The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Jariel]

Woke up feeling like sh!t! And I'm back to Day 1 of no contact.

I thought I'd be happy to hear that she's missing me and she still loves me, to know that our break up had affected her all this time too...and you know what they say "drunken words are sober thoughts" and she admitted she meant every word. But today I feel so low.

All this time I've wanted to try and wrap up our relationship on good terms and move on with positive memories, and she said wanted the same, and yet when I tried to talk to her and gave her chance to say all the things she had been wanting to tell me, she pulled back and wouldn't talk.

I'm feel so fvcking stupid for getting sucked into her mindgames, breaking no contact and giving her the attention she was seeking. Even though my rational mind knows better, I got clouded by emotion and I couldn't stay cool and I'm really beating myself up over it today!

 

[Machtwo]

Live & learn mate, don't beat yourself up about it too much, pick yourself up, dust yourself down, move on. She was offering crumbs, treat it as though it's over, a few of us on here are guilty of over analysing - me included!

 

[Jariel]

What exactly is meant when you say "crumbs"? Is that like her way of luring me in with a bit of hope, before letting me down?

What gets to me the most is that I KNOW exactly how to behave in these situations, I've listened to what people have told me, I've learned from my past experiences and yet in the midst of it all I lose all common sense and end up doing exactly what I know is wrong?! It's like I don't even have control over my own mind.

There may be an opportunity for us to become fvck buddies. I actually want that and it would suit me more than a relationship, but I'll see what happens.

 

[Machtwo]

Read this opening post for the 'crumbs' answer:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/bre...ng-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated

Unless you are completely detached from her (and you're not), fvck buddies is asking for more misery.

 

[European-DJ]

Jariel

I am frightened that you will plunged right back into it. Considering being her fvck buddy in you current situation? Trust me, you are lying to yourself in order to feel that sweet dopamine flow through you body, the same feeling as when she texted you that long message, the same feeling as when you guys were together.

Telling yourself that you can keep her exclusively as a fvck buddy is the biggest lie you can tell yourself - it was the same I told myself the 3rd time I went back to my ex! And you know what? I definitely couldn't keep it to that, I just wanted more and more of her, even though I didn't say it, I felt I wanted a relationship with her.

Don't be stupid, don't go back that road BEFORE you are ready.
- and by your latest posts, I can tell you are not ready yet.

You know my take on this, you know that I fully support reconciliation with an ex girlfriend, because I honestly believe it could work - but as I have mentioned before, you cannot go back, not even as f-buddies, before you:
1) Have your thoughts & emotions in order
2) Have put the old relationship completely behind you (or else you will walk straight into pain & misery)
3) Have your old boldness, old self and old mindset completely implemented once again (with the addition of the experience you gained from the brake up)

Whatever you decide to do, is your call, but you will disappoint all of the guys supporting you and following you, if you rush straight into it. Without the proper mindset and without bringing the experience, you will end up whining within this topic, once again, because you two split up as a result of your wimpish act around her.


The best of Luck with your decision, but remember that you are only screwing yourself by convincing yourself that you are ready to be her F-buddy, when both you and I know, that you are currently nowhere near that point.

 

[Machtwo]

Jariel

Take note of what European-DJ has said, he's put it in much finer detail than I have and I believe every word he has written.

 

[soulforge]

well it's a complete turn of events for me... THE EX IS BEGGING FOR ME TO COME BACK!!!!

checked my email yesterday... and she has been mailing me for the last 2 weeks or so... she is close to begging

saying how sorry she is, for hurting me... claiming she would never hurt me again & will do anything & everything to be with me again..

she is saying she will drop everything & move near me, so we can be together...

SHE SOUNDS VERY DESPRATE.... NOT RELPIED BACK TO HER... JUST TAKING IN SOME OF THAT POWER SHE HAS GAVE BACK TO ME

she reckons she not been with anyone... other than me!

she left her new mobile number & is pleading for me to ring her!!

her hamster has spun something crazy

 

[Jariel]

Thank you both for the responses and yes, you're right. I would love to be with her one last time and she has said the same, but no doubt it's just going to hold me back and I'll keep wondering if it could ever be more.

My intention was to just fvck and leave, and just show her a more casual and detached side of myself. But I'm sure my desperation would come out in one way or another.

So what now? Should I just leave things as they are or should I contact her one last time telling her that getting back in touch was a mistake and I'd prefer it if she didn't contact me again?

 

[Jariel]

well it's a complete turn of events for me...

Congratulations mate! This really shows the power of No Contact and big props to you for holding back and not rushing to contact her (like I did).

However, I suggest you don't go there again and I'm sure everyone here will agree with me. She's bad for you and an emotional liability. I'm sure your confidence is at an all time high right now, so use it to fuel the next chapter in your life!

Don't even respond to her. Trust me, you will regret it like I do and she can snatch back all that confidence from you in an instant.

 

[Machtwo]

Jariel

Do nothing for now, try & sit on it for a week or two.

 

[Jariel]

Thank you D1ZL4 for that post. It really helps to read these objective words and I really wish I'd spent more time on here yesterday than texting my ex back.

I really was making progress and was feeling good. Perhaps I can take the little ego boost and use this drunk text to help me move forward instead of moving backwards.

Trying to see the positives...

I was carrying a lot of guilt from our break up and felt there was a lot left unsaid. I don't have to worry about this any more.

I started to doubt if she even cared about us breaking up and was just glad to be rid of me. Indications would suggest that's not true and she does love and miss me.

I was wondering if she was attracted to me, but there are indications that she is very much so and she also commented how our sex life was amazing and how much I turned her on.

