The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MaddXMan]

I used to post in this thread. Kept to NC and I got over the woman who drove me here, moved on and am seeing someone new.

Yesterday was my birthday and *as usually happens in these situations* I got a 'happy birthday' text from the woman who dumped me.

Her text said "My calendar just told me it is your birthday. So happy birthday Madd! Hope all is well on yr end. "

Weird because her bday was in September and I didn't send her anything. So she's kept my number and remembered my bday over 2 months of NC.

I didn't keep her contact info. I only figured out who it was because of the way she abbreviates 'yr' - then I knew instantly who it was.

I just replied "Thanks babe! It was a good one."

Strange why these women do this - seems she is not expecting anything back from me, so why send it?

 

[Bacious]

Day 30 here.

Got a snapchat from her yesterday, for the first time in like... 3 weeks. Don't know how to interpret that. Might just be that she sent a picture to everyone on her list, or one just for me. I'll never know, because I deleted snapchat from my phone three seconds later, without opening it.

This strikes a chord with me.

The exact same thing happened to me at about 2.5 weeks after the breakup. Unlike you I did open it (I felt it'd be healthier to know what it was than risk potentially obsessing over it) and it was possibly generic, just her and one of her friends saying "cheering up [female friend]".

It's such a modern thing to even have to consider! In my mind no girl would "accidentally" send a snap to her ex, it's very much intentional that she ticked your name on a list.

Why would she do it? So far every time I've thought about it I've concluded that it's game playing:
A) If you reply then you're giving a specific reply to a potentially generic group message, giving her more power

B) She may be indicating that she is sending the message to other people - giving the impression that you are no longer a unique case to her

C) She gets to know if you're desperate enough to reply without looking desperate herself ("it was just a message to lots of people!"

I'd like to see someone give other good thoughts on this because it's far more contemporary than most advice you'll read on this forum. As I said earlier, I don't think it being a true accident flies as you have to manually select people, hit send and then confirm the people you are sending it to.

 

[Renegade357]

Strange why these women do this - seems she is not expecting anything back from me, so why send it?

LOL, I don't know why they do that. Maybe they feel guilty? Mine did it to me too. I think I'm going to do it back to her in the most unemotional bland way too just for kicks. That'll be worth breaking NC for.

 

[Bacious]

LOL, I don't know why they do that. Maybe they feel guilty? Mine did it to me too. I think I'm going to do it back to her in the most unemotional bland way too just for kicks. That'll be worth breaking NC for.

I expect my ex will send me a text on Christmas and I know that if I don't reply she will feel horrible. Two Christmases ago, before we were together but after we had hit it off a bit, she cried because I didn't reply to her text wishing me a merry Christmas for a while. (She sent it at 1pm or so, I replied at around 10pm).

Kinda makes me feel pitiful just typing that. Not sure what I do if she messages me on Christmas day. **** it, that's not for ages.

 

[Cali-83]

Damn it!

So I'm getting home from work today and I see her getting into some guys car for a date. We live in the same building. She look right at me I just turned my head and shook my head and just kept going.
It's been a little over a month.

Her reason to stop seeing me was she needed time for herself to figure things out without anyone. Obviously that was a lie I actually believed her. Fvck her! I treated her so well I feel like ****. I guess this is what I needed to know we are never going to be together again. I'm pretty crushed.

 

[Groverz]

So I'm getting home from work today and I see her getting into some guys car for a date. We live in the same building. She look right at me I just turned my head and shook my head and just kept going.
It's been a little over a month.

Her reason to stop seeing me was she needed time for herself to figure things out without anyone. Obviously that was a lie I actually believed her. Fvck her! I treated her so well I feel like ****. I guess this is what I needed to know we are never going to be together again. I'm pretty crushed.

Mine said pretty much the same thing, yet she is already out banging some old friend of hers. Took her weeks before she would have sex with me, lots of dry humping and crap, but like a day with this guy a few years later. Amazing how they say one thing and do another.

 

[Renegade357]

Her reason to stop seeing me was she needed time for herself to figure things out without anyone. Obviously that was a lie I actually believed her.

LOL, oldest trick in the book dude. Women don't go it alone unless they're dumped. Anyway, hopefully you'll learn to get out first next time.

 

[itdude]

Day 1:

I've decided I need to rejoin this thread.

As I've noted already, my ex contacted me out of the blue a few weeks ago and poured out her heart, how much she loved me and misses me and so on. We got texting from there, she explained how painful the break up had been for her and she feels trying again will be too much of a risk. I posted the letter I had been writing and we agreed we were going to meet up, talk and try to clear the air.

It all felt good at first, but it has ended up dragging me back into all that emotional turmoil and totally fvcking with my head. A week ago she was really eager to see me again and said she couldn't wait and was hinting we could see each other casually, and now she's acting indifferent.

I can't go on like this and I realise how much I've been clinging to hope of us working things out and hanging on her next text message. I don't think she's intentionally manipulating me, but it's stopping me from moving on and is making me miserable and resentful.

I've had 2 dates lately and both times I've just wanted to cry half way through because I miss my ex so much. The first girl was so much fun and we had amazing chemistry. She made me forget about my ex and I felt ready to move on, but it's still too difficult and it's made worse by my ex still being in the picture.

The whole point of this thread and the NC rule is to avoid this sh1t from happening. So here I am again!

I won't be posting updates as much as I did last time or counting my days, but I'll check in from time to time, maybe just to rant.

Stay strong everyone!

Never underestimate the power of denial. I relapsed many times Jariel. But at some point your heart catches up with your mind.

Just focus on yourself. Try and stop thinking about her.

The person you fell in love with does not exist. The person you see now is who she really is.

 

[Jariel]

Do any of you guys find that dating helps you to move on or do you need to move on before you start dating?

My last dates were really difficult, but it may be because I was expecting too much. There are a couple of potential fvck buddies I could hook up with. Not sure if that'll be good for me as a way of distracting myself, having fun without expectations or if I'm going to feel worse after.

 

[Jariel]

The person you fell in love with does not exist. The person you see now is who she really is.

So true!

Although, saying that, she always seemed to alternate between being an amazing girlfriend who was intensly crazy for me and being a depressive wreck who barely noticed my existence. So even in the peak of the relationship, it wasn't healthy.

I have wondered if she's bipolar and she's even questioned it herself at times and has been treated regularly for depression.

I know that I'm better off out of it and I really need to make that final decision now, rather than clinging to hopes or seeking ego stroking.

 

[itdude]

There are two forms of No-Contact that I have learned these last few months. And I did them both.

NC form 1:

Goal is to get a reaction/emotion out of your ex. This isnt't really No-Contact, this is the Silent Treatment and isnt't good.

NC form 2:

to get the partner out of your day-to- day life
to stop thinking in terms of a relationship
to take them out of your vision of the future
to stop wondering about how they are perceiving everything you are doing
to stop obsessing with how they are reacting


I have done one and am busy with two. You only truely move on with your life once you commit and believe in NC 2.

 

[Betterz]

There are two forms of No-Contact that I have learned these last few months. And I did them both.

NC form 1:

Goal is to get a reaction/emotion out of your ex. This isnt't really No-Contact, this is the Silent Treatment and isnt't good.

NC form 2:

to get the partner out of your day-to- day life
to stop thinking in terms of a relationship
to take them out of your vision of the future
to stop wondering about how they are perceiving everything you are doing
to stop obsessing with how they are reacting


I have done one and am busy with two. You only truely move on with your life once you commit and believe in NC 2.

^^^This.

Gold post mate.
I have to move onto NC2 now.

(ps: Hosh hosh my bru )

 

[Groverz]

Do any of you guys find that dating helps you to move on or do you need to move on before you start dating?

My last dates were really difficult, but it may be because I was expecting too much. There are a couple of potential fvck buddies I could hook up with. Not sure if that'll be good for me as a way of distracting myself, having fun without expectations or if I'm going to feel worse after.

It has not helped me much, as soon as the sex is done my mind goes back to my ex, it's crazy the hold someone can have over you. I am still having fun in life and being pretty happy but having her would make things even better. Meh

 

[Bacious]

There are two forms of No-Contact that I have learned these last few months. And I did them both.

NC form 1:

Goal is to get a reaction/emotion out of your ex. This isnt't really No-Contact, this is the Silent Treatment and isnt't good.

NC form 2:

to get the partner out of your day-to- day life
to stop thinking in terms of a relationship
to take them out of your vision of the future
to stop wondering about how they are perceiving everything you are doing
to stop obsessing with how they are reacting


I have done one and am busy with two. You only truely move on with your life once you commit and believe in NC 2.

I think I've been lying to myself that I'm on the NC 2 route in the hope that I'll start to actually believe it when really I still consider her way too much and would be pleased if she texted me.

The texting has to be the most horrible thing - every time I get a notification on my phone it passes through my head that it might be her. I guess that can only be solved by destroying my phone or giving it time and getting myself distracted in other things.

 

[Groverz]

I think I've been lying to myself that I'm on the NC 2 route in the hope that I'll start to actually believe it when really I still consider her way too much and would be pleased if she texted me.

The texting has to be the most horrible thing - every time I get a notification on my phone it passes through my head that it might be her. I guess that can only be solved by destroying my phone or giving it time and getting myself distracted in other things.

Know the feel bro. I find myself checking FB to see if she is online too. Hard thing to break.

