The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Machtwo]

Quick answer needed

It's my birthday today, about an hour ago I received a text from my EX:

Happy birthday, hope you're having a good day.

Do you think I should respond in any way or stick with NC?

Thanks

 

[Renegade357]

It's my birthday today, about an hour ago I received a text from my EX:

Happy birthday, hope you're having a great day.

Do you think I should respond in any way or stick with NC?

Thanks

I got one of those when mine came around. Funny it was almost the exact same wording too. I don't know why they do that. It's a very unemotional and half hearted happy birthday isn't it? Doesn't leave any room for you to respond or show any real clues of interest on their part. Maybe they feel guilty?

Wait several hours and just respond back with a "Thanks". Just like you would respond to a friend or any normal person who would text you. You don't want to come across as butt hurt.

Mine didn't text me back after my thank you. I doubt yours will either.

Happy Birthday!

 

[itdude]

Happy Birthday!

I would treat it as any other distant friend family member sending me a text.

funny I received a parcel today from my ex. it was multiple birthday gifts with a very heartfelt card inside. she recently asked me that we should get back together again.

she apologized for everything and said she doesn't deserve my love. well aint that the truth.

 

[Machtwo]

Thanks guys.

 

[fredhib]

Hey guys, I'm new here. Would really appreciate if you could help me some.

Recently broke up with my gf, sort of mutual. This is our second breakup. Basically she's undecided between me and this other new guy.

We have been dating for some years, crazy in love, but things got into the routine mode and she got tired of the lack of passion we were having (work, no time), things dragged on for some months, and she broke up. I immediately went NC and it worked. After a month she was calling me and we were back together (maybe too fast, damn it!).

Now, as soon as she told me she also likes this guy, I immediately broke up. Told her to make up her mind, and not tell me anything for the next weeks (because she was insisting we keep in touch). The thing is, I still think I could have gone more NC, because I think this has gone across as "i'll wait for you 1 month, i'll be here". Also, we agreed she would not try to engage with the new guy, to give her time to realize who she wants before killing us. But this sucks, I think this kills the NC reverse-psychology trick. Also, it came across as we would be friends anyway (damn it!). I played it cool, "no-problem,-no-one-will-die,this-is-life,people-come-and-go" speech. And basically I'm waiting for an answer, she thinks she's supposed to give back an answer some time soon. I hate this position, I don't think the pressure to give me back an answer helps at all. And I have no idea what to do then, if she wants to retry. If she says she's with the other guy, more NC.

What should I do? Not a week has passed since the break up.
Is there nothing to do but wait?
I'm typing this and I'm thinking, "nope, just wait, go enjoy this sunny weather, improve your life, etc"...
And what's the best thing to do if she says she still wants to try again, that the attraction for the other guy was not serious. Last break-up we restarted too soon, I guess. I was so glad NC was working.

 

[Renegade357]

What should I do? Not a week has passed since the break up.
Is there nothing to do but wait?
I'm typing this and I'm thinking, "nope, just wait, go enjoy this sunny weather, improve your life, etc"...

She's going to hurt you again. They don't change.

 

[fredhib]

She's going to hurt you again. They don't change.

Man, you're right. This thought has been on my head for so long, and I keep ignoring it.

Thank you.

 

[mkj1990]

She's going to hurt you again. They don't change.

That's my experience as well. I've given the girl I'm in NC with now so many chances, but always end up getting hurt...

This link that falecomnetto posted has really helped me a lot:
http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

So many of the things in that text reminds me of her. Should have seen the warning lights miles away.

 

[Renegade357]

That's my experience as well. I've given the girl I'm in NC with now so many chances, but always end up getting hurt...

This link that falecomnetto posted has really helped me a lot:
http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

So many of the things in that text reminds me of her. Should have seen the warning lights miles away.

Haha, this line sums it up:

"There's a ridiculously simple explanation for all of this; you've been trying to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional female."

 

[Lotus Effect]

Hey guys, I'm new here. Would really appreciate if you could help me some.

Recently broke up with my gf, sort of mutual. This is our second breakup. Basically she's undecided between me and this other new guy.

