The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Exoduso]

Update: DAY 21 (not counting the times we see each other in the halls, because well, that's unavoidable and it happens like 3-4 times a day)

I just sort of felt numb for the last few hours and literally just cried my eyes out in self-pity and about every single thing that was bothering me about the relationship and how literally almost EVERYTHING I saw and thought and heard and smelled reminded me of her when all I want to do is forget about her. I feel vaguely better right now, but I'm just trying to think about things.

I suppose that what my expectation was when I started NC was that once I started it she would immediately stop avoiding me, but alas, she has been doing it harder and harder and harder.... I've heard from some people that this could likely just be her dealing with her feelings and she could still miss you. But hell, even if that is true, she sure as hell isn't showing it. And I will admit that I truly believe that there is no way she got over me that quickly. With the way we broke up after only 10 days of awkwardness, not hostility, not arguing, just awkwardness.

But what I think is going on, spurred on by her over-supportive two-faced friend I described earlier, she is trying as hard as she can to make it clear that she doesn't want to contact me right now JUST to drive me crazy because she knows that I am readily available right now. I believe this because that's honestly what I would do, so don't say "oh, she is an ******* anyways, don't worry about her" because that would also be calling me an *******.

Something that also concerns me though, is how she never sort of got jealous over her ex before me. From what I've heard, he was really quite clingy after the relationship, he even went to her house a couple of times to apologize for something (never found out what) WHEN WE WERE DATING. And this guy is considerably more "popular" than me, and he talks to quite a few girls and has fun and does everything I'm planning on doing and yet she still avoided him and everything while we were dating and still does, to my knowledge. And this doesn't bode well for my chances

So basically, even if there is a small parcel of hope probably locked away in her head somewhere, I simply cannot wait on her anymore. Just seeing her have fun and be happy, even if it is just to "hide feelings", is killing me and I need to stop thinking about this situation entirely.

I'm going to probably say this every time I post, but I know you are probably tired of hearing my story by now because I post every day about it. It's just nice to let it all out. And of course, I really really really appreciate how helpful you all are. This is such a great community. I love you guys!

What I still don't understand is why you care how she acts or what she feels. Women do this to cover up their true emotions, they go out and attempt to have a good time and even if it seems that way she's probably not. And even if she is? Good for her. You guys broke up. If you broke up once, you'll break up again. The relationship wasn't working out, you need to get it through your head. There's enough people out there for you, you don't need to depend on a relationship or depend on her to have a good time. Go out with your friends, see other girls, talk to other girls without the intention of sleeping with them, then talk to girls with exactly that intention.
Point being is MOVE ON. It might be harsh to hear the truth, but I'm gonna give it to you. If she agreed to break up with you, she's contemplated it in her head hundreds of times before actually doing it. She thought of every possible scenario. Hence why she is more ready for it than you are. Hence why she seems to be doing "oh so much better"... it's probably not that she got over you, but it's because she was ready for it way more than you were apparently.
Be a man, grab your balls, go introduce yourself to other girls, other guys, other people in general. Old people young people the girl getting you your starbucks in the morning and the waiter serving you sushi at night. Be social and eventually you'll be happy on your own. Only then someone worthwhile will come along. This girl clearly isn't worthy of your time or attention, and certainly isn't worth this headache and heartache you're going through. So stop torturing yourself and man up.

 

[astonmartinone77]

What I still don't understand is why you care how she acts or what she feels. Women do this to cover up their true emotions, they go out and attempt to have a good time and even if it seems that way she's probably not. And even if she is? Good for her. You guys broke up. If you broke up once, you'll break up again. The relationship wasn't working out, you need to get it through your head. There's enough people out there for you, you don't need to depend on a relationship or depend on her to have a good time. Go out with your friends, see other girls, talk to other girls without the intention of sleeping with them, then talk to girls with exactly that intention.
Point being is MOVE ON. It might be harsh to hear the truth, but I'm gonna give it to you. If she agreed to break up with you, she's contemplated it in her head hundreds of times before actually doing it. She thought of every possible scenario. Hence why she is more ready for it than you are. Hence why she seems to be doing "oh so much better"... it's probably not that she got over you, but it's because she was ready for it way more than you were apparently.
Be a man, grab your balls, go introduce yourself to other girls, other guys, other people in general. Old people young people the girl getting you your starbucks in the morning and the waiter serving you sushi at night. Be social and eventually you'll be happy on your own. Only then someone worthwhile will come along. This girl clearly isn't worthy of your time or attention, and certainly isn't worth this headache and heartache you're going through. So stop torturing yourself and man up.

