The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Zion]

No doubt.

 

[WeakNoMore]

So I decided she shouldnt come back for the last week at our place so I'm locking her out and leaving her stuff in the back yard. She can find out about that when she gets back from her honeymoon.

I'm packing up all her s**t last nite but had a couple of drinks while doing it. Ended up carving LIAR and CHEAT all over the expensive desk that she loves.
Taped a photo of a big gash and bruise she gave me when she smashed my guitar over me one time. Then I smashed up what was left of the guitar on the desk & put the pieces in the drawers for her.
I wrote "you bashed my body I bashed your ****"

Then I wrapped the top and sides with protective cardboard so you cant see anything & like I packed it real carefully. So she gets a nice surprise when she opens it :rock:

It's kinda a big statement but I was pissed off like nothing on earth. Slept like a baby after that.

Does that count as breaking NC?

 

[Purefilth]

So I decided she shouldnt come back for the last week at our place so I'm locking her out and leaving her stuff in the back yard. She can find out about that when she gets back from her honeymoon.

I'm packing up all her s**t last nite but had a couple of drinks while doing it. Ended up carving LIAR and CHEAT all over the expensive desk that she loves.
Taped a photo of a big gash and bruise she gave me when she smashed my guitar over me one time. Then I smashed up what was left of the guitar on the desk & put the pieces in the drawers for her.
I wrote "you bashed my body I bashed your ****"

Then I wrapped the top and sides with protective cardboard so you cant see anything & like I packed it real carefully. So she gets a nice surprise when she opens it :rock:

It's kinda a big statement but I was pissed off like nothing on earth. Slept like a baby after that.

Does that count as breaking NC?

LMAO!

I wouldnt endorse or encourage this sort of thing Brother, but if YOU feel better for it, then thats what counts:rockon:

Did you read up on BPD like I told you?

 

[Zion]

So I decided she shouldnt come back for the last week at our place so I'm locking her out and leaving her stuff in the back yard. She can find out about that when she gets back from her honeymoon.

I'm packing up all her s**t last nite but had a couple of drinks while doing it. Ended up carving LIAR and CHEAT all over the expensive desk that she loves.
Taped a photo of a big gash and bruise she gave me when she smashed my guitar over me one time. Then I smashed up what was left of the guitar on the desk & put the pieces in the drawers for her.
I wrote "you bashed my body I bashed your ****"

Then I wrapped the top and sides with protective cardboard so you cant see anything & like I packed it real carefully. So she gets a nice surprise when she opens it :rock:

It's kinda a big statement but I was pissed off like nothing on earth. Slept like a baby after that.

Does that count as breaking NC?

Usually I don't agree with this kind of thing ,but in this particular case I'm giving you a virtual high-five. :crackup:

 

[L_T_D313]

So I decided she shouldnt come back for the last week at our place so I'm locking her out and leaving her stuff in the back yard. She can find out about that when she gets back from her honeymoon.

I'm packing up all her s**t last nite but had a couple of drinks while doing it. Ended up carving LIAR and CHEAT all over the expensive desk that she loves.
Taped a photo of a big gash and bruise she gave me when she smashed my guitar over me one time. Then I smashed up what was left of the guitar on the desk & put the pieces in the drawers for her.
I wrote "you bashed my body I bashed your ****"

Then I wrapped the top and sides with protective cardboard so you cant see anything & like I packed it real carefully. So she gets a nice surprise when she opens it :rock:

It's kinda a big statement but I was pissed off like nothing on earth. Slept like a baby after that.

Does that count as breaking NC?

Swaggg!

 

[Fioretheking]

Hey guys, thanks for the replies - appreciate it. So have some news, just returned back from a hiking trip with my brother and his son and logged onto Fb and had a message from her saying 'hi' yday. Ignored that and went about my own business. Now i've received a msg on my cell from her blowing up and saying she is unhappy about me not responding blah blah.

