The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lotus Effect]

I really suck at NC. But I did end up going to her house to give her a bday pres, she liked it, even made her cry. It was a custom painting.

So you could not handle not giving her the custom painting after all man!

Shame on you! hahahaha!

Just kidding man! I do not approve this, but if you felt it was the right thing to do, than there is nothing to regret.

But please, do not regret doing so later on, 'cause it's quite possible that you will!

Anyway! Welcome again to ground zero!

 

[Groverz]

Na I don't regret it, I did not give her the other gift though so it was a compromise. I did find out that she is still going to therapy and on some anti depression meds even after the breakup so that makes me at least feel better about not being the cause of her doing all that. At least I don't think.

Very hard to stay away when you share friends and pretty much get booted out of social party's because of one person. But it is getting easier slowly. I have a local female friend that is helping me a lot, and tells me to just text her if I feel the need to contact my ex. She is a bit older and has been around to realize what a catch I am, too bad the Ex can't see that right now.

 

[RandomLegend]

NC Challenge day #2

Well we broke off yesterday (http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=207744), last night I deleted all her pictures and messages from my phone as well as her number. Today I proceeded to delete all pictures on Facebook, even though I left some in which we're with a group of friends. That may be a mistake, I'll see to it.

Since it's still fresh I've had several friends ask me about it, and one who's attacked me about it all.. I'm basically doing good, but I've checked her profile a few times tonight and the fact she put up an attractive profile picture kinda hurt. Shouldn't have done that to myself, I know. Anyways, hi all!

 

[tripod23]

just remember she is going to do all she can to hurt you , bug you , and get back at you........this is when the crazy stuff begins.........ignore , ignore , ignore.........good luck

 

[Lotus Effect]

...I've checked her profile a few times tonight and the fact she put up an attractive profile picture kinda hurt...

Yeah man. Get used to that. That's number one procedure!
Expect nothing less than LOTS of happy pictures, LOTS of them, with friends, at clubs, drinking, and the worse with other dudes. But it can get a lot worse, it can be, as mine was, several pictures, with one specific dude.
All in all, she only have one mission from now on. And that mission is to hurt you!
What better way than facebooking on how awesome her life is!

So to save you lots and lots of pain, I suggest you to avoid at all costs checking her facebook.
1) It will not bring her back
2) It will not end that miss you feeling that you will have (It will just increase in fact)
3) It will Hurt like hell!

You should, block her if you can, or use a Google Chrome extension to redirect you here to this website everytime you try to see her profile.

or

You could do as me, and just delete/stop using facebook. You will eventually realise that it is all fake and plastic, and that people over there, your ex gf included are shallow, posting pictures of a fake happy life.

I suggest you stop using it instead of deleting it, because while your Ex will be posting picture after picture of her partying, yours will be forever stale at that date, never to be used again.

I assure you, Jealousy is a good weapon, and you can "compete" with her, to see who post more braggin pics, but uncertainty, doubt, mistery and pretty much the lack of any kind of information about you is WAY better!

I know how hard it is to follow these advices, specially in such a earlier stage, but hang on, and whenever in doubt, check in here, there is a lot of valuable info, really decent advice, and dudes the are living or lived the same situation!

I'm in day 45 I guess. But I messed up a lot. I didn't had the forum in the begining. Seize this opportunity!

Anyway, Welcome I guess!

 

[RandomLegend]

Thanks bro,

yeah I'm thinking of blocking her too, but what stopped me is that I don't want her to think she hurt me that bad that I can't stand to look at her anymore. Also, it could make me look rude but seeing this stuff won't be acceptable for a long period, I know...

I agree on that stuff about Facebook, it's all true but I still need an account for contacting people, and my profile hasn't been all that loaded up with pictures anyway, at least not before I started dating this girl.

edit: This Chrome extension does sound good though, how do I find it?

 

[Lotus Effect]

EDIT:HERE IS THE CHROME EXTENSION AS REQUESTED, But you can always use google as well!

