The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Swampcamel]

@aston

She did you a favor. Now you won't be tempted to FB stalk her.

A bright ex-less future is ahead of you with a billion plates! Time to put away the excuse that you want to patch things up and get out there and start practicing your sarge again.

 

[astonmartinone77]

Two words for ya F U CK HER! No point in worrying why someone deleted you. The fact is that they did so they don't want you in their lives anymore. You need to focus on more important things instead of why people are doing what they do.

Yep that's totally right. It's like I know exactly what I need to do, I just need time to actually get over her.

At the moment, I can't seem to think of anything without it reminding me of her or all the great times we had, and how much she liked me back then. I know. It's pathetic. It's just something I gotta get through.

Like I can totally see how awesome it will be when I'm in college and can use all the pickup techniques that can be found on here, like just believing you are the one everyone wants and having it be true in a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy way. But it's just like at the moment with how school is, I can't just forget about her.

We'll see how this goes.

And again, I really really appreciate all the advice all of you are giving me, you have helped more than I expected anyone would from a random internet forum. It's truly something great!

 

[L_T_D313]

Yep that's totally right. It's like I know exactly what I need to do, I just need time to actually get over her.

At the moment, I can't seem to think of anything without it reminding me of her or all the great times we had, and how much she liked me back then. I know. It's pathetic. It's just something I gotta get through.

Like I can totally see how awesome it will be when I'm in college and can use all the pickup techniques that can be found on here, like just believing you are the one everyone wants and having it be true in a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy way. But it's just like at the moment with how school is, I can't just forget about her.

We'll see how this goes.

And again, I really really appreciate all the advice all of you are giving me, you have helped more than I expected anyone would from a random internet forum. It's truly something great!

No doubt you and I were in the same boat. With the high school aspect to the feelings constantly coming back. It will subside though you just have to accept the fact they will come back. Eventually they will be nothing but useless images.

 

[astonmartinone77]

No doubt you and I were in the same boat. With the high school aspect to the feelings constantly coming back. It will subside though you just have to accept the fact they will come back. Eventually they will be nothing but useless images.

Like I really wish that I was in a situation like most people are when they start no contact because it seems that people have much more success with it and find their ex's texting them in the middle of it wondering what has happened.

But with the combination of her friend likely telling her how much of a ******* she thinks I am (seriously, what's her problem?), and with it being her idea to not talk "for the time being" (again, this is probably her friend's idea), I don't see there being much chance at having HER break NC. (But seriously, I am starting to think her friend has sort of been the root of all the problems we have had between each other)

And again, it doesn't and shouldn't matter. It's just one less form of comfort I can have.

*Sigh* But I will just keep on trying. I have now realized and accepted that these are mostly things that my mind has been telling me. If I go back and look at what has TRULY taken place between me and my ex, there isn't any real hostility, she has only actually "ignored" me twice and that was both when she was with a mutual friend of ours, which in my opinion could have just been to not seem odd to the friend.

It's only when I'm alone with my thoughts when my mind wonders what she is doing, who she is with, why she acted certain ways, what she must be thinking, etc.

I know there probably isn't much more you can tell me in the way of advice, I've just been sort of adding all these details almost as just a way to vent. I just want to tell someone about it.

 

[L_T_D313]

Like I really wish that I was in a situation like most people are when they start no contact because it seems that people have much more success with it and find their ex's texting them in the middle of it wondering what has happened.

But with the combination of her friend likely telling her how much of a ******* she thinks I am (seriously, what's her problem?), and with it being her idea to not talk "for the time being" (again, this is probably her friend's idea), I don't see there being much chance at having HER break NC. (But seriously, I am starting to think her friend has sort of been the root of all the problems we have had between each other)

And again, it doesn't and shouldn't matter. It's just one less form of comfort I can have.

*Sigh* But I will just keep on trying. I have now realized and accepted that these are mostly things that my mind has been telling me. If I go back and look at what has TRULY taken place between me and my ex, there isn't any real hostility, she has only actually "ignored" me twice and that was both when she was with a mutual friend of ours, which in my opinion could have just been to not seem odd to the friend.

