The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Colette]

Can't believe I've lasted another day, thought I would have broken by now. Think the realisation is setting in that I'm not going to hear from him, and everytime I get tempted to text I think about how I'd feel if he didn't reply - that's usually enough to knock me straight off that idea!!

I went back to work today, and felt much better of it. A bit of normality was probably what I needed. I was positive most of the day after I dragged myself out of bed, it was only around the 4.30 mark I kinda started moping. Came home, had a nap and now I feel fine. Still cannot get him off my brain though, the sooner that goes the better!!!

Why don't you just delete his number to avoid temptation?

 

[sparkychops]

Why don't you just delete his number to avoid temptation?

Have it deleted, not much use though, I know it off by heart :trouble:

 

[Cerwin Vega]

@sparkychops Same here!

 

[Darrenez]

Did I do the right thing?

16 days NC...When my ex finished with me I sent a friend request on Facebook...Today she accepted it, however I deleted her straight away as a friend..Did I do the right thing?

I'm pretty sure I did as being friends with her on FB will allow her to see what I'm up to and vice-versa..Funnily enough, I went out Sat night in town and changed my profile picture to one I had taken of me on Sat night and she must have seen some of the pictures taken from sat night-so in a way its a good thing as it shows I'm not staying in and moping around after her. By not being friends with her on FB she can't see what I'm up to and thats a good thing!

Kind of made me feel good , deleted her straight away too without thinking about it.

So opinions guys, was it the right thing to do?

 

[sparkychops]

DAY 10.

Double digits, finally!!

Was absolutely fine today, had an exam, it didn't go great but I really felt okay with everything. Was talking to a friend and we both agreed that IF it ever came to my ex regretting what he done (please bear in mind, i said IF) he'd never ever reach out to tell me. It's just the kind of person he is. If we ever had an argument he'd always say "I thought I'd be the last person you wanted to hear from".

When I said I'd like to give it another go the last time we broke up and asked what he thought he said to me "I have so much respect for you for coming out and saying that, I'd never be brave enough to". So I kinda pondered about whether or not to contact him, I didn't.

Then I fell asleep when I got home from my exam, and woke up feeling terrible. AGAIN. Can't wait to feel normal again.

 

[sparkychops]

A coward. The word I'm looking for is a coward.:rockon:

 

[dim]

1st day of NC.

Long term friend who I'd sort of dated before (she ended it then too due to cold feet about getting hurt which she later confessed months later) and then begun dating again more seriously recently hit me with the "I need to be single right now" line after a few months of seeing each other. She tried to explain and has assured me there's nobody else - I have no evidence to the contrary and frankly don't care (it'd hurt but at this point its over so its over) To be fair I understand where she's coming from having left her previous boyfriend because of her feelings for me, problems with current job/money worries and now pondering a move to a different city for her dream job however we'd both invested a fair bit, apparently I'd invested more.

Was angry and hurt at first as she'd been off with me for a few weeks and had claimed nothing was wrong when I'd asked. She asked if we could be friends (we've been close for 2 years) when she told me a few days ago and I told her no, and that we shouldn't talk.

We were both at my sports clubs event on Sunday (she brought a bunch of male friends and her sister, who im also friendly with to keep her company) and i was civil but focused on enjoying myself rather than paying her any attention.... Unfortunately I got sucked in and we had a short row after she left her sister passed out drunk and i accused her of ditching her just because she had some guys sniffing around and thought that was more important than getting her sister home.... The next day she corrected me saying that the guys had stayed and she'd been told to go home by other people as her sister was upsetting her... In the end i agreed to disagree about how she handled the sister issue, told her i still didnt fully buy her "needing to be single thing" and that it sounded like a cowards line for not wanting to see me or wanting to see if things worked with someone else... told her I was hurt and angry and that it was best we didnt talk for a while..she again said she was only telling me the truth and that she was sorry if she hurt me. I told her I couldn't forgive her at the moment and that we shouldn't talk but that when she sorted herself out she knows where I am and maybe i'll be ready to forgive her (didnt mention relationship just friendship or w/e depending on how i feel) she sent a message back but i didnt pay much attention and am now 24 hours into NC.

