The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Overthehill]

Today is day one

Well its a sad sad story. However I have to admit that in reading the posts here on the board I may have some hope. My story is too complex, to strange and too long to go into.

I will just gloss over the basics. I am 50, successful and average looking at best. I am married and been having an affair with a younger married woman that I hired for a year now.

All was great untill a few weeks ago. Then as she decided she wanted a divorce from her husband, she decided to become distant. She decided that that she had too much stress, too much going on, whatever. In the past I told her I was willing to put into action a plan to get a divorce as well, but because of my financial situation being extreamly complex it would take about 2 years, she was fine with this. Then last week she became very distant. Then on Monday she dumped me. Told me it was over, she was done and that she was done for good.

I am devestated. For me this was not a game. I actually feel like she may have been the first person that I really LOVE. I love my wife but its not real love, we just sort of get along and raise a child.

Today I did the last of the things that i told her during our realtionship I would do. I owed her two things that I said i would do, one was to send her flowers at work without anyone knowing who sent them, the second was to give her a year end bonus.

After i did both of those things I simply sent her a text saying i had deleted her personal number from my phone, I had set her personal email address as a spam account on my personal email and that I had completed the things I promised I would do. As far as I was concerned I wish her the best in the future but I no longer had any obligations to her or anything I had ever promised.

At this point I am shell shocked, broken hearted and just feel worthless. maybe with time that changes, we will see.

 

[Weezy]

Well its a sad sad story. However I have to admit that in reading the posts here on the board I may have some hope. My story is too complex, to strange and too long to go into.

I will just gloss over the basics. I am 50, successful and average looking at best. I am married and been having an affair with a younger married woman that I hired for a year now.

All was great untill a few weeks ago. Then as she decided she wanted a divorce from her husband, she decided to become distant. She decided that that she had too much stress, too much going on, whatever. In the past I told her I was willing to put into action a plan to get a divorce as well, but because of my financial situation being extreamly complex it would take about 2 years, she was fine with this. Then last week she became very distant. Then on Monday she dumped me. Told me it was over, she was done and that she was done for good.

I am devestated. For me this was not a game. I actually feel like she may have been the first person that I really LOVE. I love my wife but its not real love, we just sort of get along and raise a child.

Today I did the last of the things that i told her during our realtionship I would do. I owed her two things that I said i would do, one was to send her flowers at work without anyone knowing who sent them, the second was to give her a year end bonus.

After i did both of those things I simply sent her a text saying i had deleted her personal number from my phone, I had set her personal email address as a spam account on my personal email and that I had completed the things I promised I would do. As far as I was concerned I wish her the best in the future but I no longer had any obligations to her or anything I had ever promised.

At this point I am shell shocked, broken hearted and just feel worthless. maybe with time that changes, we will see.

Dude.

WTF are you cheating on your wife? Divorce her if you don't want to be with her anymore... Don't be all fn shaddy and cheat on her.

You think your in pain now? That lady that you love but just sort of live with and raise your family with has the ability to reduce you into a mindless heartbroken man if she decided to divorce you for cheating.

Have you ever seen a man who's wife leaves him after 30 years of marriage?? You will comtemplate sucide, the pain will be unbearable for many months / years. You won't eat, you won't sleep, you will not be able to focus on ANYTHING for a long long time except what a selfish prick you were and how much you want her back.

You will go through the mind fvck of all mind fvcks if you lose your wife and you know every day of your life that it was your fault.

This may sound harsh, but you really need to address this issue before worrying about this other women.

Just my 2 Cents. To each is own, but I think you are drastically underestimating the emotional connection you have with your wife and you won't understand it until it's too late and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

 

[bitebenot]

Well its a sad sad story. However I have to admit that in reading the posts here on the board I may have some hope. My story is too complex, to strange and too long to go into.

I will just gloss over the basics. I am 50, successful and average looking at best. I am married and been having an affair with a younger married woman that I hired for a year now.

All was great untill a few weeks ago. Then as she decided she wanted a divorce from her husband, she decided to become distant. She decided that that she had too much stress, too much going on, whatever. In the past I told her I was willing to put into action a plan to get a divorce as well, but because of my financial situation being extreamly complex it would take about 2 years, she was fine with this. Then last week she became very distant. Then on Monday she dumped me. Told me it was over, she was done and that she was done for good.

