The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Purefilth]

Today I relearned a valuable lesson to keep to heart. And that is to continuously cut off any new information about her.

The last day I've felt good, fairly confident, strong, and at last refocused. I decided to visit my mom for a night, and the ex's roommate (mutual friend) came over for a visit. Talked about the breakup at one point, and I felt it was a good presentation for the whole post breakup thing. Said I didn't hold any grudges, don't want to see her. I admitted I went through the stages of getting over her, but there's definitely key personality flaws between us. Didn't blow it into a big deal. Etc. It was good, I felt.

Then after she went home, my mom updated me with stories of what happened (during a two day course trip) and I heard stuff about her (which I asked her not to tell me already, and reinforced it again) and was enough to get me steamed up about it. Getting back to my zen now, and it's not like anything severe happened. Just her having fun. Don't need to know now, don't need to know ever.

It's dumb in a way, and I know it's precisely the reaction of no contact back. I don't want to feel angry about her. I want her to go on, be happy, whatever. I just don't want to know about it. The dumb part is if she's having fun, and I know it, it's a blow to my ego. Actually that's not so dumb after all. The ego's just being hurt at how apparently little I meant to her (even though you can have fun while being hurt, etc. Doesn't matter to the ego.)

So yep, getting information (especially new) is really counterproductive to the healing process. In fact, I'll restart the challenge for it. Even though I consider myself in the 'Acceptance' stage, I backtracked with the info. So... Day 1.

Very good point here RedScorpion - very good. This is the reason that I and many others who check in on this thread will advocate removing and blocking Facebook, twitter and (if needs be in extreme cases) even avoiding parts of social circles / gatherings.


@RedScorpion i dont think you need to re-start because of this. Its not exactly breaking the NC, Its just a normal part of the healing. However - If you feel like you should then its down to you. I mean, its your challenge.


Peace.

 

[swagisforboys]

Day 1

Let the games begin. Feeling somewhat... Nervous? Unsurprisingly really. Not looking forward to seeing her at prom or daily in classes. Easter break couldn't come soon enough. Deleting her number does nothing for me as I know it from memory (don't ask )
Anyway. Onwards and upwards I guess

 

[RedScorpion]

Thanks Purefilth. Maybe you're right. It is true I haven't contacted her. Ah well, I guess either way it's fine. Not like I'm planning on contacting her after 60 days :flowers:

I guess it's interesting seeing my ego react to all this. I know it's my ego, because it feels like it's a personal attack, even though it's not. She's not doing anything deliberately against me. I can even hear bad trait examples about her (which has nothing to do with relationships, like bragging, being hypocritical, judgmental, etc.) and still get steamed. A lighter anger though, like "Holy crap, how did I not know this/date her for this long" or sillier "Why did I try and work it out and not dump her like I felt like 2-3 weeks earlier?". Alot of it too is stuff that I would not believe she would condone considering how she was around me, and her supposed religiousness. It's not a completely different personality, but rather I see how it coincides with what I saw and experienced very easy. And it makes me go 'Eugh'.

Actually, as I'm writing this, I'm starting to see where some of the anger is coming from. I think it's about being fooled about the true personality of someone inside, as I went through that about a year, half-year ago (though that girl was much worse). I know people have flaws, which is normal, and I have flaws too. I guess it's just irksome when you think you see the flaws and know them - then there's a whole another hidden layer to it. It's like I guess "Hey this person is pretty cool" to "Hmm why are they acting this way?" to post-breakup "Whoa, where did this come from? That's not really normal"

I really just got to stop thinking about it. I have had the range of emotions of 'getting back at her' or 'bruising her ego' or silliness like that - but that won't accomplish anything. Plus the last girl was much worse and I got over that. I don't think it matters if the girl's a devil or a saint. Either you'll be unhappy or pissed at her actions, or missing her for herself. The solution is just not feeding it. (now the hard part of actually doing that )