Its tough... she pretty much text me every morning and we'd chat on lunch breaks and then throughout the evenings... I've already got plenty of other female and male friends, a sport, and other girls i can flirt with to keep my mind busy but it's definitely on my mind a lot... the weak part of me wishing we could reconcile and that she'd magically decide she wants me and the other side of me telling me that she's had her chance (technically two i guess) and that "f**k her!" basically..

Any advice on keeping your mind off her?

 

[Darrenez]

Tips

All you can do Dim is to stay busy with something preferably something you haven't done with her so it's a new experience.. Maybe gym, some kind of sport, a hobby or a club will help you..

It's hard but you have to keep busy and focus on something that is the only way to to deal with it and successfully get on with Nc.

 

[Darrenez]

16 days NC...When my ex finished with me I sent a friend request on Facebook...Today she accepted it, however I deleted her straight away as a friend..Did I do the right thing?

I'm pretty sure I did as being friends with her on FB will allow her to see what I'm up to and vice-versa..Funnily enough, I went out Sat night in town and changed my profile picture to one I had taken of me on Sat night and she must have seen some of the pictures taken from sat night-so in a way its a good thing as it shows I'm not staying in and moping around after her. By not being friends with her on FB she can't see what I'm up to and thats a good thing!

Kind of made me feel good , deleted her straight away too without thinking about it.

So opinions guys, was it the right thing to do?

Any advice or opinions guys?

 

[Shaka]

Any advice or opinions guys?

Darrenez, my friend

Yeah you might have gained a little more power. Could have been better if you were with another girl on that picture !

But I don't know. The way you describe this event, I feel like in reality, you're still too focused on that sh!t.
I know you can't change your feeling like that, but it seems you're doing NC for the sole purpose of getting her back.

Think more about yourself, my friend. Don't play facebook games. Because even if you deleted her right away, you still had a flow of information between you two, and it's a bad thing. It will keep you from moving forward faster.

Also believe me, women have a sixth sense. They'll know if you're not really committed to true NC. In this case, she WILL get the power, she WILL get her validation and ego boost.
Don't fake NC. DO IT.

Thing is, I know the degree of pain you're feeling as I am in the same boat as you (7 years....) and I DO know that it might be difficult to keep true NC.
But man, please, do it. Keep at it. Don't look (too much) back and you'll be a better, stronger and happier man.

Best of luck !

 

[Cerwin Vega]

End of day 8
I visited my family today, when the mind is busy it's all OK, but once the silence strikes, I think of her. Everything is still too fresh, I can remember every small detail about her.

I hope she is happy.

 

[Darrenez]

Darrenez, my friend

Yeah you might have gained a little more power. Could have been better if you were with another girl on that picture !

But I don't know. The way you describe this event, I feel like in reality, you're still too focused on that sh!t.
I know you can't change your feeling like that, but it seems you're doing NC for the sole purpose of getting her back.

Think more about yourself, my friend. Don't play facebook games. Because even if you deleted her right away, you still had a flow of information between you two, and it's a bad thing. It will keep you from moving forward faster.

Also believe me, women have a sixth sense. They'll know if you're not really committed to true NC. In this case, she WILL get the power, she WILL get her validation and ego boost.
Don't fake NC. DO IT.

Thing is, I know the degree of pain you're feeling as I am in the same boat as you (7 years....) and I DO know that it might be difficult to keep true NC.
But man, please, do it. Keep at it. Don't look (too much) back and you'll be a better, stronger and happier man.

Best of luck !

Hi mate, thanks for the tips. I just wanna touch upon a few things you said :

I'm not doing NC for the reason of getting her back,sure if it helps that would be good but really I don't have a choice if I want to move forward and get on with my life and heal in the process.