For the record, when i said she told me its over i assumed it was with her coldness actions, ignoring me and rude texts - she thinks i've been seeing this other girl and that i took her on this trip (which i haven't) what the fuvk! She hasn't told me its over. So now i ask, shall i tell her its my way or the highway with her (as i want her back of course) or should i just continue NC and move on. Sorry to confuse!! Appreciate any response. Fio, Boston

 

[L_T_D313]

Hey guys, thanks for the replies - appreciate it. So have some news, just returned back from a hiking trip with my brother and his son and logged onto Fb and had a message from her saying 'hi' yday. Ignored that and went about my own business. Now i've received a msg on my cell from her blowing up and saying she is unhappy about me not responding blah blah.

For the record, when i said she told me its over i assumed it was with her coldness actions, ignoring me and rude texts - she thinks i've been seeing this other girl and that i took her on this trip (which i haven't) what the fuvk! She hasn't told me its over. So now i ask, shall i tell her its my way or the highway with her (as i want her back of course) or should i just continue NC and move on. Sorry to confuse!! Appreciate any response. Fio, Boston

First your way or the highway. If she's doesn't do what you want hit her with the NC and move on. -Lo

 

[Hiker]

Day 62

Overcame the challenge, but the war is yet to be won.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m much happier now, but still hold some resentment. When I no longer care and can wish her well, then the war will be won.

That said, life has been good and is getting better.

As I’ve gotten more used to being single the desire to pursue women has gone down. It’s no longer a priority and an attempt to fill a gap. The desire is still there, but it’s taken a back seat to more important things, like working on becoming a better man, nurturing family and friend relationships, and advancing in my career.

Becoming single again after 7 years was a blessing in disguise.
I’ve recovered a lot of masculinity that was suppressed in the relationship.
I now have more energy, more drive. Lately there’s been a strong desire to improve and try new things. I just got hired to a new job out in Utah and decided to get a motorcycle. I’m going to ride it 1000 miles through the desert and stop in Vegas.

Life feels fresh again.

 

[Swampcamel]

Day 62

Overcame the challenge, but the war is yet to be won.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m much happier now, but still hold some resentment. When I no longer care and can wish her well, then the war will be won.

That said, life has been good and is getting better.

As I’ve gotten more used to being single the desire to pursue women has gone down. It’s no longer a priority and an attempt to fill a gap. The desire is still there, but it’s taken a back seat to more important things, like working on becoming a better man, nurturing family and friend relationships, and advancing in my career.

Becoming single again after 7 years was a blessing in disguise.
I’ve recovered a lot of masculinity that was suppressed in the relationship.
I now have more energy, more drive. Lately there’s been a strong desire to improve and try new things. I just got hired to a new job out in Utah and decided to get a motorcycle. I’m going to ride it 1000 miles through the desert and stop in Vegas.

Life feels fresh again.

Nice. I'm from Salt Lake City. SLC has more hot girls than anywhere (save maybe San Fran and LA... maybe), but also more crazy BPD chicks thanks to religious oppression and massive pharma influence.

Have fun, but stay cautious.

 

[Exoduso]

Day 34 and for some goddamn reason I had a dream about her last night which is totally screwing with me this morning.
I've been doing a lot better recently too... Decided that I'm done feeling sorry for myself and actually have multiple dates scheduled for the next week or so. Then why the hell, NOW, does she pop into my subconscious mind while I sleep? Damn her.

 

[Hiker]

SLC has more hot girls than anywhere (save maybe San Fran and LA... maybe), but also more crazy BPD chicks thanks to religious oppression and massive pharma influence

That's kind of how I pictured it.... Lots of blonde-haired religious beauties battling their sexual urges. In that case, I'll just have to be their atheistic, motorcycle-riding bad boy. :rockon:

I'll be working in South Weber but definitely plan to visit SLC.

I'd like to branch out and explore as much as possible, any suggestions for places to see/things to do?

