The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[mikey2012]

What some of you guys have said about making a big life change makes a lot of sense. I'm finding a lot of places around where I live and on the way to work remind me of her and I'm finding there just aren't enough big distractions for me right now.

The gym helps and I've also recently got a small business off the ground, which is taking a lot of my time. I'm currently building some savings and then I may look to move out of this area and change my lifestyle.

It's crazy how much pain and mental torment a break up can cause a person. I've never gone through this before. I've been hurt and confused by break ups before, but nothing like this.

I think people suffer break ups on different levels. Some guys were mistreated or betrayed by their ex and they are left with low confidence, feeling unworthy and they crave their ex to give them back their sense of self worth. Some get totally angry and can't stand their ex getting one over on them, and they get consumed by the hate and negativity. Then there are others like myself who lost a genuinely great girlfriend and feel a sense of emptiness without her.

After previous break ups, I felt quite cautious getting back into the field. I was nervous when dating, didn't feel confident enough to make moves or flirt, whereas this time I've got no problem with any of this. I've got the options and the confidence to get a woman any night of the week and I've turned down or steered away from sex several times now. I just wish I could get my ex out of my head and start enjoying the dating scene again.

maybe you should contact her and ask her how she feels. You are still obviously not over her and maybe there is a chance although slim of reconcilation. Most people on this site will say its beta etc but if you truly love this woman, thats what you should do, and if she really loves you back she wont take advantage of you. Every situation is unique

 

[Renegade357]

maybe you should contact her and ask her how she feels. You are still obviously not over her and maybe there is a chance although slim of reconcilation. Most people on this site will say its beta etc but if you truly love this woman, thats what you should do, and if she really loves you back she wont take advantage of you. Every situation is unique

Nah, it's not about being alpha or beta. If we are on the wrong side of the breakup and we go back the best we can expect as an outcome is to get back into the relationship the way it was before. For most of us if we really truly think about it we weren't happy during that state.

Not only that but the reformed relationship will be like a wrecked car that got repaired. The value will be lost. Why should our exes give us any more than that? They didn't have to put any effort into fixing things. Why should they respect us for coming back to them?

I say stick to your guns. Make them do some work and prove that they love you. If they can't do that much they don't deserve you in the first place.

Think about it this way. Most of our exes know they messed up, they know you love them and want to be with them. Yet they allowed the relationship to become destroyed.

That's not a position of strength. It's all about leverage.

 

[funkychunk19]

Day 11...hardest day yet. ...had a dr appt and she knew I was a mess just by looking at me. Man I miss her....5 months of complete happiness....first love..first intimate partner....gor me through my fears and insecurities. I think she got cold feet....but damn it hurts....damn!

 

[Jariel]

maybe you should contact her and ask her how she feels. You are still obviously not over her and maybe there is a chance although slim of reconcilation. Most people on this site will say its beta etc but if you truly love this woman, thats what you should do, and if she really loves you back she wont take advantage of you. Every situation is unique

I'll be honest, I have thought about this around the 6 month mark. She did want to keep in contact with me and hang out together last time we spoke, but I was so scared of falling into the friendzone I shot her down and we ended up arguing and leaving things on a bitter note. I've considered just dropping her an email just to say hi and hope she's keeping well, just to try and clear the air and leave that door open if she ever wants to get in touch...afterall, it was me who forced no contact.

But I don't hold hope of us getting back together. Like Renegade said, it could end up being a total disaster if we did and there would always be that fear of it going wrong again at the first set back or argument.

 

[Renegade357]

But I don't hold hope of us getting back together. Like Renegade said, it could end up being a total disaster if we did and there would always be that fear of it going wrong again at the first set back or argument.

That, and I think it feels much better to lay with a girl who actually wants to be there. I'm enjoying dating again. It's nice to have a girl be totally into you and always wanting to spend time with you ect. In reality my ex brings little to the table.