I am devestated. For me this was not a game. I actually feel like she may have been the first person that I really LOVE. I love my wife but its not real love, we just sort of get along and raise a child.

Today I did the last of the things that i told her during our realtionship I would do. I owed her two things that I said i would do, one was to send her flowers at work without anyone knowing who sent them, the second was to give her a year end bonus.

After i did both of those things I simply sent her a text saying i had deleted her personal number from my phone, I had set her personal email address as a spam account on my personal email and that I had completed the things I promised I would do. As far as I was concerned I wish her the best in the future but I no longer had any obligations to her or anything I had ever promised.

At this point I am shell shocked, broken hearted and just feel worthless. maybe with time that changes, we will see.

You can reconnect with ur wife,talk to her if u still want to save ur marriage

 

[bitebenot]

Many are making the same mistakes like OVERTHEHILL did.Your feel attracted to a younger women,she answers the call and here we go !
Endless pain with sleepless nights..a living hell, i know by experience.
My ex-wife was drinking to much...i went to another women and she replaced me after 5 years...My ex-wife solved her problem and is in contact with me now! Im so mixed up ..who knows what will happen.Need time
to solve this puzzle.So maybe OVERTHEHILL had his own reasons !
Sometimes we take others for granted, like my ex-wife did with me !!!!

 

[Ty_Webb]

Day One: Here I Go

Hey fellas,

I am officially beginning my No Contact Challenge on December 12, 2009 at 10:09 PM. I feel like I should give some backstory, as I am new here.

I had been going out with my ex for about a year and a half when I broke it off. I felt on top of the world at the time, as I had plenty of female attention (mostly due to the huge amount of hubris I had built up from dating a HB). I felt like I was in a relationship that was going nowhere, as this girl did not have her **** together (2nd year senior, failing classes right now, more on that later.) I broke it off one night about a month and a half ago and had to fight tooth and nail to get her away (not physically). We stay broken up for a week or so, she cuts off contact (like I should have) and we live our lives. I attempt to get laid as much as possible and am met with failure. The low point in this phase is when i texted a girl sitting next to me in the back of a friend's car "wanna make out?" I know, huge AFC wiener move, i was wasted.

Fast forward 2 weeks, I remake contact. I tell her I will "wait for her" to be ready to be my gf again. To me, this meant I won't have sex with anyone else (not like I was anyway) and she will not either. She is hesitant to talk to me at first, but we spent the night soon after. We do this for a while, and she complains of stomach pains for a week or so. Turns out one of the guys she rebounded with gave her chlamydia and ghonorrea. At this point, I should have cut it off to make it easier on us, but I told her it was ok. I basically took care of her in between classes for a week until she got better on Wednesday (she still hasn't gone to class). I find out that her formal is on Friday, and when I hear this, I know that I am being played and assume she's with someone else. Sure enough, I don't hear from her all day Thursday. Yesterday, I ignore her calls and texts all day. Today, I text her that I would have waited for her. She says she wants me to, I ask to hang out, blah blah. She doesn't want to. I text her again, saying kick your friends out and Ill pick you up, "I'm not feeling good". This has been her excuse for being a ***** for a week and a half, and I know that I am wasting my time.

I just installed a Blacklist program on my phone to block her calls and texts, although it keeps a record, just in case I need a reminder that she still kind of wants me "huge ****" (her words).

Anyway, I am about to ignore my work and go party with some friends. I'm sorry for making this so long and drawn-out, but it has been cathartic for me and hopefully someone will get something out of it. If you read down to here, thanks for reading, you win one internets.

 

[Wasabi_Master]

Hi guys i got dumped 2 weeks ago (3 1/2 year relationship) for first week after break up i tried to get her back by texting and met her with flowers which she did not accept. Then i found this site and started the NC...its day 9.
(Find my post on todays board that explains details)

I am doing the NC because many DJs wrote that there are better women out there and that i shouldnt get stuck with just 1 because it was mostly comfortable around her... no passion...just comfort...
A peace of me still hopes that she will try to text me ( i wont txt back) just so i know she still thinks of me...

What do u guys think? if she found another guy to replace me by now would she still text me ?

