The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Jariel]

Interesting turn this thread has taken....some of us acknowledging we are not over our ex and starting to discuss contacting them again.

I had a couple of lame dates this weekend and notice these thoughts creeping in my head too.

I have to stand firmly with the maintain NC crowd...here are my reasons

I think we do at least need to be honest with ourselves. I can't say my dates have been lame, but I've not felt any of them, except maybe one woman I saw for about 3 dates before I backed off again.

Of course, No Contact is always the best solution after a break up and I would never advise against it. You really do need time to heal, get back to a rational way of thinking and to give your ex space.

But what if she's feeling the same way you are? What if she misses you and the space has made her realise she wants to be with you? But what if she is thinking the same way as us or has friends telling her never to make contact and it all comes down to a battle of wills that nobody wins?

Obviously, if your ex was a b1tch towards you, cheated, showed dishonesty or other lowlife qualities, then you should never even think about making contact again. But if that ex was actually a great girlfriend who you lost due to some bad decisions and hard feelings, then I believe there may come a time when you can reach out and just break the ice.

If you're still needy and desperate when you reach out, then you stand to fvck yourself up again and get depressed if she doesn't reply or dimisses you. But if you're emotionally stable and hold no expectations, there really is no harm that could come of it. If she doesn't reply, then you're no worse off than if you continued no contact.

I'm not sure I'm there yet if I'm honest with myself. I still think about her too much and I'm still struggling to move on. But I'd like to think there will come a point where I can just check in with her and bury the hard feelings, if nothing more.

 

[Jariel]

Every situation is different. Depends on how you broke up ie dumped or in Jariels case he started NC. There must be sufficient time for you to recontact. Also depends what you want to achieve, ie FWB, getting back together etc. Generally NC is the way to go if you got dumped but there are different scenarios and one size fits all doesnt work. I had a favorable response after 3months of NC ..lets see where it goes..

This is something that I do think about. She has already broken NC once and there was potential to re-establish contact and build from there, but I blew it by losing my cool. There were a lot of difficult circumstances that led to our break up and a lot of anger and resentment on both of our parts, but I have been thinking that if I can reach this state of mind where I've let go of the bitterness and I'm left thinking how great a relationship we had, then maybe she will reach this state of mind too.

The thing is, when you reinitiate contact you really need to prepare youself for the worst case scenarios and ask how it will affect you. Can you cope if she ignores you? If she tells you she's in a happy relationship? If she responds nastily?

If you can cope with these answers, then you may be ready to make contact, but if any of these responses will hurt you or make you angry, then you're clearly not ready.

 

[mikey2012]

This is something that I do think about. She has already broken NC once and there was potential to re-establish contact and build from there, but I blew it by losing my cool. There were a lot of difficult circumstances that led to our break up and a lot of anger and resentment on both of our parts, but I have been thinking that if I can reach this state of mind where I've let go of the bitterness and I'm left thinking how great a relationship we had, then maybe she will reach this state of mind too.

The thing is, when you reinitiate contact you really need to prepare youself for the worst case scenarios and ask how it will affect you. Can you cope if she ignores you? If she tells you she's in a happy relationship? If she responds nastily?

If you can cope with these answers, then you may be ready to make contact, but if any of these responses will hurt you or make you angry, then you're clearly not ready.

You are exactly right. This includes your previous post. I'm not suggesting going AGAINST NC. Its exactly the right thing to do straight after breakup. You are in no emotion state to communicate with her. However after sufficient time has passed and given that the girl wasnt a bitvch, cheater etc and you broke up because of some misunderstanding or some extenuating circumstance, then one can CONSIDER the possibility of reinitiating contact. Jariel is right in saying, what happens if she is thinking the same. IE she loves you but is also playing the NC rule. She also want to contact you but have been told to play NC. I think then this is on the onus of the man to reinitiate contact if her truly has feelings for her. I know people will say its beta blah blah and move on, find other women. But happens if you been out with other women and it just doesnt do it for you. The connection with your ex is so strong. This reinitiation of contact is a special case. Only you will know what sort of connection you have had with your ex and only you will know why you broke up. Like I said every relationship has its up and downs and if we nexted every girl because she disrespected us for that one nano-second then we arent being fair to the relationship. She may have her own pressure that contributed to that event. I think most people have confused me with my previous posts. I do advocate NC 99% of the times.

