The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Placidd]

Day 10 of NC

Today has been pretty good; I've felt really happy the whole day.

I managed to finish and piece together my engineering project, and took the test.

a mutual friend is in the same classroom I am in but in the time slot right before mine. When I walked in she said hello and was really enthused to see me. "how are you doing?" she asked. I replied saying "Im doing good; I'm happy!" (honestly I had wanted to tell her that to plant a seed in my ex's mind that i'm happy without her, which each day makes it apparent, and today I got that chance..i dont know if the mutual friend will tell my ex but it doesnt really matter to me anymore).

She replied asking me why I was happy with a curious tone in her voice, and I told her "why not? Why shouldnt I be happy? Oh wait, I hadnt seen you in a week.... [spring break]"

then she asked me if I was happy to see her because I hadnt seen her in a week, but I corrected her saying that it was a reason for me to be sad that I hadnt seen her in a week. (I have no idea why we were catching up as if things were normal but I was being jovial and nonchalant about it).

I then gave her a complement for the earrings she was wearing to change the subject, saying it was nice seeing her as she was leaving.


I felt really good saying that, and some of my guy friends say that she might tell my ex that she saw me, and that "im happy", because word always gets out somehow..The norm with the mutual friend would be to see her, catch up, and have her tell my ex I said hello, but I didnt tell her to tell my ex hello, as it would break the NC. if she wants to tell my ex she saw my she can go ahead. as long as today lasts, I DONT GIVE A FUHHHHHHK!!!! hahaha:rockon:


honestly, its up in the air now, but im not going to get my hopes up. Im going to keep fighting. I dont wanna worry aboutword getting out, because thatll drag me back down again.

Keep pushing, everyone. sometimes days get harder and harder, but it helps to bounce back even stronger the next morning.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

I don't know what to do. The ex has been contacting me ever since I broke contact by responding to the text he sent asking me why am I not speaking. Yesterday he called, and I stupidly answered, he began asking me why am I taking things to the extreme...I hurried up and got off the phone with him. Today he called, and asked, why did I disappear? WTF? !!

Instead of saying what I wanted to say..which was because your ***** ass dumped me for being too old !! I politely said, I have just been very busy. He went on to bring up me unfriending him on fb..my response was that, we don't need to keep close tabs on each other now that things are over. He agreed. So then he told me his sister was calling him and about to come over..(probably a lie, but who cares) and that he would like to talk to me later.

I asked, about what, like 3 times, and he said just talk. I stupidly said oh about your new girlfriend, good for you :nervous: ...

He responded, no its not that. I was doing so well..why is he torturing me playing these games? Please advise..

I want to tell him off so bad..but there is no point. I had a revelation and believe that he is not who God intends for me to be with and that things happen for a reason, ...you also can't make someone want you who doesn't want you. Also..letting go of this person will free you up to be with someone better, who is more compatible.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

It is day 2 of NC. My girlfreind of 2.5 years broke up with me last week because she wants to be single and date other guys. It wasn't a complete break up, she said that she wanted to take a break for a few months because i was the only real boyfriend she has had and she wants to see if im the right guy by dating other guys or something. MY goal here is for her to hopefully come back to me and from what i've read the best way to go about this is to just move on. So i guess i'll go with the NC plan and continue to play it by ear.

II

Be strong. You will be fine. . It is not going to be easy at first, but hang in there. You are gonna have to stay busy. If you don't feel like dating right now, find some hobbies. This forum will also help you, especially until the initial sting wears off. Staying busy helps keep your mind from being focused on her.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Day 14 here.

Pretty depressed right now. Saddened that she didn't even try to save the relationship or work on it at all. No contact attempts from her (or vice versa). She's on a hectic course (which my mom is with her on), so I know she didn't find someone else. She's just very studious I guess. And I guess judgemental, and a know it all (aspects I didn't really see of her). Maybe she's lucky she's on that course. I have a feeling she won't think about it until the course is over, and then by then she'll be over me and she'll go on her merry way. Like it feels like it meant nothing to her. I guess she's pretty self-focused, and lacks empathy about others. Still feels unbelievable. Maybe it's just no contact working in reverse haha.

