The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
UnCreativeUsername
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2013
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 0
daifeigo said:
Hey dude,
We all know how hard it is to not contact! In the past, my best record was 5 days, I would see something on fb or twitter and then like a man possessed, I would reel off an essay of pathetic crap.
I am only on day 14, so I am in no way one to talk too much here. But, the last time I managed to speak to my ex, she gave me closure. She said she didnt want me back and that was that. That was two weeks ago today.....I was at Glastonbury at the time (huge music festival in the uk) and within an hour, I was chatting up another girl, kissing her within a few mins and she has helped to be a distraction for the last couple of weeks. Dont get me wrong, it wont make you forget your ex, it wont make your ex leave your mind, but it will reduce the cravings to contact her.
You have to try harder than a day, just accept that if there was even the slightest chance she would want you back, it won't be after a day man.
Sad thing is man, I know these words prob wont stop you from hurting, cos Im feeling your pain my brother. Just try make it to day 2 at least and message on here if you get the urge to message her.....there are some real experts who know their shiz here man.
Hold tight man!
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
Well i fvcked up big time this time. Went and hung out with the ex on the lake two days ago. Had a good time we laughed and carryed on a bit then things shifted back to old feelings again almost. She started talking abt why she bought this painting bc it reminded her of the first time we went out etc. And how it showed her she could still have a good time. We drank alot and got sorta touchy feeley ..or she did ..when we left we went back to her house where we both passed out. ended up sleeping in the same bed but no sex attempt. Got up that morning to leave and we kissed but it was weird. then she said it might complicate things etc but it was like she wanted it to happen to.
Anyway i ran into her parents in a store and they asked how i had been and what not and asked if iwould take them to our range sometime to shoot. I said no prob. A few hrs later a get a text from her saying how her parents really like me and im on the hook for this etc. Throwing in smiley faces and what not. I also have a beach trip planned and asked if she wanted to go..she said yes. WTF am i thinking. Lastnight she calls and im half way asleep and we both talk untill were asleep. But she has offerd to take me to see her parents at their lake house etc one day soon.
But she also threw in a few storys about how she had gone out a few times to a bar and her friends were trying to set her up with younger guys like me but she wouldnt do and how she had been hanging out with some of her guy friends. i didnt act like a douche when she said that bc i figuerd it was a **** test anyway. Im just pissed that i did that and i know i just need to cut contact right now. just angry. Ohh just got a text saying that a mutual friend is supposed to be down there when we go so i guess she is trying to back out due to our big age diffrence its always been weird around other ppl when we run into them some where out of town.
Anyway i ran into her parents in a store and they asked how i had been and what not and asked if iwould take them to our range sometime to shoot. I said no prob. A few hrs later a get a text from her saying how her parents really like me and im on the hook for this etc. Throwing in smiley faces and what not. I also have a beach trip planned and asked if she wanted to go..she said yes. WTF am i thinking. Lastnight she calls and im half way asleep and we both talk untill were asleep. But she has offerd to take me to see her parents at their lake house etc one day soon.
But she also threw in a few storys about how she had gone out a few times to a bar and her friends were trying to set her up with younger guys like me but she wouldnt do and how she had been hanging out with some of her guy friends. i didnt act like a douche when she said that bc i figuerd it was a **** test anyway. Im just pissed that i did that and i know i just need to cut contact right now. just angry. Ohh just got a text saying that a mutual friend is supposed to be down there when we go so i guess she is trying to back out due to our big age diffrence its always been weird around other ppl when we run into them some where out of town.
Faldero456
Don Juan
Well 6 day done. This no contact is hard.
Was on a roller coaster the last two days. Sad at "IT" being over. Mad at her for leaving. Feeling sorry for myself. " How could she do this?!?!?" Feeling ****ty.
Today it hit me. It is over. Nothing to gain in wasting my energy on it. I have to let it go.
It is only 6 day NC. But things ended about 6 weeks ago. I broke all the rules in the previous 6 weeks. Believe it when people say it is worse to keep in contact. I tried the " were are friends, we can still do things together." I did. I felt worse after each time we did things. I guess I was hoping for the old times. They were not there. SHE LIKES ME THERE TO STROKE HER EGO.