I'm not playing Facebook games but surely if I was to be friends with her on Facebook then there is temptation to contact her and for her to see what I'm up to in my life. Part of the rules of NC is to 'disappear from earth' so being friends with her on FB would be going against that rule..Also I don't want to be able to see if she is seeing other guys etc

She may have a sixth sense, but so far I'm 17 days into NC now and I havent rang her or contacted her at all and to be honest with you I'm pretty proud of how well I've dealt with the whole thing:rockon: ..No begging her back , texting things even when I've been so down and upset thinking about her..

I am concentrating on my gym and weight lifting even more than ever and yes its so hard but I have a good group of friends so to be honest I don't think I will intiate contact. Thanks again for the advice I just wanted to put across my feelings about what you wrote, I don't wanna be friends with her either because that is going against NC rules so thats another reason I deleted her striaght away.

Cheers again pal! going to make it to 60 days

 

[sparkychops]

edit

 

[Noyou]

Guys and gals,

I know that the person you loved all this time has dumped you, and he/she said all those things after the breakup and such to get you to wonder about where you stand.

I know you are feeling down and things couldn't get any worse. I just have choice words from people I've heard from to help me out in my hard times.

Stop it

You should be ANGRY that this happened to you. You gave your all to be with this person but in the end, they didn't do you any favors and strung you along until they dumped you and even more so you probably tolerated a lot of crap from them as well and when you had a n issue of some sort, they didn't want to listen or change. Even now, if you begged or pleaded to make things work, they'll string you along even more.

Why? Because they have all the power, wither it be they are the sexiest person alive or have a awesome personality. You need to realize that even if they have these traits, they are not deserving of your love. Why? They betrayed you, but more so they showed who they really are when it comes to relationships and or what happens when they come head on with adversity.

You really want them back in the future? Stop caring. Tell yourself right now that you are too good for them because you are. Stop checking up on them, stop looking at their faceboook. They decided to leave, and you owe them nothing.

I had the same stuff happen to me. My ex told me she loved me and couldn't be without me and that I was the best man she has ever been with, then 5 years into it, decides to call it off because she started to have doubts.

It hurts I know, and it took me a month to finally realize what she was doing and how I got a raw deal at the end of the breakup, but how also it was a godsend that I didn't marry a childlike, weak woman, have a child with her and then get divorced and have to pay for child support because she can't handle an adult relationship.

If it's meant to be, it will happen and when the time comes, you will know, but take heed that what you had with this woman/man was toxic and more than likely kept you from being who you truly are. Your significant other is supposed to better you, not become a liability. Become better for you and live.

Again, it's hard, and take it from me, I broke down and cried and begged for her to make it work, to try and see where it lead, and I'm a 6"4' 220lb man, that broke down in front of a 5"4' woman, it is very hard and the pain is very real but you need to look at it as a pain that will pass because more than likely, at the end, they will regret that they left a great person like yourself and that you never really needed them but they needed you.

Again, don't be a chump and run after your ex that dumped you, that just proves that you are beta, a chump, and a fool.

 

[Noyou]

Just back from a friends house. Of course he came up in conversation, as he would.

Still can't believe hes left it two weeks without a proper explanation. Does he have no idea that every little thing is running through my mind? Is he back seeing his ex? Was he keeping a big secret that he blew out of proportion in his head? (That's basically what happened the last time). Doesn't he know how much this hurts? I feel like just ripping him a new one at this stage.. Ten days of silence!!!

Sounds to me like he's a coward. You deserve better

 

[sparkychops]

Day 11

edit.

 

[Noyou]

@noyou : he is a coward, he always has been. If I ever tried to talk to him about an issue more times than not he'd look at his shoes and say nothing. Even when we were on the phone after his drunken outburst I had to keep saying "Will you say SOMETHING?" because all I was met with was silence.

However, him being a coward is my biggest fear. He'd be too afraid to reach out. He told me that before. Now, I'm more worried than anything.

