The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[funkychunk19]

Great advice guys. Im currently on day 6..and it really isnt getting any easier. I get so tempted to try contacting her but I know that would all but seal my fate. My only hope is that I realise what I can do to prove to her that she made a mistake. That is of course if she contacts me. If she doesn't its clear that her decision was final. Yesterday was tough...while searching profiles on a dating site I saw her profile....my heart dropped a bit. Could she be in the same state ibam and is trying to get her mind off of me by going on the dating sites.?....or should this be a sign that she has moved on.

 

[Jariel]

Great advice guys. Im currently on day 6..and it really isnt getting any easier. I get so tempted to try contacting her but I know that would all but seal my fate. My only hope is that I realise what I can do to prove to her that she made a mistake. That is of course if she contacts me. If she doesn't its clear that her decision was final. Yesterday was tough...while searching profiles on a dating site I saw her profile....my heart dropped a bit. Could she be in the same state ibam and is trying to get her mind off of me by going on the dating sites.?....or should this be a sign that she has moved on.

Ouch!! This is exactly what happened to me. I found my ex on a dating site 2 days after we broke up and I cannot explain how much it hurt me. She had also used a very special photo I'd taken of her.

I did the wrong thing and confronted her about it and she was angry because technically it was me who dumped her. This moment tortured me for months after. Did I not mean anything to her? Was she planning to move on all along?

Eventually I've come to realise that she could not bring herself to even go on a date for 2 months after and had been really hurt by our break up, and I also found out that she'd gone straight to the dating site to make a point and try to get a reaction from me.

But my advice is don't over think this and don't call her on it. Sometimes, we just go in seach of a rebound as soon as possible just to fill the emptiness. I have done it myself and on some level I'm still doing it.

If you plan to use the dating site, try to block her if you can, because you will soon start reading into it and you'll dread the day she no longer logs in or deletes her account because it will imply she's met someone...you'll send yourself insane with all the analysing, just like I did.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Relax baby, 'cause it's a bumpy ride!

oh....and i dont need the "nc is for you! move on! mind games! "lecture. Im going to do this anyway. I know how to fix this. I know exactly what went wrong. We both do! We just both need to commit.

Hey dude!

Do you know why you are going to get the "Move on" Lecture?
Even better
Do you know why ALL the guys in here will give you the "Move on" Lecture?

Because, in a point in time, ALL the guys were in the exact same position as you are right now.

Every single one of them, myself included!

I also believed I knew how to fix things. I also believed my situation was different. I also believed that I knew where things went wrong and most specially I also believed that my ex was the one...

Now, and I'm going to give you one shot, guess what Einstein??

....

Yeah. I was wrong! And so are you mate!

Don't see me as a bitter resentfull Motherf*cker that is going to try and bring you down. Not at all.

But as yourself, I was a needy, clingy, desperate dude, who could only see my ex as the only woman in my life! Believe me when I say. You WILL read this sh*t six months from now and you will say "God Damn, that sh*t was gay!"

To save you some time, and to give you a predction of the future, you will not get back with her, you will be frustrated with her, eventually she will show you her ture collors, you will get angry with her, you will do everything to get a reaction from her, she will be indifferent, she will be flakey, she will be gone...

In fact, she is already gone dude! Trust this. She dumped you, it is over in her head. You are only sticking around because right now she is confused with the little feeling she have for you. But this feelings will fade out FAST as you try to get back to her, and, meanwhile, there is another dude pumping her HARD!

So, there is two options for you mate!

Number one, you get the f*ck away while you can, and any form of contact that she tried to have with you, you cut things short (but polite), or don't respond at all. If she keeps trying you say you accept her decision, so now she must accept yours and don't contact you any longer.

This way you will not get her back, but you will avoid doing stupid sh*t, and who knows, some day she may see you as the one who was man enough to walk.

or

Number two, you will do loads and loads of stupid sh*t believing that you got your sh*t together only to see her lying and flaking, diminishing her view about you to a point which will probably be irreversable.
You will always be the loser who couldn't take it. The stalkirsh ex bf, that every girl dread.

---------------------------

I seriously would like for you to choose number one, but I know you won't...

I haven't!

But I guess that number two is a better option in the long haul. All this sh*t happened to me 8 months ago! I'm a way better man now. I have lots of girls, I had a 3some, I'm hitting the gym, I quit my dead end job and got an awesome one!

All of this fueled by the anger and the pain I had inside of me. So yes, being heartbroken is good! I just hope that your pain drive you to a good road, and not to darker, suicidal, drug abusal ones!

The ****ty side of the second option though is:
Months will pass, and you will still get yourself thinking about "The one who got away". I have not heard a word about her anymore.
And you can be 100% sure that she will never comeback!

So, if you dare taking the first option, at least you will not be labled as a Loser.

I just don't know if this matter. I'm also 100% sure that if she ever came back, I would never took her back, considering all the harm she have done to me!

But, I know my words will be in vain...

Anyway, welcome, and good luck!
You were advised!

Peace

 

[funkychunk19]

I noticed a bunch of you said that your ex treated you guys like garbage and therefore youbwant nothing to do with them. Are you talking about during the relationship or the break up. In my case she never treated me wrong in any way untill the break up. And she wasnt mean during the breakup. She was in tears.