I feel better and see a better way to live without her.
She still is texting me. But the texts are getting pushy. She doesn't know what to do with me not contacting her back. You can't have your cake and it too.
Faldero456
Was on a roller coaster the last two days. Sad at "IT" being over. Mad at her for leaving. Feeling sorry for myself. " How could she do this?!?!?" Feeling ****ty.
Today it hit me. It is over. Nothing to gain in wasting my energy on it. I have to let it go.
It is only 6 day NC. But things ended about 6 weeks ago. I broke all the rules in the previous 6 weeks. Believe it when people say it is worse to keep in contact. I tried the " were are friends, we can still do things together." I did. I felt worse after each time we did things. I guess I was hoping for the old times. They were not there. SHE LIKES ME THERE TO STROKE HER EGO.
I feel better and see a better way to live without her.
She still is texting me. But the texts are getting pushy. She doesn't know what to do with me not contacting her back. You can't have your cake and it too.
Faldero456
Last edited:
jeffreylebowski
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2013
- Messages
- 41
- Reaction score
- 2
Keep ignoring those texts bud. If you were in a better mindset, you could respond...but as it stands now you're emotional road kill if you engage. If she keeps getting pushier, you can simply say you would like some space and that being friends is weird or something like that.
Just keep distancing yourself so you can heal. Even if she said she wants to get together to talk about getting back with you, you're not ready. My two cents.
Just keep distancing yourself so you can heal. Even if she said she wants to get together to talk about getting back with you, you're not ready. My two cents.
UnCreativeUsername
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2013
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 0
Hey Dude,Faldero456 said:
Firstly, be proud of yourself for not replying.....takes real steel my friend.
What I cant work out about her is what she wants from you? I mean, is she really expecting you to be the best of friends after breaking up with you and KNOWING you want her back?
My ex genuinely wants nothing to do with me. Doesnt want to be friends and was barely able to be civil to me. I think your ex is keeping you about as an option, which I wont lie, I have done in the past as it was easier on my ego.
If she wanted you back, it would have happened by now. You might want to ask yourself whether this chick is right for you, as she seems to be messing you around for her egos sake. The fact she is getting pushy about the texts now tells me the same thing it tells you.....shes thinking "how dare he not reply, I dumped him!"
Im on the 14th day my friend of no contact my friend and the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I have gone 14 days without contacting her!
Take a break from contact. She wont leave your head, but you need to work out (as do I) are these really the best women we can get?
Oh, and I am nowhere near as obsessive as I was before I stopped contact bro, just another reason why you might wanna avoid it.
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
does the fact im abt to date a new girl change anything?Mauser96 said:
Nah. It's all down to the time you've had away from her. You need to ride out the full 60 days to benefit from the challenge. Other than that, you're constantly pressing "reset" on a never ending battle...fuko2007 said:
5 weeks today for me. I'm feeling pretty darn good as well. I'm looking forward to proving to myself how strong minded I am and finishing the challenge.
Faldero456
Don Juan
UnCreativeUsername,UnCreativeUsername said:
Dead on interpretation,
Today finish 7 days NC. You're right. This takes some steel.
As I mention before, I broke all the rules the first 4 to 6 weeks after she dumped me. I was her ego boost. I now know what I did wrong, everything. If I stay friends, I still get to have contact. Maybe she'll want more, like I did. All doing anything with her was making me feel ****tier.
Now that I stopped contact, I am thinking clearer. Is she someone I would want back in my life? No. What she did to me was fair to me? No. She had me as her emotional support as she transitioned and grabbed hold of that new branch, while stringing me along with the faint hope clause. She did all things that this thread said she’ll do if I let her. I let her.
Right now, I do not want anything to do with her. Today is her birthday. I do not have any urge to send her a happy B-Day text. How do I know it is her birthday? Stupid cell phone reminder I had programmed years past.
I may only have finished day 7 of NC. But I am a quick study. Now that I see the “full” picture, I see what my mistakes were. I learn from my mistakes.