 

[V2Logger]

What do u guys think? if she found another guy to replace me by now would she still text me ?

You have to ditch that hope or curiosity. NC is to help with restoring yourself, bringing you back to earth. I had a similiar view at one time. You have to release the past. Turn the page. Just remember, if you go digging for dirt on her, you are going to find it, trust me. Good luck on your NC and watch out for yourself.

 

[Wasabi_Master]

thanks for the advice V2Logger. My ex used to cut herself (did it twice during our relationship too) do you think its a sign i should avoid in future women? maybe its a sign of borderline?

 

[V2Logger]

It sounds like she has her own issues that need ironing before she can truly be with someone.If she physically cut herself, something isn't quite right in the head. That is not a normal trait. I think that should be an eye opener if no one has told you by now. If you were there for her at one time she will remember. Time will help you in the long run to regroup and really decide what is best for you, let the time tick, it will be challenging but you will see.

 

[bitebenot]

NC is perfert when ur ex lost interest in "U" .This time alone and away from "the dumper" give u time to analyse deeply what went wrong in ur relationship ! gives u time to see if persuing the other is logical !
Love is tough thing to deal with....need at least a month to think more clearly and see what u realy want to do ! This time apart also gives the dumper time to reflect on her/his decision to break up whit u.
Once the dumper went for another lover u must ask yourself " CAN OR WILL I BE ABLE TO OVERPASS THAT STAGE" !!! Or can i find a better lover ?
Will he/she will repeat that sh1tt again because u made a litle mistake ?
I know im not perfect,but who is ? NC for me is great,i get my dignity back and takes away all the power she had on me ! For me,i dont think she will call me back but hey,i already lost her,so what can be worse now ! But in case she does, "I WLL NOT ANSWER" ! I will listen to the message and take my time to analyse it.Anything short of what i want will be IGNORED !!!!!
THATS ALL THE POWER WE HAVE LEFT ! GUYS,DO THE SAME OK ?

 

[BKG]

First post. I've been lurking, but I can relate to this.

About three years ago I was going out with this girl. She happened to be my first love which made this hard. I found out she lied to me about some things and I got mad at her. I decided to cut myself off from her. So obviously, we broke up. After I realized I still liked her, I tried to get her back but she wouldn't because she was dating some new dirtbag. He was obviously more than a step, a staircase even, down from me. She said she loved him though he cheated on her more than 6 times. Even with her best friend. She still went after him.

I got fed up trying to be her friend. We still talked and she would lead me on telling me if it didn't work out she'd consider getting back with me. We even went out to lunch a couple times. I eventually gave up when she started hitting on my friends while still going out with this dirtbag. She also lied to me again around this time.

I tried to break off all contact with her when I realized it was a waste of my time. She at first kept trying to contact me. I never responded and if I did I would pretty much tell her to fvck off. She'd asked to be friends multiple times but I would still either not respond or brush her off. About two years later, I feel like I should miss her whenever I think about her. I almost feel stupid for originally getting mad at her for lying. And again after I felt like a hypocrite for doing what she had done.

She hasn't tried to contact me at all lately. I haven't even heard anything about her. I actually only thought of her because of this thread. I also realized I still had her number in my phone which I just deleted because I haven't heard anything about her, seen her or talked to her in months now.

I feel more relieved than ever after typing this out. The only tie I still have to her is her sister. I actually happen to apply this website's techniques to her. I feel like I've made it out better in the end. I know it was her loss. I don't know if she realizes it. I don't even know who she is dating anymore nor do I care.

I think I'll just fvck her sister...

Anyway, my point is, NO CONTACT DOES WORK.
If you make it out in the end, just go back and fvck her sister. That is the greatest revenge.

She means nothing to me anymore.

 

[Slick101]

After I broke up with my girl last Sunday.. When she called me and said its officially over dont call me again... I was heartbroken at first how she turned into a BVTCH overnight... First 2 days of no contact was hard... Then thursday I had an extremely busy day and friday as well.. SAT AND SUN (TODAY)... I really miss her.. No matter how much of a BVTCH she has been.. I still want to hear from her... I hate this freakin feeling... I hope it goes away soonn..

What u guys think?