 

[Jariel]

I noticed a bunch of you said that your ex treated you guys like garbage and therefore youbwant nothing to do with them. Are you talking about during the relationship or the break up. In my case she never treated me wrong in any way untill the break up. And she wasnt mean during the breakup. She was in tears.

I'm one of the exceptions. My ex was amazing, never cheated, deceived or even branch swung. I resented her after the break up because she hurt me, but now I've got perspective, we both hurt each other and did things in retaliation. Typical break up sh1t.

Enough time has passed now that I can look back and think what a great girlfriend my ex was and a genuinely good person.

 

[gdkh]

Day 5(ish)

Today honestly kinda sucks, shes tried texting me a few times, I haven't responded, but it's hard not to. I've deleted her number but unfortunately I'm really good with numbers and names, and I have it memorized even though I don't want it anymore. I had a dream about her last night, a dream with a "happy ending" if you know what I mean, and when I woke up it was all I could think about, then I remember how the last person she was with was some random on a cruise. Oh well...guess there's nowhere to go but up! School starts tomorrow, so that should help take my mind off her. You fellas are great. Keep it up.

 

[funkychunk19]

DAY 7

For a guy who is holding on to hope that she will realise her mistake, is it a good sign that she hasnt reached out to me yet...or is it a sign of things to come. Her last words to me were you need to be away from me...I need to be away from you...ive told you how I feel. Im already chatting with a few ladies on these site which is helping...but I still think about her all the time.

 

[Jariel]

DAY 7

For a guy who is holding on to hope that she will realise her mistake, is it a good sign that she hasnt reached out to me yet...or is it a sign of things to come. Her last words to me were you need to be away from me...I need to be away from you...ive told you how I feel. Im already chatting with a few ladies on these site which is helping...but I still think about her all the time.

Honestly, the only way through this is to try and let go of that hope. Easier said than done, I know, especially so early on. It's the one thing that keeps you going through the no contact.

My ex got in touch with me 50 days into no contact and said everything I had been wishing for. But then after we talked, she ultimately decided it wouldn't work between us and it left me even worse than when we originally broke up.

The best thing I have done is try to move on. I've had some dates and some have been very difficult because of my feelings for my ex, then others have gone really well and helped me forget about her. I've had moments where I've been buzzing and thinking how glad I am to be out of my relationship and how great it feels to be moving on, experiencing first kisses and the honeymoon period with someone again.

It's only now I look back and I realise I was in no fit state to get back in touch with my ex. She contacted me too soon, because I was still hurting, still bitter and needy. If she contacted me now, however, I would be in a much better state of mind to talk to her.

Give it time and use that time to learn from your mistakes, reflect on how you changed in the relationship and rebuild yourself as a better man.

 

[funkychunk19]

I hear ya. Its just super tough. We both arent teens anymore. Both in our 30's. It was the first serious relationship for both of us. We each have unique family situations going on which we are accepting of and which kind of brought us closer together. In my head I think she got scred and needs time. She planned a trip to visit fam in Europe in February. S few days later she breaks up with me. I dont know if thats just a coincidence or if it had sonething to do with her decision....our relationship was too perfect I think...no ups and downs..everything was perfect......I think thats what scared her.....im thinking she is afraid of committing.

 

[orbion2013]

I'm one of the exceptions. My ex was amazing, never cheated, deceived or even branch swung. I resented her after the break up because she hurt me, but now I've got perspective, we both hurt each other and did things in retaliation. Typical break up sh1t.

Enough time has passed now that I can look back and think what a great girlfriend my ex was and a genuinely good person.

my ex pretty much treated me like crap throughout the relationship.... it's very strange.. sometimes she was very nice & loving

then at times very uncaring & cruel.... almost like a split personality... thats why i believe she was cluster b


either way... i could honestly, hand on my heart, never look back and say she was a good woman!

i have broke up with other girls in the past & have looked back & thought... shame..... she was a good lady

my most recent ex, is probably the worst girlfreind i ever had in my life... THE WORST... but the most beautiful looks wise

i guess i will never look back & think, she was THE ONE who got away

atleast thats one good thing

 

[Johnny Alias]

My ex got in touch with me 50 days into no contact and said everything I had been wishing for. But then after we talked, she ultimately decided it wouldn't work between us and it left me even worse than when we originally broke up.

I genuinely fear this. I am on day 51 or so of NC and man... this is HARD. Just got back from a dead end vacation women wise. Went over to a plate's house when I got in and banged a few times. Felt good... but I feel strangely empty. Probably just tired.

Thing is SHE has been on my mind a LOT. I f***ing miss her. Maybe I just miss the idea of her. At her age she cant have kids and is losing her looks. I know I would have lost interest in a few years due to that and her constant drama and irresponsibility. She's made a mockery of herself over the past 6 months. People literally laugh at her behind her back. Her bf has gotten arrested in a bar fight, thrown her clothes all over their lawn in a blowup, she's chased away some of her only long time friends, they've gotten banned from a couple's house they stayed at due to her complaining and drunken behavior...