We have been dating for some years, crazy in love, but things got into the routine mode and she got tired of the lack of passion we were having (work, no time), things dragged on for some months, and she broke up. I immediately went NC and it worked. After a month she was calling me and we were back together (maybe too fast, damn it!).

Now, as soon as she told me she also likes this guy, I immediately broke up. Told her to make up her mind, and not tell me anything for the next weeks (because she was insisting we keep in touch). The thing is, I still think I could have gone more NC, because I think this has gone across as "i'll wait for you 1 month, i'll be here". Also, we agreed she would not try to engage with the new guy, to give her time to realize who she wants before killing us. But this sucks, I think this kills the NC reverse-psychology trick. Also, it came across as we would be friends anyway (damn it!). I played it cool, "no-problem,-no-one-will-die,this-is-life,people-come-and-go" speech. And basically I'm waiting for an answer, she thinks she's supposed to give back an answer some time soon. I hate this position, I don't think the pressure to give me back an answer helps at all. And I have no idea what to do then, if she wants to retry. If she says she's with the other guy, more NC.

What should I do? Not a week has passed since the break up.
Is there nothing to do but wait?
I'm typing this and I'm thinking, "nope, just wait, go enjoy this sunny weather, improve your life, etc"...
And what's the best thing to do if she says she still wants to try again, that the attraction for the other guy was not serious. Last break-up we restarted too soon, I guess. I was so glad NC was working.

Dude, serious, your situation is exactly like mine. Exactly! The Love, the breakup, the NC, getting back, found out about a dude, dumping her! It is the same situation

Now you have two options.

The first one is do what I've done which is getting desperate and chase her after some weeks, which will give her all of your power, and will only cushion her fall and make her absolutely sure about the breakup. This will make her despise you, being indiferent to you and you will have a hard time trying to get some closure out of it. It has been 5 months now, and I still cry EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I know that since I've chased her so much, she is not going to talk to me at all. Ever again. And this is what hurts the most. And if I want to have a decent chance to talk to her again, it is going to be in the Long Run. I mean 2 to 3 years run, so that she sees that I've stoped chasing and moved on with my life.

Or

Remain no contact for at least 3 months, which will drive her crazy, 'cause she still have feelings for you, and after this 3 (long and painfull I advise) months, you will be certain if she is worth it or not. She will probably send you lots of messages, but if you remain no contact, she will respect you more in the long run, and will always, and when I say always I mean always, keep this feeling with her. Wheter you guys get back or not. Eventually she will say she does not want to get back, but just want to clear the air, to have some closure, but she will want you back the minute you snap your fingers.

Now it is up to you to decide which position do you want.
You want the upper hand, suffer for a while, and then get some decent closure, and always have her as a f**k buddy.
Or you want her to despise you, and keep you suffering for months (or even years) to come, without having the closure we all want, and not having her at you card list.

One thing that I can tell you for sure is, just like mine was, this guy she is with is just a rebound, she will compare him to you, and WILL be disapointed. So don't be affraid that you are losing her to him.

But aside from this, remember, she did broke up with you to try another guy, so open your eyes for this. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If she had the guts to do this once, and in a period you guys were so much in love, don't go assuming that she won't do it again.

Check this link as the dude above said. You might find out some insightfull s**t about this "crazy" and out of the blue behavior of hers!

http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

And on a personal note, if you choose the first option, you are on for a terrible ride, of emotional pain, shame, guilt, fear and confusion. Besides the fact that you will be checking this page far more than you would have liked to.
I'm in day 14 of No Contact by the way. And it Sucks to be so early on, after so much time, knowing I will not going to have the closure as some guys in here that remained no contact had.

If you are so in doubt, check back some pages, and check the stories of Jariel, Renegade357, Soulforge, MachTwo, Blazing, GADavid which were in the same position you (and me) are, and remained No contact. All of their ex's tried all of the old tricks on the book, they remained NC, and the girls always came back, or they got closure, which rests the soul.
I, on the otherhand, am still strugling with myself, knowing that my own anxiety had killed any chances I had of closure. Do some reading, check their posts, and check mine as well. Do yourself this favor, and see which side you think it's better.

Best of Luck man!

 

[fredhib]

Dude, serious, your situation is exactly like mine. Exactly! The Love, the breakup, the NC, getting back, found out about a dude, dumping her! It is the same situation

Now you have two options.

