The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

ok guys another update!!

so i have ignored all her pleading... the power feels great right now, but i know this great feeling won't be long lasting, a few weeks after she has disapeared again, i will probably start missing her... but this has defo given me the edge to move on!!

anyhow sh@t has got crazy... i checked my emails again today & it looks like she started emailing me & trying to get me back, exactly one week after i dumped her!

couple of days a go, i joined POF, simply for the purpose of pumping a few sl@ts...

guess what... she found me on there this morning & is pleading with me on pof..

she is claiming she will do ANYTHING for me & does not want me seeing anybody else!!

so again i have ignored her....


guys she seems very desperate... so decided to read all her amails to me & this is what i have found out.

first she has had a big fallout with her freind, who lives across the road from her & they have stopped talking to each other..

also both her sons have left her... they had some kind of argument & both her sons aged 16 and 20 have told her to fuk off & have moved out of her house.

so my guess is, she is on her arse now... she has drove her kids away & now she is realizing what she had with me

a guy who loved her & stood by her & put up with her crap & she fuked it all up!!!

she took that love for GRANTED... so now life is kicking her ass... her kids have told her she is a nasty old woman & left the house.

how the mighty have fallen

THIS IS KARMA IN ACTION

 

[Machtwo]

Soulforge

I would be so happy if I were you right now, for me, that would be the 'closure', end of the line, the final act. Surely you have no remorse or feelings for this woman if you just moved on to the next female, whenever that may be.

I would love a scenario to pan out like this for me, I doubt it will, things don't happen like this for me, but if I were you my head would feel massive.

Good luck, make the right decision, very happy for you.

 

[soulforge]

I would be so happy if I were you right now, for me, that would be the 'closure', end of the line, the final act. Surely you have no remorse or feelings for this woman if you just moved on to the next female, whenever that may be.

I would love a scenario to pan out like this for me, I doubt it will, things don't happen like this for me, but if I were you my head would feel massive.

Good luck, make the right decision, very happy for you.

mate my head feels massive... but underneath it all, there is a hint of sadness too... and i know this great feeling will soon subside!

love does not go away over night & she is obviously hurting... but nobody did this to her, but her self.

i tried to love this woman, but she took it for granted... it's only when people like this hit rock bottom, do they realize what they have lost..

i did not ask for much from this woman, other than some mutual respect.. it seems like that was too much to ask for..

woman like these don't give a f@ck about love, respect, loyalty, honour...

these greedy c@nts are out for themselves & do not care about who's lives they destroy.


stick to no contact... if you are hoping for some kind of reconciliation... then only only break no contact, when she has made it clear, that she undoubtly wants you back

anything less than that is just bread crumbs!!

 

[Machtwo]

Soulforge

I'm not hoping for reconciliation, I want this person to hit rock bottom like you say, to realise what they have lost, I didn't want much either, just respect & mutual love, not much to ask for IMHO.

 

[Cali-83]

Day 15

Man some days are really tough to get through. I'm proud of myself from going into NC right away and sticking to it. I've had moments that I'm hoping the phone will ring and other times I don't want anything to do with someone that doesn't want me in their life.

Sticking to no contact is key to helping you heal and move on. Can't wait until the weaker moments go away.

 

[GADavid]

Alright guys, things are working out in my favor. She sent an email yesterday morning, and left a long voice mail today. She is sorry for the way she handled things and understands if I don't want to speak to her. It's hard not to send a snarky message back to the effect of "I bet. Too late." I do not want to give her the upper hand again by responding back. I learned my lesson and will not talk to a woman about serious issues. Holding the cards close to my chest from here on.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Freedom! And a week of NC! =)

Hey guys Whats up.

It has been some time since I have not logged in this part of the forum. Initially because I was affraid to say anyone I've broken NC, and afterwards because I've been reading a Truckload of usefull stuff for my (our) situation.

Just to Sum the NC breaking, we had a coffee arranged together, and she flaked, but she proposed another day... The day came, and nothing happened.
I was hoping to go to the caffe to get some closure. Since she didn't said a word, I've sent her a goodbye email. Not begging her back, declaring my love, or telling her how much she crushed me. Just what I've learned with her, without her and goodbye.
She replied instantly via text, telling me she read and reread the email, but she couldn't answer me at that time 'cause she was busy, but she would reply me up until the weekend, 'cause I "deserved" it not to be rushed...
She didn't replied of course, but I never asked for a reply. I've sent that for me. For my closure. That is what I've needed.

Well, with that said, I can tell you guys. You are all wrong.
Stop this whining. If you can, get closure. And close the door.
You are all here because you secretly want that she go back to her "normal" self and take you back.
Forget about that. That is a terrible mindset. Let her go.

The problem is within us. You have to be happy with your own self. We tend to think that she was the one, the dream girl, because we are focusing on the wrong things... The ladies.

Forget about the ladies. Focus on yourself, on your personnal growth... And The ladies shall come along.

Here is some usefull reading:
13 steps to GET OVER you ex
Anti-Dump's Love Machine
Pook's Live Your Dream Post
Pook's Be a MAN!
Both Society and Women hate Men - Misandry
Pook's Dodge the Bullet
Pook's Fountain of Youth (Brilliant Post)

Real men are not available. They are climbing mountains. They are swimming across rivers. What are YOU doing? Making spagetti?!?!?!

 

[Jariel]

Update:

I think many of us are way too quick to paint women as the villains and things aren't always what they seem. My ex contacted me again last night and explained how hurt and messed up she's been by our break up and has even had to consult her GP. In fact, it sounds like she's been through the same as I've been through.

She still loves me, misses me and thinks of me all the time, and it all came out that night she sent the drunk text. She admits, she meant it all and wanted me to know that, but felt guilty afterwards because she can't/won't follow up on it.

Despite how she feels, she doesn't think we can work out as a couple. We've had 2 break ups already and she believes it would only be a matter of time before we broke up again and she can't stand to keep going through it. Being in love, just isn't enough for a relationship to survive and I see exactly what she's saying.

So many people have been telling me don't go back, it'll only end badly again and people break up for a reason etc. They are right and it seems my ex knows this better than I do.

She wants to meet with me to tell me what's on her mind and to try and clear the air. I guess we are both harbouring guilt and resentment, so I'm thinking it might be a good idea to just end on a more amicable note.

 

[Jariel]

Alright guys, things are working out in my favor. She sent an email yesterday morning, and left a long voice mail today. She is sorry for the way she handled things and understands if I don't want to speak to her. It's hard not to send a snarky message back to the effect of "I bet. Too late." I do not want to give her the upper hand again by responding back. I learned my lesson and will not talk to a woman about serious issues. Holding the cards close to my chest from here on.

You're doing the right thing. As time passes, you will start to see things very differently and anything you say now you may end up regretting.

We are all very quick to condem women for reaching out and seeking reassurance, and yet I'm sure most of us want that, even if it can go no further...just to know that we meant something to them.

But yes, hold back and don't respond. You may feel after time you never want to talk to her again, she may contact you asking to get back together, offering to explain her mistakes, or you might start to reframe what happened and reach out to her.

Just give it time to get your head straight before you act.

 

[Lotus Effect]

She wants to meet with me to tell me what's on her mind and to try and clear the air. I guess we are both harbouring guilt and resentment, so I'm thinking it might be a good idea to just end on a more amicable note.

So man, as I've said in my preview post, if you can get closure, than do it. It is the best thing that can happen to you. It will really set you free...

What you have is a golden chance by meeting her one on one. The only thing to advise though, is if you are going to get closure, get closure. Do not fall in the trap of getting back together.

It's possible that you guys may kiss, or even have sex. But keep in mind that is breakup, not makeup sex. And then Go. And focus on yourself.

On a side note though, it really amazes me the power a woman can have over a man. And I'm telling this specifically to you Jariel. I've read so many good posts from you, real inspiring s**t, you seemed like a solid dude. But here you are, crying and sobbing over one specific girl.

I'm not saying that you are weak or anything like that, just telling you that you had a positive frame, so keep that in mind!

Best of luck!

 

[Jariel]

So man, as I've said in my preview post, if you can get closure, than do it. It is the best thing that can happen to you. It will really set you free...

I agree with you. Last time we broke up, we met up and spoke about it, she gave me letters she'd written and I left with closure. I was happy to move on with my life. (It was her who initiated things again btw).

She's already poured out her heart, told me how much she loves me, misses me and how hurt she's been over our break up. This gives me some closure in a sense because it shows me our relationship was genuine and I really did mean something to her.

I just need to end things on good terms, try to overcome these bitter last impressions.

On a side note though, it really amazes me the power a woman can have over a man. And I'm telling this specifically to you Jariel. I've read so many good posts from you, real inspiring s**t, you seemed like a solid dude. But here you are, crying and sobbing over one specific girl.

I'm not saying that you are weak or anything like that, just telling you that you had a positive frame, so keep that in mind!

It shocks me too mate. 3 years before meeting her I had a date almost every week, was banging models and real hotties, was oozing confidence and felt in control, but love can really mess with a man's mind.

I will get back to the man I was and I'm getting there slowly. It's just going to take time.

 

[GADavid]

You're doing the right thing. As time passes, you will start to see things very differently and anything you say now you may end up regretting.

We are all very quick to condem women for reaching out and seeking reassurance, and yet I'm sure most of us want that, even if it can go no further...just to know that we meant something to them.

But yes, hold back and don't respond. You may feel after time you never want to talk to her again, she may contact you asking to get back together, offering to explain her mistakes, or you might start to reframe what happened and reach out to her.

Just give it time to get your head straight before you act.

Great advice. She and I had an awesome time when things were good and have known each other for years, so I don't see this being the end. She seems to be sincerely reaching out, but yeah I have reframed what our entire relationship was. Crazy how 2 weeks not being in the fog of the relationship can change how you think about it. IF, that's a big if, I let her back in my life, it's on my terms.

 

[dbx]

Day 1 almost complete.

Just over one and a half years. She Never seemed fully into it.

Really struggling at the moment, but know it's for the best.

 

[Renegade357]

Day 1 almost complete.

Just over one and a half years. She Never seemed fully into it.

Really struggling at the moment, but know it's for the best.

Sounds a lot like what i just went through. You date a chick for a year and a half and she always seems to have one foot out the door. No fun. Sorry dude. Stay with no contact, you'll feel better after the 60 days I promise. It worked for me. The good and bad news is a girl who isn't invested in your relationship isn't likely to contact you so moving on will be easier. Most of the guys on here are dating trifling women who enjoy head screwing their men. Makes it tougher.

Anyway, one question. When you two broke up did you beg her to take you back? Or did you accept the break and walk away like you're supposed to? It's ok either way.

 

[dbx]

I begged like a little girl.

I knew what I was meant to do, but the fear of losing her was just too great.

 

[Jariel]

I begged like a little girl.

I knew what I was meant to do, but the fear of losing her was just too great.

Instinctive reaction mate. I think most of us have done it. The key is to recognise your mistake and don't do it again...ever!

These coming days can make or break her last impression of you and, most importantly, your opinion of yourself. If you can stick with no contact from this point on, you will respect yourself more and she will respect you more.

Meanwhile delete her number, Facebook and all means of contacting her because in those low moments of desperation, even the wisest of us do stupid things.

Post those stupid and emotional thoughts here instead, get them out of your system.

Good luck!

 

[Renegade357]

I begged like a little girl.

I knew what I was meant to do, but the fear of losing her was just too great.

I didn't beg with mine but I realized it doesn't matter that much how you go out. Beg, cry, burn a bridge or walk away with a smile. Doesn't matter. It's over.

 

[dbx]

I actually tried a couple of times to simply get up and leave and felt like I had it sorted, but just as I reached the door I had to stop.

I know things will get better and I know I'll find someone else. The problem is I don't really want to. I think I'd take her back in a second, but deep down know too much has happened for a trouble-free life with her. I'd never feel secure with her.

 

[Blazing]

So I ran into my ex yesterday. She said she didn't have my number anymore from dropping her phone in water and asked for my number back. Which I gave her. She txtd me an hour or two later saying it was good seeing me and she was glad I was doing well. Not sure how to handle this. I don't care to speak to her in public but txting for now just sounds weird. Not sure what she's thinking by doing this lol

 

[Lotus Effect]

So I ran into my ex yesterday. She said she didn't have my number anymore from dropping her phone in water and asked for my number back. Which I gave her. She txtd me an hour or two later saying it was good seeing me and she was glad I was doing well. Not sure how to handle this. I don't care to speak to her in public but txting for now just sounds weird. Not sure what she's thinking by doing this lol

Man listen to the voice of experience right now.
Do not answer that s**t. Simply for the fact that you are confused and don't know what to do.
When we are confused, we tend to do stupid things that we regret later. Specially via text message. You can really say a lot of stupid s**t. Myself got one of this and ended up talking about mashed potatoes, followed by silence. You are No Contact. Remain no contact. It will work out the best for you.

If you really feel the urge to reply, reply with this exact piece of text:
"Hey, nice to know you are doing good. I'm busy with some stuff here. Later!"

That's it, you answered, you were polite, and you remain a mistery. But I tell you, responding to your ex during NC only cushion her fall, as she will fell safer knowing you are still around.

And to answer your question, that you are not sure what she's thinking, here is the answer. She is not thinking nothing. As always. She does not think. She feels. And what she is feeling right now is fear, insecurity and loss, by seeing you are ok without her.
Saying that, the minute she knows you are still there, BAM! There goes the fear.

Best of Luck!