Thanks for the advice again!

Actually, I decided I wanted to go out and volunteer somewhere.

Even if it wont allow me to directly meet new people, it will at least let me get my mind off her by helping out a cause that needs help.

I sound so cheesy, but if i could help out in an animal shelter and see how happy the animals are and how they give you unconditional love for help, i think it might just set me on the right track!

Thanks again guys, because of you I finally think I'm starting to move in the right direction!

 

[Purefilth]

Welcome. You are on the first steps to becoming a new man.

What you should do - is click delete. block. Ignore.(pay her back first if thats what you intend to do)
Other than that, if you really feel you must reply then "k" will suffice she'll know you're gonna pay and you will have kept contact to a bare minimum until you have a chance to cut it off completely.

 

[astonmartinone77]

Hey guys, I've got a small-ish update.

So basically right now, I have been able to forget about her for the most part and focus on the things I'm happy about and excited for blah blah blah...

But the one thing that keep me coming back to this worry is that there is this feeling inside me that there is this rapidly shrinking window of opportunity in which I could possibly work things out before the end of the year rather than sit around and do nothing and wait around until she misses me which may never happen At least it's very unlikely to happen in the time frame I have.

I don't want to look back the rest of my life on the end of my Senior year of high school with Prom and whatnot and wonder what could have been if I maybe just asked her and saw what happened. I know of course that I will find another girl in college and later on and be much happier than I am now, but I just don't see the sense in not going or at least trying to go with this girl who I spent so much of my senior year with and had so much fun with.

I suppose the only thing I fear now is regret. And I assure you that if I just sit back without contact and let someone else ask her without even trying, I will regret that, I promise you. And it will only make me suffer more than I am.

As Mr. Gretzky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take".

 

[Kevin Matthew]

DAY1:
Last night my ex and I talked and began no contact. She emailed today saying something along the lines of "i want to give you another chance. I just need time to think, and see if you're the right guy blah blah blah."
Obviously not going to respond. Not even going to pretend she said that. I think she wants to keep stringing me along. What a *****. I now realize.

Still looking for NYC wingman...

 

[astonmartinone77]

Well, I'm bracing myself for the **** to roll in telling me how much of a little bitc h I am for doing this, but hell, today was the worst day ever by far.

I realized that she was planning on going to Prom with someone from her church and when I saw how happy she was with her friends, I just realized how truly hopeless it was.

So, since I realized I no longer need to try to impress her or make her miss me, I texted her this exact thing: "Hey, how's everything been? I hope all is well!" to which she replied 15 minutes later "Yep I'm good. I have to go to a game now"

Now I have no intention of replying to that. I feel better now knowing that she at least gave me the respect of replying to a polite text. Even though she obviously didn't want to hold a conversation.

I can now move on with confidence, as strange as it seems, gentlemen, I feel like this day has just given me an extreme low and an extreme high.

I can now go on and ask someone else to prom because I don't give a **** what she is doing.

So now I feel like what I just wrote was completely un-understandable and rubbish, at least I got it off my chest.

Onwards and upwards.

 

[Kevin Matthew]

DAY 2:

The past 24 hours have been very weird. I haven't spoke to my ex since Wednesday night when we both established no contact...but all shes done is try to contact me.

Yesterday she emailed me twice during work, though I said that in my DAY 1 post. Then after work she texted me 4 times:
"Are you goin to robs birthday?" (which i am. i didn't respond)
"Because I mean u told me i'm not allowed to talk to your friends but i wouldn't even think about saying that to you" (I didn't respond)
"And you know we are going to run into eachother" (we'll see each other tonight at rob's. I didn't respond)
"And I hope you don't put any of our [mutual] friends in some sort of ultimatum." (I would never do that. I didn't respond)

She then emailed me later that night when I was out and drunk with my friends. It was a picture of a quote that said:
"You deserve someone who will jump over fences to be with you. Not someone who is on the fence about it." And she added to the email: 'I couldn't have said it better myself. I mean it, you deserve better.'

Although it is true, it was a ****y move.

I didn't respond.

She then messaged me on g-chat today:
"would you want to be in an open relationship with me?"
(I didn't respond)
"without the title?"
(I didn't respond)
"Guess not, had to ask."
(NO YOU DID NOT HAVE TO ASK, *****. Non one put a gun to your head and said, "ask Kevin if he'll be in an open relationship with you!" Regardless, I didn't respond)

I am going to see her tonight at our friend's birthday. Do i say hello and then walk away from her if we bump into each other? Do i ignore her all together?

I'm going to work out right now so that tonight i'll be glowing, and looking great. Any advice on how to handle tonight is always appreciated.

 

[Boscus]

DAY 2:

The past 24 hours have been very weird. I haven't spoke to my ex since Wednesday night when we both established no contact...but all shes done is try to contact me.

Yesterday she emailed me twice during work, though I said that in my DAY 1 post. Then after work she texted me 4 times:
"Are you goin to robs birthday?" (which i am. i didn't respond)
"Because I mean u told me i'm not allowed to talk to your friends but i wouldn't even think about saying that to you" (I didn't respond)
"And you know we are going to run into eachother" (we'll see each other tonight at rob's. I didn't respond)
"And I hope you don't put any of our [mutual] friends in some sort of ultimatum." (I would never do that. I didn't respond)

She then emailed me later that night when I was out and drunk with my friends. It was a picture of a quote that said:
"You deserve someone who will jump over fences to be with you. Not someone who is on the fence about it." And she added to the email: 'I couldn't have said it better myself. I mean it, you deserve better.'

Although it is true, it was a ****y move.

I didn't respond.

She then messaged me on g-chat today:
"would you want to be in an open relationship with me?"
(I didn't respond)
"without the title?"
(I didn't respond)
"Guess not, had to ask."
(NO YOU DID NOT HAVE TO ASK, *****. Non one put a gun to your head and said, "ask Kevin if he'll be in an open relationship with you!" Regardless, I didn't respond)

I am going to see her tonight at our friend's birthday. Do i say hello and then walk away from her if we bump into each other? Do i ignore her all together?

I'm going to work out right now so that tonight i'll be glowing, and looking great. Any advice on how to handle tonight is always appreciated.

Yeah ok, so firstly well done for not replying to her! you are on your way to awesomeness!

Ok, so when/if you see her at the party, act casual, be social, act polite, but don't get into any deep discussions, I would actually recommend you hook up with a girl at this party!( or 2?) Show her who is the man!

About the open relationship bit, well, if you have oneitis for this girl, forget it,

however, if you feel you don't have oneitis, and are not prone to oneitis, and provided you are fvcking other women, I would go for it, keep her as a low end FB only, so you meet up what, once every couple of weeks, just for sex. Keep contact to a minimum, But I don't know, this is a very high level,
and takes a certain amount of being carefree and abundance, like if you ARE NOT currently ****ing multiple other women, it may backfire, and leave you with oneitis.

Goodluck

 

[Boscus]

Day 27!

Bring it!! I feel amazing!

I just got laid, Met this HB online, chatted, skyped then I told her to come to my place, she did, we fvcked!

I could get used to this

 

[Kevin Matthew]

DAY 3:

Last night I was supposed to see my ex at a mutual friends birthday...she didn't show because of me. Many of our mutual friends were there, and one approached me to talk about our situation...he told me she didn't come because I would be there. It's very unlike her, because she is usually the type of person who doesn't give a **** about being in this type of situation. When our mutual friend, and I spoke about "us" I didn't rag on her, I just told him what happened truthfully, and I made that clear when we spoke.

Got a date with cute brunette chick today that I met on tinder. Hopefully she will keep my mind off my ex. Although, I have been considering her open relationship proposition...but I doubt i'll do it. Will keep you posted with how the date goes.

This blog has really been helping. Thank you guys for all the support!!

 

[Purefilth]

Open relationship?

Naw man NEVER. I translates to. "I'm keeping you around till something better comes along because I like the comforting Idea of having a fallback guy"

 

[Boscus]

Open relationship?