I know mentally this is probably the best thing long term. Short term, it might have, but I was really irked with her judgementalism already. But doesn't feel like it that's for sure. Go depression phase.

Get busy! Find stuff to do that will occupy your mind. It helped me on my 5 day stretch..which I now need help reinitiating.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Day 1

Again, I'm going out to the bar with a date, I'm bringing the ex an I's puppy, I'm already set to stay the night at the new girls house, but she has a mean dog.

I asked the ex to do me a favor and watch the dog for the night no response. Left it at that. I'm talking to her with indifference, so hopefully this didn't break the rule again.


It's becoming unbearable working with her, I'm contemplating putting my two weeks in until my job with the investment company comes. Any suggestions?

You guys are sharing a puppy? Pretty hard to have NC if that is the case. In regards to you quitting your job..I would not advise that unless I already had a better one lined up. She is not worth you messing up your life for.

 

[PlayHer Man]

As you take the NC challenge.. remember this men:

If the price of keeping a relationship is your dignity, the price is too high.

Also, the NC challenge is made easier when you don't make the following relationship mistakes:

- Compromising your values
- Moving into HER place
- Abandoning or shortchanging your male friends
- Trying to fix her issues or change her
- Tolerating sexual blackmail
- Not putting her in her place when she is disrespectful
- Giving more than you get
- Allowing yourself to be "whipped" (a.k.a oneits)
- Not spinning plates (you should have female friends even in a relationship)

Good luck to all of you.

 

[Purefilth]

Also Bear in mind {and i think a few of you may have overlooked this} that its calles the NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - It isn't easy and it isn't meant to be - thats why theres an 84 page thread on here.


Stick it out and stay the course - read through this thread if you haven't already. Actually fugit - read it again. theres gems and nuggets all the way through.

And I guarantee that however you feel at any moment - somebody has posted that same feeling somewhere in this thread. Guess what? that means you aren't alone.
That means you can get through this and come out the other side stronger as I and many others have done before you.


Peace.

 

[obloquy]

Day 8

I posted a while back when I made it 19 days without no contact. Obviously I failed and called and beg and it was horrible. The thing is, the day before I began no contact the prior time (a week after she broke up with me), I sent my ex a harsh letter. All of it was true, but it was very blunt and harsh. I did not insult her though, just called her out on her actions. It was, in hindsight, a bad way to end it. I did it because I was angry at the breakup. So for weeks I felt bad a bout being childish and sending the letter. That's why I broke no contact, to ask for forgiveness. But the I asked her to take me back and it went downhill from there. She does not even want to be my friend. So now im in no contact again. She really does not care about me. Has anyone here done something stupid as I did, how did it turn out. I still feel guilty about it. Any advice would be helpful.

 

[sid_company33]

day 2

gf (first ever) of 1 month broke up saying it was just infatuation, on 8th this month.i stuck around as a friend coz exams+didnt know better and didnt want additional stress.

actually, i walked away later myself without knowing no contact challenge, lol.when i told her, she said she'll committ suicide, cant live without me etc.immidiately in evening she texts me asking how i'm doing and that shes missing me..ofc didnt reply

a while later her best friend texts me she was crying in college..and asked me bout it.

she says if were bf-gf we can lose each other someday...but as friends we'll never lose each other. she admits that she has very strong feelings but also says its love,friendship kind, lol.

one mistake i did was comfort her indirectly thru our mutual friend...BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER!. nobodys perfect.

at this rate, im sure shes gonna be back!

 

[Swampcamel]

Day 17

Two days ago I deleted her from Facebook. Felt like ****, didn't feel better, but now I don't feel like **** every time I log on and don't have to look at her face in my chat box. But that night I did stay up lying in bed thinking about the whole thing and being pissed off and sad and all that regular repressed emotional turmoil.