Do I miss her? Yes. Do I miss what we had? Yes. Do I want her back? NO!!!
I have moved on. But I do know that it will return. The longings I have for her. If you read anything about the 7 steps of grief after a break up, you know that they area not liner. The day will come that it will punch me in the gut again.
But with NC and the pointers from here and other “get over her“ sites, I know I am equipped to deal with it.
Yes I am over her. No future there. The hard part is I don’t spin plates. I am a serial monogamist. I know I have to spend moths being alone. I need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with someone else in my life.
I will keep posting here. This helps, keeping track of what I am and thinking. It helps to see what other think and their situations. It is also funny to learn that my situation isn’t that special.
Faldero456
Checking in with day 8. I'll be honest, I'm just doing this to try and get her back, but hopefully after 60 days of no contact (FROM HER....God, I hope not, but realistically that's probably what's going to happen) I can finally stop fooling myself into believing that there is actually a chance for us to get back together, even though she hasn't given me a single positive sign in 4 months (4 months that I've been begging and pleading, btw...don't even know if that matters).
Faldero456
Don Juan
daifeigodaifeigo said:
Keep up the NC. It only gets better each day you keep her out of your life.
Each minute is tough.
You think of her always.
But keep up the NC, before you know it, it will be minutes you don't think of her.
Then it will be an hour.
If you feel like contacting her, don't. Post here what you are feeling and what you will want to say to her. Better to post it here. Get it out of your system.
Faldero456
Faldero456
Don Juan
jeffreylebowski said:
UnCreativeUsername
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2013
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 0
Faldero dude, sorry I am quoting your whole reply, I just havent mastered specifying certain parts of your message to directly reply to...help would be appreciated lol.Faldero456 said:
Firstly, are you 100% sure, deep deep down you do not want her back? If someone strapped you up to a lie detector, what would your answer be to "do you want to get back with your ex?". I only say that because I know my answer would be yes. I cant help that man.
But I am being honest with myself here and thats how I hope to get through this. I know I shouldnt want her back, but I like another guy on her, am doing this challenge because RIGHT NOW I want my ex back, I cant deny that.
I just wanted to make the point that you have to be honest with yourself and we aint gonna judge if you still want her back, as crazy and manipulitave as she may be.
I am on Day 15 today. I still wake up every morning thinking about her, stupidly hoping she wants me back. I fantasise that mutual friends are gonna say she really misses me or that something goes up on twitter or facebook that basically says "why did I let him go" lol its nuts.
Faldero, I am FORCING myself to interact with other women. I wont lie, it doesnt stop me from thinking about my ex that much, but when you get a little flirty with a girl through text and you can sense some attraction, it takes your mind off the ex for a few hours, which I think we could all do with. However, I respect your choices...but be prepared for a longer period of hurt if thats the case.
After 15 days, I still do not know whether the reason I want her back is because I want what I cant have or because I truly believe she completed me as a person. My friends seem to think its the first one.....that if she even showed the slightest bit of interest, I would bolt.
THIS IS ANOTHER REASON WHY I HAVE NOT CONTACTED HER! I created this situation and I genuinely have no intention of seeking revenge on her or trying to wreck her new relationship with this guy, if she is truly happy.
I pray every night that I can wake up the next day and not think about my ex, but it still keeps happening....I am just gonna carry on fighting and dealing with this crap.
UnCreativeUsername
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2013
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 0
Hey dude,henrea4 said:
If you can give us some more detail of your situation that would be good.
Thats fine to admit that you want her back, I know I do with my ex. But at the same time, you have to try and utilise the 60 day period to actually ask yourself why you want her back? The golden question that always gets thrown at me is "If it was so great in this relationship, why did you break up?" I think I am on a slightly different curve here to most guys, because in all fairness I broke up with my ex in Feb and she then decided in May, when she met someone else, that although we were still sleeping together, she didnt want me in her life at all.
I did exactly what you did bro.....I begged, I pleaded, I texted constantly, I stalked her fb and twitter and I used emotional blackmail to try and get her back....this just made her angrier with me.