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Day 0. Today was a bad day. He called me and confessed that he had been sleeping with someone else he met online and had been lying to me about dating someone for the past 2 months. I knew it!! Always go with your gut. In Sept he moved to XX and we kept seeing each other. He told me to come see him as much as Id like and that there were no other girls. In Dec I saw him in XX and he told me he missed me, and he even came to see me. Fast forward to Jan/Feb, we still had been talking and skyping throughout the week. He would tell me that he was old news to me, and that no one wanted him. He also wanted to come see me...I would tell him I missed him, and we would text all the time. Suddenly in the beginning of Feb his calls drop off and he dosent want to skype. In my gut, I knew he had met someone. I asked if he was dating, and he lied and said no, and said I was his only person of interest. I told him, that made no sense, he was living in XX and is attractive,young, good job, hot body..just did not add up.

So I was blindsided when he did come here to visit and screw me one last time in March when after sex he showed me his pof account and INSISTED on helping me set one up. I feel terrible. I told him messing with someones emotions is worse than messing with their money. Speaking of, he will get paid back, but on my time. I need the money right now, so I am going to spend it and pay him back when I can.

He said him and the girl are getting serious. I guess even liars have to clear their conscience. I told him that I am happy that he met someone one, but that I think he is a horrible person for leading me on, and lying. And that he was incredibly selfish for lying to me when I asked him was he dating..he said no, and that I was the only girl he was talking to. I also told him that karma is a bit ch. Not that I am wishing anything bad to happen to him.

I told him, he had his fun with me, and was done with me. So this is why he did it. He said it wasn't true but it was. I told him he was a selfish f u c k for coming here and having sex with me in March, while he was lying telling me he wasn't seeing anyone. That hurt like hell. I blocked his number/email and facebook. I am DONE. He had the nerve to ask if we could still be friends. I said I want to have nothing to do with you. We talked for an hour. I told him this would be the last time I ever talk to him. I am so serious. The anger will leave. I am just pissed at how he played me. I told him if he told me the truth when I asked I would have emotionally removed myself.

He allowed himself time to unattatch from me emotionally, but did not give that to me. It's cool though. Life can be a bit ch.


I am going out with my friend tonight, and asked the guy from pof who I met out last night to meet us out. He is really cute, nice body, nice smile..good kisser
. This is my 4th time going out with him. I am very sexually attracted to him. I just don't want to have sex with him too soon. But who knows, tonight, after getting the news I got today, it may very well go down!

 

[L_T_D313]

Day 47

She still hasn't tried to contact aside from the 2 times on day 2 and day 6. One must assume she's moved on. As have I (some days). I sometimes find myself checking my phone for her when I receive a call or text subconsciously.

I just wonder some days like why couldn't she have just been a woman and told me she liked him. Ahh, forget it, I can no longer dwell on why, because it won't change reality. I kinda miss her, but it's especially strong when I talk to other girls. They just don't vibe as well.

Only 13 more days left, I can say she still crosses my mind daily. Her as well as the times we shared, but it just doesn't feel the way it did. I no longer get sad, no longer cry, no longer have to write break up songs or search for them.

Why? Because, Nc has worked for me. In the beginning I had an alternative motive to go Nc and get back my girl. After seeing others stories throughout the thread like staystrong.

It helped me see life gets better. Now I can tell you all from experience this stuff works! I had nights where I cried my eyes out like a newborn, but not any longer.

I have elevated myself, and now I feel awesome. Stay the course, and don't make contact unless you have to (kids, business, etc.) If you break it you will more than likely get hurt trust me.

P.s once my 60 days is up I am going to contact her and confess my undying love for her... LMMFAOOOOOO just kidding.

My Nc is going to be indefinite. Her birthday is on April the 19th. Will she receive a text or call from Mr.LTD? HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NAWWWWW.

Another female I was NC'ing birthday passed I didn't say a word. Next thing I know I received a text with her saying she misses me the other night. NC works brothers and sisters stay the course.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Day 1. He sent me a long email this morning claiming he cried after getting off the phone with me..this hurts him more than me..blah, blah blah. I read it twice and then deleted it for good. He also included his moms address again, he said in case I deleted all of his text. He also mentioned how he met someone else again. Another reason, why there is no point for me to contact him.