I agree on that stuff about Facebook, it's all true but I still need an account for contacting people, and my profile hasn't been all that loaded up with pictures anyway, at least not before I started dating this girl.

Man, you don't need facebook.

Sorry to burst your little bubble, but if you want to contact people, you got a f*cking cellphone for that, and that's already a f*cking anxiety gadget.

You don't need sh*t. You lie to yourself saying you need it. Then you believe you need. And the you come here and try to convince me you need it so I can give my approval and you can live with your life. Sorry, you don't have it!

Once again, YOU DO NOT NEED FACEBOOK. Want contact, get out there and meet people. That should be enough contact.

Just leave that sh*t already. I left 3 months ago aprox. and I couldn't be happier. It is just useless, and I'm still in touch with EVERY SINGLE F*CKING PERSON THAT MATTERS TO ME!

I've read through your thread, and after reading your story with this girl, I can safely assume. She view you as a looser, because you are acting like a f*cking p*ssy.

For one time in your life, grow a pair, man up, and just quit that sh*t already. Without warning, without nothing. Just f*king quit it.

And let us all hope that this become your first step towards manhood. Because right now, you are a crybaby.

And I'm sorry if it all sounds harsh. But it's for you to understand how serious I am right now!

Be a man! :box:

PS: If you don't believe me, start a thread in this forum, and ask for more advanced users give their opinion about facebook!
To save you the trouble. A place for phagots, a place for attention wh0res, a place for people that don't have sh*t going through their lifes, a place for aunts to post cats/family pics and gifs, a place for high scholers, a place for people that were bullied in high school and now see facebook like a place for redemption... and so it goes!

PPS: Also, since you got nothing else to do, read this Huffington Post article about Why our generation is Unhappy!

 

[Lotus Effect]

To anyone in here.

Read
THIS THREAD!!!!! Why "Be yourself" is the best advice in the world...and why no one gets it.

I cannot stress enought that this
IS A MUST READ GUYS!

 

[mikey2012]

Thanks bro,

yeah I'm thinking of blocking her too, but what stopped me is that I don't want her to think she hurt me that bad that I can't stand to look at her anymore. Also, it could make me look rude but seeing this stuff won't be acceptable for a long period, I know...

I agree on that stuff about Facebook, it's all true but I still need an account for contacting people, and my profile hasn't been all that loaded up with pictures anyway, at least not before I started dating this girl.

edit: This Chrome extension does sound good though, how do I find it?

If you are strong then just leave her but dont look at her profile.

 

[Groverz]

Huh? Why not and why would you worry about that?

Because a of the girls are friends of friends and part of our social circle, I hate drama and don't want to get where people won't come out because me or someone else is there. Just want to have drama free nights.

 

[Contrails]

Almost 60 days without NC. But, I have been doing the facebook stalking. She's started a facebook business where she's selling dresses and doesn't have her picture but the pictures of the dresses shes selling and only those (I deleted her as a friend).

Anyway, I am curious as to how everyone else handles the situation when they run into their ex? completely ignore them or do acknowledge them?

 

[TheGambino]

I completely ignore, act like she doesn't exist. If a oppurtinity comes up that I have to speak to her or she (she didn't) does approach me, I be polite, indifferent and don't make any time for her. Be a man, it's hard but it's the only way, she only wants to check if she still got you or not.

 

[Formerlyrossitheking]

Hey guys, here's a great way to move on from an ex and to get a reaction from her (if just for our egos benefit) Ok, so....

Actually before I tell, I had an encounter with a cute attendant in a clothes shop today. Definitely an 8. Brunette, tight jeans, quirky face, hair tied back. She gave me a smile as I entered. Was looking at some shirts when she came over to me. We had some quick chit chat.

Hi, what are you after?
Maybe one of these shirts. Depends.
Depends on what?
Depends if I can try it on.
It's a changing room over in the corner.
Take me to it please.

She takes me over and then strokes the under part of my right arm as she walks away. Good luck she says and laughs.

I try the shirt on and it's not to my fancy. I go back to the aisle and find another one. Brunette comes over and offers to take me back to the changing rooms.

I tell her I'm a big boy and Im pretty sure I can find it. I stroke the underside of her right forearm and walk away.

I try the second shirt on which I like but is the wrong size. She's standing right outside now and I ask her what she thinks. She opens the changing room door without hesitation and says it looks good. I say nah, it feels wrong.

It's the only one they have left - she says and laughs.

Whaaaaat! I say - I tell her I usuuuually get what I want!......and she laughs again. I hand her my phone and she writes her number in. Wish her a good day and walk out. I'm pretty sure I could of made out with her in the changing rooms.

Just thought I'd share the story.


Anyways, back to the ex. Oh, I forgot what I was gonna write.

 

[drakeramore]

Day #1 all over again

After breaking NC to pour out all my feelings towards my former girl who went to live with another guy in another country, feeling depressed and then some, telling her how much she meant to me, how she is my world and everything, all I got was a cold blunt response that I need to take care of my problems myself and stop writing to her.

Talk about a wake-up call.

The more I think, the more I find out that what I am afraid is not having lost her but rather that I will not be able to experience all I did once again.

This all stems from the scarcity mentality I have regarding the dating scene. It is also due to the fact that I have low-self esteem issues plus very limited experience (due to other factors as well).

Oh well, first step I need to take is get a fresh start, NC for at least two months (Kinda humiliating that she also urges me to do this ) and get my stuff together and see all that I have going for me for a change, hit the gym as usual and focus on family and friends (as few as they are nowadays).

Not ideal to feel lonely and desperate from time to time with all those holidays approaching though...

 

[tripod23]

drakeramore , pouring out or spewing out all your feelings for a chick never ends well , i know this first hand , and my advice to anyone i know would be never to do this.......women use this as a tool to bang you over the head with ,,,,,,,,, its not really what they want to hear when your coming from a place of needyness......in the movies its works great , but in real life its just a none starter..........dont feel bad mate its not the end of the world , trust the guys on here they have loads of stories with all the same things that havent worked myself included in this.

you say 2 months of no contact , unless i read wrong , your ex has moved away to live with another guy - RIGHT......if thats the case its no contact forever my friend......fvck her she is low class and more than likely a cheater.....
whatever you do ......DO NOT CONTACT HER

WHEN SHE SAYS YOU NEED TO STOP WRITING TO HER , THIS IS HER WAY OF DIGGING THE KNIFE IN EVEN MORE , SHES A CVNT AND YOU NEED TO FORGET HER .......AND FOCAS ON YOUR MISSION IN LIFE WHICH IS GETTING A BETER JOB , STARTING A BUSINESS , MAKE MORE MONEY , WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET YOU TO A PLACE OF FEELING HAPPY WITH YOUR SELF ,

DO NOT FALL INTO ANY TRAP OF BEING MANIPULATED BY ANY WOMAN , ONCE A GUY GETS PVSSY STRUCK THIS IS GENERALLY WHAT HAPPENS.

I SAY FVCK THAT IF SHES GONE THEN ITS HER LOSS.....EVEN MORE SO IF SHE DUMPED YOU.

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.

 

[Groverz]

It's hard to resist telling her how much has changed in my life, or all the things I should of would of could of done in the relationship. I am sure that would just make me look like more of a AFC.

 

[drakeramore]

Hey Tripod,

Thanks for the support, buddy. I do need to hear it as it is. Although she is not low-class by any means and there are some mitigating circumstances here for her (us not being technically together for quite some time), you are indeed correct - NC has to be established here for at least a couple of years. Nothing less. Perhaps even forever.

It is just that right after something like this happens it is so hard to imagine this - your ex GF, (who btw turned along the way while we were together into my best friend as well + my (alleged ) soulmate) totally out of your life, all the long and emotional talks, sex, dates - out the window, all that emotional investment on my part - it is just quite, quite hard at times, even unbearably so.