The first one is do what I've done which is getting desperate and chase her after some weeks, which will give her all of your power, and will only cushion her fall and make her absolutely sure about the breakup. This will make her despise you, being indiferent to you and you will have a hard time trying to get some closure out of it. It has been 5 months now, and I still cry EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I know that since I've chased her so much, she is not going to talk to me at all. Ever again. And this is what hurts the most. And if I want to have a decent chance to talk to her again, it is going to be in the Long Run. I mean 2 to 3 years run, so that she sees that I've stoped chasing and moved on with my life.

Or

Remain no contact for at least 3 months, which will drive her crazy, 'cause she still have feelings for you, and after this 3 (long and painfull I advise) months, you will be certain if she is worth it or not. She will probably send you lots of messages, but if you remain no contact, she will respect you more in the long run, and will always, and when I say always I mean always, keep this feeling with her. Wheter you guys get back or not. Eventually she will say she does not want to get back, but just want to clear the air, to have some closure, but she will want you back the minute you snap your fingers.

Now it is up to you to decide which position do you want.
You want the upper hand, suffer for a while, and then get some decent closure, and always have her as a f**k buddy.
Or you want her to despise you, and keep you suffering for months (or even years) to come, without having the closure we all want, and not having her at you card list.

One thing that I can tell you for sure is, just like mine was, this guy she is with is just a rebound, she will compare him to you, and WILL be disapointed. So don't be affraid that you are losing her to him.

But aside from this, remember, she did broke up with you to try another guy, so open your eyes for this. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If she had the guts to do this once, and in a period you guys were so much in love, don't go assuming that she won't do it again.

Check this link as the dude above said. You might find out some insightfull s**t about this "crazy" and out of the blue behavior of hers!

http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

Best of Luck man!
And on a personal note, if you choose the first option, you are on for a terrible ride, of emotional pain, shame, guilt, fear and confusion. Besides the fact that you will be checking this page far more than you would have liked to.
I'm in day 14 of No Contact by the way. And it Sucks to be so early on, after so much time.

True, man. Thank you. Option 1, chasing her, is never gonna happen. I've lost too much power and this girl needs to be fully aroused. I know her, I know better what she's doing now than she does. And this other guy has no chance. I give them..wait.. let me try to estimate it..I give them one year, absolute maximum, if she doesn't want me back in the meantime, they'll never make it, I know the guy too, there's no chance.

Yeah..I was lucky to find about NC very soon after the first breakup, I still did some damage control, and basically turned who did the break up around. NC clicked immediately for me, so obvious when you think about it. Alpha, betas, and so on.

This breakup now, I'm going NC, for sure. But she thinks I'm waiting for her decision, and that she should tell me about it in some weeks, but this is not what I want, it got across the wrong way. Should I break NC somehow to tell her this. That's my doubt.

Also, what you said. I'm not sure yet she's worth it. The risk is so high. But yes 3 months will make it clear I guess. Thanks again.

 

[Victor Meldrew]

Hi guys,

Just signed up as I've been reading for the past few days and I feel like NC could really help me out a lot. Prepare to cringe/tell me to 'man the f*** up'.

Signed up to a Dating website a couple of months ago and found a HB9, lives look 50 miles from me/1 hour train journey. We got chatting and got on really well, swapped phone numbers etc. I was blinded by her looks and then her personality when I got to know her better, I got overwhelmed and slid towards AFC slightly. I was needy, replied fast, I even believed the **** about 'Beautiful Women never get approached' :crackup: . But she played a part in it too, said she wanted to be with me and all that fancy ****. It was always me texting first and gave her the old 'Golden Gina' treatment . She blanked me a few times so I asked her why in a quite 'bare all truths' text and she said she was 'busy' and that she loved me texting her.

Sent her a few texts since then to no reply at all so I read up on NC, AFC's the lot. I realised I had been a complete fool. If I'd tightened up a bit, I'd be close to a LTR with her by now for sure.

So I'm on Day 5 of NC now. Not talked to her at all. I've gone from looking at her Twitter 1x a day to 1x every 2/3 days, slowly I'm weaning off of her.
The only Tweet I could think was about me was her saying 'certain things are better left not said' but I doubt it is about me really. Tonight, I nearly broke NC to give her another 'bare all truths' text but came on here to wash away that moronic idea.