This week is better than last Sunday, even though I broke contact a few times this week. I think because now, especially since I know there is someone else for a fact, that I know its REALLY over. I almost feel relieved, but sad at the same time. It's like I knew this day was coming, waiting for it to happen was painful as well.

I guess that's life. I am about to go to the library and hopefully hear from my pof distraction. We did not meet up last night. It is probably a good thing. While he is hot, and I will make out with him, to help soothe my wounds. I think it would be a huge mistake to sleep with him, while I am so vulnerable. I will invite him to the movies today, so we can have a make out session to take my mind off of things. Have a great day everyone. Stay busy.

 

[User]

Day mutha sucking 30

1/2 way point and I feel good. I still think about the bish, but I'm good. She has tried to call, but those calls were blocked. I have no Facebook, no twitter, no means of communication. It even looks as though I'm not home. I have been a beast at work. I have been a beast in the gym and its starting to show. I have a couple of chicks in rotation, nothing too serious.

I came across a few websites that have helped out a great deal. I googled, red pill men, and clicked the first website that popped up. From there I followed friends of that blog. And since I have swallowed the red pill, it's like I can see through women and their BS. I went on a date with this chick and I seen and shot down every sh!t test she threw at me. I finished the date like,"I know Kung fu!" lol I still have a way to go on my inner game though.

What keeps me going is I think she's thinking that I'm at home crying picking petals off flowers wondering why she doesn't love me or She's talking to her friends and family saying how she's glad to be rid of me. And I feel like I was the best thing the bish had going. And I can prove it, I'm living better now than when I was with her. Another thing I think about to is, when I see her what will my course of action be...

Until day 60...

 

[Swampcamel]

Day 20

Man, so I watched Rules of Attraction last night... never seen it before, a friend had put it on my computer like two years ago and I knew nothing about it. Well, it's really ****ing good, nothing works out for any of the characters, and they're all self-sabotaging. I was left with this somberness I couldn't place and I was up all night trying to place the feeling.

Then it hit me. I was imagining how getting my stuff from the ex is gonna go. I do this thing a lot, not as a way to try and plan out and predict, but more like a cathartic release, where I imagine a person, the target of my emotions, and I say everything and anything I'm feeling or thinking and ride out the thought process as far as it'll go. You never have these conversations with people, really, but it shows you how you really feel sometimes... anyway.

Came to some tough realizations. Like, the last missing piece to making sense of a ****ed up relationship and a painful breakup, and it's good, but it was like the hardest piece. I realized neither of us really believed in ourselves, really thought ourselves capable or deserving of really great things. We both have hurt a lot people, been very destructive in our lives before our relationship, to friends, to family, to ourselves. We were the same in this way. My response to that was to not firmly believe in anything external, that I needed to make sense of myself to figure my life out. Her response was opposite, and she turned to something external, to religion. Religion became her father, husband, brother. Religion became her man. A man needs to believe in himself, and I didn't because of my past mistakes, but she chose to be with me because she empathized, she was in the same place in a way, and couldn't blame me. But, she couldn't stand that I didn't believe in something outside, that I hadn't found something to cling to if I couldn't be my own foundation. But, only a woman does that. So, on the surface level, my insistence to not follow her lead into Christianity ruined the relationship. At the deeper level, it was that I wasn't providing the support system so she turned to something else.

I just needed to rant this out, it's just a bull**** situation filled with dysfunctions. I've been working hard on inner game and maybe that's how this realization was able to finally surface. I felt terrible last night, but when I woke up today, went outside, I felt a good release from those feelings and issues. I feel better prepared and more optimistic through this understanding. I feel bad for her, though, cause I know as long as she relies on her judgmental hypocrisies to feel good about herself, she won't come to the same realization and won't ever try to have more than she has. I also know, though, that this isn't my problem. This is some other man's problem now.

