drakeramore said:Day #38
I broke NC. My ex girl called me twice today, I did not pick up. She wrote me half an hour ago to ask me how I am, that she sent me a card for the holidays, that she hopes I have healed (since the last time we talked I told her I loved her) ).
Anyway, I wanted to write to her one last time, and I did - I told her I am doing fine, that I have accepted her leaving me, such is life, but do not want us to be friends as I will be moving on.
She told me she understands and will not attempt to contact me anymore.
I must admit I thought I would be feeling better right now. Instead, I am filled with thoughts of her again and feeling a bit rejected all over again.
.
stay strong bro and read thisdrakeramore said:Day #38
I broke NC.
no good man, where's your will power?
My ex girl called me twice today, I did not pick up. She wrote me half an hour ago to ask me how I am, that she sent me a card for the holidays, that she hopes I have healed (since the last time we talked I told her I loved her) ).
bait text, looking for validation, her hamster was spinning like hell
Anyway, I wanted to write to her one last time, and I did - I told her I am doing fine, that I have accepted her leaving me, such is life, but do not want us to be friends as I will be moving on.
you should have said "I'm great, thanks for asking, appreciate it." Period. You came across as butthurt and it's clear to her that you spent all your time thinking about her. Who has the upper hand here?
She told me she understands and will not attempt to contact me anymore.
of course! her hamster is celebrating with expensive champagne
I must admit I thought I would be feeling better right now. Instead, I am filled with thoughts of her again and feeling a bit rejected all over again.
this is what happens when you break NC
Anyway, I thought what I wrote to her was necessary, just so that she would stop trying to contact me as I think that kept me from moving on.
now move on seriously
That exchange did leave me emotionally vulnerable though, even if I kept it short, acted indifferent and more or less established some closure here as last time we spoke I was crying on the phone and telling her how much I loved her - so perhaps she did worry a little bit how I was doing.
this is what you think. She's just wanted validation. The worry is not about you, is about her, she can't tolerate the thought of you thinking she's mean
Anyway, that is out of the way now and she has no reason or excuse to ever contact me again. That kinda seals it.
are you happy now? Closure doesn't mean anything. You decide when the thing is closed, you don't wait someone else to seal it
I do feel a bit like sh!t though for breaking the NC. I guess I will have to restart the whole thing back from day #1. Sucks a little bit. But any illusions now for her coming back to me are dead, she contacted me not to tell me she loves me still or anything, no, it was just because she either felt sorry for me or it was just her ego looking for a fix. I hope at least I did not provide it to her this time and will not ever do it.
she got her ego validation and now she can move on
She did not apologise either although I told her she disappointed me a lot by not letting me know what her plans were even though I considered her the closest person I have (outside of the family) on Earth.
do you think she cares?
It is back to day #1 all over again. If I can give some advice on this, I would say to you, guys, don't break the NC. I thought I would be feeling better now that I have had the last word and told my ex that I do not want to be friends and have made the NC official, but I do not. Learn from my experience I guess, if you would like.
I agree with this. I know I'm the newbie (at least I now have a post count of two, unlike a lot of people who register, say they're totally into NC and will be here regularly and are never seen again ) but this is great advice.joker79 said:Now, do yourself a favour and raise from your ashes. We support you but first you need to help yourself. Start from scratch and redesign a man who LOTS of women want.
I sympathize with you man, I was doing NC (without telling) and feel like I shouldve kept it that way. But instead was inclined by feeling bad due to the numerous messages,calls,etc to break it in order to tell her that i'm doing NC out of respect for her own closure. Found out she kissed another guy wihtout asking and it brought back up feelings which sucked.drakeramore said:@ Joker79,
All valid points, mate. I don't know what happened to me, i lost control.
To top it off, I just sent her a text asking her about some pictures I had sent her (if she has deleted them - i need to know for real and forgot to ask her today during our chat).
But then I could not stop myself and ended the message with something along the lines of:
"You never took any responsibility or blame for anything, did not apologise for anything, take this as a kind-hearted word of advice - take a look at yourself and your actions first before judging and blaming others as relatonships are a two-way street".
Now i deleted her number all over again, plus I will delete her number again if she answers to my message with a message of her own.
Damn, i messed up here badly. Fvck this, it is as if I still live in the past and still cannot accept that I will no longer be in contact with her, I still love her a lot. This sh1t is hard.
It appears you have your mind made up, just uneasy about flaking. It's understandable. Like most posters have said here, people break up (regardless of fault/initiation) FOR A REASON. I relate a lot to your story. I lied to my ex since the start with bogus stories (that I was an ex-Special Ops agent, single, then married but abused, promised her a job, etc.) She also had her moments of b.s. deception, disrespect towards me (flirting) so yeah, in a perfect world it would be nice that WHILE we had the chance we could have compromised to work out these issues but we did not. I made a futile attempt 2 days after she broke up with me to reason with her about seeking some couple counseling due to the fact that the previous week we were happily anxious to know if she was pregnant and had plans, etc.slappy said:I have a question for you all... how did you all handle day two? Every time we've gone to break up, I always feel absolutely great day one and by about 12pm day two I crack and contact him to work things out, giving him all the power to make all the decisions.
