I can't say that I'm surprised. It happened before with this girl (with the same guy), and she came back to me a couple of weeks later. But as you said, these things always sting like ****. I've been a blind fool for the last 10 months, but it stops HERE.Renegade357 said:
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Renegade357
Master Don Juan
Best way to avoid getting hurt is to get out firstmkj1990 said:
Brother, let that one go, she is not crying over the break up, she is not thinking of you, she has moved on and you are stuck in this relationship. When you wake up in the morning thank god that you are alive in this moment, give thanks for being healthy. Also praise the lord that you didn't have kids or had married this despicable woman. I read your story, she seems very bitter, one day she will realize what she lost in you but you will be in a better place, you have to believe me brother, I have been there toooooooo many times. Get her off the pedestal, she might be a HB10 in your mind but she is probably a HB5 for the guy she is sleeping with. Because you idolize her she knows she can come back whenever she likes. What you have to do is get over her, don't count the days, don't worry about how she is feeling, concentrate on your present, concentrate on you my brother, life is too short, there are tons of girls who wish they had a guy like you, someone who is caring and mature. You know what, the sooner you move on the sooner you will realize everything I am saying, F YOUR EX, she is sleeping with someone else, she used you for financial gain, you made her feel special and now it's time for falecomnetto to feel special. The only woman you should love and idolize is your mother, not some broad you spent time with. Women are all the same, they want us to cater to them, make them feel good but what about appreciating a good man?? Women today have forgotten what we do for them, that's why you have to spin plates, make the women prove themselves to you. If you had treated her like dirt, if you had spent little time with her she would be missing and crying for you right now. Listen man, let that one go, don't cry for her, she is out there having a good time. One day she will be all alone and it will be all her fault, not yours. One day you will have ten girls hotter than your ex and they will fight for your attention, that's when you will realize the break up benefited you.falecomnetto said:
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Thanks Guys!
But sometimes is really hard to believe that this is really happening, you know? It's hard to believe that she is part of the Rule, not the Exception.
I am working on myself to get better. But there is nothing I can do to make her see that I'm not that into her anymore besides keep going my way without ever talking to her again.
I might still love her. But man I don't trust her. There is no way in this world I'm getting back together with that girl.
She is so deceptiful and disrespectful, and she treated me so badly after all we've been through, that if I have some self respect (which I actually do) I can't have a relationship with such an evil person. It is not all about love, so even though it hurts me to the core, she is not having this anymore.
I know she will turn out just like her mother, old and alone, isolated. An all feminine role models she have are the worst kind of women. Liars, cheaters, multiple partners. She is just a product of her enviroment.
She became the devil the day she broke up with me, via telephone. We did got back some days later, but than she had turned into another completely different person. Really evil!
We dated for a year an a half. But the previous two months b4 the breakup were already weird, as she was cold, indifferent and seeing another dude begind my back.
It is funny actually. When I found out about the dude, and she denied till the end, she did said to me one time during the discussion that the sexting was just an ego boost, and all girls do this and that I was not suposed to know/read it. haha. Evil bit*h
And about the contact, after several flaked attempts to go on a coffee date with her for a second time, I sent her an email, telling the things I wanted to say for me to have closure, and said that i believed it was not healthy for us to keep talking to each other and go our separete ways. It was too emotional, but thats how I figured at time. If it was today, I would send her just the NC stuff, and omit all the "closure" stuff.
This was 27 days ago. She replied with a txt at the same day. And sent me an "This not an answer" email last monday. Both were not replied (But she still thinks she owns me)
And I'm not seeing any pics at all. In fact, in this subject I've been really strong actually. I checked her facebook 3 times after the breakup. Always avoiding the pictures. I saw some that are tattooed on my mind though. But this was just in the initial fase. I haven't checked her facebook over 3 to 4 months already. In fact, a month ago I've left facebook, because there is so much sh*t going in my real life right now for me to worry about making a perfect looking virtual me. I rather focus on the real me. (In fact this is actually a good idea for you all who are struggling. Don't delete it. Just don't use it anymore. I had my sister change my password, so there is nothing to worry about anymore)
Anyway, thank god I've read this article enough. She sent me an email the other day answering my 3 pages long "goodbye I'm not talking to you anymore" email. I haven't read it. My sister read it. Then I deleted it. Because I know she is an inconsiderate selfilsh evil sl*t, and the only reason for that email was to hurt me and keep me at bay.
