The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

update day 29 of no contact

not missing her as much as i did before... the reality of the relationship is kicking in & i,m starting to see this woman for what she was.

it's like coming out of a fog... when your in the fog, you just can't see that person for what they really are... blinded by love & all that crap!

my feelings are changing more towards her... what the hell was i thinking?

i mean seriously, taking on a 46 year old woman with 3 kids.. and she cannot give me any kids of my own... a woman who is unreliable, i can't even trust her.. rude & disrespectful.

a woman who will always put her kids, freinds & family before me!

why the f@ck would i take on all this baggage for a womam , who gives me so little in return... other than her vagina!

 

[Cali-83]

Day 11 I really miss her but I have done a lot of reading and working on myself. Which has helped. Not sure if she'll ever contact me and if she does I know because she is proud it won't be anytime soon.

I'm not really ready for dating right now so I'm spending time with friends, working out and doing things around my house to change things around. I'm feeling stronger each day and I know if we do ever start to talk again I will be in a better place, learn from past mistakes and will just be a stronger man.

I hope you all are doing well and have a great weekend I hope you all find the one that deserves your attention. Cheers!

 

[justagirl]

It's been 5 days since we last said anything to each other. Prior the NC from him, I had been trying to re-establish our connection but to no avail, it didn't work. He spewed lies that his daughter was sick- I'm a nurse so if anyone understands illnesses it's me. Yet he would not talk to me about it. Then came the excuse- working too much. I know no one works that much to stop any kind of contact. The last time he said anything to me was about the denver/cowboy game. I don't want to talk about "phucking" football. So I kept the text short. I went w/o contact for a couple days to give him time to deal with his work/sick kid- yes I actually believed him. And left it up to him to reach out to me. Yesterday I sent him a heartfelt email about what he was going thru, that I'm still here if needed. Foolishly, I should've gotten the hint.

I caved in last night and texted him bc I'm the type of person who needs closure. This hurts worse than goodbye bc it leaves unanswered questions. I did thought wtf did I do but realized it's not me. It's HIM. I said to him, you want me out of your life for good, considered it done. This hurts worse than a goodbye. You took the cowardly easy way out. And that's how I'll always remember you, as a coward. Have a good life, it was nice knowing you.

I've never had this happened to me before so I'm struggling with it but I know things will get better. I won't let him break me. Life is still good and this pain just reminds me that I'm alive.

 

[justagirl]

You did the smart thing by moving on. You deserve to be a priority in someone's life regardless if she has kids or not. Good that you saw it now before it was too late.

I wonder does 29 days w no contact go by fast or slow ? God I can't wait to heal and put this behind me. Starting on that now!

 

[Jariel]

Day 40:

I've made it 40 days. It is getting easier, but today has been a tough one. I'm finding any ill feelings towards her have subsided and reaching that point of forgiveness is extremely comforting.

The problem now is that I'm really missing her and wish she was still in my life, wish I could just call her up for a chat and a laugh.

My friend recently described the recovery of a break up as being like the sea when the tide is going out. The pain it comes and goes in waves. Sometimes it feels like you're over it, then suddenly the pain comes back for a moment, but gradually it gets easier and the pain gets further away.

I wonder does 29 days w no contact go by fast or slow ? God I can't wait to heal and put this behind me. Starting on that now!

I starts very slowly and for me, it got worse before it got easier...but it does get easier. Some days you will hurt a lot, but then you'll get moments of respite where you can get on with things and you feel a sense of relief, or reason sinks in and you see the benefits of being single. As the days go by, those moments of respite keep getting longer and you'll find yourself going entire days without hurting.

Just give it time. Avoid contact and absolutely keep away from all social media and apps where you will see him. Just the slightest update can set you back.

 

[soulforge]

You did the smart thing by moving on. You deserve to be a priority in someone's life regardless if she has kids or not. Good that you saw it now before it was too late.

I wonder does 29 days w no contact go by fast or slow ? God I can't wait to heal and put this behind me. Starting on that now!

the 29 days went by pretty quick to be honest... but try to keep yourself busy & find another focus other than your ex.. i know it is not easy.

the first 20 days for me was very very hard... but the the last week or so feeling some what better.

 

[soulforge]

everybody seems to be missing there exes alot... why do i feel so much resentment towards her lol

is it easier to get over somebody who treated you bad?

 

[Jariel]

everybody seems to be missing there exes alot... why do i feel so much resentment towards her lol

is it easier to get over somebody who treated you bad?

Looking back at my past break ups and finding the same thing with my recent break up, I've realised that forgiveness is a big part of the healing process.

Forgiving her for the hurt she has caused and forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made.

It may be more difficult for you to reach this point as she has been very nasty towards you, but it really helps to let go of all the resentment.

There's a quote by Buddha that goes: "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it as someone else; you are the one getting burned".

We all need to find a sense of peace within ourselves.

 

[soulforge]

went out on a date tonight... did not connect with her at all... missing my ex like crazy...she was the most beautiful woman i ever dated...

was so tempted to text her tonight, but i held back... feel so confused... and conflicted about dumping her

did i fu@ck up?

 

[soulforge]

don't know what to do... i know she is bad for me... but i still love her

 

[Jariel]

A lot of guys here really push guys into the rebound date/fvck, but it rarely helps. I was chatting to a new girl until a week ago and thought it would help me move on, but I didn't feel the chemistry and kept thinking how much easier it was to connect with my ex.