At the moment I have so many emotions running through me at once, it feels like they're all trying to get through a door and have trapped themselves, so I ALMOST feel emotionally numb, except for the fact I miss him and am trying my hardest not to pick up the phone and unblock him everywhere.
It seems to me that the challenge for the first few days is to start and maintain no contact, and from there onwards the healing process will commence.
Not gonna lie though...today I've been utterly miserable. I had an unrelated illness, and currently at work for eight hours. Just had my lunch break with a male friend who's liked me for a while, although it wasn't a date he did give me a quick cheeky peck which I didn't see coming, feel a bit guilty, but at the same time it's made me smile.
Anyway, seeing a friend helped a lot, definitely not feeling 100% but I feel a lot happier after coming back from lunch. I work in a mall, not glaring at happy couples anymore, or envisioning my ex, and trying to have fun chatting to customers and singing along to tunes.
My fellow NC brothers (I'm a gal but I'm still gonna refer to you all as brothers) it's a pleasure meeting you all, and I look forward to giving and receiving support.
Slappy i think for the first couple days-week you should maybe focus on grieving your loss. Most people dont think this is good I feel but for me and others it helps get it out of your system instead of bottling it up which is what sounds like youre doing. You lost a part of your life (just like if you lost a family member to death) and you must grieve first and when that period is over it will be easier to move on, as those "burried emotions" will be gone or much weaker.slappy said:I have a question for you all... how did you all handle day two? Every time we've gone to break up, I always feel absolutely great day one and by about 12pm day two I crack and contact him to work things out, giving him all the power to make all the decisions.
At the moment I have so many emotions running through me at once, it feels like they're all trying to get through a door and have trapped themselves, so I ALMOST feel emotionally numb, except for the fact I miss him and am trying my hardest not to pick up the phone and unblock him everywhere.
It seems to me that the challenge for the first few days is to start and maintain no contact, and from there onwards the healing process will commence.
Not gonna lie though...today I've been utterly miserable. I had an unrelated illness, and currently at work for eight hours. Just had my lunch break with a male friend who's liked me for a while, although it wasn't a date he did give me a quick cheeky peck which I didn't see coming, feel a bit guilty, but at the same time it's made me smile.
Anyway, seeing a friend helped a lot, definitely not feeling 100% but I feel a lot happier after coming back from lunch. I work in a mall, not glaring at happy couples anymore, or envisioning my ex, and trying to have fun chatting to customers and singing along to tunes.
My fellow NC brothers (I'm a gal but I'm still gonna refer to you all as brothers) it's a pleasure meeting you all, and I look forward to giving and receiving support.
At least you're now starting to get some of your power back, which is always great.jackson37 said:Just ended day 2 for me and got an interesting text from her earlier that was paragraphs and paragraphs explaining how much she will "always love me", how she respects my decision of NC and that if I ever want to be friends again she is always open to that, and how shes thankful for me being the best boyfriend when we were together, etc etc....
Didnt reply. Feels good man guess she just wanted some closure herself
You can do it slappy! As we're both on day 2 we could check in with each other daily and vent about how we were feeling, what bothered us, our progress, etc if you would like! It would be a nice way to outlet all those feelings we're forced to harbor.slappy said:At least you're now starting to get some of your power back, which is always great.
Thanks for replying to my post, definitely going to take your advice.
I just finished work, and now I don't have anything to distract me, I'm beginning to feel a little bummed out. I got invited to a house party tonight, but it's by the friend I had lunch with today and I don't think his intentions are innocent, that and I'm too hungover as well haha. I think I'll just have a night of getting some delicious takeout, having a bath and watching tv series. My sister is overseas, so it's just me at home at the moment. I think I need some time alone to grieve as jackson37 stated, before I can move on properly.
If I can survive the night by myself enjoying my own company and confirming NC, I can do sixy days no sweat NC seems like a muscle. The longer you use it, the easier it gets.
...but for the next few days it's going to be hard not to contact him.
Deal I think it will help us both stay motivated, as well as prove interesting to be able to compare feelings, as well as possible reactions from our exes.jackson37 said:You can do it slappy! As we're both on day 2 we could check in with each other daily and vent about how we were feeling, what bothered us, our progress, etc if you would like! It would be a nice way to outlet all those feelings we're forced to harbor.
We can do it together just for some added motivation haha so dont contact him! I wont contact my ex and you better not contact yours!