Naw man NEVER. I translates to. "I'm keeping you around till something better comes along because I like the comforting Idea of having a fallback guy"

Nah, just keep her as a low end FB, and next her frequently. It's IMPORTANT though, he MUST be fvcking other women frequently, or else your above point will prove through. Put it this way, if you are fvcking several women, why would you care about this ''one'' girl, you wouldn't. He wouldn't care about her motives, as he has his own; getting laid by several women.

I see two solutions:

1) Continue No contact
2) Keep her as a low end FB, meaning you ONLY meet in order to nail her once every so often.
No other contact.

N.B I suppose this advice only works if you want to live life doing Poly, and do not want monogamy. If you want monogamy, go for solution 1.

Peace

 

[Kevin Matthew]

Nah, just keep her as a low end FB, and next her frequently. It's IMPORTANT though, he MUST be fvcking other women frequently, or else your above point will prove through. Put it this way, if you are fvcking several women, why would you care about this ''one'' girl, you wouldn't. He wouldn't care about her motives, as he has his own; getting laid by several women.

I see two solutions:

1) Continue No contact
2) Keep her as a low end FB, meaning you ONLY meet in order to nail her once every so often.
No other contact.

N.B I suppose this advice only works if you want to live life doing Poly, and do not want monogamy. If you want monogamy, go for solution 1.

Peace

The one question I would have to ask is how do I bring up the topic now? When she asked me to be in an open relationship I didn't answer. Its been about 24 hours now, and I feel like unless there is a perfect way to address it, I'm just going to look like I'm rethinking my decision. Any possible ways to address this?

 

[Boscus]

The one question I would have to ask is how do I bring up the topic now? When she asked me to be in an open relationship I didn't answer. Its been about 24 hours now, and I feel like unless there is a perfect way to address it, I'm just going to look like I'm rethinking my decision. Any possible ways to address this?

Firstly, are you currently fvcking other women? if not, forget about it man.

Ok, well you could continue no contact, and if she brings it up again, tell her to come over. And bang, then tell her to leave. Make her initiate AGAIN...

There's a possibility it could be a sh!t test, in order to get you to reply!! women are notorious. With this girl, I would forget it, too much damage control. Next time, start open from the beginning to minimize drama with other women. But right now, forget about her, forget this girl, move on, and bang other women, GFTOW ( Go fvck ten other women)

In 60 days, if she's still up for poly, welcome it.

THEN and only then could you hit her up and say ''ya sure, come over to my place, oh and bring wine...''

But wait the 60 days man, I think you'll have a far better frame, and you will be coming from a place of POWER...

I feel if you accept right now, you may lose all your power....so move on

peace

 

[RedScorpion]

Day 39 I think. Been hella a long time. Still thinking about her everyday, but it's slowly calming down. I guess the hardest thing was being full of regret about what I could have done different (yes, it's chump thinking but you guys might as well see it all lol). It's dumb because she wasn't that great - good, but some critical negatives in there that would have killed the relationship sooner than later. If we didn't break up now, we would have guaranteed broke up later. Basically I know it was for the best now, but still. Lots of thoughts still roaming, still miss her.

Next time I'll see her is in a couple months (not for her, but a graduation). I plan on being polite, concise, nothing more than that if I have to talk to her. If not, then I'll just leave without saying anything. I think that will be the clearest message.

But, besides that, I've got a friend's birthday party tonight. Lots of drinking, going out, talking with some friends I haven't seen in awhile. I'm not planning on picking up, just having fun. Should be good.

 

[Kevin Matthew]

DAY 3(Cont.):

Today i've been thinking about my ex a lot. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get her out of my head today. I'm finding it very hard to not stalk her on social media. I blocked her, but that doesn't stop the desire.

Last night I went to a mutual friend's bday, and though she wasn't there, another one of our mutual friends just wanted to talk about "us" the entire time. It sucks, because I feel like that got me thinking about her more. He might even report back to her or something. I really hope not though.

I went on a date today, but to be honest, my ex was better in every way(most importantly: looks) and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. It sucks because I'm finding myself very nervous when trying to approach new women who are up to my standards looks wise. I know I can talk to girls, I'm just nervous as ****.

 

[Boscus]

DAY 3(Cont.):

Today i've been thinking about my ex a lot. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get her out of my head today. I'm finding it very hard to not stalk her on social media. I blocked her, but that doesn't stop the desire.