 

[fuko2007]

im just going to say day 9. Seems as if this crap is getting harder and harder. I start thinking abt her and all that and have had several flakes lately. So im kinda mad abt that, i dint think im ready to get out into the game again yet anyway. I just dont know why it seems so hard now more than it was after the first day of nc. But ive been on the redpill for a while now and am looking at it in the sense of she is going to do what she wants. Its not in my control and the only thing that is is me. Been talking to this girl for abt two weeks and she flaked once then excuses started. asked her to do something this weekend and she said she was going to a usmc ball. I didnt even bother to text back, just deleted her number. Pretty sure she is an attn *****, so thats done. Feeling lost right now tho, ready to take this cdl test on the 22nd and move into my new house. i will get a raise and get my father off my back. Just this feeling sucks!

 

[Jariel]

There are two forms of No-Contact that I have learned these last few months. And I did them both.

NC form 1:

Goal is to get a reaction/emotion out of your ex. This isnt't really No-Contact, this is the Silent Treatment and isnt't good.

NC form 2:

to get the partner out of your day-to- day life
to stop thinking in terms of a relationship
to take them out of your vision of the future
to stop wondering about how they are perceiving everything you are doing
to stop obsessing with how they are reacting


I have done one and am busy with two. You only truely move on with your life once you commit and believe in NC 2.

This really needs to be pinned somewhere. I would say most of us go into no contact under scenario number 1, but it does keep us hooked. The night my ex text me after 2 months, I literally jumped out of bed hoping it was her. I hadn't moved on at all.

I always thought her contacting me would make it all better, but it really hasn't. It gave me a temporary fix and then left me longing to be with her again.

I'll be honest, since she's withdrawn again, I've sunk right back into the post break up depression and I'm not doing good.

There's a high chance she'll be in touch again within the next week or two and it'll give me another fix, but once she withdraws again, I'll be back to feeling sh1t again.

The only way to break out of this is to let go and I finally get it. It's harder than it sounds though.

 

[Jariel]

It has not helped me much, as soon as the sex is done my mind goes back to my ex, it's crazy the hold someone can have over you. I am still having fun in life and being pretty happy but having her would make things even better. Meh

That's what I fear. I sat opposite my last date straining not to cry. When I'm horny, the idea of a fvck buddy sounds awesome and I have a real hottie who is up for that, no strings or complications, but not sure if I'll feel worse after.

I guess I am trying to rush myself because I don't want to be the one left single and rejected while she's with someone else. My thinking is if she's with someone, then at least it evens the score if I'm with someone too. It's real illogical thinking really as I should just be focused on what I want, not on scores or what she's upto.

 

[mkj1990]

There are two forms of No-Contact that I have learned these last few months. And I did them both.

NC form 1:

Goal is to get a reaction/emotion out of your ex. This isnt't really No-Contact, this is the Silent Treatment and isnt't good.

NC form 2:

to get the partner out of your day-to- day life
to stop thinking in terms of a relationship
to take them out of your vision of the future
to stop wondering about how they are perceiving everything you are doing
to stop obsessing with how they are reacting


I have done one and am busy with two. You only truely move on with your life once you commit and believe in NC 2.

This should be in the OP. Absolutely 100% agree with you. As I've broken things off with this girl twice, the first time I went NC was for reason nr. 1, to get a reaction out of her. It took a few weeks, I had to ignore her birthday, calls etc. and it did work. But I didn't do it for me, I did it to create emotions at her end. And it worked, obviously, but it did not take long before she broke it off again, just as sudden as she had come back.

I have been doing a lot of thinking in regards to what you describe in form nr. 2 before you posted this, and it has been clear to me for some time that this is what I have to do - for my self, because in the end I am the one who needs to heal. Fvck her, and what she thinks.

 

[fuko2007]

That's what I fear. I sat opposite my last date straining not to cry. When I'm horny, the idea of a fvck buddy sounds awesome and I have a real hottie who is up for that, no strings or complications, but not sure if I'll feel worse after.

I guess I am trying to rush myself because I don't want to be the one left single and rejected while she's with someone else. My thinking is if she's with someone, then at least it evens the score if I'm with someone too. It's real illogical thinking really as I should just be focused on what I want, not on scores or what she's upto.

You cant think of it like that jariel, if she is with someone and i am with someone it will even the score? That shows that you still let her control you and just want to get even so maybe you can get a reaction out of her. If your doing NC right like i am you will not know what the hell she is doing, she could be on the FBI's most wanted list and you should not know man. As far as the FB i would do that based on the fact if it is going to help me , hurt me, or am i doing it to get even. You need to forgive her, forgive your self and come to realize we all make misteaks and find peace within yourself. Then you will truely be able to move on.