The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Furyguy]

Starting mine today, November 30th 2009. SHE actually told ME she didn't want to talk to me again for at least a month straight... but then was nice enough to add "but I might text you from time to time to see what you're doing." Cute.

We started sleeping together about 8 months ago, and "fell in love" about 4 months ago. Now she isn't sure if she wants to stay with her boyfriend she was cheating on all that time or stay with me. Says she needs a month by herself to figure it out. Lucky part is I know she is a ****ing moron for even considering him and I am clearly the better guy, so this shouldn't be too hard.

I love the girl to death, I really do. I have never met anyone like her. But sometimes integrity in life requires admitting failure and moving on. Today we cut contact for real.

Day 1:
She texts "Good night. I love you." No reply.

This could get interesting.

 

[alphaace]

Starting mine today, November 30th 2009. SHE actually told ME she didn't want to talk to me again for at least a month straight... but then was nice enough to add "but I might text you from time to time to see what you're doing." Cute.

We started sleeping together about 8 months ago, and "fell in love" about 4 months ago. Now she isn't sure if she wants to stay with her boyfriend she was cheating on all that time or stay with me. Says she needs a month by herself to figure it out. Lucky part is I know she is a ****ing moron for even considering him and I am clearly the better guy, so this shouldn't be too hard.

I love the girl to death, I really do. I have never met anyone like her. But sometimes integrity in life requires admitting failure and moving on. Today we cut contact for real.

Day 1:
She texts "Good night. I love you." No reply.

This could get interesting.

Good job starting the NC and ending things. Just one question though.... why would you consider being with someone that cheats on their current bf? That should be sure indicator that she is going to do the same exact thing to you once someone else comes knocking.

 

[bish0p]

The very moment you care, it's all over.

A-fvckin-men.

 

[Furyguy]

Good job starting the NC and ending things. Just one question though.... why would you consider being with someone that cheats on their current bf? That should be sure indicator that she is going to do the same exact thing to you once someone else comes knocking.

You know you raise a good point. There are two things that make me think this way:
1) She was faithful with her boyfriend until her relationship went to absolute ****.
2) He cheated on her first, and now it's reached the point where they basically lie to each other constantly. She tells me she is honest with me, and I believe her. She has had plenty she could have lied to me about, and so far she hasn't.

In any case, I don't want a serious commitment with possibility of marriage here. I know that is out of the question. The sex is great though, and if I'm going to be getting laid regularly it might as well be with someone with a great personality too, no? The second she cheats or lies, though, it's done. I have no illusions that this will be a long term thing.

If I lose her now, that is fine. If we get together for a little while and then split, that is fine too. Either way it is great sex and a lot of fun. Bottom line: I don't really give a **** if she cheats at this point cause she isn't worth that much to me.



Day 2.

She texted me something stupid this morning. Later on I get this one:
"I really need to talk to you."



...


No you don't.

 

[Weezy]

In any case, I don't want a serious commitment with possibility of marriage here. I know that is out of the question. The sex is great though, and if I'm going to be getting laid regularly it might as well be with someone with a great personality too, no? The second she cheats or lies, though, it's done. I have no illusions that this will be a long term thing.

If I lose her now, that is fine. If we get together for a little while and then split, that is fine too. Either way it is great sex and a lot of fun. Bottom line: I don't really give a **** if she cheats at this point cause she isn't worth that much to me.

No you don't.

Man, this sh1t your pulling is whack. This thread ain't for people who are trying to bust up existing relationships, it's for poor saps like myself who got lazy with their game, let their sh1t slip and are lost with our d1ck in our hands because our GF dumped us and now we are going NC so that we don't become their emotional tampon..

Why would you try an fvck a chick that's gonna break up her relationship to be w1th u if you don't even want anything serious out of it?

 

[Angelus]

So.... Day 2 months+

I have to say this thread really helped me in the beginning. As most men, I do believe in some CONSISTENCY. The rules in the first post of this thread were the ones I've been following during September.

Now, when looking back on it, I'd say the first couple of weeks were the hardest. But sh1t... she's just a skit, none the less, a person who did not even give me the respect that my aquaintances give me.

So why spend time and energy thinking about her?

No reason what so ever.

Sure, she did try to contact me. Get some proof that I wasn't mad at her or whatever. To me it's more of the 'whatever' than anything. After the 2 months passed I started giving her more than a 'yes', 'no' or 'talk to John about that, I've given him the info you need to know'.

Do I want to call her now? Text her? Ask if she wants to hang out? If she's dating someone?

Not a chance......... don't have her number, never bothered to memorize it, her facebook profile is removed from my list and still blocked on MSN.

And that's the way I like it, so why change it?