All I know about the email is: The subject was This is not an answer. The first line was Hunny Bunny. And she ended it with See you soon. Ow, and it was 2 lines long.
How much of an evilish moth*r f**ker is she? Seriously. Who in hell she thinks she is to call me Hunny Bunny after almost 5 months of breakup, and treating me like crap the all the way through it. And see you soon. 'cmon, she is so over her head that she thinks that she is keeping her in her limbo for whenever she like and that I'll come up running to her like a stray dog.
I might said somethings I regret in my email, and should have kept a little less sentimental.
But she is getting what she deserves from me, which is absolutely nothing.
Many many thanks Guys! =)
PS: On a side note, I'm feeling slighly better. Just enrolled a Trancendental Meditation class, starting today. Enrolled the Gym and Muay Thay classes. And I going to start the DJ Bootcamp this Thursday (as asked in the bootcamp). Trying to get to a decent, and more organized routine, since my whole life is a mess!
Yeah I know. I'm well aware of that. If that was the case, she would be by my side as we speak.Culebra23 said:
But sometimes is really hard to believe that this is really happening, you know? It's hard to believe that she is part of the Rule, not the Exception.
Yeah, this is also true.Culebra23 said:
I am working on myself to get better. But there is nothing I can do to make her see that I'm not that into her anymore besides keep going my way without ever talking to her again.
I might still love her. But man I don't trust her. There is no way in this world I'm getting back together with that girl.
She is so deceptiful and disrespectful, and she treated me so badly after all we've been through, that if I have some self respect (which I actually do) I can't have a relationship with such an evil person. It is not all about love, so even though it hurts me to the core, she is not having this anymore.
Yeah, this is how I treated her in the begining, and she was always crying and sending me pictures of her self with sad faces and stuff. But, the roles changed.Culebra23 said:
I know she will turn out just like her mother, old and alone, isolated. An all feminine role models she have are the worst kind of women. Liars, cheaters, multiple partners. She is just a product of her enviroment.
Yeah, this one is BPD for sure. All the traits. All the red flags. But she wasn't bad, and quite never showed this Bad side of her. In the begining was all bliss, and she chased and was desperat about me. Sent a barrage of messages per day. Complained if I didn't reply at the same moment.fuko2007 said:
She became the devil the day she broke up with me, via telephone. We did got back some days later, but than she had turned into another completely different person. Really evil!
We dated for a year an a half. But the previous two months b4 the breakup were already weird, as she was cold, indifferent and seeing another dude begind my back.
It is funny actually. When I found out about the dude, and she denied till the end, she did said to me one time during the discussion that the sexting was just an ego boost, and all girls do this and that I was not suposed to know/read it. haha. Evil bit*h
And about the contact, after several flaked attempts to go on a coffee date with her for a second time, I sent her an email, telling the things I wanted to say for me to have closure, and said that i believed it was not healthy for us to keep talking to each other and go our separete ways. It was too emotional, but thats how I figured at time. If it was today, I would send her just the NC stuff, and omit all the "closure" stuff.
This was 27 days ago. She replied with a txt at the same day. And sent me an "This not an answer" email last monday. Both were not replied (But she still thinks she owns me)
And I'm not seeing any pics at all. In fact, in this subject I've been really strong actually. I checked her facebook 3 times after the breakup. Always avoiding the pictures. I saw some that are tattooed on my mind though. But this was just in the initial fase. I haven't checked her facebook over 3 to 4 months already. In fact, a month ago I've left facebook, because there is so much sh*t going in my real life right now for me to worry about making a perfect looking virtual me. I rather focus on the real me. (In fact this is actually a good idea for you all who are struggling. Don't delete it. Just don't use it anymore. I had my sister change my password, so there is nothing to worry about anymore)
Thanks for the reminder. I've preached so much about this that I forgot to take a look again (and again, and again...)mkj1990 said:
Anyway, thank god I've read this article enough. She sent me an email the other day answering my 3 pages long "goodbye I'm not talking to you anymore" email. I haven't read it. My sister read it. Then I deleted it. Because I know she is an inconsiderate selfilsh evil sl*t, and the only reason for that email was to hurt me and keep me at bay.