And if you do reinitate contact with her and she doesnt respond (which is the usual case) rather than insult you back, you know where you stand. There is nothing to lose since emotionally you are already in better shape since there has been a sufficient time of NC. You may even find complete closure and can truly move forward with other girls.

Having reinitiated contact with my ex, she responded immediately. When i asked her how she said was ok mostly but sounded unsure. She actually then went on to reminise about the good times we had and that she missed me and was happy she heard from me. I know some ppl will go if she really missed me why didnt she contact me first? But the same can go for us if we didnt contact them. Women will rarely reinitiate contact even if they are dying inside to contact you after a break up unless they are looking for attention/validation. Key here is to take things slow and not put pressure on her. She maybe seeing other dudes, just like you are seeing other chicks but also like you she may not be into them.

 

[drakeramore]

Hey guys,

I had a birthday the other day. My ex send me a happy birthday text first thing in the morning - she was the first to wish me well.
I replied with a "thank you", I did not want to ignore it, it would have been rude.

Anyway, she called me later that day 3 times (I did not pick up) and sent me another text saying that she understands that I do not want to talk to her.
To which, I said "fvck it" and dialed her up. I am not afraid of her anymore, kept the convo very short - around 2 minutes, told her I am doing fine, thanked her for her nice wishes, she told me she was doing OK and I ended it. A little bit funny it happened a bit as that scene in the Swingers movie - as I was hanging up and said "bye", she replied with "i am sending you my kisses" and I hung up.

Later that day she messaged me on FB (we are not friends there) telling me that she occasionally cries when she thinks of me , that she supposes she would have been feeling better if she knew that I have successfully moved on. I replied with "you are happy, I am doing fine - all is well".

I know I broke NC but as it was my birthday I made an exception. I have to admit I still have emotions for this girl but they are not as strong as they used to be.
I do not regret talking to her, I wanted to show her I am fine with everything and will make it through. I also wanted to show myself that I can have a conversation with her and not break down/crumble. It took me a bit of effort but I made it.

I dont plan on contacting her and asking her about any updates about her life, I really dont want to know. But if she contacts me I think I can reply with something short and polite and that is it. I know this could lead to trouble but I think I am now over her and am feeling strong enough to make it. Will see.

That being said, I still believe in never initiating contact ever again. Also from this point on she really needs to work for my attention/time in the off chance she really still desires it.

 

[mkj1990]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

When I first read the OP of this thread I remember reading: "She WILL and i repeat. SHE WILL GO THROUGH A CRYSIS PHASE."

And I was like: "It won't happen with this girl." Boy, was I wrong.

She's been begging and crying for two months now, and seems like she's hit a wall head-on. I posted this two weeks ago:

As mentioned, my ex broken it off with me three times the last year, wanted me back for the fourth time now but I've had it, and told her in person a couple of days ago. She obviously didn't like it but the tone between us was good, and she gave me a hug as we parted ways. Last night I got a text:

Her: "I'm deleting you from my facebook. Sorry"
Me: "All right. Thought there weren't any issues between us now, since you said you wanted to be friends. But be my guest."
Her: "We can't be friends. And I'm deleting you from Facebook because it's just so hard to see your updates and what you're up to. It just reminds me that I can't have you."
Me: "I understand. Don't know what you want from this, but I'm not going to try to convince you NOT to delete me off f*cking facebook, if that's what you're trying to accomplish. I've got more important stuff going on in my life."

Later the same night I got a text:

Her: "Talked to my friends about this. Not deleting you from facebook."

Meltdown...? She has the attitude of a 13 year old sometimes.