But, you are right, my friend - she chose another country (no less ), told me that she was "desperately" looking for a way out from here (I interpret "here" as "me"), had a new guy for a few months now without good ol' me knowing anything about it and having any time to react.

This relationship (which I sincerely viewed as unique and to-be-everlasting even (in my dreams) even when we were technically "only friends" I never ever pursued any other girl, I was always of the impression we would get together again as our bond was "so special" in her words) is now gone and lost forever and what could have been will surely never be.

Now I just need to beat this into my stubborn Disney-dreaming, romantic-fantasizing head. Pure and simple.

Thanks for the support guys, I surely do need it.

 

[drakeramore]

Hey Groverz,

I know what you mean - this is precisely where I am. I want to tell her so many things, that I am sorry, what kind of an ******* I was, how she changed my life for better and I never said even one "thank you" for how much she changed me and how much courage and desire she instilled in me.

But to tell you the truth - right after I found out she was going away with this other dude, I was calm and cool at least on the outside and in front of her. She was crying and was telling me how much she will miss me, etc.

The moment I started spewing out my little-boy emotions over the phone to her (thank God I did not do that in person), crying over the phone to her, I kind of felt like she immediately distanced herself and even I would say became cold. I really am not sure though, it was just my gut feeling.

I think she heard what she so much wanted to hear from me and now I am somewhat useless to her, I validated her and she is now free to move on feeling powerful and vindicated (I caused her a lot of tears back in the day).

I sure hope I am wrong about this as I always wanted to think of her as near-perfect. I even put her on some sort of a pedestal in my mind about how innocent and good she is. I still do believe it is partly true, even now.

I am not going to find out as the NC will prevent me from delving more deeply into the matter.

Perhaps she will contact me in the future though and then will be the real test for me - I will def need to be polite and extremely laconic.

Hopefully by that time I would have forgotten and forgiven her, and myself - most of all.

 

[tripod23]

guys listen to me i have and still am in the same boat , my situation is very complex indeed , but fvck that the job in hand is still the same , the last thing you need to be doing is telling these girls how you feel .....spewing it all up will just make her think .......rrrunnn . ...... trust me .

you have to have the mindset that you will never speak to this chick ever again,,,,,,,,,,, i have had a chick i dated yrs back come to me recently and tell me how special i made her feel when we were together over 15 yrs ago , she didnt treat me very nice ....so i did one .......and i was very young back then , this tells me that some chicks obviously go over all the shyt they have done .....and the good rock solid alpha who walk and never look back gain back the respect that these chicks failed to give you while you were together.

see ...women think that because they hold the crown jewels between thier legs that they can do wtf they want to a guy and he will stiCK around .

well heres the news for them.....foooook off because i aint putting up with shyt , manipulation , lies , lazyness , bullshyt , or any other form of nonesense that women try to test you on , because deep down they are not all that seriously , and you need to realise this so that you can move forward in life.

there are lots of great ladies out there , but they all have issues trust me iv met enough to know this........so you need to be as positive as poss , and move on , dont let a women who treats you like dirt to win .

what you do is simple......walk and never look back.....its her loss . she may realise this .....maybe she wont ......if shes to thick or stubburn to see it then so be it..........being walked on is not an option guys ....NEVER.

ANYWAY IV SAID TOO MUCH ALREADY , ITS JUST MY VIEW .

I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST .... WHAT EVER YOU CHOOSE TO DO.

 

[RandomLegend]

NC Challenge day #3 or 4?

Today she sent me a message saying if we could meet on Friday so she could return some books I borrowed her. Also what's interesting is that she didn't specify the time, she said I'll let you know when.

I responded 2hrs later and said I can't do it on Friday, but Saturday around 1pm is good. She agreed and said okay.

How should I look at this situation? I'm not really sure, maybe she wants to talk or just wants closure, in any case my course of action is just to take those books and turn away from her. Fvck that sh!t.