 

[bitebenot]

After I broke up with my girl last Sunday.. When she called me and said its officially over dont call me again... I was heartbroken at first how she turned into a BVTCH overnight... First 2 days of no contact was hard... Then thursday I had an extremely busy day and friday as well.. SAT AND SUN (TODAY)... I really miss her.. No matter how much of a BVTCH she has been.. I still want to hear from her... I hate this freakin feeling... I hope it goes away soonn..

What u guys think?

EASY DOES IT TIGER...GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK ! U WILL NEED AT LEAST 2 MONTHS TO GET YOUR FEELINGS IN CONTROL.SOME DAYS ARE REAL TOUGH.IF UR NOTHING TO HER,THINK THAT SHES NOTHING TO U !
BESIDE,SHE MIGHT CALL U BACK U NEVER KNOW ! DONT FORGET,U CANT FORCE A HORSE TO DRINK ! SHE WONT FORGET U THAT EASILY AND SHE CAN HIDE HER FEELINGS,SHE WONT TELL U OTHERWISE.LET HER SUFFER A LITLE,U KNOW SHE WILL :trouble:

 

[bitebenot]

First post. I've been lurking, but I can relate to this.

About three years ago I was going out with this girl. She happened to be my first love which made this hard. I found out she lied to me about some things and I got mad at her. I decided to cut myself off from her. So obviously, we broke up. After I realized I still liked her, I tried to get her back but she wouldn't because she was dating some new dirtbag. He was obviously more than a step, a staircase even, down from me. She said she loved him though he cheated on her more than 6 times. Even with her best friend. She still went after him.

I got fed up trying to be her friend. We still talked and she would lead me on telling me if it didn't work out she'd consider getting back with me. We even went out to lunch a couple times. I eventually gave up when she started hitting on my friends while still going out with this dirtbag. She also lied to me again around this time.

I tried to break off all contact with her when I realized it was a waste of my time. She at first kept trying to contact me. I never responded and if I did I would pretty much tell her to fvck off. She'd asked to be friends multiple times but I would still either not respond or brush her off. About two years later, I feel like I should miss her whenever I think about her. I almost feel stupid for originally getting mad at her for lying. And again after I felt like a hypocrite for doing what she had done.

She hasn't tried to contact me at all lately. I haven't even heard anything about her. I actually only thought of her because of this thread. I also realized I still had her number in my phone which I just deleted because I haven't heard anything about her, seen her or talked to her in months now.

I feel more relieved than ever after typing this out. The only tie I still have to her is her sister. I actually happen to apply this website's techniques to her. I feel like I've made it out better in the end. I know it was her loss. I don't know if she realizes it. I don't even know who she is dating anymore nor do I care.

I think I'll just fvck her sister...

Anyway, my point is, NO CONTACT DOES WORK.
If you make it out in the end, just go back and fvck her sister. That is the greatest revenge.

She means nothing to me anymore.

YA...**** HER SISTER,EXCELLENT IDEA LOL

 

[Weezy]

Fellas.. I've held strong for almost 3 months (yr relationship).. Been painful as hell, so sad, thinking about her all the time, all day.. ****ty.

Then something happened this weekend.. I met a chick that was super cool and hot and now I'm thinking about how I'm gonna pull her instead of how to get my Ex back..

 

[bitebenot]

Fellas.. I've held strong for almost 3 months (yr relationship).. Been painful as hell, so sad, thinking about her all the time, all day.. ****ty.

Then something happened this weekend.. I met a chick that was super cool and hot and now I'm thinking about how I'm gonna pull her instead of how to get my Ex back..

UR STORY IS VERY SIMILAR TO MINE.IM HAPPY FOR YOU !
MAKE SURE NOT FALLING FOR HER YET IN CASE UR EX COMES BACK !
AND GIVE ONLY HALF OF UR HEART FOR SELF PROTECTION LOL !
GREAT NEWS,GO FOR IT,IT WILL HELP YOU TO FORGET THE OTHER ONE.
BUT TAKE IT SLOWLY AS U KNOW U MIGHT NOT BE READY AFTER TAKING SUCH A BEATING.GOOD LUCK TO U MY FRIEND,ENJOY EVERY MOMENT :crackup:

 

[bitebenot]

Hey fellas,

I am officially beginning my No Contact Challenge on December 12, 2009 at 10:09 PM. I feel like I should give some backstory, as I am new here.