It's only when I'm alone with my thoughts when my mind wonders what she is doing, who she is with, why she acted certain ways, what she must be thinking, etc.

I know there probably isn't much more you can tell me in the way of advice, I've just been sort of adding all these details almost as just a way to vent. I just want to tell someone about it.

Hey man I'm listening. I was in the exact same boat. My ex broke nc twice early on and hasn't since. I used to wait for her to crack and she never has and probably never will. I used to wonder what she was doing to. Then I figured fu ck it who cares.

You'll slowly heal over time. I am telling you i was in the same exact boat as you I know the struggle. Just don't break NC brother. It is imperative that you don't. You will only get hurt.

Stop thinking about what or who she's doing. She's not your girl any longer bro. Accept that and start the healing process.

 

[astonmartinone77]

Hey man I'm listening. I was in the exact same boat. My ex broke nc twice early on and hasn't since. I used to wait for her to crack and she never has and probably never will. I used to wonder what she was doing to. Then I figured fu ck it who cares.

You'll slowly heal over time. I am telling you i was in the same exact boat as you I know the struggle. Just don't break NC brother. It is imperative that you don't. You will only get hurt.

Stop thinking about what or who she's doing. She's not your girl any longer bro. Accept that and start the healing process.

Thanks, pal. It's really great to have people to just sort of vent to. The fact that you can also offer applicable advice from experience just makes it so much more valuable.

 

[alphaads]

It’s an Amazing!

 

[DonnyJuanny]

I finally did it. I completed the NC challenge and I feel great. No not great. Amazing. Fantastic. Unstoppable. The last time we spoke was when I was on the phone with her and we were having it out. I asked her if she ever really even loved me and she said no. I hung up the phone without another word and that's probably the last contact we will ever have with each other. It was tough at first but I just continued to put myself out there instead of siting around being depressed. I've hooked up with some four or five girls since and every. single. one. has been better looking than my ex now that I can look at it objectively. More than that they are just better people from top to bottom. It really does get easier and by the end of the challenge you'll look back and see how much stronger you've become by simply making it through something you didn't think you could. Keep your heads up.

 

[astonmartinone77]

I finally did it. I completed the NC challenge and I feel great. No not great. Amazing. Fantastic. Unstoppable. The last time we spoke was when I was on the phone with her and we were having it out. I asked her if she ever really even loved me and she said no. I hung up the phone without another word and that's probably the last contact we will ever have with each other. It was tough at first but I just continued to put myself out there instead of siting around being depressed. I've hooked up with some four or five girls since and every. single. one. has been better looking than my ex now that I can look at it objectively. More than that they are just better people from top to bottom. It really does get easier and by the end of the challenge you'll look back and see how much stronger you've become by simply making it through something you didn't think you could. Keep your heads up.

Congrats dude! It's awesome to see that this is possible!

 

[Exoduso]

I finally did it. I completed the NC challenge and I feel great. No not great. Amazing. Fantastic. Unstoppable. The last time we spoke was when I was on the phone with her and we were having it out. I asked her if she ever really even loved me and she said no. I hung up the phone without another word and that's probably the last contact we will ever have with each other. It was tough at first but I just continued to put myself out there instead of siting around being depressed. I've hooked up with some four or five girls since and every. single. one. has been better looking than my ex now that I can look at it objectively. More than that they are just better people from top to bottom. It really does get easier and by the end of the challenge you'll look back and see how much stronger you've become by simply making it through something you didn't think you could. Keep your heads up.

Congrats bro, glad to hear that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train coming our way.

 

[lamobatsman]

u done well hopefully il get there soon

 

[astonmartinone77]

Well a small update from today, I have now come to the realization that my ex has made quite a few new friends as a result of the spring break trip she went on with her youth ministry group. And she has been making plans to hang out with them and generally have fun.

And here's where things get slightly pathetic for me. I simply haven't done anything like that. I haven't had the opportunity to or at least not one nearly as good as the one she Had. It's as if my ex found this site and is doing everything you are supposed to do, and perfectly. I have been hanging with friends, but I really only have three good friends that MIGHT have time to hang on the weekends because they all have girlfriends. (Which doesn't help either). So it's really annoying how I seem to not have many chances to actually go out and meet new people and have fun so she can see how much fun I am having without her.

