The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[GADavid]

Day 9. Still thinking about her all the time. 2+ years of on/off relationship makes me feel like a big part of my life is missing. But, it was mostly off for the past 2 months, so not much has changed for either of us. Talking certainly wasn't holding her back from doing whatever she wants anyway. Maybe she feels less guilt about it now. That's stupid; she wasn't feeling guilty about anything.

Logically I know she's back to daily life. My mind wants me to think she's living it up and happier without me. I'm sure she's mad at me for not responding. It's not my issue. She made her choice 8 months ago and knew she would lose me. Trying to repair things was only being met with disrespect and distance. I'm better off without the pain because the good stuff was gone already.

I wonder if it'll ever sink in for her that I finally gave up and maybe rethink her choice now that I'm not an available option. Wanting what you can't have and all. Realistically, she is relieved I'm no longer a thorn in her side. The petty part of me wants her to feel like she lost me.

Her last texts were apologizing that she wasn't honest with me about her feeling because she didn't want to hurt me and then asking if I was okay. I didn't respond to either. I want so badly to tell her I'm sorry for my part in things ending like this. Her decision 8 months ago was based on some severe, psychotic, AFC behavior. She would've made a different decision had I set boundaries and held to them. She knew I was trying to win her back since and was allowing lame attempts. I think her not being honest was not telling me there was never really another chance. Her asking if I was okay.... I don't know. If she cared or felt loss from me no longer trying, she would get in touch with me again. It would only show I'm the same desperate guy if I reached out to her at this point. Is it stubbornness or pride that makes us ignore each other now?

 

[fuko2007]

Look man. Don't turn to drugs or alcohol. Xanax is one of the strongest benzodiazpines out there. Its very easy to get addicted to. Tolerance raises quickly.

If you really need it, take little pieces of it. Take a small dose.

I got really fvcked up on benzos, its not fun at all.

I might take one or two a week....generally my script is for thirty days and lasts about 60. I only take them when im really really stressed out or cant sleep. Thanks for the concern tho man, i had a few friends get strung out on them one died so im really carfull with them.

 

[GADavid]

I am annoyed with myself. Even if she begged for me back in some way, I know I am the same guy I was before. Look, act, feel exactly the same. I've tried to improve some, but it feels like it is all for nothing with no noticeable changes made. And I know it would be the same dead end relationship. I'm mostly angry and depressed that I still have such strong feelings for someone who stomped on mine in a covert, manipulative way.

 

[HW1984]

Day 4...

The heavy feeling on my chest has gone for the most part but my head is still racing through everything. What exactly was it? I know the answer but for some reason can't settle on it. As DGWizdal said (and thanks for that), She just isn't attracted anymore. I now question why? I was too available. She said it was different this time around. What was different was that the first time I had an edge, I didn't care as much. This time I cared too much and offered too much of myself to her. It made me lose sight of myself and I found myself living for her and not for me. That will lose the attraction of any girl. I still know what is there between us buried deep beneath the surface but that can only come to be if she ever re visits us. I can't make that happen and I know any contact will only push her further. Day 1 and last night I dreamt of her. It definitley doesn't help and then I find myself looking up the meanings of things in the dream. She was big on this and had a dream journal. The night before we broke up she couldn't sleep because she said if felt like someone was trying to smother her. Dream definition - You are feeling pressured by a relationship.. Her final decision maker.

Last night I had a sick feeling in my gut. The same feeling I would get when she would be having a bad stressful day. Not the same feeling of hurt and loss but that she was feeling something. It was hard not to reach out as we had that weird inner connection from the beginning and I just knew she was hurting.

I know this weekend will be the hardest. The first weekend apart. I'm already pondering will she let loose and sleep with someone else and that will be the final nail in the coffin. She is not that type of girl but under extreme circumstances who knows. I'm going to happy hour tomorrow with some friends so hopefully I can let loose some as well and de stress.

I just want to say thanks to everyone out there. Writing my thoughts here and being able to read all of yours definitely helps.

 

[HW1984]

Day 4 continued....

So close to breaking. I've had a moment of clarity that the no contact is not to get her back but to let go and move on, for both of us. If it ever comes to be then it will. However in this moment I feel the need to tell her since I never said I was going no contact. I just typed up this email below but haven't sent it yet. We would email everyday at work so that is why I chose email.

We both need our space, to heal, recover or to do what ever it is we both have to do for what's best in our lives. I didn't want to just up and dissapear without telling you, just feel that it would be disrespectful. I haven't reached out for a couple reasons. One is to respect your decision and do for you what you did for me when I made my decision. Two is because I truly need time to myself to find myself again and move on. There is no saying what time will bring for us, or if there ever will be another us but for myself right now I need this. I moved too fast and put pressures on you that weren't fair to you. You aren't ready and for the most part I don't think I really am either. I lost sight of what was important and pushed too hard to make up for the mistake I made instead of living in the moment. Like I said before keep doing what you're doing and taking care of yourself. Things will get better.

 

[HW1984]

nd of course I'm still on social media. She just posted a pic if a song called 'take me for one last ride'. Is that a sign of she is starting to miss me? or am I just creating things in my head and she is just posting her emotions.

 

[Sofomore]

DONT send that email and stop trying to create scenarios in your head. You are in a very emotional state and you are not thinking logically. Get the fvck off Facebook and stop checking her page. It's only bringing you pain.

You need to man up and move on. Yes it's hard, we've all done it. Sending emails like that will get you nowhere.

Stay NC for another few weeks and the fog will clear. Get the image of you getting back together with her out of your head. Go improve yourself, you will be happy you did. Follow the path of self-improvement and you will be extremely happy.

 

[tripod23]

Hw1984.........i Feel For You Mate.......but The Top And Bottom Of It Is This.......if She Isnt Feeling It And She Wants Out There Is Nothing You Can Do About It ......one Of My Exes Did All That Sort Of Thing On Facebook Ect............and I Stayed Totally Silent Even At Christmas Time ..........

You Have To Get The Strength From Somewhere To Keep Up No Contact ......you Should Have Said To Her Look You Know I Love You And I Dont Want To Break Up , But If Thats It Then Whats Done Is Done.........give Me A Call If You Change Your Mind, And If Im Still Free We Can Talk Things Over........and Then Vanish........now The Problem Is That Most Guys Dont Have The Strength To Follow No Contact ..........but If You Know Whats Good For You .....you Will See It Through.

I Personally Think You Have To See It Through Until You Feel Like You No Longer Think You Would Like To Mess With Her Ever Agin Type Of Thing.............but Everyones Ideas Are Different.

Plus It Depends How Things Ended As Well........if She Treat You Like Shyt Then Just Fvck Her Right Off........but If Shes Got Bored Then Thats A Different Story.............if You Would Take Her Back If She Came Knocking Then You Have To Let Her Miss You For As Long As It Takes.

I Am 6 Months No Contact From My Last Ex Who Totally Tried To Play Games With My Head, And She Nearly Fvckin Won Il Tell You ...........but The Switch Went Off In My Head And I Had Enough.....luckily It Didnt Go On For Too Long Where I Was Being Made A Fool Of Sort Of Speak.........because I Was Gone...........vanished .......well After I Blasted Her That Is....then I Vanished...........and Im Glad I Did Because Everyone Deserves To Be Treated With Respect.......and That Was 6 Months Ago And Iv Stayed Strong.............my Pal Said He Doesnt Know How Iv Managed It.........but I Have And Its Been Tough At Times.

You Must Remember That Its A 50/50 Thing And Why Would You Want To Be With Someone Who Is Half Hearted About Things.........na Fvck That ....its Not Worth The Pain...