All I know about the email is: The subject was This is not an answer. The first line was Hunny Bunny. And she ended it with See you soon. Ow, and it was 2 lines long.
How much of an evilish moth*r f**ker is she? Seriously. Who in hell she thinks she is to call me Hunny Bunny after almost 5 months of breakup, and treating me like crap the all the way through it. And see you soon. 'cmon, she is so over her head that she thinks that she is keeping her in her limbo for whenever she like and that I'll come up running to her like a stray dog.
I might said somethings I regret in my email, and should have kept a little less sentimental.
But she is getting what she deserves from me, which is absolutely nothing.
Many many thanks Guys! =)
PS: On a side note, I'm feeling slighly better. Just enrolled a Trancendental Meditation class, starting today. Enrolled the Gym and Muay Thay classes. And I going to start the DJ Bootcamp this Thursday (as asked in the bootcamp). Trying to get to a decent, and more organized routine, since my whole life is a mess!
Day 1:
I've decided I need to rejoin this thread.
As I've noted already, my ex contacted me out of the blue a few weeks ago and poured out her heart, how much she loved me and misses me and so on. We got texting from there, she explained how painful the break up had been for her and she feels trying again will be too much of a risk. I posted the letter I had been writing and we agreed we were going to meet up, talk and try to clear the air.
It all felt good at first, but it has ended up dragging me back into all that emotional turmoil and totally fvcking with my head. A week ago she was really eager to see me again and said she couldn't wait and was hinting we could see each other casually, and now she's acting indifferent.
I can't go on like this and I realise how much I've been clinging to hope of us working things out and hanging on her next text message. I don't think she's intentionally manipulating me, but it's stopping me from moving on and is making me miserable and resentful.
I've had 2 dates lately and both times I've just wanted to cry half way through because I miss my ex so much. The first girl was so much fun and we had amazing chemistry. She made me forget about my ex and I felt ready to move on, but it's still too difficult and it's made worse by my ex still being in the picture.
The whole point of this thread and the NC rule is to avoid this sh1t from happening. So here I am again!
I won't be posting updates as much as I did last time or counting my days, but I'll check in from time to time, maybe just to rant.
Stay strong everyone!
I've decided I need to rejoin this thread.
As I've noted already, my ex contacted me out of the blue a few weeks ago and poured out her heart, how much she loved me and misses me and so on. We got texting from there, she explained how painful the break up had been for her and she feels trying again will be too much of a risk. I posted the letter I had been writing and we agreed we were going to meet up, talk and try to clear the air.
It all felt good at first, but it has ended up dragging me back into all that emotional turmoil and totally fvcking with my head. A week ago she was really eager to see me again and said she couldn't wait and was hinting we could see each other casually, and now she's acting indifferent.
I can't go on like this and I realise how much I've been clinging to hope of us working things out and hanging on her next text message. I don't think she's intentionally manipulating me, but it's stopping me from moving on and is making me miserable and resentful.
I've had 2 dates lately and both times I've just wanted to cry half way through because I miss my ex so much. The first girl was so much fun and we had amazing chemistry. She made me forget about my ex and I felt ready to move on, but it's still too difficult and it's made worse by my ex still being in the picture.
The whole point of this thread and the NC rule is to avoid this sh1t from happening. So here I am again!
I won't be posting updates as much as I did last time or counting my days, but I'll check in from time to time, maybe just to rant.
Stay strong everyone!
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Hey man!Jariel said:
It's sad to hear about this... I really feel you!
But, and there is always a but. I might not be as enlighted as you are, and you are for sure an enlighted dude. But you have been warned about it.