 

[NoLoveLost22]

breaking point

DAY 1 ...I KNOW THIS WILL BE HARD BUT WHEN I THINK OF MY EX IT BRINGS NOTHING BUT PAIN , I CANT EBEN REMEMBER THE HAPPY TIMES , I KNOW IT'S OVER I HAVE RESENTMENT THAT I WANT TO LET GO OF I WANT TO BE MY OLD HAPPY SELF AGAIN IM DOING THIS FOR ME. IM READY TO LET GO

 

[hal1986]

Ready to start. Day 1. My live in ex dumped me a little over two months ago because "she needed a fresh start". She finally moved the last of her stuff out today, and so I can now commence with NC. Over the past two months, I've groveled and begged her to take me back. She responds by saying that we may have hope in the distant future, but nothing more. Time to remove her from my life and save some dignity.

It's only been one day, and she's texted me multiple times with sad faces and saying how lonely she is. It feels good.

 

[astonmartinone77]

Hey guys, first time user/poster here and I just stumbled upon this thread through google and couldn't believe how useful it sounded and how likely it seemed to work. Except for one thing...

But I suppose I should give a bit of my story first so you guys can get an idea of what I suppose I need advice with. Brace yourselves, it's a long explanation for a sort of short story, but hey, even if you don't help, I'd like to be able to get all my thoughts out and vent at least.

So we were dating for about two months. I know, it sounds so short or whatever, but we started talking a couple of months prior to that and well, I just felt so great about being with her. We had so many similar values, got along great, never fought or argued.... but then, LITERALLY overnight, things got awkward, we couldn't feel comfortable talking with each other, we just couldn't think of things to say, etc. etc.... along with that she had just started her year of varsity soccer for our high school and had been dealing with a big load of school work. So exactly ten days later (Yes, I counted), we mutually decided we didn't have time for a relationship right now.

And so I went home after school and just texted her to sort of clear things up about the terms of our breakup because we both sort of discussed the idea of eventually getting back together, she said "if things change, they change, but for now I need to be broken up." and that went very well, it ended on a positive note. The day after, her birthday, I texted her telling her I probably shouldn't sit at the lunch table with her anymore and she said "Whatever floats your boat. I think you have a good point." and then after that, I texted her a happy birthday text and she said "thanks!" and that's how it stayed until three days later....

I was under the impression that we would stop talking but not stop acknowledging each other's presence in the hallways and such altogether! So I naturally caved and texted her that I felt it would be a good idea to maybe still talk, albeit much less. and she responded that "we can still be friends but I kinda put that 'restriction' in there for a reason. Between soccer and school right now I don't really have time to talk to anybody." And I said I just "wanted to clarify things before we make permanent problems" and to that she said "there aren't problems unless you make them problems" And I'd like you guys to know that she has continued to talk and hang out with her friends, something I assume would not take less time than doing the same thing with a boyfriend.

And it sat like that before I finally entirely caved and texted the following message, I feel, might make things much harder for the No Contact Rule to fully work:
"In honesty, I've been confused with how to deal with this and what to do about it lately. I've never had so much trouble figuring something like this out before. I don't want to lose a friend because of a forced distancing, but I also don't want to force myself back into a relationship with someone who very very much needs space and time to herself. The way we changed so suddenly and drastically was rather confusing. I want to be honest with you and I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. Sorry for the painfully long text"

And guess what, she hasn't responded.

It's been exactly 16 days since I sent that. And tomorrow will mark exactly three weeks since we broke up.

And what has happened since has been, well, I'd like to call it almost a cold war. Apart from a comic strip picture about cats I sent her on Facebook (she has a cat) two days after THAT, we have not talked since. All we have done is walk past each other in the hallways awkwardly, or at least that's how I perceive it.



So now that I have given you my rather unnecessarily long and detailed description of my situation and story, here is my big question:

Does anything in this situation change anything about the no contact rule and will it still work?

If possible, I'd like to be able to still ask her to Prom which is on May 16, but of course I'd need maybe at LEAST 2-3 weeks time before that to ask her 'lest some other guy does.