Last night I was out with my friends. My ex once again started texting me that she needed to speak to me right away. I texted her back that I was busy right now, and that it had to wait until tomorrow. She went totally berzerk and started calling me and texting me four times an hour-ish. When I got home and went to bed she still kept calling me, so I eventually picked up. I could hear from her voice that she was drunk as hell.

What followed was a really interesting conversation. As mentioned she has broken up with me three times, but now she told me that I was an assh0le for not taking her back! Seriously! She said that I was evil for not giving her another chance! Wtf??? I tried to explain that when someone breaks up with you three times you don't trust that person anymore, and that trust is one of the most important things to make it work out with someone. But she didn't want to hear it. She then had a total breakout on me, telling me everything that has happened between us was my fault (despite telling me a couple of weeks ago that it was all HER fault.)

She then said: "Take me back, or I will delete you off Facebook and never speak to you again!"
My answer: "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not taking you back, so do what you have to do. I can't take back an ex that first of all, I don't trust, and second don't live in the same part of the country as me anymore. (She's moving back here in four months) Hope you have a nice life. Take care of yourself."
She then said: "Ok, I'm deleting you from my life now. We'll never speak again!", and then hung up.

I went to bed, but guess what happened an hour later...?

She called me. Again.

She said: "Seriously, do you WANT me to delete you from my life???"
Me: "If you give me the choice between taking you back or you never speaking to me again I have no choice but to go for the latter."
I could hear her crying even more, hung up, and noticed today that she deleted me of Facebook.

So it seems like it's the end. Or do you guys think she will keep trying? I hope not...

 

[lexa]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

So it seems like it's the end. Or do you guys think she will keep trying? I hope not...

Hahaha. Sometimes I think chicks just like to fight. I mean is like they would have any emotion rather then no emotion. Be careful tho, she will keep saying worst and worst stuff to get you to react and drawn in, and when you are once again emotional invest in her, she will find another guy or somehow left you to piece. I have been a sucker with this so many times.

You have done well so far, just dont bother replying next time. if she delete you FB then just let her, dont say anything as if you didnt even notice.

 

[lexa]

Lexa - Day 15

After that emergency breaking NC regarding her brother. she tried to friend me on FB, I literally spent hours and hours thinking if I should accept her friend request or not, meaning I was checking her updates as well, as usual, tons of guys liking her stuff and I got upset, and then today it hit me, what's the point? it will just make thinks worst.

The reason I still feel **** is because I am not doing anything with my life, if I was busy, I wont even have time for her cos she doesn't bring any value in my life. she is hot, so what! lol

Think I am slowly healing.

 

[jackson37]

Hey guys just checking in with my Day 23 (I think) and feeling great

I actually admit first contact was broken 1 week ago as she texted me trying to resolve and issue regarding a program we did together. I also had to resolve this issue so we texted for a couple days to figure it out. It did set me back a bit after the texting stopped and went back to the cold no contact BUTTT

This weekend i got this new girl who used to be my friend and that I find really attractive, danced and made out with her all night and found out she had a big thing for me. things are going well.

Stay strong everyone the recovery comes with TIME, ACCEPTANCE that it's over (I can't stress that enough) and ABILITY TO MEET NEW WOMEN (confidence booster and gets you back in the game.)

Jack.

 

[lexa]

this is for anyone who cannot really see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

things all become clear at the end, trust me!

Thanks man, I actually really needed this.

 

[TheCleanPleb]

Just stay no contact.. U kinda fxcked up because now your forced to stay no contact..

If you contact her she will start seeing u as a bxtch because you cant hold your ground..

Spin plates, work out, better your self, stay no contact and if she doesn't ever contact u again - which i doubt - then you weren't meant to be..

I'm not whipped but I went from being with this girl almost 24/7 to not talking to her at all, so even if I'm doing other things, it's hard not to think about her all the time. But thanks friend, it's nothing I can't handle. It's been about 4 days and I've taken a few extra shifts at work to help get my mind off things.

