The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[fuko2007]

still day 5. sitting at the bar, just me and the bartender. Its raining out not much going on. got a chest cold from hell, was going thru my jacket i have not worn in a while and think i found one of her house keys. Now i feel like **** and am even more in the gutter. Why do i even care, she is a cluster B anyway. The fact that its a small town and its raining makes it even worse. There is NOTHING to do.

 

[Blazing]

still day 5. sitting at the bar, just me and the bartender. Its raining out not much going on. got a chest cold from hell, was going thru my jacket i have not worn in a while and think i found one of her house keys. Now i feel like **** and am even more in the gutter. Why do i even care, she is a cluster B anyway. The fact that its a small town and its raining makes it even worse. There is NOTHING to do.

My friend coming from a small town I can relate. But there's always something to do if you look for it hit up a gym take up some outdoor activities really anything that gets you out and doing something and not leave you to your thoughts.

I know from experience the first few days are the hardest but it will get easier after that

 

[SamTheHobit]

Day - 150

I've taken up world of warcraft thats why I hardly post here anymore.

I guess its no use in lying.

The game really takes my mind off everything including the ho.

Yeah 150 days. And still hung up on a girl. Id be disappointed in me to.

Maybe its because this time I know its over for good.

It probably doesn't help that I check her FB once in a while seeing her kissing another guy.

Hope you all find peace. Because for some it sure as fvck is gonna take more than 60 days.

 

[Bacious]

My first post in this thread and my first post on the forum!

I lurked this page a few weeks ago right after the breakup and while I already knew that I wanted to go down the NC route prior to reading it I thought that formalising it a little might be good for me.

So while I've not actually posted in the thread yet, this is day 20!

I'd rather not share the relationship story (it's all rather generic) but the general outline was that she was my first girlfriend - first everything - and after nearly two years together she told me that her "feelings had changed" and that when meeting up it "felt like we were just best friends". Throw in that in moving to college I'm now 40 minutes away from her by train (used to be 5) and that was pretty much all her reasoning behind the breakup.

Upon breaking up she told me that she felt terrible because we got on so well, rarely argued and were fairly close with each other's families.

I'm no fool though - the main reason (that went undiscussed) - was that she almost certainly developed feelings for the guy she got paired with for an exchange trip over two weeks abroad. The day she got back she said that we needed to talk and we broke up. Much as it sounds she cheated on me I'm fairly sure she didn't, firstly because I asked her in person and she seemed honest and secondly because I didn't even here the slightest peep of a rumour. All that same, I'm fairly sure she liked him (which isn't a crime, but it sure as heck makes me feel bad).


So here I am, 20 days without speaking to my near 2 year highschool sweetheart (that I used to talk to daily) and all I want to do is meetup with her again. That sure as hell isn't happening as long as I have a grain of sense but boy am I relishing in the delusions every now and then.

A part of me almost wishes she cheated on me - straight up gave me all the ammunition to never want to talk to her again - but it was all done on such frankly brilliant terms that I just can't make the mental separation. She's had boyfriends before (none as serious as me) and I know she'll get over it much faster than I will.

All the same, here's to 20 days of freedom and self-improvement.

Edit: Also forgot to mention that a few days ago she sent me a snapchat (phone image messaging app) of her and a couple of friends saying "trying to cheer up [female friend]!". The nature of snapchat is that you don't know if it was sent to just you or a whole bunch of other people but regardless she had to tick my name on the send list. I don't know if it was meant to be a "safe" attempt to contact me that she can easily back out of or if she sent to to me too by accident. All the same it seems a bit gamey, had I replied (which I never, ever, intended to) it would've been specifically to her whereas the message sent to me was likely sent to a bunch of other people too. Seems like a silly attempt at an ego boost by her if I'm honest.

 

[Culebra23]

Day - 150

It probably doesn't help that I check her FB once in a while seeing her kissing another guy.

Hope you all find peace. Because for some it sure as fvck is gonna take more than 60 days.