Let us know what she has said to you in the last 4 months, but DO NOT CONTACT HER ANYMORE!!! ITS DONE NOW BRO, WE ALL NEED TO HELP ONE ANOTHER GET THROUGH THIS!!
THE IDEA OF A 60 DAY PERIOD IS THAT YOU HAVE HAD THE TIME TO REFLECT ON YOUR BEHAVIOURS, HER BEHAVIOURS AND DECIDE IF SHE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR....BUT YOU DO NEED TO GET YOURSELF OUT ON THE MARKET AGAIN, EVEN JUST FLIRTING WITH GIRLS ON NIGHTS OUT.
Good Luck Pal.
UnCreativeUsername
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2013
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 0
I hate to say this, but I have to second Mauser on this.Mauser96 said:
Its a real struggle going through all of this and all you seem to do is go back and forth. FUko my man, this thread is not for you.
You are basically a smoker who says they are going to give up and then a few days later has a cigarette and then says sorry.....but then has another one again in a few days and wonders why you cant quit?
You want this girl out of your life? If thats what you really want, then try damn harder man! Or if you want her in your life, for whatever reason (because your ex sounds ****in nuts....emotional and physical abuse? Hell no, I wouldnt take that **** from anyone!) then you still need some distance.
You and your ex sound like you need therapy. You arent progressing with your life....plus dude, I dont know how old you are, but you sound young to me.....I am 28 and even I dont feel over the hill yet! lol
This will be the only thing I say to you Fuko regarding this matter. I hop it helps buddy and Im going with tough love because you sure as hell need it!
Give NC a proper try my friend.
She keeps telling me that she doesn't trust me to not go back to my old ways. And she has a legitimate concern there. I would promise her certain things, do them for a few weeks, then go back to what upset her in the first place. To be honest, I was only taking advantage of the situation because I thought there was no way she'd leave me. Boy, was I wrong! So now that I know she WILL (and indeed already has) leave me, I know full well the price for slacking off. She isn't willing to give me the chance to show her, though.UnCreativeUsername said:
The last time I talked to her, I said that if she thought time would help her get over the things that I did to hurt her, then I would give her time, but I couldn't wait for her forever. She took 4 days then texted me, "I can't do it. I don't think I can ever trust you not to go back to your old ways." Now, this isn't the first time I've given her space to think, and usually after she rejects me, I get all defensive and go right back into chase mode. Not this time. I simply replied with, "Ok. Very sorry you feel this way." and left it alone. Now there are two ways I can look at this, I have been making and breaking promises for the last 4 months ("I'll leave you alone after this", "Ok, I'm giving up now", "I won't pursue you anymore", etc) so maybe she didn't even believe me when I said I can't wait for her forever, or maybe she just doesn't care about "losing" me for good and just wants me to leave her the hell alone. Either way, it doesn't matter. I need to stop contacting her or I'm going to wind up getting a protection order served to me.
What I'm hoping will happen is that with time she will start remembering the good times and stop focusing so much on the bad. Will that happen in 2 months? Probably not. I've done a ton of damage. Maybe it won't ever happen. This 60 day challenge is certainly a step in the right direction, though, no matter the outcome.
UnCreativeUsername
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2013
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 0
Your situation sounds very similiar to mine.....except I believe my ex has finally felt enough is enough and is already seeing someone else.henrea4 said:
I have decided to stick to the 60 day contact because of a quote I read online that said "dont **** with peoples feelings just because you cant figure out whats going on in your own messed up head." Bro, this rings true to you, as it does me.
You need to take these 60 days and begin to work out why you want her back. That is the first step. Im on Day 15 and my reason right now......because I want what I cant have. How pathetic eh?
You cant know whether you want this chick back until you take some time to reflect and look at what needs to change. I have to be honest man, it doesnt sound like you were Mr Perfect (I wasn't either) and thats why it is important to understand whether you being in your exes life is going to make it better for her....or whether its a selfish act and you are only gonna mess her around again.
I am still romanticising my relationship with my ex. What bothers me the most is not that I am not with her, but why she isnt regretting breaking up with me.....hence the reason I NEED NC. I messed this girl around enough when we were together, I aint gonna do it again, especially if after 15 days, I am thinking I only want her cos she doesnt want me.