Anyway. She texted me this morning. First contact in over a week. Asked me if I'd seen our mutual semi-transient friend Sara lately. I took a nap, 4 hours later, I hopped in the shower, thought about whether to text back at all, text about how I'd seen her a few weeks ago, or just say nope. Said, "Nope."

She texted back almost immediately, asked me if the next time I see her, I could give her phone number to Sara. I haven't responded. And now, the option dilemma... Do I...

A) Be a ****. Say That's not my problem.
B) Be an AFC. Say Sure, thus AFC'ly adhering to the limited response rules of NC. I already know this is dumb, especially since the two times she's tried to contact me, it's been to do stuff for her. Get my stuff from her friend's house, give this phone number to our friend (who by the way will totally lose it and never call). Ah, and yes, I'm probably the only person who could actually get this number to her, but that's beside. Anyway, it just pisses me off that she's still trying to push me into some sort of behavioral role when I've cut things off.
C) Don't respond. So far this is the passive option that I'm at right now, debating a better, wittier, non-committal, non-subservient short message, but I'll probably give up and go with don't respond. This has the added effect of showing that I'm not going to even bother with engaging this sort of request interaction.

I've just laid out the thought process for myself, for others. The answer is behind door number C, $_$.

 

[TeamBp]

Day 8

I posted a while back when I made it 19 days without no contact. Obviously I failed and called and beg and it was horrible. The thing is, the day before I began no contact the prior time (a week after she broke up with me), I sent my ex a harsh letter. All of it was true, but it was very blunt and harsh. I did not insult her though, just called her out on her actions. It was, in hindsight, a bad way to end it. I did it because I was angry at the breakup. So for weeks I felt bad a bout being childish and sending the letter. That's why I broke no contact, to ask for forgiveness. But the I asked her to take me back and it went downhill from there. She does not even want to be my friend. So now im in no contact again. She really does not care about me. Has anyone here done something stupid as I did, how did it turn out. I still feel guilty about it. Any advice would be helpful.

Don't feel guilty. first of all I did the same thing and felt guilty, but sometimes emotions rise high and things have to be said. I said some really ****ed up things that probably sealed the deal of a two year relationship, but **** happens when you find out she's sleeping with someone else and you live together.

No worries, I asked other girlfriends if what I said was too harsh and they said not all. What's going on right now is she already feels like **** for what she's done to you, and now she has to avoid you so that she doesn't feel bad. She will do anything she can to feel happy again even if that means making you feel like **** just like she is.

The truth is my friend didn't tell me soon enough about SS and all of this could have been avoided and I wouldn't have looked like an AFC.

Stick in there, NC. She closed the gates, it's up to her to open them again.

 

[TeamBp]

Day 3

Things are getting better. I've forced myself to not look at the twitter accounts anymore. I've realized the whole purpose of it is to bring me down and her feelings are faked.

I have a date tonight I'm a little nervous, but excited at the same time I've always had a thing for this one and maybe now it's time to see where things go.

I don't know if we're allowed to share links here but this thing has worked wonders for me

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/57733969/P...- Fresh Start [1 CD Flac (Fixed) - 1 PDF].rar

It's a NLP/hypno program that's about 30mins and I feel great after every listen.

I've started volunteering in the community to help kill time and keep my mind off of things so maybe you guys could look into that.

 

[Swampcamel]

The forum is acting up for me, hope this goes through. I responded in bold.

I guess if you hadn't seen my earlier posts, this doesn't make sense. She texted me a week ago to tell me she was moving and that I still had some stuff there I should come get. I said, Cool, got it. So, a week since she's contacted me last, not my breaking NC.

 

[obloquy]

Don't feel guilty. first of all I did the same thing and felt guilty, but sometimes emotions rise high and things have to be said. I said some really ****ed up things that probably sealed the deal of a two year relationship, but **** happens when you find out she's sleeping with someone else and you live together.