Hey man, i know it's hard, we all know it's hard, my ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago and I was down for a few weeks but now I'm over her. You have to remember that she was not right for you if she left you. She moved on and is posting pics on facebook of her kissing another man knowing you are hurting for her. The sooner you man up and move on the sooner you will get over her. I picked up the Rational Male, it was 6 bucks on amazon, it's a great book. Stop getting yourself down, start taking action, the same way you got your ex you will get another one, but don't stop there, get two, three.

The fact that you didn't jump into another relationship shows that you are strong, your ex is weak, she can't be alone, she would shrivel up and die if she didn't have a man by her side. Be lucky she is not in your life anymore, don't be sad.

 

[Contrails]

Day 33 of NC. I have made myself busy in attending some classes and gonna be sitting some exams that will help me get a better job and upgrade my qualifications as well.

I am hitting the gym hard. Hopefully, my goal is 10lbs of extra muscle by end of this year.

Everyday, I slowly crawl out of the hole I was in. Sometimes, I get nightmares about the ex, usually with me losing her in some way or the other. I think due to abandonment issues from childhood, this makes matters worse. Especially, since the break up, I have banged two chicks and I have a few who have expressed interest.

Jariel, you are right. Sometimes, I do question myself that maybe I am labelling my ex BPD to make myself feel better and find answers but due to the following reasons I believe she is a BPD waif.

-29 yr old. Attractive, divorced.
-Abusive dad and mother didn't give her attention at young age.
-Very low self esteem, and big fear of abandonment - according to her was caused by her ex who cheated on her. She punched him after she found out.
-Easily gets very jealous
-Cheated on me and the other guy thought they were a couple but we were still together then. Blamed me for it! The guy took her back as according to her she didn't cheat on him cos she never slept with me during that time. Being in a LDR, this was a bit hard. I do feel sorry for the guy for what he's gonna get into while I will be nailing other hot girls, he can commit to my left overs.
-made herself look like a victim from previous marraige and relationships and it's always the guy's fault.
-blamed everything always on me
-expert liar
-financially unstable and history of sports gambling addiction.
-drives recklessly
-likes party and get drunk and wants to experiment with drugs.
-tattoo on her upper back and belly piercing.
-constantly wanted my attention, I mean she wanted phone calls and texts all the time!
-Sex was good and very kinky in bed.
-I tried breaking up with her once, she cried and cried to took me back.
-religious and vegetarian
-loved puppies and almost has an obsession with them.

During our relationship, I knew something wasn't right with her. It was like dating a 10 year old in a woman's body.

Anyway, keep your chin up guys, it only gets better and better from here.

 

[Culebra23]

When a woman wants to get back with you, she will show it 100 ways, I think someone made this comment and it sank in the second I read it. About two years ago I was dating this woman, we had a stormy relationship but we had good sex. One day we broke up, it was her attitude that caused the break up and I accepted it. When she decided to talk I told her I wanted to be single and at first she became violent but later apologized. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I start dating a new girl. When this happened the old girl did everything under the sun to get me back.
she left flowers on my door
she called
she text
she wrote letters
Even though she knew I had a new girlfriend she continued to do everything in her power to be with me, she didn't care that I was sleeping with someone else. This woman wanted me, she stalked me....

Guys when a woman wants you back she will go to town for you. I am in my mid 40s and I let me tell you something, there is always someone better out there, the sooner you realize this the better. Who cares if your ex is sleeping with another man? Be a MAN, f them and their head games, if you treated them like dog poo they will come back, if you treated them like a gentleman they will come back and you won't want them because you'll be in a better place, with a better woman. Trust me, I used to get sick from the heartache when a woman left me, but now, in my later years I realize that as a man gets older his worth appreciates. Remember that, be happy for all you have, hang out with your buddies and don't talk about the ex with them, it will affect your mood, just talk on this forum about the ex... trust me you will move on sooner than you think.