Now One Thing I Will Say Is This........if Your Ex Wants To Talk To You Trust Me She Will Contact You ......and Then Its Upto You What You See As The Correct Method Of Dealing With The Situation.........but If You Chase Her Keep Contact As Friends You Are Doomed In My Opinion.........you Dont Have To Be Nasty With Her, If She Says Can We Be Friends,,,,,,,,just Say You Dont Want Just Friendship As You Have Enough Female friends .....give Me A Call If You Change Your Mind , And Then Continue With Becoming A Better Person And Learn From The Experience.

Dont Chase Her,,,,,,because It Will Make You Look Weak, Needy , And She Will Friend Zone Your Ass ...........let Her Wonder .....let Her Think Wheres He Gone ..........then She May Or May Not Contact You.

Like I Said Above Im 6 Months Nc.......and 2 Nights Ago My Ex Drove Round My Avenue When It Was Dark , Now She Has No Need To Come Round Because The Main Road Runs Right Past My Avenue , And Iv Lived Here A Long Time And As Far As I Know She Doesnt Know Anyone In My Avenue..........so I Ask ........why.............well The Answer To This I Will Never Know Because Its None Of My Business As Far As Im Concerned.........if She Wants To Talk Or She Was Checking On Me ........she Will Have To Make An Effort If We Are To Talk Ever Again...........and Thats The Way You Need To Play It .......or Just Make Up Your Mind To Never Speak To Her Ass Ever Again..............its Your Choice

I Wish You Luck Tho

It Will Sort Itself Out Mate........life Always Does.

Keep Smiling

 

[HW1984]

Tripod... Thanks man. Just going through the back and forth since I never said I was going no contact. Just up and vanished... Then again she ended it and does need time. There was no disprespect in the break up or anytime before it and she really did need to do it for herself, for her own good and I understand that. She was an emotional mess and very busy with barely any time for herself, we both are extremely busy do our only free time was with eachother.. She didn't feel is was fair to put me through what she was going through and saw it was a completely one sided relationship. My view was that I am here for you at your worst and will not turn my back. No time to live for ourselves which I believe was the ultimate destruction of the relationship.

I did say those things in the break up and told her I can't be friends. I told her I wasn't sure if I was going to cut her off or continue to contact her so when we parted it was still up in the air. From there there has been no contact. It all happened in her car. It took me a bit to leave the car until she told me I had to go. Probably my biggest mistake along with liking a pic of us together on Insta a few hours after the breakup from the previous day. Hence the I don't want this anymore pic she posted on Insta shortly after. But like you guys have been saying what's done is done. Move on.

 

[tripod23]

Relationships Are About Giving..........you Are Both There To Make Each Others Lives Better Than Before You Met Kinda Of Thing,

As Hard As It Is To Accept , You Have No Choice , Your Best Move From Here Is To Stay Away , Do Not Like Anything On Social Media , Do Not Contact Her Or Anything ,

So She Feels She Has No Spare Time .....well I Look At It This Way She Has Lots Of Spare Time Now , Let Her Crack On With It , You Need To Have A Mindset That Its Over For Ever From Now On , Or As Some Guys Say,,,,,,,shes Dead In My Mind,,,,,,,,

Everyone Deals With Things In Different Ways , You Are In An Emotional State As We Speak , So Please Take Some Time To Read What The Guys On Here Post Up , Because From What I Have Learned Most WomeN Say All The Same Shyt Just To Try And Make Us Guys Feel Better And Not Look At Them In A Bad Light.

Have The Mindset That Its Her Loss.......which Of Course It Is , If She Comes Back , You Then Have To Decide Which Way To Play It.....

Going Ghost Is A Winner For Lots Of Reasons , Mainly Because It Helps Guys Clear Their Minds And Reavaluate The Situations They Have Been In.......so Its Great For That.