No contact from her yet since I started NC but I'm talking to more women online, working more hours to be busier and drinking/going out with my friends more.

Never seen this kind of story before have you?

This is a great forum to read guys and has got me motivated to finally come out of my AFC/Nice Guy shell.

 

[fredhib]

Hi guys,

Just signed up as I've been reading for the past few days and I feel like NC could really help me out a lot. Prepare to cringe/tell me to 'man the f*** up'.

Signed up to a Dating website a couple of months ago and found a HB9, lives look 50 miles from me/1 hour train journey. We got chatting and got on really well, swapped phone numbers etc. I was blinded by her looks and then her personality when I got to know her better, I got overwhelmed and slid towards AFC slightly. I was needy, replied fast, I even believed the **** about 'Beautiful Women never get approached' :crackup: . But she played a part in it too, said she wanted to be with me and all that fancy ****. It was always me texting first and gave her the old 'Golden Gina' treatment . She blanked me a few times so I asked her why in a quite 'bare all truths' text and she said she was 'busy' and that she loved me texting her.

Sent her a few texts since then to no reply at all so I read up on NC, AFC's the lot. I realised I had been a complete fool. If I'd tightened up a bit, I'd be close to a LTR with her by now for sure.

So I'm on Day 5 of NC now. Not talked to her at all. I've gone from looking at her Twitter 1x a day to 1x every 2/3 days, slowly I'm weaning off of her.
The only Tweet I could think was about me was her saying 'certain things are better left not said' but I doubt it is about me really. Tonight, I nearly broke NC to give her another 'bare all truths' text but came on here to wash away that moronic idea.

No contact from her yet since I started NC but I'm talking to more women online, working more hours to be busier and drinking/going out with my friends more.

Never seen this kind of story before have you?

This is a great forum to read guys and has got me motivated to finally come out of my AFC/Nice Guy shell.

Is there anyway you could bump into her accidentally? Just smile, tell her something quick, make her laugh, and go away?

 

[fredhib]

Dude, serious, your situation is exactly like mine. Exactly! The Love, the breakup, the NC, getting back, found out about a dude, dumping her! It is the same situation

Now you have two options.

True, man. Thank you. Option 1, chasing her, is never gonna happen. I've lost too much power and this girl needs to be fully aroused. I know her, I know better what she's doing now than she does. And this other guy has no chance. I give them..wait.. let me try to estimate it..I give them one year, absolute maximum, if she doesn't want me back in the meantime, they'll never make it, I know the guy too, there's no chance.

Yeah..I was lucky to find about NC very soon after the first breakup, I still did some damage control, and basically turned who did the break up around. NC clicked immediately for me, so obvious when you think about it. Alpha, betas, and so on.

Also, what you said. I'm not sure yet she's worth it. The risk is so high. But yes 3 months will make it clear I guess. And yes, this time NC for 3 months at least. Thanks again.

 

[Victor Meldrew]

Is there anyway you could bump into her accidentally? Just smile, tell her something quick, make her laugh, and go away?

No mate, like I say she lives about 50 miles away; normally that would be a problem but it isn't that far on the train. Why'd you ask?

 

[orton81]

letter

This hit me around the 40 day mark if I remember right. It's difficult, but if it's anything like my experience, this is the final part of the healing process. It means that you're letting go of your resentment towards her, you're finding forgiveness and you're accepting responsibility for your own mistakes.

Once you can do that, you will find it much easier to move on. OR, if you do choose to get in touch or she gets in touch, you'll find yourself in a much better frame of mind to deal with it.

funnily enough, i was thinking of doing the same thing. ive found previously that writing things down does ease the panic/anxiety/pain. i intend to treat it as an honest letter expressing gratitude for what we had, maybe describe my favourite memories etc.. so ive put a date in the outlook calendar 5 weeks from now, on which day ill post.. although in 5 weeks i may not want to post.. either way, having that date there has removed the nagging temptation ive been experiencing to drop her a brief line..

in the meantime im gonna make the most of the aussie weather and get out on the golf course with the boys and have a healthy weekend..
last friday i ended up smashed, on the gear and in bed with a 24 year old filthbag.. woke up feeling 20% proud, 80% remorseful and guilty..
think i just have to accept that it may take longer than i'd actually like to feel myself again..

was checking the news from my old town back in england when stumbled across this article.. poor bastard.. its never that bad..

http://www.northdevonjournal.co.uk/...ngham-killed/story-18288807-detail/story.html

 

[fredhib]

No mate, like I say she lives about 50 miles away; normally that would be a problem but it isn't that far on the train. Why'd you ask?