Last night I went to a mutual friend's bday, and though she wasn't there, another one of our mutual friends just wanted to talk about "us" the entire time. It sucks, because I feel like that got me thinking about her more. He might even report back to her or something. I really hope not though.

I went on a date today, but to be honest, my ex was better in every way(most importantly: looks) and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. It sucks because I'm finding myself very nervous when trying to approach new women who are up to my standards looks wise. I know I can talk to girls, I'm just nervous as ****.

I understand where you are coming from, we've all been there. I compare most girls to my ex too. Listen, keep strong, you're doing great. in 57 days, you'll be a new man!

 

[Bling]

Day 3

Had four text yesterday (24 hours after breakup). all in a row. after she saw I didn't respond - she hasn't sent anything.

we're not your typical breakup. ours was distance, and we both acknowledge there could be a future for us when I finish school and if I end up in the same city. it's so tough to be NC since we ended on relatively good terms.

I'm not liking anything on facebook in case she can see it. I want to drop off the face of the earth. at least for 30 days.


kind of fitting that my 850 post was about my most significant college girlfriend (850 is tallahassee's area code - go NOLES).

Well we had originally planned on our "break" before the actual breakup to talk after I finished my first part of the CPA exam Wednesday. Well, we did and she called. Was alright.

Then I called her drunk Friday and I ****ed everything up. I tried to see if I could make the move back, and it failed. Today marks 28 days since the breakup, yet now I have to start from square one.

She tried me like crap during the end of our relationship. Totally ignored me. I need to remember that.

Day 1. When I finish this, I'll be at Day 88 since the breakup. That's roughly 3 months and a few days before my 23rd birthday. Better go find me some new ass.

 

[Kevin Matthew]

Beginning of Day 4:

Yesterday was very hard, and today is already feeling just as hard. It's been 2 days since she asked me if I wanted to try being in an open relationship with her, without any title(I didn't respond). I can't stop thinking about it. Friday night I had a long talk with one of our mutual friends. When I told him that she asked me to be in an open relationship his response was "do you really think it will be open? Do you really think she'll be going out trying to get other men?" That made me start thinking A LOT, because yes, I do. I feel like I'll just be a place holder for someone else. I know this kid really cares for both of us, and he knows her really well. He might even be right, and that's what I'm scared of. Now I feel like I'm missing an opportunity to get her back. I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I also feel like now that I've learned discipline in terms of contacting her, I can apply that discipline when contacting her if we were in an open relationship. Please remember, this is my perfect woman in every way...that's the only reason I am considering this. I know I should focus on her flaws, but guys, there's only one. It's hard to focus on flaws when there is only one I can find. Could/should I try and play her?...ugh! I know the answer.

Lately the only thing that makes me feel better has been working out. As soon as I step on the treadmill I start feeling better. Two days ago I ran 7 miles in an hour...the day before I ran 6.5 miles. I just quit smoking 3 weeks ago...I have never ran like that before...but it gives me confidence, and helps me feel better.

 

[Bling]

Beginning of Day 4:

Yesterday was very hard, and today is already feeling just as hard. It's been 2 days since she asked me if I wanted to try being in an open relationship with her, without any title(I didn't respond). I can't stop thinking about it. Friday night I had a long talk with one of our mutual friends. When I told him that she asked me to be in an open relationship his response was "do you really think it will be open? Do you really think she'll be going out trying to get other men?" That made me start thinking A LOT, because yes, I do. I feel like I'll just be a place holder for someone else. I know this kid really cares for both of us, and he knows her really well. He might even be right, and that's what I'm scared of. Now I feel like I'm missing an opportunity to get her back. I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I also feel like now that I've learned discipline in terms of contacting her, I can apply that discipline when contacting her if we were in an open relationship. Please remember, this is my perfect woman in every way...that's the only reason I am considering this. I know I should focus on her flaws, but guys, there's only one. It's hard to focus on flaws when there is only one I can find. Could/should I try and play her?...ugh! I know the answer.

Lately the only thing that makes me feel better has been working out. As soon as I step on the treadmill I start feeling better. Two days ago I ran 7 miles in an hour...the day before I ran 6.5 miles. I just quit smoking 3 weeks ago...I have never ran like that before...but it gives me confidence, and helps me feel better.

I don't know her... but I'd imagine the whole open relationship thing is you being a place holder while she tries to **** other guys. Don't give in and find someone new.