I had been going out with my ex for about a year and a half when I broke it off. I felt on top of the world at the time, as I had plenty of female attention (mostly due to the huge amount of hubris I had built up from dating a HB). I felt like I was in a relationship that was going nowhere, as this girl did not have her **** together (2nd year senior, failing classes right now, more on that later.) I broke it off one night about a month and a half ago and had to fight tooth and nail to get her away (not physically). We stay broken up for a week or so, she cuts off contact (like I should have) and we live our lives. I attempt to get laid as much as possible and am met with failure. The low point in this phase is when i texted a girl sitting next to me in the back of a friend's car "wanna make out?" I know, huge AFC wiener move, i was wasted.

Fast forward 2 weeks, I remake contact. I tell her I will "wait for her" to be ready to be my gf again. To me, this meant I won't have sex with anyone else (not like I was anyway) and she will not either. She is hesitant to talk to me at first, but we spent the night soon after. We do this for a while, and she complains of stomach pains for a week or so. Turns out one of the guys she rebounded with gave her chlamydia and ghonorrea. At this point, I should have cut it off to make it easier on us, but I told her it was ok. I basically took care of her in between classes for a week until she got better on Wednesday (she still hasn't gone to class). I find out that her formal is on Friday, and when I hear this, I know that I am being played and assume she's with someone else. Sure enough, I don't hear from her all day Thursday. Yesterday, I ignore her calls and texts all day. Today, I text her that I would have waited for her. She says she wants me to, I ask to hang out, blah blah. She doesn't want to. I text her again, saying kick your friends out and Ill pick you up, "I'm not feeling good". This has been her excuse for being a ***** for a week and a half, and I know that I am wasting my time.

I just installed a Blacklist program on my phone to block her calls and texts, although it keeps a record, just in case I need a reminder that she still kind of wants me "huge ****" (her words).

Anyway, I am about to ignore my work and go party with some friends. I'm sorry for making this so long and drawn-out, but it has been cathartic for me and hopefully someone will get something out of it. If you read down to here, thanks for reading, you win one internets.

CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE ! STICK AROUND AND LEARN :trouble:

 

[bitebenot]

Now that im thinking about my situation,i dumped her in april 2009
and took a 2 weeks vacation right after.My reason was she was to clingy
and was asking for commitment wich i was not so sure if i wanted to at that time.Gave her a call when i came back to see how she was doing(being human and all,i still cared for her).She told me she had to take 2 days off work because she couldnt deal with it.We talked and i decided to give her another shot at at our relationship.She was the same and for me to.
I kept this union going because i did love her and missed her to.I wonder if she was thinking " ONE DAY YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS " !!!!! Sure looks that way now.Talked to her twice for less then 2 minutes and she was "ACID" !
No matter what i said wasnt important to her.She just kept saying " i got a new friend now " ! 10 weeks now and i dont see the light at the end of the tunnel.I know she still loves me.The only way for her to come back is to miss me or her new dude is not up to the task,or he dumps her.
Im hoping still but hey,i aint waiting ! For me its NC with no limit of time.
:kick:

 

[Weezy]

This sh1t works.

Something weird happened to me today, someone asked me how long it had been since the breakup, and I didn't know the number of days..

It's been over 3 months now since I got kicked to the curb and I haven't 1x broke NC.

Feeling better now, like my life is back like it used to be.. Except I'm free from the nagging, complaining and whining and I can also game on other chicks.


Anyone going through a broken heart, just know it doesn't last forever, you might think it does, but you will get over it and quit thinking about them, even if you've thought about them every single second of every day since the break.

Th1s **** works!!!

 

[bitebenot]

weezy,
i agree with you...me its 3 months on the 3rd of january.
6 weeks NC but spoke to her only 4 minutes max.
If she doesnt care ,why should i ?
im moving on,no more threads to read anymore.I know enough now to go on my own.Good luck to everyone going NC,its a " tuff " one " but works to get yourself together and pick up all the pieces.Keep in mind only a very few do come back,not good at all.Good luck to all,u will surely need it ! By the way,i feel a lot better after 3 months !!!! it works just fine. ADIOS