No worries, I asked other girlfriends if what I said was too harsh and they said not all. What's going on right now is she already feels like **** for what she's done to you, and now she has to avoid you so that she doesn't feel bad. She will do anything she can to feel happy again even if that means making you feel like **** just like she is.

The truth is my friend didn't tell me soon enough about SS and all of this could have been avoided and I wouldn't have looked like an AFC.

Stick in there, NC. She closed the gates, it's up to her to open them again.

Thanks for your reply. It does make me feel a bit better. You are right, she did closed the gates. I will remain no contact with this girl, hopefully forever. Just hated to let my anger control my actions. I will learn from this.

 

[obloquy]

Don't feel guilty. SHE hurt you by breaking up...remember?? People strike back when they are hurt, and that is what you did. No reason to feel guilty. Ironically, if you had told her off, like you did, and then NEVER contacted her again to apologize, she would probably feel guilty and be pursuing you now. Let it go and move forward.

Thank you. I will let it go and move forward. I should have never contacted her again, and had no intention, but this **** is harder than I thought. Today is day 9, lets see what positive things today brings.

 

[Swampcamel]

Day 18

So yesterday, I ignored her text asking me to do something for her (give her number to a friend). She tried to call me today, but I didn't have my phone on me, it was charging in the other room. I probably would've answered it, too curious. I texted "Hey, phone was charging, what's up?"

Further heckle... wants me to come get my stuff before she goes on some vacation to Cali. I'd like my stuff, of course, but I don't want it to seem like I'm doing any favors. Whatever. Anyway, I'm friends with her roomie so I can easily go there and get my things while she's off with her new boy, so I responded, "I'll talk to Nirvana about using her car." (My roomie)

Now, complication... I have stuff in her mom's storage she wants me to get. She texts, "Tuesday I'm going with my mom to sort out the storage."

I don't know how to read this, like I'm expected to get myself there at the same time. In the past, the situation woulda gone down like she'd either pick me up to go with her and load up her car, or she'd just pick up the stuff and drop it off. I'm feeling like she's doing one of two things: She's either butthurt that I didn't respond to any of her favors or requests, so she's not going to offer that (fine), or she understands I don't want to spend time with her and isn't going to act like she does, so she's not going to offer that kind of one-on-one sure-to-be-awkward time together (also fine). But, now I'm stuck in going to see both her and HER MOM or risk having all my stuff tossed, and being forced into contact.

I responded, "I'll see what I can do."

She responds, "K let me know as soon as possible, if I don't hear from you by Tuesday, I'm going to have to sort it Wednesday." Like... implication, gonna toss my **** or somethin, idk.

So ****, idk, I used to be on pretty good terms with Evie (her mom), we'd have our own conversations and spent time together sans-ex a couple of times. I guess I could try to wrangle her into going on some other day besides Tuesday or Wednesday, but her mom is the FLAKIEST woman in the whole god damn world, and HATES doing anything for anyone, so going to her storage twice in the same week god forbid might be a stretch.

****ing tangled, man. She's forcing a meetup, it's not like my **** can't just sit in her mom's untouched horder storage for all eternity. But, ooh ultimatum round 2. She sucks at confrontation, so I doubt she'll try and corner me and ask all the questions she has about my NC, she'll probably just act awkward and pleasant, but ****, I know it'll spin my head.

Any out of the box advice would be cool, but I'll probably just have to sleep on it and figure it out...

 

[Vidrio]

Day 18

So yesterday, I ignored her text asking me to do something for her (give her number to a friend). She tried to call me today, but I didn't have my phone on me, it was charging in the other room. I probably would've answered it, too curious. I texted "Hey, phone was charging, what's up?"

Further heckle... wants me to come get my stuff before she goes on some vacation to Cali. I'd like my stuff, of course, but I don't want it to seem like I'm doing any favors. Whatever. Anyway, I'm friends with her roomie so I can easily go there and get my things while she's off with her new boy, so I responded, "I'll talk to Nirvana about using her car." (My roomie)

Now, complication... I have stuff in her mom's storage she wants me to get. She texts, "Tuesday I'm going with my mom to sort out the storage."