Although just indications, it's something I didn't have before and I can take away from this to help me move on. No more guilt or doubts. It's just going to take a bit of time to get my head straightened out again.

 

[Jariel]

For fvcks sake, I feel exactly as I did when we first broke up.

I'm going from feelings of hate towards her, to hating myself, to feeling rejected and manipulated, to feeling utterly downtrodden.

I'm about to delete her messages (and her number along with them). I just hope it's not going to take another 40+ days to recover from this.

 

[Jariel]

Now you know that she does indeed miss you and still loves you, Use it more as an ego boost on yourself. I think now that you have found all the answers to the questions that were holding you back, you can indeed move forward.

They can be very deceiving creatures and something that i have learnt these past few months is they HATE to be on their own. This could be some thing as simple as her feeling lonely and wanting some one to give her attention...This isn't to say that she isn't getting attention else where because 9 times outta 10 she is, but if she doesn't feel anything for that person..The easiest and most comfortable thing for her to do is get back in contact with you.

The whole safety net thing, some thing my ex did to me. At the time i could never believe that she would do something like that because it was ME!

That's exactly what I fear. I know she's on POF and has been speaking to other guys, and I'm pretty sure she has given them her number, but I've been doing the same thing on the rebound.

It really hurts to think I'm just a safety net and just a means for her to get an ego fix.

This is what makes it so hard to leave things as they are. I just keep getting tempted to calmly tell her I regret us getting back in touch, but it has made me realise I don't feel the same about her any more, then wish her the best.

Bad idea?

 

[soulforge]

That's exactly what I fear. I know she's on POF and has been speaking to other guys, and I'm pretty sure she has given them her number, but I've been doing the same thing on the rebound.

It really hurts to think I'm just a safety net and just a means for her to get an ego fix.

This is what makes it so hard to leave things as they are. I just keep getting tempted to calmly tell her I regret us getting back in touch, but it has made me realise I don't feel the same about her any more, then wish her the best.

Bad idea?

mate, do not wish her anything... you know she still loves you... but you need to go back into no contact

untill the day comes... where she is knocking down your door.. or clearly in no uncertain terms, states she wants to be back with you

even tho me ex is no good for me.... she has atleast clearly said, that she wants nothing more then to be back with me!!!

anything less than that is just f@cking bread crumbs???

 

[Renegade357]

Take them back to date #1 guys if you want them back. Go slow. See them once per week for an hour or 2. Treat them like a plate and make them earn you back. Most importantly date other women. They have to earn their spot back. Don't give them anything for free.

 

[Renegade357]

Let it spin. Move on and find someone who will treat you better. The way you deserve to be treated.

Ultimately I have to agree with this. I don't see any win to be gained out of getting with someone who disrespected you and let you walk away from their life in the first place. I think most of these girls want to cause pain and hurt because they are in pain themselves for other reasons outside of our control. They left for greener pastures, failed to find them, now return to someone they think they have power over. I say let them rot.

 

[orton81]

jariel you bounced back from rock bottom 3 years back - use this experience to guide you back on track.. i understand you are grieving and your head is all over the place but you MUST go cold turkey from this bird.. otherwise you will find yourself in a loop of hope > lost hope > confusion..

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=172016

if you can drag yourself from the abyss as you did here, you can sure get over this chick.. look at the positives in your life and not the negatives - im sure this is another line in swingers

i just went 14 days NC, fuming with myself as i responded to an innocent text - albeit with a one line dismissive text and non response to her follow up - i see it as back to 2 days NC.. thing is my head only began to whirl as soon as she started being distant..

keep supporting each other boys, and remain strong

 

[GADavid]

I got an "explanation" /apology email this morning. Sorry woman, you had your chance. In it she took no responsibility so it was more for her own self satisfaction than mine. Bare in mind, this girl went 6 solid days of not responding to humiliating AFC material. I went NC Friday night when I last saw her; Monday morning she was compelled to email? Looks like the NC stuff works, but they can tell the instant you have chosen to move on. Knowing how Beta I was in the past, she will be bewildered that it garners no response, not even a snarky one. I hope it drivers her crazy...the realization that I'm gone and she messed up. Time to hit the gym

 

[adam225]

well it's a complete turn of events for me... THE EX IS BEGGING FOR ME TO COME BACK!!!!

checked my email yesterday... and she has been mailing me for the last 2 weeks or so... she is close to begging

saying how sorry she is, for hurting me... claiming she would never hurt me again & will do anything & everything to be with me again..

she is saying she will drop everything & move near me, so we can be together...

SHE SOUNDS VERY DESPRATE.... NOT RELPIED BACK TO HER... JUST TAKING IN SOME OF THAT POWER SHE HAS GAVE BACK TO ME

she reckons she not been with anyone... other than me!

she left her new mobile number & is pleading for me to ring her!!

her hamster has spun something crazy

Good. I honestly hope she is in pain. Use this to laugh at her and teach her the lesson she needs. It might be hard for you to see - but you are doing her next boyfriend a favor by telling her to F*CK OFF. If all us men were strong minded and looked out for each other dating would be soooo much better. Women would actually have RESPECT !!! . :cuss:

 

[Machtwo]

Adam

Good. I honestly hope she is in pain. Use this to laugh at her and teach her the lesson she needs. It might be hard for you to see - but you are doing her next boyfriend a favor by telling her to F*CK OFF. If all us men were strong minded and looked out for each other dating would be soooo much better. Women would actually have RESPECT !!! . :cuss:

This is the best bit of advice I've heard or read for weeks, brilliant. :cheer: