel like such a LOSER it's making me wanna cry like a little *****. I just need to talk to somebody.

End of day 15 and the beginning of a sleepless night

Slow down there tiger. You're being too pushy with this girl.

From what I can tell, this girl is definitely interested in you, but she's still struggling with her ex. Unlike your ex-girlfriend, this girl you dated isn't a complete sl*t. You should respect that. If you like this girl, then take a step back. I feel there is too much push in your game and not enough pull. This way you'll eventually creep her out or make her feel super uncomfortable, and she might lose interest in you.

So, less push, more pull.

You're doing great VegaFan, don't let your thirst for a new chick ruin this. Take it slow and easy, you got this.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

however I can see why she wants to start again and be a apart from me, so that's why I don't hate her and its all my fault.

Please, for the love of god, don't think that way.

Yes, your reaction to her being pregnant was bad, really bad, but if that was your only mistake then seriously, that's no reason to leave you now 3 years later.

To me it really sounds like this girl just lost interest in you and is now looking for an upgrade. Or perhaps there is more going on that you either aren't telling us or you're not aware of. But I'm 100% certain this chick isn't leaving you just because you f*cked up once 3 years ago.

 

[Colette]

To Darrenez:

This is what I done..a few years ago we found out that she was pregnant and my reaction to this was not good and I'm ashamed of how I acted. I wasn't even that young ,at the time I was 29 so I have no excuses. At the time she was on the pill but I'm guessing she had forgotten to take it and of course this news was a massive shock to me,however that doesn't excuse my reaction. We didn't keep the baby and stayed together for nearly 3 years after until we got to where we are now.. So that's how I let her down and believe I feel awful for how reacted, saying if she kept it I didn't want to be around as at the time both of us were really bad fincially both of us were living at home..still no excuse I know..saying that, it did come down to her and she did decide on the final outcome.

That's the main reason we aren't together as she doesn't want to have children with me as she is now 30 and wants to start again if she does decide she wants children in the future. That was the only thing I ever did wrong, I supported her through depression ,took us on holiday, brought her nice birthday presents etc..literally the perfect BF except for that time above. We brought an engagement ring earlier this year but obviously that's not on the cards now. I'm on 25 days NC and do miss her so much as we were also best friends however I can see why she wants to start again and be a apart from me, so that's why I don't hate her and its all my fault[/QUOTE


Abortion is one the worst things that can happen to a woman . however , I am not sure if you guys kept the baby you still wouldn't break up .
She stayed with you for another 3 years , so what make you think her pregnancy and your lack of attention is the reason for her leaving you?
You also mentioned she had depression . it is a huge factor , depression is not an easy battle to win. People with depression often detach themselves from others and their rational is not like yours who is not depressed.
From what I see, your break up was inevitable . don't blame yourself.[/COLOR][/B]

 

[Noyou]

Guys guys guys.....guys...

Leave these toxic chicks alone.

Go about your life. Don't worry about them.
If they are sluts, let them be. They never deserved your love you gave them anyway. Let them find out that most of this world id full of dogs and maybe they deserve a dog.

Better you so that when she does look back to see what you're up to, and she will, she will wonder why the hell she left you in the first place.

LEAVE THEM ALONE!

You will only make the situation worse and validate them leaving you.
Make them realize that they were foolish in leaving you.

DON'T VALIDATE THEIR POINTS BY YOU HANGING ON TO HOPE!!!!
Move on and better you and be happy for you.

 

[arjunck]

Withdrawal effects.. So much withdrawal.. Even if I did want her back I have to stay no contact for 30 ****ing days.. Last wednesday was when she said this relationship is destined for doom.. Cant stop thinking about it.. I need a vent.. I need it to be her.. But i dont want to jeopardize whatever is left.. And i certainly do not want to be her emotional fukcing tampon...

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Withdrawal effects.. So much withdrawal.. Even if I did want her back I have to stay no contact for 30 ****ing days.. Last wednesday was when she said this relationship is destined for doom.. Cant stop thinking about it.. I need a vent.. I need it to be her.. But i dont want to jeopardize whatever is left.. And i certainly do not want to be her emotional fukcing tampon...

If you need to vent do it here. Don't approach her. Don't talk to her. Stay NC.

Be strong brother. Know that you are not alone in this.

 

[Darrenez]

Please, for the love of god, don't think that way.

Yes, your reaction to her being pregnant was bad, really bad, but if that was your only mistake then seriously, that's no reason to leave you now 3 years later.

To me it really sounds like this girl just lost interest in you and is now looking for an upgrade. Or perhaps there is more going on that you either aren't telling us or you're not aware of. But I'm 100% certain this chick isn't leaving you just because you f*cked up once 3 years ago.