Now..... to the guys who are struggling:
Get your grip together. Go see other girls.... spin some plates, get a rebound girl. Act like a jerk. Hang out with your friends (and NO, female friends does NOT count). Get a new hobby. And for chrissake..... drop all contact with the girl who ripped your heart out.

I'm serious, it will simplify things and help you to get your life back on track.

 

[Slick101]

2 YEARS 3 MONTHS-- My first love.. and It got broken off by me 2 days agoo... Then she re-contacted me the next day and said

She never wants to hear from me again... Or see me.. and to never contact her.. She said she doesnt even want to be friends with me,.. "it is what it is my love faded away" Were her words...

Im used to talking to her EVERY DAY!!.. Its been 1 day since contact.. She called me and said that yesterday morning to me...

DAY 2.. TODAY!..

I'm feeling low when I think about it, I could cry if I want to... But I dont.. and re-route my thoughts.. I watch inspirational rocky speech to son video on youtube (which I recommend) Im from sosuave.net forums (don juan btw)

Its shocking how shes out of my life.... But Im holding strong.. when I talk to people about her.. It makes me feel better but also bad.. I still have thoughts about contacting her.. But Im not doing sooo...

I feel like Im alone when I am alone... But people lift my spirit Like friends DAD EXPECIALLY!! and THE FORUMS!

1-10 My day was so far 3 (feelings go up and down)

Comments please

Thanks

 

[hawk29]

Ok, here's what I don't get about all of this. If you really do follow the DJ way, then you're going to be fine either way, right? With? Without her? Whatever. It'll be fine. So then why the need to break contact. I mean...isn't the BEST thing to do if you want your ex back or just to be an adult...to make the friendship on your terms? Meaning you say, sure...we can be friends. You will not talk about other guys with me. You will not disrespect me. You will have fun when we're together. You will not be a b***. Doing this, you actually have the opportunity to SHOW her that you're not this bumbling idiot, that you're not some quivering little man. She is required to become more invested in you because she has to be good in order to get your attention. You hold it together on those occasions when YOU want to get together. You make sure she has an f'n good time. You flirt. You do everything you did in the beginning. And then you go home and know for yourself...you can do that with any other girl too because you're single. You have no expectations that this will work out, so you go on with life and dating also. And if she gets jealous, well, she has your number.

It just seems so much less painful. So much more manly. And so much more likely to be effective for all involved. But it really does start with your own self esteem. Knowing you can handle this, but knowing that handling is a result of you setting up rules right from the get go. Like no talking about other men. If anything, this may build up some excitement in the situation...and if you rock at life, she's going to have a direct comparison to make when she dates the other dudes.

I don't know. No contact to me seems kinda...backwards if you know you can keep your shi* together. Which you can if you know what you deserve. And if you allow yourself to know that the end of times past (which honestly probably weren't THAT good if stuff is going down) does not have to mean that there is not a future time even better. With this chick. Or with anyone. But at least you kept your pride and didn't go running away. You become DJ at the least probable time...when she thinks you're going to hide and be sad. It would be a total mind f***. Like who the hell is this person. And why weren't we having this kind of fun before.

Am I off on this? It seems logical that the best way to show her the GOOD you, the new DJ you, is to actually...show it. Often. Every single time. And then to say your busy and make her want it a little. Give it. Back off. Give it. Back off. She becomes just another girl you're essentially dating (because at some level there is always the physical attraction that doesn't come with just 'friends'). All while you're learning the ways and developing the confidence needed to take a date and make her your girlfriend...one you actually keep this time.

(Some of this comes from experience. Women who say they want friendship....often are unsure of their choice. They want to test the waters so to speak. It seems like the BEST time to whip out the new DJ lifestyle. Their attention will never be completely focused on another dude then. And your mindshift will allow you to do everything you would have been doing during NC anyhow...dating, choosing who to see, getting your life together.)

 

[pikachu69]

How many times should she try to reach out to you if you apply NC to a girl you only saw for a month?

This girl is Russian and from what I know about them they believe the man should always be the one to chase no matter what, they'll be going crazy in private but in public they won't show it. I imagine she'd only contact me twice and even then it'd be messages asking how i'm doing to get me to ask her out again. I think she'd give up after doing this twice.

What do I do when she comes back the second time and I don't do anything to arrange a meet up. Will I need to reach out to her about a week after that?

 

[Slick101]

Well I've been in no contact for almost 2 months now and I feel amazing. I've had my down days when I think about her, she ended things after 4 years and moved on a week later, possibly a rebound who knows? She tried to contact me a few times into the no contact, but a month ago I deleted her completely, numbers, emails, facebook the lot. It feels good to detatch yourself.

But perhaps what I have realised most, is that I don't want her anymore and more importantly I don't need her, all I want is fun, no more relationships; at least not for the nest 5-10 years, no more bs effort, no more stress, no more worrying, no more emotional rollercoasters, just fun, adventures and the freedom to do whatever the f*ck I want when I want.