 

[Jariel]

Not the most charismatic speaker, but this is very good advice that explains some good reasons for No Contact and how it has the potential to bring the ex back...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1a_nNE8QrY

 

[mikey2012]

I'll be honest, I have thought about this around the 6 month mark. She did want to keep in contact with me and hang out together last time we spoke, but I was so scared of falling into the friendzone I shot her down and we ended up arguing and leaving things on a bitter note. I've considered just dropping her an email just to say hi and hope she's keeping well, just to try and clear the air and leave that door open if she ever wants to get in touch...afterall, it was me who forced no contact.

But I don't hold hope of us getting back together. Like Renegade said, it could end up being a total disaster if we did and there would always be that fear of it going wrong again at the first set back or argument.

An email saying how are you would be a start. Thing is you got to start new and not think of how the relationship was before if you stand a chance of getting back together . A simple email saying how r u would keep you on her mind . Take things slow don't view friendship as friends zone. Think of it as starting at beginning . Be the man she fell in love with at the start.

 

[Jariel]

An email saying how are you would be a start. Thing is you got to start new and not think of how the relationship was before if you stand a chance of getting back together . A simple email saying how r u would keep you on her mind . Take things slow don't view friendship as friends zone. Think of it as starting at beginning . Be the man she fell in love with at the start.

A couple of months ago I wouldn't even entertain this idea, but at this point it makes a lot of sense. You see, I've got past the bitterness now and despite missing her, I've got past the neediness and insecurity. I would like to think she too has let go of her bitterness towards me and maybe if I just broke the ice, it could just put us on better terms.

This has happened with past exes. I re-established contact several months or years later and we got talking again and they were interested in me again. But the key to re-establishing that contact was not to mention our past, not to mention anything about loving or missing them, but to take a carefree approach of just opening the lines of communication with no expectations or hopes.

Unfortunately, nobody thinks like this in the early months after a break up because they're still in a state of panic - "I must get her back before she moves on" or "I must stop this pain and emptiness inside me!"

But I'm not going to rush into contacting her. I'll think it over and see how I think in a few days.

 

[funkychunk19]

What would you suggest is the best way to re initiate contact?...text...email..phone call...letter?

 

[mikey2012]

A couple of months ago I wouldn't even entertain this idea, but at this point it makes a lot of sense. You see, I've got past the bitterness now and despite missing her, I've got past the neediness and insecurity. I would like to think she too has let go of her bitterness towards me and maybe if I just broke the ice, it could just put us on better terms.

This has happened with past exes. I re-established contact several months or years later and we got talking again and they were interested in me again. But the key to re-establishing that contact was not to mention our past, not to mention anything about loving or missing them, but to take a carefree approach of just opening the lines of communication with no expectations or hopes.

Unfortunately, nobody thinks like this in the early months after a break up because they're still in a state of panic - "I must get her back before she moves on" or "I must stop this pain and emptiness inside me!"

But I'm not going to rush into contacting her. I'll think it over and see how I think in a few days.

Exactly . You can only do this 3-6months after the breakup . Emotions have settled and you think more clearly. I know everyone on this board says don't get friendzoned but after every break up that's what you need .. to be frends first . Rekindle the friendship . This is not the case with a new girl where you need escalate . Your ex HAS been your gf! You need to go with no pressure mindset or reconnecting with her. Don't mention the past . If you have to only the positives . If she still loves you then she will also try to reconnect with you. Thing is go slow.

I think I good opener would be Long time no speak. How are you?

This keeps you casual and open. I did this with my ex and she responded and we had banter for a while she even said she missed me and glad I contacted her.

 

[mikey2012]

What would you suggest is the best way to re initiate contact?...text...email..phone call...letter?

You need to wait at least 3 months first . Don't call or letter. Email or text. Text better as it forces her to respond in real time with less pressure than phone call . Also her response time is important. With text if she responds immediately you know she wants to hear from you . By waiting 3 months you have showed her your value of willing to walk away.