 

[Placidd]

Day 14 (?) of NC

Today I relearned a valuable lesson to keep to heart. And that is to continuously cut off any new information about her....
...
So yep, getting information (especially new) is really counterproductive to the healing process. In fact, I'll restart the challenge for it. Even though I consider myself in the 'Acceptance' stage, I backtracked with the info. So... Day 1.

THIS

last night I saw some stuff of my ex on facebook, just a picture of her having fun. It got a rise out of me but I knew what my decision had to be..I am probably going to block her so I never see her there; almost as if she never existed.

my friends were telling me that its the right thing to do, and I realized that I havent let go completely because of facebook..Realizing that made me a little sad and emotional because I really liked her. But now I know that we are both at different points in our lives now, and that door is shut and I am unable to walk through it at this point.

I feel alright now that I got rest, but my decision is still there. Its unhealthy for me to let someone linger around and be happy without me in their life while I'm pretending to be okay.

A couple girls asked me out two days in a row since wednesday, so I guess I can at least get to know them.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Day 14 (?) of NC







THIS

last night I saw some stuff of my ex on facebook, just a picture of her having fun. It got a rise out of me but I knew what my decision had to be..I am probably going to block her so I never see her there; almost as if she never existed.

my friends were telling me that its the right thing to do, and I realized that I havent let go completely because of facebook..Realizing that made me a little sad and emotional because I really liked her. But now I know that we are both at different points in our lives now, and that door is shut and I am unable to walk through it at this point.

I feel alright now that I got rest, but my decision is still there. Its unhealthy for me to let someone linger around and be happy without me in their life while I'm pretending to be okay.

A couple girls asked me out two days in a row since wednesday, so I guess I can at least get to know them.

Go for it with the girls! It will be a great distraction.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Still in day 1 of NC. Had a great date with pof guy. Made out in his car after the movie..he asked me to go back to his place...no..too soon. But it was def nice, and served its purpose as a distraction. Weird stuff will happen. I will just be sitting there and an image of douche bag will surface. He just appears in my mind, like some cruel trick.


when will this stop?! I want to move on so badly...

 

[L_T_D313]

Still in day 1 of NC. Had a great date with pof guy. Made out in his car after the movie..he asked me to go back to his place...no..too soon. But it was def nice, and served its purpose as a distraction. Weird stuff will happen. I will just be sitting there and an image of douche bag will surface. He just appears in my mind, like some cruel trick.


when will this stop?! I want to move on so badly...

It's just a matter of time. You should relatively soon since you have someone. I never really talked to anyone on a serious note and I got over her.

Just continue on and accept the fact that he will appear in your mind. Overtime the mememories will become nothing but just plain moments in your life.

 

[PlayHer Man]

It is day 2 of NC. My girlfreind of 2.5 years broke up with me last week because she wants to be single and date other guys. It wasn't a complete break up, she said that she wanted to take a break for a few months because i was the only real boyfriend she has had and she wants to see if im the right guy by dating other guys or something. MY goal here is for her to hopefully come back to me and from what i've read the best way to go about this is to just move on. So i guess i'll go with the NC plan and continue to play it by ear.

II

That should not be your goal my friend.

As a man, you should only give a woman ONE chance per lifetime to dump you. No exceptions. If she can't stick with you through the ups and downs and occasional temptations then she is not worth keeping. You have oneitis so you're blind to this right now. In time you will understand (hopefully).

Never allow a woman to "take a break" or "sample other c0cks" while you wait around for her like a faggot. What kind of sh!t is that? Have some dignity.

F*ck that b!tch bro. F*ck her. :box:

I say go NC forever. She had her chance.

 

[L_T_D313]

That should not be your goal my friend.

As a man, you should only give a woman ONE chance per lifetime to dump you. No exceptions. If she can't stick with you through the ups and downs and occasional temptations then she is not worth keeping. You have oneitis so you're blind to this right now. In time you will understand (hopefully).