Thanks so so so much for any advice and guidance you guys could give me. I know it is likely a lot to ask for advice, much less actually reading that behemoth of a post.

Have a good day guys!

 

[Swampcamel]

AH high school.

Dude, nobody is "too busy" in high school to have absolutely 0 social life. She wants you out, and tried do it in civilly. Now she's just not gonna talk. You caved over and over. Just don't talk to her, she's lost respect at this point.

Don't facebook, don't text. Don't ignore her in the hallway, that shows weakness. Just smile and wave and keep going.

 

[astonmartinone77]

AH high school.

Dude, nobody is "too busy" in high school to have absolutely 0 social life. She wants you out, and tried do it in civilly. Now she's just not gonna talk. You caved over and over. Just don't talk to her, she's lost respect at this point.

Don't facebook, don't text. Don't ignore her in the hallway, that shows weakness. Just smile and wave and keep going.

Well in my defense, it just seemed so odd how quickly and drastically things changed. Literally less than two weeks before we broke up, she was telling my how attached she was to me and now she is completely over me? I think not. But then again, I'm the idiot asking for help haha.

But also, I wouldn't say I "caved" too much though, I literally just sent that text, while other people have begged and pleaded and cried after a breakup and found their ex all up in a tizzy after they stop. I doubt she has "lost respect" for me after one unnecessary text and Facebook message. If she loses respect that easily, I wouldn't have even dated her in the first place.

 

[astonmartinone77]

Well I have sort of thought of more details to add/questions I hope to get advice on....

So after reading the entirety of the No Contact Rule, I realize that this is assuming you can initiate it yourself, and if you read my story, you will see that I've sort of started it without telling her and the last time I talked to her wasn't exactly on a strong note. And I'm sort of afraid I will lose all of my progress of the last two weeks if I just start over now PROPERLY. Because I fear the results won't be as good with the way we stopped talking. Because after two weeks of not talking, I can't exactly get up and text her "hey i think we should stop talking" haha

The reason I hope to maybe alter the rules here a little bit is because I don't HAVE two months to not talk, I sort of would like to be able to talk to her about Prom as soon as possible, but of course, if that doesn't work, it doesn't work. But keep in mind we are Seniors, so there is no "next year" to go to Prom. And of course I don't want to go back to dating her after Prom, what good would that do? Three months after that we would be going to college anyway and I have no intention of keeping a relationship from HS into college. I simply want to be able to get over her and make her KNOW I'm over her and be able to go with her to prom truly as just a friend. And she would never agree to such a thing if she believed I was still some clingy ex-boyfriend.

I'd also just like to reinforce something that I feel was understated earlier. We are in no way on bad terms or just sort of disrespecting each other, we still smile/wave at each other in the hallway if we see each other. We simply have not TALKED since.

I know I may seem like I'm just trying to justify everything that's happened, well, I suppose I might be, but I'd like to get you to understand why I personally don't believe that she has entirely moved on. She specifically told me that she had been very stressed with trying to figure out how to balance everything and I have reason to trust that because the entire week and a half before that, she hadn't been acting how she usually did. Her mind was obviously trying to work out many things at once. Is it that hard to believe that a girl needed time to herself? Yes, of course the reasons someone would get stressed or busy in high school, but at the time they are happening for us, right now, they are the most difficult and stressful times we have yet experienced in our lives.

Remember we don't have the experiences from the rest of our lives yet as you likely do.

Well now that that's settled, and I've proven to be THAT guy who gives WAY too many details... I await any further input and helpful advice that can assist my process of moving on.

Thanks a million guys!

 

[Placidd]

Day 24 of NC

Ive started to lose track of how many days its been because I keep forgetting to tally them up (just to see how far ive come). on monday I was in the library trying to finish an assignment before going to class, and I was doing a little bit of people watching as I plugged in my tablet's charger into the wall so I could look at a solution manual (one of an aspiring engineer's best friends haha). I had headphones over my ears blasting music so I could drown out the noise.