I've been trying to spin plates but I can't seem to keep them on balance(still need to work on building rapport without getting boring).

 

[Lotus Effect]

This post is to all of you guys! Please Read!

Hey Guys!!

Long time no see huh? So anyway, this is going to be a long and most likely harsh post, but I'm guessing it maybe helpfull, so cope with me!

First of all, I just want you guys to know that I'm only writing this because I've been reading the last posts on this thread, and they all seem too emotional, romantic, and very Breaking NCish...
I just want you ALL to know, that this is a BAD idea.

On with the post.

I'm not sure where to start, so, as always, I'll use my story as example. I guess I can say that I'm in the acceptance phase now. I can't say I have moved on, but I'm doing really well without her, and I'm catching myself thinking about her far less than before... Hell, sometimes, I even think to myself "Holy sh*t, I haven't thought about her today!"

If you don't know me, or you don't recall my backstory, she dumped me 8 months ago. We tried for another month, until I found out she was cheating on me 6 1/2 months ago, and I dont talk to her for almost 4 months now.

So what I can tell you is, it takes a long while for you to heal. But it all begins with you. It comes from inside of you. It DOES matter what you do. My healing process only begun when I've cutted contact with her 4 months ago, quited my dead end job, got back "in the field" and joined a gym!

If you keep looking at old pictures, keep snooping her Facebook profile, keep reading old letters, and keep all the material things she gave you, you will not move on. You will be stuck, forever loving the "One who got away"

Seriously. I did a lot of stupid sh*t to get back together with her. I tried to arrange coffee dates, I've planed text messages and phone calls, I lied about job interviews I had to get her excited about the new me, I had a notebook with getting back progress, bought online programs... anyway, loads of bullsh*t that I don't recomend anyone on doing. (The only thing I haven't done was begging, but at that point, it was almost the same thing!)

But I have only done that sh*t for 2 months. And then I decided moving on, never to see or speak to her again. And yeah, she was a cold heartless b*cth, but I don't see her as my enemy. I just cut all (and when I say all, I mean I burned down every gift, every letter, every plan, every photo all) contact, because is the only way to get better. TO MOVE ON!

And I can, 100% sure, tell you. Being dumped, cheated on, and heartbroken, was, without a doubt, THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPENED IN MY LIFE!

Now, you may ask, but didn't you loved her?
Do you really enjoy being single, without her in your life?

Well, I did loved her. Sadly, in fact, I kind of still love her. But the girl I love, is a girl that is in the past, and I, like all of us, don't live in the past. I know now, that if I got back together with her, I would be loving a ghost of that girl. She can never be again who she once was.
And in fact, I did still would be like to be with her. I don't like being single. I would much more rather be with her right now watching an HBO sunday movie eating cheese popcorn than be writing this text down.
But I'm not...

She selfishly decided that things were not working out, and I can only do what a real man can do. Which is accept it.

Do you think I wanted to have hooked up with 60+ chicks?
Do you think I wanted to have to worry every night about pulling out a new chick?
Do you think I wanted to have a threesome with 2 random chicks?
That I wanted to have 2 chicks that I can make out with anytime, in the same room?
That I wanted to hit the gym?
To have abandoned my family business because I was not very found of it?
That I have to worry about what I eat? What I say to people? To "game" again?
That I wanted to do meditation?
That I wanted to be seen by other people as a relationship guru?

MY ASS!! I did not wanted any of this...
All I wanted was to be with her. That all this breakup phase was just a bad dream, and that I would wake up tomorrow with her in my arms. But I'm not. And this is life!

But let's put things in perspective.
In one side, I have personnal growth, social development, body health...
And on the other side I only have ego validation...

Think about what is more valuable??

And that is why I say that the breakup was the best sh*t that ever happened to me. Because I improved. Because I grew up! I was nothing but a boy, who wanted to live in confort, and being dumped forcefully got me out there, to take control of my life. To grow a pair!

And NO. It is not an easy feat! It is HARD AS F*CK!