My ex gf did exactly this as well. He can't sustain an adult relationship because he can't act like an adult and talk to you about issues that you have about him. It's all about him and quite frankly, it probably was all about him during the relationship. At points it probably was fronted where he seemed to be paying attention but eventually wasn't because the problem kept happening. My ex had the same problem with forgetfulness, answering her cell phone, and other things responsible during a long term relationship. These folks want it their way 100% of the time and despise being changed for any reason at all. Then will more than likely, skew the problem you had and throw it back at you like it was your fault.

Make that 10 day NC into 20, then 30 and so on. The only way to heal yourself from these toxic ways is to do such and make them realize how much a catch you are, but that's not the point of NC. DO NC FOR YOU, think about it, if you go NC and they end up coming back and changing who the are to keep you, you win. If they never come back, and you move on and find someone else, you win.

I've had several wise folks let me know that if you truly loved them and were good to them, they never forget you and more than likely will come back later in the future, however it will be quite unfortunate that most of the time, the time they come around, you'll won't even want them anymore. Besides that, again, they showed you their true colors on what they do when things don't go their way, what's not to say they'll do it again?

Become stronger with NC, that way when the time comes, you'll be able to handle things as they come, and they will come.

Had that exactly happen to me, ex's past fling is still friends with her and treated me like I wasn't a man at all because I didn't drink like an alcoholic (one of these) ex broke up with me visits him and his wife on a decent basis and he lives about 30 miles away, recently he bumped into me at a store while I was shopping for stuff and avoided me like a plague. However, fate (destiny, or whatever you want to call it) forced a meeting where he saw me looking well, happy and different than what he saw me before. It was apparent too in the handshake I gave him and the weak handshake he gave me.

Think about that, there are millions of people around the world to be a certain places at certain times but at that one moment, as I'm about to leave, he enters the store and we meet. More than likely it will set several events into motion because that's the way things like his get played out folks.

Once you let go and do NC, you will see it. I promise,

I know I went off on a tangent, but I want people to know that there is light at the end of this. Maybe the breakup was meant to be? Perhaps this breakup is the best for both of you to grow? Are people close to you trying to tell you that you are better off without him or her, more than likely they are right. Ask yourself these questions.

 

[Rave18]

The reason why NC works is that you cut off alllll ways of contacting AND viewing her. This allows you to heal. By checking her facebook and all sorts of other tactics, without actually contacting her, you prolong your own pain my friend. Hence 5 months later and you're still struggling with this break up. Cut.It.All.Off!!

True. [Looking back] It is only now that I realize the opportunities that I lost, cause I was too busy trying to please her

Those who replied, Thank You for your input

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Great news everybody!

But first, I did something awful. A friend of mine who doesn't know we broke up told me he saw her around the holidays.
I stupidly asked him "who was she with?" *Mistake*

I knew it was a mistake even before the words came out of my mouth, but the urge to know about it outranked my common sense. Oh well, the deed is done.

SO...Who was she with?

In case anybody remembers, I told you about this doctor hitting on her that basically was the trigger to our breakup due to her disrespect towards me. She kept asking me to get back together and ensured me he's nobody and she doesn't even like him.

Can anyone guess who was she with?? :yes: :yes:

That same doctor !!!

Two days after leaving me a sobbing message of "I want us to be together" she goes out with that doctor! Outstanding!

After he's done using her, she'll come back crawling to me asking for another chance. Sadly, there is no "another chance"!
I'm not ANYONE'S fvcking toy. There's no place for mistakes.

I'll become the best version of myself, so the next time she'll see me, her jaw will drop and she'll forever curse herself for losing me.

Goodbye, B!TCH!

Day 9 of infinity.

 

[beatjunkie]

^^ @CerwinVegaFan

Yessss bro! More fuel to your fire!!!! Infinity it is! Go out there and be the best u can be!!!!! Keep up that mentality