Hi all,
I'd just like to say that I have successfully gone NC for 8 months now and stuck by it. I don't post on here much but read regularly. Thank you all. Here are 8 things I've learnt that have helped me.
1. NC to win someone back is a pointless fruitless act. A complete waste of time. It simply won't happen. She is not coming back. If you find that a girl is begging you to reconcile, it means one of two things. 1 - she's low value and/or 2. She wants her ego stroked. Find someone more worthy.
howtowinyourexback.com?howtosilentlytellhertofvckoff.com would be more appropriate.
2. Now the best and quickest way to get over your ex is to spin plates or bang other girls according to some. Solid advice but put it this way. Would you enjoy one of the greatest nights out on the town the day a close relative or friend passed away? I didn't think so. Naturally, you'd be in the wrong mindset and that's ok. You experienced a big loss. You HAVE to grieve first. Everything else is empty. You must grieve for the death of your relationship. Time is your friend.
3. What is NC to you? For me. It was to abide by every aspect of it. Internally and externally. The worst part by far is to seek out what she is doing on social media. Stalk at your peril. You are doomed for failure if you do and your stupid ego will link anything she says or does directly to you. Your ego will say that she's trying to get a reaction from you. Wrong! It's not about you. She doesn't care about you in the way you think. Leave her be. Delete any possible link to her.
Your story is not unique. We've all travelled on the grievance boat with you. Paddle quickly away even if your ego wants to stay put. We are all here to help you. A solid couple of months should be sufficient time to give you the clear mind and waters.
4. You think your girl was a princess? Watch a seedy porn film and notice the slvt getting off on all kinds of dirty pleasures from Mr Moustache man. Remember, this is what your princess is capable off whether she's conducted any cheating on you or not. Limit bitterness, be realistic and accept nature for what it is. Dogs bark, pigs eat, men and women cheat. Your above any form of shallowness or disrespectful acts from her or others. Grow a Moustache and a pair along with it! Seperate yourself from the sheep. One chance they get from you.
Just. One.
5. Have you ever wanted to do something but felt too nervous fearing that it was out of your comfort zone? Like playing an instrument or singing in front of a group of people. If that is the case, do it regardless. Remember, that is what YOU are capable off. You may not think it but you are. Learn something new. Meet new people! You will be surprised. You will always learn from new people.
6. If you have passed the 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 month mark of NC and still think about her occasionally......then that is ok. We are human after all! If it's becoming more frequent then ask yourself some basic questions. Firstly, are you eating healthy? Are you keeping fit? Are you looking at the odd fb post from her? This may seem innocent but it's not. Your ego is trying to get even. Look after number one at all costs. She will eventually fade.
7. If after 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 months of NC, your ex contacts you, which she is very likely to, do not give any indication of interest in return. The best thing to do is read the stories on this blog and stay silent. The answer to their intentions are found here. Nuggets of gold lie within these pages. She's simply asking you to take a sip of her poison-tarnished water.
Leave her be and wish her the best (but only in your head). Drink a fresh glass instead. It will taste good for you and you'll feel better. Your ego will start to balance out.
8.......and finally, the big one. Get out there and spin plates!
You've done your grieving. You've experienced the torture. You've done the crying in the park. The bad dreams. The lack of sleep. The blaming. The 5 paragraph posts about her on these pages, The walking down the high street with tears flowing in front of commuters, head dipped etc.etc.etc.......but believe it or not, the hurt you once felt will now act as your ally. You may find it hard to believe initially but you won't die from rejection. You didn't. You simply found your stronger than what you thought and it'll carry less weight on you than it used to. Treat it like training. You've done the hard work. Now reap the rewards!
You are of course capable of meeting new women. Women of quality that are suited to your standards. Standards that have shot up a few levels because you realize with clarity that you don't tolerate disrespect, cheating, childish games, pettiness, shallowness, *****iness etc. etc. You can simply walk away from this nonsense. The very act of walking away sets you apart.
You didn't learn this from books, blogs, seminars or websites.
You've learnt the hard way. The real way. The best way. The only way - Through pain.
What do you really learn from the easy way anyway?
When you get back out there, you'll find you'll like some women. Some you won't.
Some will like you. Some won't.
If you continue to eat well, study hard, catch up with friends, workout and so forth, the clouds will start to vanish....you may happen to find another great girl that you really like. One that may even reject you further down the line. But that's ok. The situation will be different this time. Why? You've been there, you've done that! You've experienced the pain. It won't kill you. It's simply shaping you.
You are a soldier on the battlefield more equipped than you've ever been. Feel for the others with less knowledge and wisdom than you. You are a cut above. Elite standard.
BONUS
9. A lot of stuff is written across the boards here saying that 'you must be alpha, not beta'. 'Alpha not beta'. 'don't be beta, be alpha'. Personally, I've never met the fvcking pair of them. If your striving to be alpha I think your setting yourself up for false hope. Mr Alpha's only found on website boards.
Mum got it right - be yourself. Through failures and experiences alone. The hard way. The only way.
And remember..........
There's only one of you in this world.
So give someone deserving a taste of it!
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There you have it.
Thanks to you all for the posts and stories you share. They really help and inspire whether the situation is good or bad because it shows us what to and what not to do under the circumstances. Hope some of the above can relate to you.
Happy New Year. Make 2014 count guys.
Rossi.