But each day you don't talk to her is a day you are learning to move on. Each day you don't talk about her, is a day you are moving on. God damn it, each day, you don't log onto THIS WEBSITE to visit this No Contact challenge thread, is a day you are learning to forget about her. (In fact, this is an excellent thing to do. Take a break from SoSuave, because, logging in here, is a constant reminder of being dumped, of bitterness, of No Contact itself. Have I not logged here today, I would have totally forgoten that I'm "no contact". I would have thought of this day as just another regular day!)

So, to all of you wanting to give in, to call her, email her, answer her text, whatever. Do not do it. I've done once, and all that it does is bring you back to day 1.
Yes, numero uno amigo! And a sh*tstorm follows that!

And I can tell you all. These days, have not been the very best of my life. I'm current Jobless, broke and afraid of looking into my bank account 'cause sh*t must be awful down there, and even that I have made out with two chicks last friday, I'm in a 3 weeks sex dry spell right now (and I've broken a rib).

To top all that, my Ex name is not a very usual name here in Brazil. In fact, before meting her, I have never met or heard about a chick with the same name as her.
There are few Claras here in Brazil, seriously.

Now guess what?
That TV show, Big Brother. Guess what is the name of the slutiest chick in the house, that even have porn sites on the web...? Yup, it is Clara.
And the new Prime Time Soap Opera, which is a HUGE thing here in Brazil. Guess what is the protagonist is name?? Of course, it is f*cking Clara as well.
And to top that, the f*cking plot is about her being in a relationship with a dude that loves her so much, and she, on the other hand, is feeling unsure about her feelings so now she is cheating on him! Yay! :cheer:

Now, I'm going to have to hear this f*cking name now for the whole year (Since Big Brother is 3 months long, and the Soap opera something around 8 months)

So yeah! Things are not all that great for me!

But once again, this is life. There is nothing I could do about it, unless moving on with my life. Keep looking for a job. Hitting the gym, and the chicks. Reading great books and learning new sh*t! And that is it! Period.

You may still love her, or you don't. You may be finding that letting go and forgeting about her is way too difficult...
I'm sorry to tell you dude. It is! When you start to forget about her, life kicks in, and put her name in a f*cking soap opera for the whole next year!

It is not easy, and life won't make it easy on you mate!
With this, and with any other thing in your life!

And that is what makes breaking up (being dumped) the best sh*t that can ever happen in your life.

Because it is a tough challenge you WILL have to overcome. It is a hard feat!!!!
It's like being cripple and swimming across the english channel. It's like being a white dude in the NBA and getting a MVP.

It is a beaten up you, and your wounded ego, against that urge to pickup the phone and "just call", or text, or walk by her house. Whatever!

Shut the f*ck up. Straighten your head.
Pick yourself up, and KNOCK THAT B*TCH OF AN URGE DOWN!

You will rise anew.
You will grow strong.
You will never be in this postion again.
You will be experienced.
You will be though...

...You will thank me later!

Peace guys!

 

[lexa]

Hey Guys!!

Long time no see huh? So anyway, this is going to be a long and most likely harsh post, but I'm guessing it maybe helpfull, so cope with me!

First of all, I just want you guys to know that I'm only writing this because I've been reading the last posts on this thread, and they all seem too emotional, romantic, and very Breaking NCish...
I just want you ALL to know, that this is a BAD idea.

Thanks dude, tbh, I went NC because I was FZ and being taken for granted as well as her disrespecting me and stuff. So I finally decided is time to leave. You are right tho. checking her FB is toxic especially when there are tons of other guys wants her which makes me even more depressed.

I literally about to accept her friend request and then I saw this, so thanks for reminding me why I need to stay on course

 

[Lotus Effect]

Thanks dude, tbh, I went NC because I was FZ and being taken for granted as well as her disrespecting me and stuff. So I finally decided is time to leave. You are right tho. checking her FB is toxic especially when there are tons of other guys wants her which makes me even more depressed.