 

[Lotus Effect]

The fact that you didn't jump into another relationship shows that you are strong, your ex is weak, she can't be alone, she would shrivel up and die if she didn't have a man by her side. Be lucky she is not in your life anymore, don't be sad.
...
Guys when a woman wants you back she will go to town for you. I am in my mid 40s and I let me tell you something, there is always someone better out there, the sooner you realize this the better. Who cares if your ex is sleeping with another man? Be a MAN, f them and their head games, if you treated them like dog poo they will come back, if you treated them like a gentleman they will come back and you won't want them because you'll be in a better place, with a better woman. Trust me, I used to get sick from the heartache when a woman left me, but now, in my later years I realize that as a man gets older his worth appreciates. Remember that, be happy for all you have, hang out with your buddies and don't talk about the ex with them, it will affect your mood, just talk on this forum about the ex... trust me you will move on sooner than you think.

Some strong advice there Man!

Real words. Nice to know that when I'm in my mid 40's I might be that collected.

As for you Sam The Hobbit, I may suggest you two things that will really improve your life.

1 - Get out of facebook. I know I did, and I feel much much better. It's so shallow anyway.

2 - Drop the WoW. Stop playing that s**t, it will not get your mind out of anywhere. Go do other stuff (reading, exercise, whatever). Playing WoW is not going to help you at all. Instead of evolving a virtual character, go out there and evolve you own self.


I might be in day 25 of NC. But that is me. It was the last time I tried to contact her.

She broke up with me May 26th, so doing some calculations, it is been 171 days since it happened. She is 171 days ahead of me, 'cause I still feel like day one.

I hate her, I love her, I want to kill her, to kill the dude she was screwing, I want to say lots of things to her. I want to forget her. To have her in my arms again. I want to f**k her in the a$$. I want to kiss her. I want to love her. I want to kill her dog.

Bottomline, you are not alone! Just keep one thing in mind, and this is something that been helping me these last few days. This woman that you "love" is just a projection. She is not inside that girl. You love a romantic version of her. That girl is not that nice, she is mean and inconsiderate. The girl you love exists the way you are imagining her, the only thing is that she is not in this woman body. So go out and find her.

Have a nice day man! =)

 

[Groverz]

I have noticed that my ex has now turned off "Show in news feed" for me, but she still has "get notifications" turned on. Not sure if that is a good sign or bad sign that she does not want to see my posts. Might be over thinking it but still staying NC and spinning plates, which is turning out to be a lot easier than I ever thought. 2 different clubs girls came up to me to chat I didn't have to do anything.

 

[fuko2007]

one week today. feeling a little better, went and did some work on the house im about to move into. And groverz ive been to rochester alot. my sister used to live up there in the finger lakes. tons of party sluts haha. but mine did the same thing to me man. she deleted me then started sending me pm's talking about how nice my pics were. when i asked her why she deleted me she said it was not good for her to see my pics. wtf is that? and she is still face stalking me. So dont read to much into it, thats just her seeking attention.

 

[Groverz]

Ya def a lot of sluts around here downtown, not really my thing, would be fun to go flirt with some and then just walk away lol.

Also nice job with 1 week, I still have yet to make it that far.

 

[mkj1990]

I have noticed that my ex has now turned off "Show in news feed" for me, but she still has "get notifications" turned on. Not sure if that is a good sign or bad sign that she does not want to see my posts. Might be over thinking it but still staying NC and spinning plates, which is turning out to be a lot easier than I ever thought. 2 different clubs girls came up to me to chat I didn't have to do anything.

Wait, what? A person can see if I block them from my news feed?

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 27 of NC

I just cryed at the bathroom stall. At work. For 20 minutes.

That's all I have to say.

PS: 5 months and some days since the breakup. And I keep beating myself up over literally everything.

 

[Groverz]

Wait, what? A person can see if I block them from my news feed?

No, but I did **** I shouldn't of. I have access to her FB account, not proud of doing that, saw a bunch of sexting msgs too to other dudes, was not the best idea. I think I hate myself more for looking then what I found.

 

[mkj1990]

Day 30 here.

Got a snapchat from her yesterday, for the first time in like... 3 weeks. Don't know how to interpret that. Might just be that she sent a picture to everyone on her list, or one just for me. I'll never know, because I deleted snapchat from my phone three seconds later, without opening it.

As always I have been thinking a lot about her today, but as long as I keep reminding my self that she is no good for me I'm fine.
I'm kind of mad at my self for not being able to go one single day without thinking about her through-out the day. Hope that get's better as time goes by.