It's crazy. It seems like she was holding back an even bigger crazy beast than when we were together. This would have been a NIGHTMARE for me. I would have lost so much... time, money, my house... for some drunken cougar who people cant stand.

Got to keep this NC going. I have more good days than bad now, but damn. I've never been so addicted to someone like this. Part of it is definitely my ego... wanting something I got rid of and cant get back as she's with someone else. Why would I want this? Why does a crack addict want crack? GOD.

 

[Cali-83]

I haven't posted in a while I hope everyone is staying strong. Trust me the best thing to do is walk away and never look back. I'm 100+ days without contact, I started right away didn't beg. It was really hard for the first 2 months but it gets a lot better.

I have been seeing a new girl we live in different towns so it makes it hard. We have been talking quite a bit and hooking up. I did notice in the past 2 weeks she hasn't really been reaching out like she was before. In the past I would probably freak out and call her on it but I'm just going to start seeing more girls and if she wants to call me for a hook up I will consider it. Obviously a new guy got her attention or she lost interest. I would guess from past experiences it’s a new guy because girls love attention and they usually don't cut you out until someone else is in the picture. Her loss oh well keep spinning!

 

[funkychunk19]

Day 8

Starting to get a few hours sleep...interrupted at times but still getting better. Eating still an issue. Its still tough..but slowly i am moving on. I think i wouldve rather her be a witch to me and ended it off on bad terms but she didnt. Getting blindsided sucks. At first I honestly believed this was temporary....but if I keep thinking this way im setting myself up for disaster.

 

[Induced Drag]

Day 33 of nc for me. I made it 30 days the first time but then slipped and let her know my bro had a baby. Never heard anything from her so I'm back to nc. Who knows what she'll do and frankly I'm to the point where I almost don't care. I still miss her but she really wasn't that great. I've got dates lined up, spinning plates and so far I've learned a lot from the experience.

Stay strong my brothers.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Day 8

Starting to get a few hours sleep...interrupted at times but still getting better. Eating still an issue. Its still tough..but slowly i am moving on. I think i wouldve rather her be a witch to me and ended it off on bad terms but she didnt. Getting blindsided sucks. At first I honestly believed this was temporary....but if I keep thinking this way im setting myself up for disaster.

Hang in there kid. Supplement your diet with some protein drinks you buy at the store. It will help.

This is your time to improve yourself. I know it seems hopeless but cry it out and let go of the pain. Read. Go to the gym. Go to the gym. Put on some Buddhist chants while there. No words. Nothing to remind you of her.

It's not temporary. It's over. She's a memory and nothing more. Remember, relationships end. All of them do. The few that last til death are often very toxic. The fairy tale ones? RARE. They all expire at some point. You'll move on. Do not contact her. Don't. It'll destroy you. There is never a good outcome from that.

If she reaches out you ignore her. Don't give in. She left you. She did. Be fully fully detached in all ways. Spin plates. Hang in there.

 

[bateman72]

Day 8

Starting to get a few hours sleep...interrupted at times but still getting better. Eating still an issue. Its still tough..but slowly i am moving on. I think i wouldve rather her be a witch to me and ended it off on bad terms but she didnt. Getting blindsided sucks. At first I honestly believed this was temporary....but if I keep thinking this way im setting myself up for disaster.

Sleeping was really tough for me at first. Alot of alcohol for a couple of weeks.

these days im just trying to wear myself out by staying busy all day. Im at least 70 percent at day 26 than I was at day 8. It does get better.

 

[lexa]

Lexa - Day 9

It is getting easier, and reading helps, was tempted to write letter, send gifts etc to get back in her life, but after reading this thread, a lot of brothers have done it but looks like it would just made it worst.
Anyway bottom line, the problem is I am not attractive enough, social or rich enough to date the girls I wanted.

Well I am short but relatively fit so I am going to build more muscle. Money I can probably work on, problem is social, I would like to build a larger social group and go out more often but going on a night out scares me...

 

[mikey2012]

I'm going to throw a spanner in the works. NC doesn't work if you have that oneitis. There's always that one girl that you will never get over no matter what. Yes if you lived forever and met all the women in the world then maybe but I think there will always be that girl you will never be able to replace,

 

[Groverz]

Lexa - Day 9

It is getting easier, and reading helps, was tempted to write letter, send gifts etc to get back in her life, but after reading this thread, a lot of brothers have done it but looks like it would just made it worst.
Anyway bottom line, the problem is I am not attractive enough, social or rich enough to date the girls I wanted.

Well I am short but relatively fit so I am going to build more muscle. Money I can probably work on, problem is social, I would like to build a larger social group and go out more often but going on a night out scares me...

The gifts are always a bad idea. I found that out, they get so made even when it's free ****.

 

[lexa]

The gifts are always a bad idea. I found that out, they get so made even when it's free ****.

Sorry, What does 'they get so made' mean?

Anyway had to break NC, her brother who has mental issue txt me so I had to txt her to let her know I calm him down and stuff, but kept it brief.

Might send her the gift for her bday, is like June or something, I will be over her by then, got it a while back and no one else is really suitable. No point wasting it.