Plus Going Ghost On Her Will Make Her Realise You Can Survive Without Her , Now A Lot Of Guys Will Beg , Plead , Say Allsorts Of Shyt Just To Get Them Back ,

I Sent My Ex A Long Letter To Try And Make Things Good ........it Didnt Work , It Didnt Fix Anything , But What It Did Do Was Teach Me A Valuble Lesson On How To Deal With These Situations , And I Am So Glad It Did , Regardless Of How Painfull It Has Been For Me.

I Would Never Ever Do It Again , A Few Simple Words With A Ghost Aftermath Would Do Just As Nicley As Writing Loads Of Shyt .

Lesson Learned For My Point Of View.

Just Sit Back And Enjoy The Ride , Because You Maybe Surprized How Things Work Out For You , You Never Know...

Good Luck

 

[Cheeks]

Day 5...nothing to report, sadly. No word from her at all (ex who had abortion).

Worried about her. Terrible feeling, like I'm responsible for her but can't do anything about it, and she doesn't want me to.

 

[tripod23]

5 Days Is Nothing Guys ..........i Know It Feels Like A Lifetime But Once You Get To 3 Months And Beyound You Will Be Thinking Where The Hell Did That Time Go............

If You Have Been Decent With Your Exes And Have Left It On Resonable Terms Then You Have To Sit It Out............they May Call/text....they May Not Who Knows...............mine Hasnt Done And Its Been 6 Months But Thats The Way Life Is Guys .............

Always Remember It Could Be Worse..........

Keep Moving And Improving....things Will Get Better ..

 

[GADavid]

Her last text was asking if I was okay. I didn't respond. she put the ball in my court. As long as I don't respond to something like that, I'll never hear from her again.

She'll figure I don't want to talk and go about her life like usual. Part of me doesn't want to talk because I know it won't resolve a single thing. I guess I kind of gave up. I feel guilty at times, but I tried for months. She's certainly not putting in any effort to keep me in her life though - that part hurts.

 

[yonggg]

hello
i found this forum quite late, and have been reading this forum since i got dumped.

i accepted the challenge, its been 7 days since ldr breakup with my gf,i did the mistake by begging to her to give me another chance. but she refused. since then i accepted it and immediately started NC, so now is day 7 of NC.does NC also work for long distance break up?
we had this ldr for this past 1,5 months after 13 months together, because she goes to college overseas for 1 year, where we can meet again in february next year.

i just wonder what should i do now
and which of these is the best?

1. u know i immediately started NC, and should i keep continuing it?
2. or should i also block her in facebook, line messenger, etc.
3. or should i text her that friendship etc not going to work for me in order to move on for good then block everything., i read a lot about this advice since this means gettin the power back.

sorry this is my first post in this forum, but i will appreciate any advice, and commited to continue informing how this nc works,
thanks

 

[tripod23]

nc is for you to regain self respect , get over whats happend and improve everything in your life as much as possible , nc is not implicated so she will run back to.......dont get me wrong she may do she may not.......everyone situation is different .......this is why when she offers friendship you decline to that pathetic excuse to keep you in her life as back up.....just incase the real reason for dumping you falls through.

never agree to be friends with a chick who dumps you , all it does is show your weak......and makes her feel better about herself..............if its over and she cutting out the sex then its over move on........

nc contact may help her realise what a great guy you were , and it may put her in a fearfull state knowing you have gone , now depending on how strong you were and if you do what you say you will with no excuses......and i mean in every way of your life...............if you say i am gonna do .........do you follow it through...................if so then she will know this and she may second think her decision.........if she does its then upto you to decide where to take it............just remember trying to be a pleasure will end badly......................women use this as a weapon against a lot of guys to get what they want.................

me personally dont like being a doormat for anyone..........so i fvck them right off...................

good luck

 

[HW1984]

Day 5....

Feeling good. Didn't cave and send the email. In this for the long haul. Thanks for everyone's words yesterday. Came arcross this quote this morning... fits well with what a lot of us are going through.

"LIFE is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing & finding happiness, learning from the past, and realizing PEOPLE CHANGE."
- Atul Purohit -

 

[HW1984]

Yonggg.....