I literally about to accept her friend request and then I saw this, so thanks for reminding me why I need to stay on course

Keep it up Mate!

It hurts. You think about it all the time. You cannot believe that she has already moved on and that she is not thinking about you. And most specially you can't accept that she is dating other dude(s)

But this sh*t happens! Keep it to yourself. Or get your self a confidant and keep it to that person tops!

Months will go bye unitl you begin feeling better about yourself, so don't give up. (Even thought there are days that the pain still hurts)

My Ex was gr8 throught the relationship, she was an excllent GF. But in the end she was cold, distant, and disrespectful. And that is the kind of behaviour that should never be rewarded with attention from my part.

So it is the same way for you Mate. She was disrespectful, and took you for granted. She don't deserve to feel good about herself knowing that you are still there. Available. Do not accept that friend request, or any other kind of request!

Be strong, and rise a new man (A year from now )

Peace!

 

[bateman72]

Keep it up Mate!

It hurts. You think about it all the time. You cannot believe that she has already moved on and that she is not thinking about you. And most specially you can't accept that she is dating other dude(s)

But this sh*t happens! Keep it to yourself. Or get your self a confidant and keep it to that person tops!

Months will go bye unitl you begin feeling better about yourself, so don't give up. (Even thought there are days that the pain still hurts)

My Ex was gr8 throught the relationship, she was an excllent GF. But in the end she was cold, distant, and disrespectful. And that is the kind of behaviour that should never be rewarded with attention from my part.

So it is the same way for you Mate. She was disrespectful, and took you for granted. She don't deserve to feel good about herself knowing that you are still there. Available. Do not accept that friend request, or any other kind of request!

Be strong, and rise a new man (A year from now )

Peace!

good to see you again lotus. I had a couple of lame dates last weekend and was wavering a bit and wallowing in the memory of my ex. I am on day 32 of NC

You are right in that we are actually attached to a memory, not a real person. If our exes were the person(s) we thought she was then none of us would be posting on this forum.

One thing I cannot emphasize enough is to try to keep yourself busy. I mean crazy busy. I had one meeting yesterday and the rest of the day pretty much free and I really struggled thinking about my ex.

I overscheduled myself today because I don't want to go through another day like yesterday.

Got a couple of higher quality dates lined up Wednesday and Thursday so things are looking up.

maintain your no contact, keep busy, and try to be a little bit better today than you were yesterday.

good luck.

 

[Lotus Effect]

One thing I cannot emphasize enough is to try to keep yourself busy. I mean crazy busy. I had one meeting yesterday and the rest of the day pretty much free and I really struggled thinking about my ex.

I overscheduled myself today because I don't want to go through another day like yesterday.

Solid advice man!

Too bad "I must spread some Reputation around before giving it to bateman72 again."

Anyway, good to see you are really putting an effort mate!
Keep it strong, because it is really though!

 

[MtnMan]

well i banged my ex yesterday......i suppose i fail at no contact. she was basically dying to jump my bones since I legitimately started dating other chicks and enjoying myself without her. The strangest thing is I don't feel bad about it. It was a good bang session, and surprisingly hasn't made me feel like crap. Its sort of like I purposely gamed her and it totally worked. Now to start all over again.
:yawn:

 

[MichiganMan1111]

Shut the f*ck up. Straighten your head.
Pick yourself up, and KNOCK THAT B*TCH OF AN URGE DOWN!

You will rise anew.
You will grow strong.
You will never be in this postion again.
You will be experienced.
You will be though...

Wise words above, from a wise post. Read it guys, I promise you he is on spot.

Update for myself: Today was day 91. I actually missed my day 90 and didn't realize it until I was looking at the calendar today.

Guys, NC is not about her, or getting her back, its about you!

My ex dumped my ass and I begged for a bit, then decided to go NC 91 days ago. I started following the plan, working out, finding myself, rediscovering old hobbies. Acting like a man. I started finding myself being more assertive and direct with people. I found myself not giving a **** about anything. Its a very free feeling. I discovered that real MEN don't ask, they take (and if they know they can't take it, they avoid it).