Never allow a woman to "take a break" or "sample other c0cks" while you wait around for her like a faggot. What kind of sh!t is that? Have some dignity.

F*ck that b!tch bro. F*ck her. :box:

I say go NC forever. She had her chance.

Preachhhhhhh,

 

[Exoduso]

edit

 

[Exoduso]

Day 28, that text I ignored two days ago is still haunting me but I'm trying to stay busy (even though I'm on break..).
God I hate her for being able to manipulate my well-being like that.

Also...

That should not be your goal my friend.

As a man, you should only give a woman ONE chance per lifetime to dump you. No exceptions. If she can't stick with you through the ups and downs and occasional temptations then she is not worth keeping. You have oneitis so you're blind to this right now. In time you will understand (hopefully).

Never allow a woman to "take a break" or "sample other c0cks" while you wait around for her like a faggot. What kind of sh!t is that? Have some dignity.

F*ck that b!tch bro. F*ck her. :box:

I say go NC forever. She had her chance.

Can I be you? lol... I wish I saw things like you do and wasn't blinded by this "oneitis" everyone is preaching about haha... >.<

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Preachhhhhhh,

Originally Posted by PlayHer Man
That should not be your goal my friend.

As a man, you should only give a woman ONE chance per lifetime to dump you. No exceptions. If she can't stick with you through the ups and downs and occasional temptations then she is not worth keeping. You have oneitis so you're blind to this right now. In time you will understand (hopefully).

Never allow a woman to "take a break" or "sample other c0cks" while you wait around for her like a faggot. What kind of sh!t is that? Have some dignity.

F*ck that b!tch bro. F*ck her.

I say go NC forever. She had her chance.

Love this!

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Day 28, that text I ignored two days ago is still haunting me but I'm trying to stay busy (even though I'm on break..).
God I hate her for being able to manipulate my well-being like that.

Also...

Can I be you? lol... I wish I saw things like you do and wasn't blinded by this "oneitis" everyone is preaching about haha... >.<

The way to get over oneitis is to date multiple people..its hard..but that's what works.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Day 4.
Still think about him. The only thing is, is that now I am training myself to recognize when I am thinking about him. Once I realize what I am doing, I make myself focus on something else. The urge to call is still there, but then I remind myself that he has someone else to text and share funny moments with, to cuddle with etc...and I also remind myself that he is happy and has moved on..and I deserve the same.

I am still on POF communicating with guys to avoid rebounding or attaching to another guy I have met on POF that I have went on 5 dates with. I think I really like him, but I am not sure if I am just vulnerable from being dumped.

I haven't shared with him that I was just dumped and am keeping things light between him and I. He certainly if not anything else, has been a great distraction.

Ladies and Gents, I will tell you that dating..even when you don't feel like it definitely helps. I feel so much better this week than even last week. I still miss the good times I had with "young boy" (that is his new name), but my heart doesn't ache as bad when I think about him, since I am interacting with other males.

I made a date to go to a basketball game with a guy who I think I will only be friends with on Saturday..and go out with the hot pof guy that I really like and think may be a keeper Friday night. I am keeping myself busy working on myself as well. I realize now how unhappy I was with young boy. I think he saw it too..but was using me for sex until something else came along. Each day will get easier..I know this is true.

Have a great Wednesday everyone :cheer:

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Yea dude, my NC is like this, but I'm putting my foot down. She'll get the picture, you telling it to her face isn't going to improve your chances at friendship later. You need to show strength and determination with this. Right now is not the time for friendship. Until you're done heart-aching, it's just a bad idea, and you won't enjoy your interaction. My ex is an awesome, sweet girl, but our relatio-friendship sucksssss and it's not what I want. I want the best thing for me, and that's not to let a girl **** with my emotions when they're feeling emotionally vacant but sexually disinterested.

So, just let it go. Just find something else to do, someone else you enjoy talking to anytime you miss her. Sure, I still miss my ex, but not in the present, not in the way we are interacting now. It's a non-existent past girl who isn't going to come back, cause both of you are in a different stage now.

This is helpful