You try to see a good side on her, but they are just seeking validation.
I think I'm finally coming to understand this whole situation, and this time, this is not coming from hatred towards women.
But the thing is, when s**t hits the fan, and they dump our sorry as$es, we become Blue Pill, and we tend to think that this could not happen to that specific girl, that she was out of the pool. That they are the exception to this wretched rule.
But the fact, the sad fact is, that they are not the exception...
They are the rule!
Anyway, I wish you the best!
And please, Stay strong this time! =)
Renegade357
Master Don Juan
Jariel said:
I don't get it. Were you getting emotional and heavy with her every time you guys talked? Showing your cards ect?
Yep. Originally I was just happy to clear the air and just to move on knowing she loved me, but then I realised I wasn't being true to myself and I wanted her back. I decided to just ask her directly if she wanted to try again, at which point she explained why it was such a bad idea.Renegade357 said:
But she wants to keep me in her life and wants to explain her side of things in person, and has been making suggestions about having sex again. In fact, I called her on it and told her "if you just want to fvck me and get our issues out that way, just let me know" and she replied that she might well take me up on that and talking about how good our sex life was.
So I've not quite been friendzoned, but I do feel like her safety net, helping her to recover and move on without me.
I definitely revealed my cards too much, although there was never any intention of us getting back together as a couple on her part.
To be fair, she's finally realised how much sh1t she has got going on in her life and how much damage it caused to our relationship. She's doing the right thing by focusing on her issues and not getting back together because she just keeps getting worked up and stressed out, making herself ill and dragging everyone else down with her...including me.
This is how it has always gone with her. She's crazy about me one day, then stress gets to her and she pushes me away. That's what she's doing again now. No doubt next week she'll be messaging me again saying how much she wants to see me etc, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
I'm confident if we met in person she would be all over me and it would leave her longing to be with me again...I'm convinced of it and that's why I really wanted it to happen. In fact, I'm in good shape, got new tattoos and looking good, so I really wanted her to see that for herself, but I realise it's all down to me wanting and ego boost. I know it's not right to get back together and I respect her decision, so I should really just walk away now.
It's true. People here have said, don't break no contact unless there's a definite offer of getting back together. I thought I had that from her when she confessed to still being in love with me...but I didn't.falecomnetto said:
But I have to recognise the relationship wasn't working and would never work under these circumstances. She may be seeking validation, but if I'm honest, so am I...but I need to stop!
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
It's actually funny reading this, 'cause if you said this wasn't a description of your ex, I would definitely it is the description of mine.Contrails said:
Holy Jesus. It is hard to face it sometimes, and I always try to convince myself the other way around, that my life is a novel and things will work out. But having these specific traits + our current situation just cannot be a mere coincidence. God damn it!
PS: The things in Red are the few traits that she didn't have, mostly because she is 21 y/o. The Blue one just really surprised me!
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
I also feel the same way, not only fell it. I know it. But what you said is the truth. It would be just for an ego boostJariel said:
And it is really tough walking away. But as stated earlier by some dude, Man Up, and walk away with your dignity while she still have some respect for you.
In conclusion. Aren't we all??Jariel said:
Renegade357
Master Don Juan
I think this is the wrong way to look at it and will only lead to failure. You need to not go heavy and talk about the past with her period. If she reaches out to you ask her if she wants to get together. Keep it light and fun and don't bring up the heavy stuff for crying out loud. Don't talk to her about relationship status. It's just like when you first start dating, she has to earn enough credit to take you off the market again. Treat her like a plate and see other women too. That's the best way to operate in your position.Jariel said:
It's called being a challenge.
Machtwo
Don Juan
Jariel
You give the impression to all of us on here, that you are well educated & clued up on relationship issues. I find it quite staggering that you are back to Day 1.
I'm not here to preach, but it seems like you haven't even followed your own advice, let alone anybody else's. I could quote sayings or paste paragraphs or links to top quality advice, all of which has already been done on previous pages, but this is the bottom line:
You have to disappear out of this woman's life for the foreseeable future to help yourself get over her, forget about her, do stuff, your not ready for women or girls, hang with your mates, when you're ready to get back on the horse, you will know, nobody else will.
I've had no contact with my EX since July & it feels great, it is the only way forward and you know how much of a mess I was back then.
Try to get your head around the situation, be strong.
You give the impression to all of us on here, that you are well educated & clued up on relationship issues. I find it quite staggering that you are back to Day 1.
I'm not here to preach, but it seems like you haven't even followed your own advice, let alone anybody else's. I could quote sayings or paste paragraphs or links to top quality advice, all of which has already been done on previous pages, but this is the bottom line:
You have to disappear out of this woman's life for the foreseeable future to help yourself get over her, forget about her, do stuff, your not ready for women or girls, hang with your mates, when you're ready to get back on the horse, you will know, nobody else will.
I've had no contact with my EX since July & it feels great, it is the only way forward and you know how much of a mess I was back then.
Try to get your head around the situation, be strong.
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Man, I just droped a Man tear.Machtwo said:
Truer words never been spoken.
I just realised that yesterday, I was not over her, and most importantly, I was not ready for women in genneral. So I've shifted the focus to myself.
Got into meditation, Gym, Martial arts. Pumping up my resumé. Some me sh*t for a while.
And it's good to see that you are that strong man, thinking about few days ago you were struggling about your ex's birthday painting.
Cheers!
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Holy sh*t I'm scared.
The minute, the exact minute, I posted on these walls (My last post) that I've shifted my focus, and now I'm on the mission of getting over, not getting back, by improving my own self, I've received a mail notification that my ex opened the email I sent her. That last email, 3 pages long, almost a month ago.
Yeah, I was in a bad moment back then, and I stupidly set the email to give me reading notifications, so whenever she opens it, I get one. I know this is plain stalking, but I was that bad.
Anyway, she did opened it several times when I sent it to her, but then, never opened again, even the day that she replied me with her two liner. So I figured she had deleted it and I was free from that curse.
Well, I know this is mischievous, but I'm feeling kind of good right now, knowing that something is happening in that little treacherous cheaty mind of hers.
Anyway, good ridance to her! Cheers!
The minute, the exact minute, I posted on these walls (My last post) that I've shifted my focus, and now I'm on the mission of getting over, not getting back, by improving my own self, I've received a mail notification that my ex opened the email I sent her. That last email, 3 pages long, almost a month ago.
Yeah, I was in a bad moment back then, and I stupidly set the email to give me reading notifications, so whenever she opens it, I get one. I know this is plain stalking, but I was that bad.
Anyway, she did opened it several times when I sent it to her, but then, never opened again, even the day that she replied me with her two liner. So I figured she had deleted it and I was free from that curse.
Well, I know this is mischievous, but I'm feeling kind of good right now, knowing that something is happening in that little treacherous cheaty mind of hers.
Anyway, good ridance to her! Cheers!
Machtwo
Don Juan
I can tell you are still angry as hell with your EX. You probably have a right to be, but you have to start letting go of the anger & hatred & all the other negatives you feel towards her, all these feelings and emotions are keeping you 'in' the relationship and you need start being 'out' of the relationship, so you can start to look objectively at your past & more importantly, your future.falecomnetto said:
Try NC with this forum or this blog for one week, it helped me.
You're right on this and this was my intention when she suggested meeting up. She does still want to meet and there's still chance for me to do this, but I can't go into it as emotionally charged as I am right now.Renegade357 said:
To be honest, as much as I miss her, she makes a good argument against us getting back together and she's right.
It felt damn good to have her contact me and pour out her feelings, to get that reassurance and sense of power...and it shows that no contact really does work. But there's nothing more to gain from pursuing her now.
So do I mate. The truth is, I am well educated and clued up, but my better judgement got way too clouded by my emotions.Machtwo said:
All this time I've had my rational voice trying to direct me and to be fair I can't say I've made any grave mistakes here that have driven her away, as she still wants to meet, still loves me and fantasizes about me, but I have allowed my emotions to get stirred up again and that's where I screwed up.
That said, I don't regret us talking again because we are on much better terms now, I've got to tell her some of the things that were weighing me down and I'm satisfied with her reasons for us not getting back together.
In fact, the last weeks I've felt better than I have since before we broke up and it has empowered me to start talking to women and go on some dates. But as many people have said, love is like a drug, and unfortunately this contact with her has got me a little hooked again and left me craving my next fix. Even though I know we shouldn't be together and there's nothing healthy to gain from our contact, I've been craving the chance to see her, to hear more words of reassurance and flattery, perhaps another chance to have sex with her...spend the night with her.
I am grateful that I've been able to end things with my ex on a positive note and get closure, but there's no point in getting closure and then continuing to pursue her. So I have to do exactly what you say here:
You're right. It's time to focus on myself. To be honest, I've been having great times with friends lately! And even though I'm not ready to date yet, I know I have options and I know there are some great women out there who are more suitable for me.
I don't think it will take me long to get back on my feet. I've had a down period today because it's really hit me that this is the end. All those weeks doing no contact, I had this hope in the back of my mind she would contact me again, and she did. But now I realise there's nothing left to hope for.
I guess this is the stage of acceptance that everyone strives for and it's onward and upwards from here.
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
day 7 or 8. I had a real bad case of the wc's ....'wanting contact'. Almost slipped up but mentally punched myself in the head before I gave myself that chance. I don't know what it is but in certin moments I just find myself thinking of her and missing her. Then I think of all the bad, but I don't get mad. I'm trying to forgive her and forgive myself so I can move on. I just miss her touch her smell her smile and having someone warm next to me in bed. Wtf did I just type? Haha. I do tho. As for the rest of you guys even great men fall sometime and fail. That's how we learn, birds would never fly if they never took that first step and fell one time. So don't beat your selves up. Instead use this and harness any excess energy that comes from it and use it for something good. I.e. Getting over her, this forum is like a family. We may all never meet but we are all brothers in a way. And family supports family, so keep posting and helping each other. Going to see bad grandpa by the way to cheer myself up.
Day 36
Looks like a few of you have had some set backs. It's part of life and relationships are tough especially if someone you really care for dumps you. One of the worst feelings in the world.
This is why no contact is the best and only thing you can do. I'm on day 36 now I'm slowly getting ok with everything. I miss her a lot and every time I get a text or an email I'm hoping it's from her. So far not a peep and it's not really a surprise to me. I wish she would want to see me but until I'm ok with not being in a relationship with her and being ok that she could be seeing someone else, I can't talk or see her.
I'm not really in the position to start dating again I don't think it's fair to the women that I would go out with not to give them 100% of my attention. Working out hard have lost 25 pounds is 3 months. Everything else is in its place just not happy she's not part of my life anymore. I'll hang in there.
Looks like a few of you have had some set backs. It's part of life and relationships are tough especially if someone you really care for dumps you. One of the worst feelings in the world.
This is why no contact is the best and only thing you can do. I'm on day 36 now I'm slowly getting ok with everything. I miss her a lot and every time I get a text or an email I'm hoping it's from her. So far not a peep and it's not really a surprise to me. I wish she would want to see me but until I'm ok with not being in a relationship with her and being ok that she could be seeing someone else, I can't talk or see her.
I'm not really in the position to start dating again I don't think it's fair to the women that I would go out with not to give them 100% of my attention. Working out hard have lost 25 pounds is 3 months. Everything else is in its place just not happy she's not part of my life anymore. I'll hang in there.
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
I have mixed feelings towards her. I don't hate her and I don't love her, but then I do both at the same time.Machtwo said:
You are right about still me being in this dead relationship.
And that is actually a really great advice. By checking in here every single time, I'm just reafirming in my mind that I have to let go, that I have to do this and that, when in fact, I should just really try to forget. Checking here all the time will not going to help doing so!
Thanks Machtwo.
I find specially rewarding see ourselfs helping each other, each with a piece of knowledge.
NC from this post. Thursday I will start my DJ Bootcamp Journal, so once again, I'll shift my focus towards me.
See you all god knows when! =)