I don't know how to read this, like I'm expected to get myself there at the same time. In the past, the situation woulda gone down like she'd either pick me up to go with her and load up her car, or she'd just pick up the stuff and drop it off. I'm feeling like she's doing one of two things: She's either butthurt that I didn't respond to any of her favors or requests, so she's not going to offer that (fine), or she understands I don't want to spend time with her and isn't going to act like she does, so she's not going to offer that kind of one-on-one sure-to-be-awkward time together (also fine). But, now I'm stuck in going to see both her and HER MOM or risk having all my stuff tossed, and being forced into contact.

I responded, "I'll see what I can do."

She responds, "K let me know as soon as possible, if I don't hear from you by Tuesday, I'm going to have to sort it Wednesday." Like... implication, gonna toss my **** or somethin, idk.

So ****, idk, I used to be on pretty good terms with Evie (her mom), we'd have our own conversations and spent time together sans-ex a couple of times. I guess I could try to wrangle her into going on some other day besides Tuesday or Wednesday, but her mom is the FLAKIEST woman in the whole god damn world, and HATES doing anything for anyone, so going to her storage twice in the same week god forbid might be a stretch.

****ing tangled, man. She's forcing a meetup, it's not like my **** can't just sit in her mom's untouched horder storage for all eternity. But, ooh ultimatum round 2. She sucks at confrontation, so I doubt she'll try and corner me and ask all the questions she has about my NC, she'll probably just act awkward and pleasant, but ****, I know it'll spin my head.

Any out of the box advice would be cool, but I'll probably just have to sleep on it and figure it out...

Just go get your stuff and get it over with. You're drawing it out for no reason. Once you get your stuff stop responding to her texts.

 

[Swampcamel]

Yehhhhh, walking to the library today, thinkin to myself, realizing I'm overthinking this and just need to GO and get it done, not make it such a thing for myself. Blehhhh.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

So, today he texted me his moms mailing address. Guess that's it. I deleted the text. After writing the address down. Its really over. Oh well. I'm at a bar waiting for my pof date to show up. By the way, I didn't respond to his text...whats the point?..Day 2. Have a fun Friday everyone.

 

[RedScorpion]

So, today he texted me his moms mailing address. Guess that's it. I deleted the text. After writing the address down. Its really over. Oh well. I'm at a bar waiting for my pof date to show up. By the way, I didn't respond to his text...whats the point?..Day 2. Have a fun Friday everyone.

Sounds like you're doing good, despite it probably feeling very hard. You're getting out there, looking at new people. Keep strong.

Today I relearned a valuable lesson to keep to heart. And that is to continuously cut off any new information about her.

The last day I've felt good, fairly confident, strong, and at last refocused. I decided to visit my mom for a night, and the ex's roommate (mutual friend) came over for a visit. Talked about the breakup at one point, and I felt it was a good presentation for the whole post breakup thing. Said I didn't hold any grudges, don't want to see her. I admitted I went through the stages of getting over her, but there's definitely key personality flaws between us. Didn't blow it into a big deal. Etc. It was good, I felt.

Then after she went home, my mom updated me with stories of what happened (during a two day course trip) and I heard stuff about her (which I asked her not to tell me already, and reinforced it again) and was enough to get me steamed up about it. Getting back to my zen now, and it's not like anything severe happened. Just her having fun. Don't need to know now, don't need to know ever.

It's dumb in a way, and I know it's precisely the reaction of no contact back. I don't want to feel angry about her. I want her to go on, be happy, whatever. I just don't want to know about it. The dumb part is if she's having fun, and I know it, it's a blow to my ego. Actually that's not so dumb after all. The ego's just being hurt at how apparently little I meant to her (even though you can have fun while being hurt, etc. Doesn't matter to the ego.)

So yep, getting information (especially new) is really counterproductive to the healing process. In fact, I'll restart the challenge for it. Even though I consider myself in the 'Acceptance' stage, I backtracked with the info. So... Day 1.