 

[Formerlyrossitheking]

You need to wait at least 3 months first . Don't call or letter. Email or text. Text better as it forces her to respond in real time with less pressure than phone call . Also her response time is important. With text if she responds immediately you know she wants to hear from you . By waiting 3 months you have showed her your value of willing to walk away.

This advice is ridiculous. Don't listen to it.

Once again, we have to point out that NC is not a way to win your ex back. She is not coming back.

Mikey, why the fvck are you giving these guys false hope? They will apply NC for the wrong reason if they listen to your post. The three months, that you advocate will be a complete waste of time.

Look at Jariel's story. He reiniated contact with his past ex's and look what happened.......he still moved onto another girl.

It's the only way.

Do you really want to pick up a broken mirror? It will NEVER be the same as when you first got it. She will have moved on and rightly so, just like you should.

Just give it time and distance guys.

 

[lexa]

This advice is ridiculous. Don't listen to it.

Once again, we have to point out that NC is not a way to win your ex back. She is not coming back.

This! It serves no purpose contacting her. Unless you have changed then is no point, and you can only change when you no longer have ex in your mind.

 

[buzzin_frog]

NO CONTACT is a waste of time....if you don't stick to it

What is the point of having No Contact when you decide to break it?

Breaking No Contact shows weakness.....it shows that you are not ready to move on....it also shows that you are willing to take more crap from the chick that hurt you!!

You started No Contact because a certain chick treated you like crap....she hurt you in some way that made the relationship break up.....she was the reason that it ended.....it was her that didn't want to be with you!!

Breaking NC will NOT help you get this girl back....she is already gone....she has moved on living her life with a new guy...not caring about you....so why do you want to reach out to her? Why answer a text if she decides to text you? She isn't doing it for you...she is doing it for herself!!

NO CONTACT should always be enforced no matter what!!

If you break NO CONTACT it is because that YOU wanted to.

If you decide to break No Contact by texting or callling your ex....most of the time you will get a cold or luke warm response.....that will make you feel even more sh!tty because you will feel like an idiot for even attempting it ......the last person she wants to hear from is you....especially after she spent her time trying to dump you....she has moved on with her life....she doesn't want to hear from you, a guy that she doesn't respect.....she will make you feel like a dumbass for even calling her....or if she ignores your text, that will make you feel even worse.

So it wasn't worth breaking NC....then you have to start all over again!!

She dumped you for a reason......she wanted to get rid of you...she doesn't want to be with you!! So trying to contact her is a waste of time!!



To keep NO CONTACT

delete your ex's number....delete email....facebook etc.

If you start to feel like you need to call her....call someone else instead!!

If she texts or calls you....don't answer them....she is doing it for herself and not for you....remember that!!

Remember how she made you feel like sh!t....why would you want to talk to her again?

Keep No Contact and meet better chicks!!

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204830

she even said she missed me and glad I contacted her.

She didn't miss you enough to call you and want to fvck you.....that means she would actually be missing you.....anything else is just words that really doesn't mean anything.

You need to wait at least 3 months first . Don't call or letter. Email or text. Text better as it forces her to respond in real time with less pressure than phone call . Also her response time is important. With text if she responds immediately you know she wants to hear from you . By waiting 3 months you have showed her your value of willing to walk away.

This advice is ridiculous and absurd.......don't listen to this!!

She is banging another dude (or dudes) by this time and has totally moved on

When you do call her, she will make you feel like a dumbass for doing it

She will tell you that she has a new boyfriend and is enjoying life....is that what you want to hear?

By waiting 3 months, it shows that you are a desperate man with no options just like you were when she dumped you.....it will show her that you are still pining away for her doing nothing productive with your life.....she will lose even more respect for you and probably tell you that you "need to move on" because she already has....she has a new guy banging her and she is happy...why the hell would she want to hear from or go back to you?.....you will show her that you have no value by trying to re-contact her after 3 months of elapsed time!!

Stay No Contact and forget about a chick who's rejected you and thinks of you as a reject!!