Basically a relationship is glamourised sex, you buy the girl stuff, you treat her well, you bust your balls making sure shes happy all for good nookie and respect in return. When really the best sex comes from not caring at all and just enjoying your own life. The very moment you care, it's all over. It's a harsh reality but "feelings" are just a state of mind, a chemical reaction produced by the brain to keep the human race alive.

Time to break free.

Peace.

SICKK READ!!!

I feel you man same thing happened to me its my 4th day No contact.. Im getting much better... Getting over itt.. you knowww

 

[sigma335]

Mine officially starts today12-10-09. I am done being an emotional tampon to my ex. I think that as long as I am her "friend" which seems to mean her mode of transportation and thats it I am unable to really move forward. I told her today not to call me again and I will not be calling her. I have deleted her phone # from my cell and added her number to my "reject" list so I will not be tempted to answer when she calls me. The ex was a BPD frankly I felt sorry for her and wanted to help her get back on her feet. I have done enough. I have and will continue to work on improving myself and cannot be held down by her low self worth, lack of objectivity and discipline.

 

[OneofOne]

Basically a relationship is glamourised sex, you buy the girl stuff, you treat her well, you bust your balls making sure shes happy all for good nookie and respect in return. When really the best sex comes from not caring at all and just enjoying your own life. The very moment you care, it's all over. It's a harsh reality but "feelings" are just a state of mind, a chemical reaction produced by the brain to keep the human race alive.

Time to break free.

Peace.

I couldn't agree more!

 

[bitebenot]

I was replaced 3 days before she dumped me !! This women was clingy and jealous.Reason i was dumped ? Commitment...Whats new huh !
She loves a lot still im sure.NC is good to get over someone and get some control back.Dont forget when women say tehy dont need u or love you anymore aint true !!! When a couples split,each of them are hurt,sleepless nights and lost of appetite and son on.So if u've been dumped,DO NOT GET IN CONTACT WITH THEM !!!! Thats the ONLY control u have left ! If they want you back,they will communicate,no doubt ! NC is endless,our exes could call 1 or 6 months down the road,so move on no matter what.
IF THEY CALL YOU,let the call go the message box,than u can analyse the message and decide what to do.If u want her back,make sure she beggs you,nothing less and the new b/f is out of the picture ! Dont forget this,their his only 1 like us,WE CANT BE REPLACED !!! My ex treated me like i was a toxic waste when she told me it was over.Also said not to commincate with her ! Fine by me,its easyer ! WOMEN DO HIDE THEIR EMOTIONS !!!

 

[bitebenot]

I was replaced 3 days before she dumped me !! This women was clingy and jealous.Reason i was dumped ? Commitment...Whats new huh !
She loves a lot still im sure.NC is good to get over someone and get some control back.Dont forget when women say tehy dont need u or love you anymore aint true !!! When a couples split,each of them are hurt,sleepless nights and lost of appetite and son on.So if u've been dumped,DO NOT GET IN CONTACT WITH THEM !!!! Thats the ONLY control u have left ! If they want you back,they will communicate,no doubt ! NC is endless,our exes could call 1 or 6 months down the road,so move on no matter what.
IF THEY CALL YOU,let the call go the message box,than u can analyse the message and decide what to do.If u want her back,make sure she beggs you,nothing less and the new b/f is out of the picture ! Dont forget this,their his only 1 like us,WE CANT BE REPLACED !!! My ex treated me like i was a toxic waste when she told me it was over.Also said not to commincate with her ! Fine by me,its easyer ! WOMEN DO HIDE THEIR EMOTIONS !!!

OUR RELATION LASTED 5 YEARS,STILL MISS THE B**** LOL

 

[bitebenot]

Mine officially starts today12-10-09. I am done being an emotional tampon to my ex. I think that as long as I am her "friend" which seems to mean her mode of transportation and thats it I am unable to really move forward. I told her today not to call me again and I will not be calling her. I have deleted her phone # from my cell and added her number to my "reject" list so I will not be tempted to answer when she calls me. The ex was a BPD frankly I felt sorry for her and wanted to help her get back on her feet. I have done enough. I have and will continue to work on improving myself and cannot be held down by her low self worth, lack of objectivity and discipline.

Dont give up,if she wants u back,she will find a way to communicate.
Let her begg and crawl back like a snake,if not she worthless !
*** Best way to get over someone is to get under someone !
Being friends with an ex is NOT A GOOD IDEA ! NC IS THE BEST SOLUTION !
Be a friend and become a " crutch " and being dumped a second time later on ! LET HER CHASE YOU,SIMPLE !!!! IF SHE DOESNT ? WHO CARES !! CIAO

 

[Slick101]

I was replaced 3 days before she dumped me !! This women was clingy and jealous.Reason i was dumped ? Commitment...Whats new huh !
She loves a lot still im sure.NC is good to get over someone and get some control back.Dont forget when women say tehy dont need u or love you anymore aint true !!! When a couples split,each of them are hurt,sleepless nights and lost of appetite and son on.So if u've been dumped,DO NOT GET IN CONTACT WITH THEM !!!! Thats the ONLY control u have left ! If they want you back,they will communicate,no doubt ! NC is endless,our exes could call 1 or 6 months down the road,so move on no matter what.
IF THEY CALL YOU,let the call go the message box,than u can analyse the message and decide what to do.If u want her back,make sure she beggs you,nothing less and the new b/f is out of the picture ! Dont forget this,their his only 1 like us,WE CANT BE REPLACED !!! My ex treated me like i was a toxic waste when she told me it was over.Also said not to commincate with her ! Fine by me,its easyer ! WOMEN DO HIDE THEIR EMOTIONS !!!

WOW!!... I FEEL LIKE ME AND YOU ARE TWINS AND OUR GIRLS ARE THE SAME LOL!!

IM ON DAY 5 NO CONTACT, SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE DOESNT WANT TO EVERY HEAR FROM ME AGAIN. AND THAT SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME. SHE TOLD ME TO NOT CALL HER OR ANYTHING. SHE ENDED THE CONVO WITH I GOTTA GO.. I WILL TTYL HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY..

WTFFF

I MEAN I FELT LIKE **** AT FIRST... THEN I STARTED TO NO CARE. I THINK ABOUT HER AT MORNINGS AND NIGHTS.

 

[Slick101]

I was replaced 3 days before she dumped me !! This women was clingy and jealous.Reason i was dumped ? Commitment...Whats new huh !
She loves a lot still im sure.NC is good to get over someone and get some control back.Dont forget when women say tehy dont need u or love you anymore aint true !!! When a couples split,each of them are hurt,sleepless nights and lost of appetite and son on.So if u've been dumped,DO NOT GET IN CONTACT WITH THEM !!!! Thats the ONLY control u have left ! If they want you back,they will communicate,no doubt ! NC is endless,our exes could call 1 or 6 months down the road,so move on no matter what.
IF THEY CALL YOU,let the call go the message box,than u can analyse the message and decide what to do.If u want her back,make sure she beggs you,nothing less and the new b/f is out of the picture ! Dont forget this,their his only 1 like us,WE CANT BE REPLACED !!! My ex treated me like i was a toxic waste when she told me it was over.Also said not to commincate with her ! Fine by me,its easyer ! WOMEN DO HIDE THEIR EMOTIONS !!!

WOW!!... I FEEL LIKE ME AND YOU ARE TWINS AND OUR GIRLS ARE THE SAME LOL!!

IM ON DAY 5 NO CONTACT, SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE DOESNT WANT TO EVERY HEAR FROM ME AGAIN. AND THAT SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME. SHE TOLD ME TO NOT CALL HER OR ANYTHING. SHE ENDED THE CONVO WITH I GOTTA GO.. I WILL TTYL HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY..

WTFFF

I MEAN I FELT LIKE **** AT FIRST... THEN I STARTED TO NO CARE. I THINK ABOUT HER AT MORNINGS AND NIGHTS.

 

[V2Logger]

Whatever you do fellas, stay strong. Don't let them keep us as their prisoners. This can happen by thinking about the memories. Stash everything you have of them, give it away, bury it. Read Metaphysical's "The Just Got Dumped Guide".

I know it's hard I have been there. I went through something very similiar.I am feeling better but I still have my days. NC has lasted 5 months coming up on the 19th of this month. I feel more focused on my life.

My best advice is to keep busy. Try to do different things. Don't splurge and blow all your money to make you happy, keep your finances in order. Use the time to heal and find the person that was lost in all these years (you). I know I have been, it has been challenging.
Definitely check out the following:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=38886

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=140248&highlight=99%+cheating

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

 

[bitebenot]

Slick101 Your ex will say this to help herself with her own pain.If she was in touch with you all the time she will call back,just give her enough time to cool off ! Why did she drop you ??? No smoke whitout fire...think a bit !!
You are a mess right now,same thing for her ! If u go NC u must not call her
in any way,msn,facebook.writing,phone or friends.Do like me and become a GHOST ! Trust me she will be sorry and miss you ! Be patient my friend !

 

[bitebenot]

Anyone who breaks the NC rule loses all the power he has left and the ex is in heaven ! She will know u r on the back burner and use it to burn u out !
When u go NC its like u dumped them (in their mind) and thinking what the heck are u up to !!! Women realy want what they thought they had and no longer have it ! Become a mistery to them and they will become very curious ! Thats all we can do realy ! IMPERATIVE= DONT BREAK NC !!!!