Sorry, forgot that detail. Yeah, 50 miles is too far.
I'm no NC expert, but I think what I was suggesting could be used with almost no risk. But it has to really feel accidental.
Anyway, this girl has been great for you already, learning about NC!

 

[Victor Meldrew]

Sorry, forgot that detail. Yeah, 50 miles is too far.
I'm no NC expert, but I think what I was suggesting could be used with almost no risk. But it has to really feel accidental.
Anyway, this girl has been great for you already, learning about NC!

There's always a positive to things like this! NC being the positive.
I'm going out with my mates again tomorrow night, they've suggested a strategic Tweet about pulling/who I pulled or whatever would probably show create jealousy on her part but I disagree...what do others think?
Will use your tips in the previous post in the future though fosho.

 

[JustAnotherGirl]

Forgive?

Gentlemen, first I'd like to say that I am indeed Just Another Girl (plate?) and I apologize if this appears to be a restatement of sorts as my official computer is down and I'm on my phone. Tried once before but not sure it went through.
I've been reading this during my own NC and have found it to be very helpful particularly, as noted by others, Jariel. You're a stand up guy and she's treated you terribly, the twit. Two sides to every story and all but you've been kind to strangers in need and that says a lot about your character. I wish you well.
My story is not much new. To summarize, it was longish distance (helpful in establishing NC) for a little over a year, had been discussing a move, he cheated, I found out and that was that. No big blow out, I just went ghost. "I know about xyz and we're done." I had the proof and there was no point in discussion so I didn't want to have one.
For 3 weeks I was nuts. Couldn't sleep, wasn't eating much, was exercising to exhaustion, work was suffering, the whole bit. But Monday I was watching tv while STILL fuming about Loser Boy and flipping channels when I saw people talking about forgiving those who'd murdered their loved ones. They go to prisons, talk at parole hearings and so forth.
I wanted that. I wanted to just be free dammit. So I just said, out loud, that I forgave him. I'd tried making lists and remembering the bad things only and just everything else but I was still waking around pi55ed at the summb1tch!
Listen guys, I am not a religious nut. But I'm telling you when I just forgave him...said it out loud...I fully and freely forgive (name) for the pain you caused me and I'm sorry for the pain I caused you...man did I feel better.
And I stopped wanting him. It. Was. Amazing.
I got a message Tuesday (next day!) that he was missing me and I didn't even care. I just replied that I was doing well and hoped he was too.
I just wanted to share that it may be possible you are still in what I was in. I call it an emotional hangover. It was just a maelstrom of feeling that I thought was "want" and "love" and turned out to be something very different. I'm still not sure what it all was but it hurt like hell and I'm glad to be able to not hurt anymore. I'm so glad I could let go and I found the ability to just say hey man you jacked up, I jacked up, I'm sorry and I forgive you EVEN IF I didn't say it TO him. I said it and I must have meant it somewhere because now I have peace.
I hope you all find yours.

 

[Dgwizdal]

To the Bros here that are hurting...

Decided to bounce around on the NC thread and thought this may be a good piece for you guys to read. I posted this about a year ago on the BB forum on my journey to become the man again after taking the red pill to help guys see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is still being circulated to this day. It is quite the read but i have been where you are at and worse. Use this as a catalyst for change and you will be stronger than ever.

Ok bro. Let me break this down for you. The reason she left you is because you have become a beta who stopped viewing himself as the prize and became predictable with no challenge. Relationship got stale and even though you say you were doing the small things which are cute, she wanted you to be the confident, challenging, unpredictable, smartass you once were. She is a decent looking broad so I would assume you are (or were) a pretty legit bro. The response to her text shows how off your inner game has become in the last 7.5 years and how much of a pus you have become. Please keep in mind that this is all said with bro love and the best intentions for you.