There's plenty of more chicks that you can meet and bang that is a lot better than her

She's not that special.....special people don't lie, hurt, cheat, manipulate, and treat you like a piece of sh!t....you deserve better than that!!

Go out and live your life without someone that doesn't respect or want to be with you.....because the truth is, she doesn't respect or want to be with you....so why would you want to want to waste your time on a chick who has no intentions of ever wanting to be with you....she's rejected you.....move on!!

Stay No Contact.....and live well

 

[mikey2012]

NO CONTACT is a waste of time....if you don't stick to it

What is the point of having No Contact when you decide to break it?

Breaking No Contact shows weakness.....it shows that you are not ready to move on....it also shows that you are willing to take more crap from the chick that hurt you!!

You started No Contact because a certain chick treated you like crap....she hurt you in some way that made the relationship break up.....she was the reason that it ended.....it was her that didn't want to be with you!!

Breaking NC will NOT help you get this girl back....she is already gone....she has moved on living her life with a new guy...not caring about you....so why do you want to reach out to her? Why answer a text if she decides to text you? She isn't doing it for you...she is doing it for herself!!

NO CONTACT should always be enforced no matter what!!

If you break NO CONTACT it is because that YOU wanted to.

If you decide to break No Contact by texting or callling your ex....most of the time you will get a cold or luke warm response.....that will make you feel even more sh!tty because you will feel like an idiot for even attempting it ......the last person she wants to hear from is you....especially after she spent her time trying to dump you....she has moved on with her life....she doesn't want to hear from you, a guy that she doesn't respect.....she will make you feel like a dumbass for even calling her....or if she ignores your text, that will make you feel even worse.

So it wasn't worth breaking NC....then you have to start all over again!!

She dumped you for a reason......she wanted to get rid of you...she doesn't want to be with you!! So trying to contact her is a waste of time!!



To keep NO CONTACT

delete your ex's number....delete email....facebook etc.

If you start to feel like you need to call her....call someone else instead!!

If she texts or calls you....don't answer them....she is doing it for herself and not for you....remember that!!

Remember how she made you feel like sh!t....why would you want to talk to her again?

Keep No Contact and meet better chicks!!

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204830




She didn't miss you enough to call you and want to fvck you.....that means she would actually be missing you.....anything else is just words that really doesn't mean anything.




This advice is ridiculous and absurd.......don't listen to this!!

She is banging another dude (or dudes) by this time and has totally moved on

When you do call her, she will make you feel like a dumbass for doing it

She will tell you that she has a new boyfriend and is enjoying life....is that what you want to hear?

By waiting 3 months, it shows that you are a desperate man with no options just like you were when she dumped you.....it will show her that you are still pining away for her doing nothing productive with your life.....she will lose even more respect for you and probably tell you that you "need to move on" because she already has....she has a new guy banging her and she is happy...why the hell would she want to hear from or go back to you?.....you will show her that you have no value by trying to re-contact her after 3 months of elapsed time!!

Stay No Contact and forget about a chick who's rejected you and thinks of you as a reject!!

There's plenty of more chicks that you can meet and bang that is a lot better than her

She's not that special.....special people don't lie, hurt, cheat, manipulate, and treat you like a piece of sh!t....you deserve better than that!!

Go out and live your life without someone that doesn't respect or want to be with you.....because the truth is, she doesn't respect or want to be with you....so why would you want to want to waste your time on a chick who has no intentions of ever wanting to be with you....she's rejected you.....move on!!

Stay No Contact.....and live well

I was referring to the previous post as in jariels case

 

[TheCleanPleb]

Hey guys what's up? I've been lurking here for about 3 months now, and I've learned a lot of great information. I have decided to make an account because I hope to recieve advice from the more experienced males on the site.