Then, I met a great girl. Down-to-Earth, drama-free. We took it real slow (as in like 6 weeks before any intimate stuff). Guys called me lame and gay for taking it slow, but I wanted to do things differently this time. Want to know why? Because I was feeling like a MAN. I didn't need to get laid to feel like a man, I had discovered that feeling on my own as I got to find peace with myself.

Now I am happier than anytime in the last 5 years (thats how long I was with the ex). It may or may not work with this current girl, but the point is I WILL NEVER BEG A WOMAN FOR ANYTHING AGAIN!. They walk away, fine. My ex has attempted to get together with me on 4 different occasions since I went NC. I deleted every voicemail and text...and felt great about it! I stopped begging, she wanted me back; but a MAN doesn't go back.

Good luck, keep your heads up. There are plenty of girls that aren't into drama. I didn't find my first one until I was finally a MAN...coincidence??? Don't think so!

 

[Jariel]

Well, I turned down yet another offer of sex last night. It was my second date with someone. We clicked really well, there was a lot of intense sexual chemistry and she was all over me all night, but every time she clung to me and wrapped herself around me I felt repulsed. It's so hard to explain because she's very attractive and a great person, but I just couldn't wait for an opportunity to end the date.

It was a given we were going back to her place for sex as we'd been talking about it all week in texts, but I just wanted to go home. I saw the look on her face and she hung her head as she went inside on her own and I felt so lousy.

I'd been thinking I should take this step, start banging some chicks and moving on, but whenever the offer is there I just realise that it's not something that would bring me enjoyment or comfort.

It's been 6 months since I last had sex, and that was with my ex the week before we broke up.

 

[bateman72]

Well, I turned down yet another offer of sex last night. It was my second date with someone. We clicked really well, there was a lot of intense sexual chemistry and she was all over me all night, but every time she clung to me and wrapped herself around me I felt repulsed. It's so hard to explain because she's very attractive and a great person, but I just couldn't wait for an opportunity to end the date.

It was a given we were going back to her place for sex as we'd been talking about it all week in texts, but I just wanted to go home. I saw the look on her face and she hung her head as she went inside on her own and I felt so lousy.

I'd been thinking I should take this step, start banging some chicks and moving on, but whenever the offer is there I just realise that it's not something that would bring me enjoyment or comfort.

It's been 6 months since I last had sex, and that was with my ex the week before we broke up.

Yeah sex is tough. Some of my worst post breakup moments happened immediately after if not even during sex.

When you have a strong physical connection with your ex...having sex with someone else is just kind of sad.

However it is absolutely necessary and i'm a big believer in "faking it till you make it" You should have hit it jariel!

Two suggestions.....

1) get some vitamin "v"..just go through the motions with another girl. Try to think of sex not as some holy communion with your soul mate but rather as a friendly, funny, companionable thing you do with other friendly adults.

2) look for the nice moments during and after the act. Maybe she smells nice or certain parts of her body are better or just different from your ex . maybe she laughs at something you say afterwards...the nice moment will probably be small but it is something.

I just went on the first of two dates I have arranged for the week. DISASTER. Two drinks and then parted ways. good looking investment banker lady...nine years older than my ex. Super attractive but also super *****y.

Compared to my ex...this girl is probably better in every possible way. Just didn't like her and didn't really feel like she liked me much either.

A year or so ago I would have gone on this date and felt really bad we didn't hit it off...a negative encounter would cast me into spirals of self doubt.

Maybe it's the perspective gained from my break up but im more happy just to be back in the game having drinks with a high quality female and don't really given a fvck that this particular girl didn't go for me.

Perhaps this is what is meant when people say a hard breakup makes you stronger.

Day 33

 

[bateman72]

One more thing jariel....

I find that talking alot about sex with a girl via text puts unnecessary pressure 9n you and makes the actual act harder to pull off.

Save your sexting and stuff for when you already have a hot physical relationship.