Tripod has is right. You know what you have to do just like I do. But I'm sure your questioning your every move right now as I have been. NC is the way to go but you feel it isn't and will find anyway to encourage yourself to go against it. I found threads on the web that say NC is bad if you want them back, I tried to get advice from my sisters and other female friends of mine. They will all tell you to call... DON'T. I was looking for any way to encourage my feeling to contact her. In your case set a timeline for NC. When she comes back from oversees maybe she calls you. If not then oh well you might be over it by then. I'm going to Miami for a bachelor party in June. That's my goal, NC til after the bachelor party. Why tie myself up in this mess or get myself tied down for Miami... H3LL NO! Hitting the gym and getting ready for it. Make a list of all the things you want to do for yourself and go do them for you.

 

[fuko2007]

Well i got my receipt back yesterday. She looked like she had been going through hell not that i care. We had a few beers and talked about the things that happend between us etc and then she gave me a kiss goodbye. I hate this feeling of loss, i just want to move on. I have a girl coming to "hang out" tonight and i know im getting laid. But for some reason i just cant shake this feeling i have and missing this other girl so much. Its a terriable thing guys, I would never wish this upon anybody. So day 1 i guess.

 

[HW1984]

Terrible feeling indeed. Almost makes you want to give up loving people.. as to why would I ever want to feel like this again, why would I do this to myself. Don't let anyone in and it won't happen. But then you realize, the other end of it is far better and every time you do love it's so much stronger than the love before. Good Luck tonight.

 

[VenX]

Broke NC, but felt really good

Hey guys,

I just wanted to share something here that has really helped me free myself. 2 weeks into getting blindsided by my girlfriend of 3 years, I have read almost every page of this discussion. Contrary to what everyone has said about NC, I broke NC ONCE and it has helped me a lot.

Prior to the break up, I always thought that I would be the one to end things before she did. She showed absolutely NO signs of being upset or unhappy, but one day, she decided to blindside me and ended it abruptly. I was shocked, upset, and then angry and how inconsiderate she was after 3 years of what I thought was a great relationship.

For the next two weeks, she was constantly on my mind and I wasn’t able to sleep well, eat well, or focus on anything. I didn’t contact her at all and I already deleted her off everything 2 days after the break up. There were so many things I wanted to say, but everyone here who broke NC regretted it, so I decided not to. Just immediately after the break up, I was extremely AFC and told her that I’d be here for her if she changed her mind. But those 2 weeks, I realized the relationship was broken and we didn’t have a future anyways. So I decided to provide closure for myself.

I wrote up a letter and texted her telling her that I have had time to think things through and I wanted to tell her a few things. I asked her when she was free to talk either through text, facebook, or phone and she immediately texted back that I can call anytime. She even offered to call me at a specific time in the evening.

She actually called me and I told her that I’ve changed my mind on being there for her if she decided she wanted to get back with me. Yes, there were positives, but there were also many negatives in the relationship and in the long run, it wouldn’t have worked out anyways. That is something that I came to realize. I told her that after everything we’ve been through, her actions really hurt me and I didn’t think we could stay friends. She ended up apologizing for blindsiding me and admitted she was wrong and would have used a better method if she could go back in time. She still wanted to be friends and would be happy for my achievements and progress in life, but she respected my decision when I explained to her that I needed to remove her from my life to move on. She said I could add her back as a friend any time when I was ready.

Because of this conversation, I was able to say everything I wanted to and there was finally peaceful closure. I was no longer angry, frustrated, or upset. I felt a great relief and a sense of freedom where I was finally able to move on. This was just 2 weeks into the break up and 2 weeks of NC.

Yes, I broke NC and I have to restart, but it is so much easier now to NC knowing that I was able to shift some of the power back into my hands, there was no uncertainty, and I was able to achieve proper closure. At least now she knows that she can’t fall back to me and I don’t have to spend countless hours thinking about all the possible mind games that are going on.