I'm in a LTR right now,but I feel like it's slipping because she found out I cheated on her multiple times in the past. A few days ago, my girlfriend saw my Kik on my phone and it happened to be a girl I used to flirt with in the past(this time it was no flirting involved whatsoever). She got angry and slapped me out of my sleep, stormed out of my place and basically went off on me over text message. So a couple of days later, we somewhat resolve the situation and we are back to texting normally. I try to get her back over my place(i was super horny at the time and I didn't want to cheat on her) but she refused, I was unable to seduce her. So later that day she was trying to send me funny images and random **** from facebook and I simply said "if you don't want to spend time with me, I'm not going to waste my time texting you". She simply said "for real? Ok" and we haven't texted since.


My question is, did I do the right thing? Or am I just being an *******(I know I have been in the past).

 

[narcissist]

Mikey's advice is horrible

The fxcking relationship is done, if it wasn't you'd be together living a happily ever after..

Remain no contact or your just going to dig your hole of depression deeper when she doesn't reply or replies that she has a new bf..

Remember if the relationship fxcked up once it will fxck up again

 

[narcissist]

Hey guys what's up? I've been lurking here for about 3 months now, and I've learned a lot of great information. I have decided to make an account because I hope to recieve advice from the more experienced males on the site.

I'm in a LTR right now,but I feel like it's slipping because she found out I cheated on her multiple times in the past. A few days ago, my girlfriend saw my Kik on my phone and it happened to be a girl I used to flirt with in the past(this time it was no flirting involved whatsoever). She got angry and slapped me out of my sleep, stormed out of my place and basically went off on me over text message. So a couple of days later, we somewhat resolve the situation and we are back to texting normally. I try to get her back over my place(i was super horny at the time and I didn't want to cheat on her) but she refused, I was unable to seduce her. So later that day she was trying to send me funny images and random **** from facebook and I simply said "if you don't want to spend time with me, I'm not going to waste my time texting you". She simply said "for real? Ok" and we haven't texted since.


My question is, did I do the right thing? Or am I just being an *******(I know I have been in the past).

Just stay no contact.. U kinda fxcked up because now your forced to stay no contact..

If you contact her she will start seeing u as a bxtch because you cant hold your ground..

Spin plates, work out, better your self, stay no contact and if she doesn't ever contact u again - which i doubt - then you weren't meant to be..

 

[bateman72]

Interesting turn this thread has taken....some of us acknowledging we are not over our ex and starting to discuss contacting them again.

I had a couple of lame dates this weekend and notice these thoughts creeping in my head too.

I have to stand firmly with the maintain NC crowd...here are my reasons

1) we are men...unless your ex is a alpha female type we should be stronger emotionally than our exes. If your ex is hot try to remember how much male attention she gets. It is this steady stream of male attention that makes your ex not really have to develop any emotional toughness. Every breakup she has a selection of orbiters to choose from. She can go online, get 50 online dating msg's She can hit the club tonight and have 5, 10, 15 men approach her.

literally the only weapon in your arsenal is manly emotional maturity. You break contact you don't even have tht. You break no contact...even if works...you restart the relationship from a position of weakness. Better to build your strength now and if she is still attracted she will eventually reach out. If it never happens you at least emerge stronger.

2) going on dates with women not as attractive as my ex just hardens my resolve to radically elevate my dating game. I would not have this motivation without the pain of the breakup.

3) one successfully successful night with a girl hotter than my ex will knock her off her pedestal for good. If I achieve this and then she calls maybe we can reset and try again. Until this happens I got to maintain NC.

I'm at day 30 today.

 

[mikey2012]

Mikey's advice is horrible

The fxcking relationship is done, if it wasn't you'd be together living a happily ever after..

Remain no contact or your just going to dig your hole of depression deeper when she doesn't reply or replies that she has a new bf..

Remember if the relationship fxcked up once it will fxck up again

Every situation is different. Depends on how you broke up ie dumped or in Jariels case he started NC. There must be sufficient time for you to recontact. Also depends what you want to achieve, ie FWB, getting back together etc. Generally NC is the way to go if you got dumped but there are different scenarios and one size fits all doesnt work. I had a favorable response after 3months of NC ..lets see where it goes..