As a pointer though, 16 days ago, I wasnt sleeping, I was majorly down in the dumps and I was an emotional wreck......dude, I got teary-eyed watching man of steel!
Now, I still know what she gets up to through friends and the internet, but I am getting on with my life and just waiting for that morning when I wake up and I dont think about her!
So... First time i'm registering on this kind of forum, but right now my situation is just so hard for me that I feel like sharing it.
Been on and off with this girl for a long time now, and a couple of weeks ago we were finally on our way to finding each other again. She's moving away to go to school in a couple of months, but we both still appeared keen on trying to make it work. She sent me a bounch of texts and called constantly to tell me that she missed me etc. The thing was that I was away on business, so we did not have the time to meet up at the time. Once I got home a couple of days later the mood had changed completely. She no longer seemed interested in me, and ignored/flaked me on several occasions.
I finally had enough, and called her to find out what the f**** was going on. She then told me that she was did not want a long distance relationship, and we should just end it. I got mad, because I felt that she had been playing me, by saying that she missed me etc. (getting my hopes up), and then just dumped me like that.
I went NC for a week, and I felt that I had no reason to contact her. I was like "f**** her for treating me like ****"...
Untill she called me while I was out partying with my friends.... Stupid as I was, I answered, and we agreed to meet as we were only a couple of blocks away from each other.
Right now I'm really regretting that, because I found out that just a couple of hours after she "dumped" me, she jumped right into bed with this other guy... Really did not figure her for the type to do that kind of thing, and it really broke me. It prob. sounds dramatic, but right there and then I felt like ****, and that life was just falling apart and working against me. I know that she will me moving to another city soon, but it is still tough as hell.
Right now I know that I will go NC, but I actually think it will be harder for me this time around that it last week... 7 days without any problems. Now back 2 day 1.
Been on and off with this girl for a long time now, and a couple of weeks ago we were finally on our way to finding each other again. She's moving away to go to school in a couple of months, but we both still appeared keen on trying to make it work. She sent me a bounch of texts and called constantly to tell me that she missed me etc. The thing was that I was away on business, so we did not have the time to meet up at the time. Once I got home a couple of days later the mood had changed completely. She no longer seemed interested in me, and ignored/flaked me on several occasions.
I finally had enough, and called her to find out what the f**** was going on. She then told me that she was did not want a long distance relationship, and we should just end it. I got mad, because I felt that she had been playing me, by saying that she missed me etc. (getting my hopes up), and then just dumped me like that.
I went NC for a week, and I felt that I had no reason to contact her. I was like "f**** her for treating me like ****"...
Untill she called me while I was out partying with my friends.... Stupid as I was, I answered, and we agreed to meet as we were only a couple of blocks away from each other.
Right now I'm really regretting that, because I found out that just a couple of hours after she "dumped" me, she jumped right into bed with this other guy... Really did not figure her for the type to do that kind of thing, and it really broke me. It prob. sounds dramatic, but right there and then I felt like ****, and that life was just falling apart and working against me. I know that she will me moving to another city soon, but it is still tough as hell.
Right now I know that I will go NC, but I actually think it will be harder for me this time around that it last week... 7 days without any problems. Now back 2 day 1.
instantnoodles
Don Juan
To all being dumped by an ex:
There's a reason why they say you can never really go "home" again....
There's a reason why they say you can never really go "home" again....
Faldero456
Don Juan
Maybe I want her back as we were in the good times. They way she was and they was I was. I did things to mess up, she did too. The break up wasn’t a complete surprise. We both saw it coming for a while. If I am honest with myself, it was probably 6 months.
I fell for the “I need space to find myself” line. I gave her space and time. We still did things together. Went out, socialized, sex. Still were a couple.
I only recently found out, through mutual friends, that during this time of her telling me she wanted some space for herself and didn’t want to be with anyone, she was transitioning to her new mate. Don’t let go of one branch until you have a firm grip on the next one.
That’s what really hurts. That at the end she couldn’t be honest with me.
Faldero456
Last edited:
