I'm going to take this time to share how I previously got my ex back... in the hope that it might offer some inspiration or insight into how I dealt with my previous breakup.
The Break Up:
Things had been strained in our relationship for a few weeks. My girlfriend was going through a stressful situation with her divorce finances and was not her usual affectionate self. I arranged to meet her for coffee one day and she turned up late. Only moments later, she told me she couldn't stick around and had lots she needed to get on with. I was p1ssed. I felt like she was being very disrespectful and was wasting my time.
Now, we all know that a man doesn't stand for any disrespect, right? So I told her I'd leave her to it and I got up and left. I later sent her a text message telling her to get back to me when she can show me more respect. Oh yes, I'm living "the prize" mentality, I thought, I'm showing her that I'm willing to walk away.
Later that day I got a text where she picked me up on this, explained the stress she was going through and some other stuff...then she ended it by breaking up with me. She suggested I move on and meet a woman who is more suitable.
I couldn't believe what I was reading?! I never thought I'd get this from her. She was so madly in love with me! I called her up and when we spoke, she was cold. She told me she had been thinking about it all day, ran the idea of losing me through her head and she felt nothing. I could tell by her voice that she meant it too.
Wow! Talk about ripping out my heart. How could she go from being so crazy about me, so clingy and needy, to not caring? I didn't know what else to say so I basically said goodbye to her and hung up the phone.
The next day I contacted her and asked if we could talk about it over coffee. She agreed to meet with me 2 days from there, but told me not to expect anything.
The day came where we were due to meet for coffee, but just before we were due to meet she cancelled. She told me she didn't see us together any more and there was no point going over it. Ice cold!
I responded with a bitter text message, ranting at her for using me and how much sh1t I had to put up with from her and I was glad to be rid of her.
This was our last contact for 4 weeks.
Reflecting on my mistakes
I was absolutely devestated. On one hand I hated her for putting me through this, and on the other I hated myself for fvcking things up....well, you all know how it goes.
However, this whole time I was reflecting on what I'd done wrong and how she could suddenly go from wanting to see me every day, wanting to marry me to feeling "nothing".
I looked at the way I'd behaved, not just during the break up, but during the relationship, how I'd shown a lack of maturity and responsibility. I looked at some of my actions and little PUA mind games I'd tried to pull, and realised how stupid I was to think they could apply to a grown up relationship. There were things she'd been trying to tell me that I didn't see at the time, but were now becoming clear.
Too late now, I figured, but I believe it's important to learn from your mistakes. It's how we grow and evolve into better people.
Positive Thinking
I was lying on my bed crying one day, feeling overwhelmed with pain and negativity. My break up had started to infect my whole perception of life. I hated my job, hated myself and my place in life. I had no enthusiasm for my hobbies or my friends and saw no point to anything. I resented people who tried to be there for me. Good people who were just trying to help were starting to p1ss me off. I was spiralling into this chasm of depression.
Then out of nowhere I had something of a revelation. All this negativity was going on inside my mind. The world hadn't changed, my hobbies hadn't changed, nor had the people around me. What had changed was my perception of life. That one negative event had altered everything for me.
So surely, if a negativie event can inspire a negative state of mind, which then creates a negative perception of life, then by surrounding myself with positive influences, I could inspire a positive outlook on life and change reality. "Our thoughts creates our reality"...where had I heard that before?
The Law of Attraction.
I had studied this some years ago, put out a few "wishes" and got nothing before dismissing it as new age hippie bullsh1t designed to give lazy people false hope. But at that point I was actually experiencing the Law of Attraction and I was attracting a whole load of negativity!
So I decided from that day I was going to dig my heels in and refuse to spiral any further down. In fact, I was going to reverse my direction!
I stopped watching the news, started removing all negative influences from my life and began surrounding myself with inspirational videos, speeches and audio books. I started focusing on my goals and what I really want from life and I began daydreaming and meditating on that reality.
I started to look at people with more tolerance and more compassion. All those grumpy people I encounter in my day to day life, I perceived as characters in a sitcom. So instead of dragging me down, they were actually a source of amusement.
I started building Law of Attraction vision boards, studying how to achieve my goals and my mood was improving day by day. I had purpose and direction and I would go out every day and pay closer attention to the swaying of the trees, the cool air blowing through my car window, on music and the stars in the sky.
It still hurt to lose my ex, but I started to envision a reality in which we had ended a whirlwind romance. In this reality, she still loved me and I loved her, but circumstances had driven us apart. I basically, rewrote my perception of the situation and I started to feel better about it.
Seeking Closure
This positive mindset gave me a new perspective on my relationship and the break up. I realised we had one hell of a fantastic year together and I was so grateful for that. I forgave her for the hurt she had caused me and let go of the resentment.
I felt quite positive towards her and I got this idea into my head that I wanted to let her know.
I mulled it over a lot first and thought about what I would write. The thing is, if I'd contacted her under a negative mindset there would've been an underlying desperation to get her back or hidden resentment. But now I was coming from a detached and positive place and could contact her with the sole intention of seeking closure.
Getting her back
I sent her a text telling her that I understood why we needed to break up and I'm ok with it now. I explained how my emotions had settled and I had a better perspective on the situation. I told her how grateful I was to have spent the past year with her, let her know I was doing well and told her I held no hard feelings towards her and wished her the best.
Within minutes, I received a message back. She poured her heart out about how much she had been missing me, how much I meant to her and she was sorry she broke up with me. She said it wasn't my fault, it was all down to her circumstances, but she felt she couldn't contact me while I was still bitter or holding out hope of us getting back together.
She'd written me letters explaining in detail what she was going through and how much I meant to her and explained how she'd felt nothing when it first happened, but had experienced a delayed reaction and over the following days and weeks she mourned like crazy for me and reached the same lows and depression I had.
She asked if I would meet with her. We did so and I maintained my positive and detached mindset. I met her with intentions of just clearing the air and saying goodbye and that's what we did. But over the following weeks, she continued contacting me and asked me to meet again, and said she can't go on without me.
We got back together.
Premature reconciliation
Unfortunately, we fell back into the same problematic circumstances. We got back together too soon, too heavy, without addressing or changing the reasons why we broke up and we ended up repeating the same mistakes again...only this time it was much worse.
And this is where I join you now. I'm trying desperately to get back that positive mindset again that served me so well during my previous break up. One day it's going to click, I know it is.
Meanwhile, I've been reflecting on thr gratitude over the amazing relationship I shared. I've let go of the resentment and blame, I've accepted the fact that break ups are always painful, and I feel good about it.
I hope this offers some inspiration to you guys here. Let's try to aim for that positive and detached state of mind!
)