No, but I did **** I shouldn't of. I have access to her FB account, not proud of doing that, saw a bunch of sexting msgs too to other dudes, was not the best idea. I think I hate myself more for looking then what I found.

Ah, I see. How on earth did you think that was a good idea?
Struggeling like f*ck to not check out her facebook-page today myself, but just close my laptop and do something else for a while. Did it a couple of times at uni, and at home. Got to clean out my condo thought! Hitting the gym in a couple. Allways makes me feel better.

Day 27 of NC

I just cryed at the bathroom stall. At work. For 20 minutes.

That's all I have to say.

PS: 5 months and some days since the breakup. And I keep beating myself up over literally everything.

One of those days, huh? Hang in there mate.
http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

 

[Renegade357]

Day 30 here.

Ah, I see. How on earth did you think that was a good idea?
Struggeling like f*ck to not check out her facebook-page today myself, but just close my laptop and do something else for a while. Did it a couple of times at uni, and at home. Got to clean out my condo thought! Hitting the gym in a couple. Allways makes me feel better.

Congrats on making it to day 30. I was still pretty butt hurt around that time too. The turning point was around day 70 or so. I'm > 90 days out and I know I'm in a good place because I can look at my exes fb page and feel pretty indifferent about it. I'm planning to call a new chick tonight and setup a date. Hopefully soon you'll be where I am.

 

[fuko2007]

Day 27 of NC

I just cryed at the bathroom stall. At work. For 20 minutes.

That's all I have to say.

PS: 5 months and some days since the breakup. And I keep beating myself up over literally everything.

hey man, what was this chick like? She had to be bad to still have you messed up like this? I'm guessing she has a disorder. I dated a bpd according to my therapist and am still trying to get over her. Been only a week but I feel better. How long did yall date? And you are not in any sort of contact even if it's looking at a photo are you?

 

[fuko2007]

Ya def a lot of sluts around here downtown, not really my thing, would be fun to go flirt with some and then just walk away lol.

Also nice job with 1 week, I still have yet to make it that far.

hey you can do it. Just takes time my man. Go downtown and hit on some girls and walk away. It will make you feel better , I was hitting on a few that were friends and and neged one of them in a big way. They were in shock but the next night they were calling me haha. But you will make it to one week then two then the next thing you know it will be 2 months. Samthehobbit made a good point though, some of us will take longer than 2 months to recover . We are all different so have different ways of copeing. But hang in there bud you will make it. Keep posting up and we will help.

 

[mkj1990]

Congrats on making it to day 30. I was still pretty butt hurt around that time too. The turning point was around day 70 or so. I'm > 90 days out and I know I'm in a good place because I can look at my exes fb page and feel pretty indifferent about it. I'm planning to call a new chick tonight and setup a date. Hopefully soon you'll be where I am.

Thanks, mate. Just got a setback though...

I heard a rumor tonight from a mutual acquaintance that she might be seeing this other guy, a guy that she f*cked the day after we broke up the first time. And if that's true I know she was not being completely honest with me when she ended it all the second time... I am absolutely sure that I don't want this women back. I'd rather be alone than be with her. I promised my self that would never have anything to do with her from now on. But I still feel angry for her possibly seeing someone else. And I still think about her all the time. Just can't explain it.

 

[Renegade357]

Thanks, mate. Just got a setback though...

I heard a rumor tonight from a mutual acquaintance that she might be seeing this other guy, a guy that she f*cked the day after we broke up the first time. And if that's true I know she was not being completely honest with me when she ended it all the second time... I am absolutely sure that I don't want this women back. I'd rather be alone than be with her. I promised my self that would never have anything to do with her from now on. But I still feel angry for her possibly seeing someone else. And I still think about her all the time. Just can't explain it.

Sorry dude, I know that stings but what do you expect? She wouldn't have broken up with you if she didn't have another guy in the background to take your place. That's how it works. What you need to do is recognize the signs early enough next time so you can be the first one to bail. Don't let it get to the point where she cheats on you and drops you on your face.

Anyway, this girl is trash. Time for you to move on and not look back. There is no back.