And believe me - she is getting her cheeks clapped by some other guy right now. You may not see it now - but this is an ok thing and as long as you take my advice and start being the bro you once were who doesn't give a chit about anything but becoming and being the man again, you will not only have her interested and attracted to you again, but you will be in a position to where you will not need her and be completely self content

I was in your position a year ago after getting dumped by a blonde bombshell more attractive than yours. Im 26 - and although I did not go completely beta as you did, I was still a wreck for 4-5 months. The mornings were the worst. The smartest thing you can do right now if she texts you say "I have been thinking and breaking up was the best thing for us - I've realized that I no longer feel the same as well. The relationship has gone stale and we need no contact for a long time so we can both move forward." This will be counterintuitive to your betaness right now but you will see my wisdom 4-5 months from now. Right now you need to eliminate all of her power over you in order to spark attraction down the line. Attraction becoming the bro you once were for YOURSELF, not her. Because at one point in time, you needed no girl and probably had a lot of them and didn't give a chit about anyone but yourself.

The sooner you start your journey the better.

Starting today, you read a few books on PUA. Don't feel like reading? check out julienfreetour on youtube. All free and better than David Deangelo and what not although they are good too. This guy is gold and will give you the tools you need Not to necessarily to get you laid or improve your game with girls (although intentionally and unintentionally it will), but to reestablish the spark in you and become the f***** man again. For yourself. To realize that you have the world by the balls and need no bich or anyone else but you to become a king of your own world The only person you have to live with for the rest of your life is yourself. You feel like a phaggot right now because you have put all of your self worth on her view of you. Right now her view of you undoubtedly is a pus. However, once you let her know that you don't want her anymore and feel the relationship fell off - you will immediately feel more in control, have more control, and can start your new life for YOU. Trust me the only reason you really feel like sh*t is because you went out like a winey lovesick beta and she doesn't find that attractive. Flip the script, and get your balls back.

From there - start talking to massive amounts of chicks, lift, and fake it til you make it. Tease, make fun, be ****y/funny, witty, a smartass, bust balls, start being the prize again, flirt, be a challenge, and don't give you ex the time of day...yet. If she contacts, be polite, extremely short because you are broken up and that's what exes do. Do not be her b**** doorstep. Work your ass off - 70 hrs a week if possible and party your balls off on the weekend. Do not worry about anyone else but improving your money, your aesthetics, and putting your c*** in as much new strange as possible. And if you get rejected (by time you do about 5 months of this, you wont) on to the next one because you are the prize. Treat girls like dogs and they'll beg for a treat. Treat them like queens and they'll make you your slave. Obviously do not be a ****head but be the funny playful jerk who needs no one and watch em flock.

You're ex will eventually be beating your door down. From there it is up to you - by time you get to where I am, you wont need the bich and with how much you have became the man again in 6 months to a year, you will be able to play her like a fiddle as well as every other you have been banging. (SRS)

Getting dumped was the best thing that ever happened to me even tho I was on the verge of depression shortly after like you are. Woke up one day and said f this. I been wrapped up in this relationship for too long and need to get back to bein who I was and being the man again. Since then, have become the CSO of my company at 26, 6 figure, just bought a 26' express cruiser for lake Michigan this summer, became buff and healthy, banged many chicks including her friends, constantly banging 2-3 different girls, went on vacations with chicks, f**** a broad on the front of a Royal Carribean cruise ship on the way back to port like f**** Titanic and my inner game has improved 10 fold and I honestly feel that I've never been more confident and can have the world by the balls. So many new friends and stronger relationships with the guys and all this was unattainable while focusing on some 5 year relationship on the verge of getting married. Best thing that ever happened to me. And now, my ex can't even touch me emotionally eventho I have her swallowing my Alpha Nut on the reg as well as her friends and any girl who will give me 5 seconds to melt her mind with banter and confidence.

Be the bro you once were for you and you will see your life improve everywhere. Work hard at everything, Put yourself first and all else will fall into place. People flock to that sh*t. Best advice my good friend/father figure/gazillionaire boss ever gave me. And I was down as low as you - Make it happen player. Best decision you will ever make.

Sorry for so long but want to get this point across to all the bros who have turned into p****** and let some chick get the best of them. Never again.