Unfortunately, when a date or new prospect doesn't work out, it will often make you want to run back to your ex.

But no, you didn't make a mistake in dumping her. Everyone who knows your story and how it's affected you agrees that you needed to let her go.

What you're going through now is the same as we're all going through...it's not her you want back, you just want the pain to end and to feel happy again, and you believe she's the only person who has control over that.

 

[adam225]

went out on a date tonight... did not connect with her at all... missing my ex like crazy...she was the most beautiful woman i ever dated...

was so tempted to text her tonight, but i held back... feel so confused... and conflicted about dumping her

did i fu@ck up?

You need to stop telling yourself sh1t like "she was beautiful".... ect.. As long as you're thinking like that it'll take you even longer to free yourself.

Write down a list of positives and negatives about her and see which one is longer (actually do it). If the positive is longer then call her up and try and sort things out.. If the negative is longer then just accept she had to go.

The bottom line - this is all being created in your mind. Nowhere else....

 

[Jariel]

Day 41:

I had such a horrible dream last night about my ex. It had been around 2 months since we last had contact and I decided I couldn't leave things as they were. I'd broken up with her in such a cold and hurtful way and I needed to tell her I was sorry and I didn't mean any of it.

I went to visit her, but her parents told me she had gone to church to pray. Instinctively, I knew which church it was, so I headed straight there. When I got there, the doors were locked and the grounds were empty. I took a walk round, hoping I'd find her.

A dark and ominous feeling washed over me and I started to panic. I turned round a corner and I saw a body lying in a shallow grave. I started to cry. I made my way over and saw that it was my ex. She had a knife in her hand and her throat had been cut. There was a short note in her other hand addressed to me. It was a suicide note, saying she could no longer live with the pain of what I did to her.

If only I'd reached out to her sooner....

I woke up and my heart was pounding. I felt sick and it didn't take long before I started crying. It took most of the day to get over it and I've been so tempted to contact her today.

Clearly I'm carrying around a lot of guilt right now and feel there's so much left unsaid. It doesn't help that the last time I saw her she was ill with stress and depression and my last text to her told her I'd been having feelings for someone else.

Not a good day for me, but it's made me realise that I need to send this letter I've been writing. It's the only way I'm going to get over this guilt and get closure.

 

[soulforge]

You need to stop telling yourself sh1t like "she was beautiful".... ect.. As long as you're thinking like that it'll take you even longer to free yourself.

Write down a list of positives and negatives about her and see which one is longer (actually do it). If the positive is longer then call her up and try and sort things out.. If the negative is longer then just accept she had to go.

The bottom line - this is all being created in your mind. Nowhere else....

i already did a list of negatives & positives... i got 4 positives & 12 negatives.. and i did that list as honeslty as possible

i think jariel is right... maybe i am not ready for dating yet... i,ve had 3 dates since the ex... and not felt a connection with anyone of them

 

[adam225]

You don't need a women. The sooner you realise this the better. I went through the exact same sh1t as everyone else in this thread and I'm more than happy being totally single. Most women simply are not worth it (for the reason why we're all in this thread). They really don't give a sh1t about anyone other than themselves.

 

[Machtwo]

They really don't give a sh1t about anyone other than themselves.

This is a perfect analogy for my ex.

I've had a bad day today, Saturday, we used to do stuff together, I didn't know what to do with myself so I ended up torchering myself with thoughts of the past and what we would be doing! I finally dragged my sh1t together and went to the health club for the spa, steam, sauna and a swim! Followed that up with a movie, Billy no mates on his own, something I've not done in over thirteen years!! I wont let her break me, she wont win.

I've memorized a quote from the film, "true commitment takes sacrifice", why do these quotes seem to appear when you're dealing with sh1t?

 

[soulforge]

how many of you would you get back with your ex if she wanted you back right now?

i wouldn't even know if she wanted me back, as i changed my number, and blocked email

 

[Renegade357]

how many of you would you get back with your ex if she wanted you back right now?

Mine does not want me back. If she did she wouldn't have let me walk away so easily in the first place. To humor you I'll answer your question. If she legit changed her ways for the better and convinced me of it then yes I would want her back. But it's back to date 1 again. She'd have to re-earn my trust slowly.

Back to reality. They don't change. There is 0% chance of this scenario happening. The spark is dead, the waters are tainted and I'll never feel safe with her again. I don't love her. Heck, I really don't even like her.

I hear it's way more painful the 2nd time around.

 

[Jariel]

She has made contact!

This evening my ex sent me a text. She has poured out her feelings, saying how much she has been missing me and she still loves me so much and has never felt this way about anyone before.

It's exactly what I've been wanting to hear for so long, I'm just taken aback and don't really know what to do. Obviously, I'm not planning to rush back to her like nothing happened, but if she wants to talk I'm willing to listen and keep an open mind.

I'll keep you posted.

 

[Renegade357]

She has made contact!

This evening my ex sent me a text. She has poured out her feelings, saying how much she has been missing me and she still loves me so much and has never felt this way about anyone before.

It's exactly what I've been wanting to hear for so long, I'm just taken aback and don't really know what to do. Obviously, I'm not planning to rush back to her like nothing happened, but if she wants to talk I'm willing to listen and keep an open mind.

I'll keep you posted.

Damn, good for you dude. Go slow and don't give her anything. Tell her you want to think about it or something. You can't go too slow with it!!