When I finished getting set up I looked up again and saw my ex, who saw me at the same time. I got an adrenaline rush because it had been that many days since I last saw her. I gave her a head nod to acknowledge she was there. She smiled and walked up to me (I feel like she decided then and there when she saw me that she would come over because I was at a table off to the side in a corner, but in the direction she was walking...maybe im thinking too much into it, idk).

She asked, "How are you??"

"I'm good. and you?" I replied.
-- I was sitting in my chair still while she was standing up. she reached her arm around me and gave me a hug, but I just sat still, thinking --"why the f*ck are you hugging me?? Again with this bullsh*t, acting as if nothing happened."

She was carrying a laptop she checked out from the library desk and when she came up to me she placed it on the table next to me, while standing near me after she gave me a hug.

"What you studying?" she asked (she is from france so her english isnt the best, she is NOT illiterate haha).

I replied with "Thermo [thermodynamics]. Im just trying to get this assignment done before class, and I have class in 15 minutes."

"Oh ok, I got you.." she replied.

Then I dismissed her. I said "Yeah.. Ill see you later," while putting my headphones back on, not even looking up to acknowledge her reply. I didnt look up as she walked away either. My timing of saying that was almost like I was interrupting her when she was talking, but she finished saying what she did when I opened my mouth. I was nervous the whole time so it was a little hard for me to time when to say everything.


I was stressed out by that situation because I feel that she still wants me in her life, and because I was being forced to be friendly with her (kind of like forcing myself to get over what happened when I havent completely). I dont know why she came up to me. maybe she wanted to talk to me about something, maybe she didnt, but I dismissed her because I was busy, I wanted to show her that talking to her wasnt my priority, because I wanted to say it first, and because I wanted her to feel a little surprised that I didn't ask what she was up to, to keep her from getting the satisfaction that someone wants to know about how she's been.

my friends told me that I should have told her off because she said she would give me space until I was ready, and that what she did was a little taboo for the sensitivity of our relationship as it is now (pretty much no relationship between us).

I feel that maybe it was a mistake to put a wall up for the sake of being civil, but that might be because I still havent moved on completely, or at least resolved all of my feelings. But then again, having me wait until two days before my birthday to end things because it was most convenient for her was a D*CK move by her.

I know that next time that happens I might just tell her to let me come up to her next time. try and keep it short an concise but also explain to her why I am acting the way I am.

Any advice?


Im meeting new people and seeing myself with others, but seeing her reminds me of the connection we had and it holds me back somewhat because its hard to get out of my head.

 

[Placidd]

Also, I dont know what I want when it comes to her, thats why Im kind of confused. sometimes its "lets be friends, Im tired of holding resentment so I forgive you"

other times its "I cant forgive you, Im not ready. Stay out of my life."


and other times its "I rushed things and said things that turned you off. It's my fault we are here even though you made your mistakes. I miss you."


I guess in a sense this is good because it used to be only the third one..

 

[astonmartinone77]

That is exactly how I feel!

It's like I really would like to get past the feelings and hurt I feel when I see her because it's just not healthy to want a relationship THAT much more than she does. but at the same time, it simply sucks seeing her in school every day, and I feel that if I DON'T see her, I panic and start making assumptions, which is absolutely terrible. I need to find a better way to just get her off my mind.

I have already looked into getting a new workout plan because I've been meaning to start working out more for some time, but now seems the best time to start. And I've also looked into going to some concerts I might want to see.

At least you seem to have started in a better situation than I did, for me, she technically started this immediately at the end of our relationship telling me that she would rather not talk for a while because of what had been going on in her life. So I suppose I didn't have the best way to start this whole thing.


And on top of this, I simply do not have eight weeks to completely do the whole no contact thing. Including the time that we have already not talked, I will have only been able to not talk for about a bit more than one month because of the timing with Prom coming up.

I'm sorry, I completely just changed that response from you to me, but I guess I just let whatever was on my head fly out lol.