Hi pal,

Well she did say when we were on a break previously before we broke up-that she did go on a date with someone and she liked to the way he made her feel...you know the way all guys are on a date. Making the girl feel special etc.. I did say to her , that it doesn't stay that way after awhile and that life is not a Disney movie. So maybe that has contributed to the break-up too
She also said she loves me just as a friend even though she is still attracted to me although she doesn't get that feeling of butterflys anymore when she knows she is meeting up with me. We have been together for over 6 years and I'm now on day 25 of NC, but it is hard.:crazy:

 

[Darrenez]

Abortion is one the worst things that can happen to a woman . however , I am not sure if you guys kept the baby you still wouldn't break up .
She stayed with you for another 3 years , so what make you think her pregnancy and your lack of attention is the reason for her leaving you?
You also mentioned she had depression . it is a huge factor , depression is not an easy battle to win. People with depression often detach themselves from others and their rational is not like yours who is not depressed.
From what I see, your break up was inevitable . don't blame yourself.[/COLOR][/B][/QUOTE]


The thing is I never gave her a lack of attention, she did go on a date when we were on a break and said she liked the feeling of getting ready for the date and the way the other guy made her feel.
She doesn't suffer from depression so much now, although she is probably still on the medication. :crazy:
Thing is during the time we were together she was unemployed for a lot of it and I stood by her. Like I said, took us on holiday, took us out for meals, basically did everything for her , as I loved her.
Now she has a job she really enjoys, she feels that she wants to experience life and kind of make up for lost time I feel and go out with her friends and meet new people.
It wouldn't surprise me if she has met someone else, kind of the grass being greener on the other-side type of thing. :nono:

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Slow down there tiger. You're being too pushy with this girl.

From what I can tell, this girl is definitely interested in you, but she's still struggling with her ex. Unlike your ex-girlfriend, this girl you dated isn't a complete sl*t. You should respect that. If you like this girl, then take a step back. I feel there is too much push in your game and not enough pull. This way you'll eventually creep her out or make her feel super uncomfortable, and she might lose interest in you.

So, less push, more pull.

You're doing great VegaFan, don't let your thirst for a new chick ruin this. Take it slow and easy, you got this.

Thanks for the feedback. How does one pull? Care to give an example?

 

[arjunck]

i am going to not call her.. no way.. i want to tell her how much i miss her.. very bad.. but she does not deserve this from me.. she does not deserve me for whatever she did to me.. i am broken.. i am so broken.. i cannot concentrate on anything.. i am not eating properly.. going to a gym seems like a fantasy.. i am a guy who likes to keep fit.. i am an atheist.. so no god either.. just no optimism at the moment.. this is the only forum that is keeping my sanity intact.. i wake up with a nightmare every fukcing day!! hope this gets better..

 

[Darrenez]

You only live once

I have been thinking of contacting her today and telling her how I feel. Its been nearly 30 days now and I haven't really heard from her. Part of me thinks that its a short life and I want her to know how I feel (although I'm sure she does)as what have I got to lose? apart from pride and 30 days wasted of no contact!
Another part of me thinks that nothing will change and if she really did want me back , she'd contact me...surely.

I don't want her thinking ,well he didn't obviously care about me otherwise he would have been in contact and part of me thinks she also too stubborn to try and win me back if she wanted to.

I won't ring or contact her , its just that I was thinking we only live one life and I don't want to regret trying to win her back...advice would be appreciated guys:rockon:

 

[Dtsm3]

Day 3

Still feel like ****. But not going to contact them. They dont deserve my attention.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I have been thinking of contacting her today and telling her how I feel. Its been nearly 30 days now and I haven't really heard from her. Part of me thinks that its a short life and I want her to know how I feel (although I'm sure she does)as what have I got to lose? apart from pride and 30 days wasted of no contact!
Another part of me thinks that nothing will change and if she really did want me back , she'd contact me...surely.

I don't want her thinking ,well he didn't obviously care about me otherwise he would have been in contact and part of me thinks she also too stubborn to try and win me back if she wanted to.

I won't ring or contact her , its just that I was thinking we only live one life and I don't want to regret trying to win her back...advice would be appreciated guys:rockon:

Don't think that you're the only one! An idea of breaking NC floats through all of our minds, no matter if you're on day 3 or 300. What changes is the frequency and amplitude of that thought.
I know I can contact my ex and yes I will bang her in front of her new loser boyfriend but how will it make me feel in the longterm?

 

[arjunck]

so she's called me twice today.. i was in the theatre watching a film.. did not hear the phone ring.. i have her friend's phone which i borrowed from her as mine had broken.. this was about a month ago.. she wants it back.. i dont know if i should contact her to give it back.. would not be too respectful if i send it through someone else.. anyway.. she is off facebook.. good for me.. and her whatsapp status says **** off.. pretty sure it was directed at me.. i deleted her number right back after seeing the status.. i don't know how to proceed.. help!!

 

[Darrenez]

I don't know what to do.. Was going to send a basic message on fb to her as I don't have her number. Just saying that if one day she wants to give it another go I'd be up for it.. Nothing too desperate, I'd say I guess she's moved on but if she wants to see me etc, I'm here for her.. However that really isn't a good idea especially going against the rules on the first of of the Nc challenge.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I don't know what to do.. Was going to send a basic message on fb to her as I don't have her number. Just saying that if one day she wants to give it another go I'd be up for it.. Nothing too desperate, I'd say I guess she's moved on but if she wants to see me etc, I'm here for her.. However that really isn't a good idea especially going against the rules on the first of of the Nc challenge.

Why?

I don't know about your situation but in my situation I don't want to GIVE HER the satisfaction knowing that I'm still available after she shat on my heart.