I suppose I need to find something to do that I enjoy, but the problem is that she is just, by luck, chance, or whatever, suddenly on such a higher level of fun and has many more hanging out opportunities. Her friends are just more available to hang and do things with.

If you couldn't tell already, today hasn't been a good day. Another day, another problem I've noticed.

It's like the no contact rule was built perfectly for her, and I'm the person who is at the receiving end of it.

I gotta stay strong. I'm trying to find hope, or maybe just one way she might be vulnerable to NC but I have yet to be successful.

EDIT: Yeah, you know what, I've seen enough. There may be some part of her deep down that she could be hiding that still misses me. But everything I've seen has proven otherwise. I just need to man up and take this on the chin. She is very likely over me. It kills me, but it's true.

To think that only a week before we broke up we were so fine and happy, and now she is going to considerable lengths to avoid contact with me. It's confusing and frustrating as hell with how things changed so suddenly and drastically.

She was just lucky enough to have such a huge group of close friends she could talk to and do things with right after the breakup.

Timing was PERFECT for her and TERRIBLE for me.

Life isn't fair. Who would have seen that coming?

 

[pinkfl]

Consider it a blessing that she is avoiding contact with you. You don't need her to confuse your emotions right now. What is done is done, it's over. In a way, her avoiding you is doing you a favor; she isn't trying to cloud your future with false promises of being "friends".

Lamenting that you haven't done anything new is a baby step on the right path. You recognize that you need to be active and social. Take this time to start looking for social hobbies and get involved. Do things that you want to do now that you now have the time. You will get through this.

 

[pinkfl]

Mbrady:
There is a valuable lesson to be learned here: an adult cannot change for another adult. They are adults. They are set in their ways. You saw red flags with infidelity from the start. You need to trust your gut intincts. Now...move on and consider this a lesson learned.

 

[Exoduso]

Day 41... it's her birthday. Part of me says to be mature and send her a quick text, the other in me says that I've gotten this far and there's no reason to break NC, because she probably wouldn't give a rat's ass either way.
The last time we spoke, by the way, was on my birthday... 41 days ago.
Thoughts?

 

[astonmartinone77]

Day 41... it's her birthday. Part of me says to be mature and send her a quick text, the other in me says that I've gotten this far and there's no reason to break NC, because she probably wouldn't give a rat's ass either way.
The last time we spoke, by the way, was on my birthday... 41 days ago.
Thoughts?

Well going along with what you and everyone else has told ME I of course wouldn't condone contacting her. It may be polite, but if you don't think she will care, then there isn't much point.

 

[astonmartinone77]

Also, going back to my s hit, I have had a theory that maybe the reason why she is doing all these things and enjoying them is because she perceives me as being readily available. Like I know that if I had someone who was waiting on me to come back, I would totally be fine with movie on and doing other things. Because then if things don't work out, I will have someone to talk to and be with.

The only "contact" I have had with her since we last talked is simply seeing her in the hallways at school. I suppose it's entirely my fault for doing this, but whenever I see her, I always sort of try to make eye contact and see if I can get a smile or something out of her to know that she doesn't hate me entirely (remember we were smiling at each other the first two weeks after the breakup) but I have had no such luck.

I'm not sure how big of a problem this is, but it basically could be showing her that I still want to be in her life and that's not what I want her to know.

Dammit. This vicious cycle.

Also, I am not sure if I mentioned this before, but I regularly see a therapist and I haven't been able to talk to him for almost three weeks and I am seeing him on Saturday. I'm just afraid of how my thoughts will change by then. It's a different problem every day with me.

But I do feel that this forum HAS allowed me to take the right steps in the right direction... I just need to get my priorities straight. Because as you all know, it's not exactly easy to just give up hope on her. It's like I need to do something that will make her miss me, but I also don't want to focus on making that my priority because then I will just still be focusing on her in some way. The cycle continues...

 

[pinkfl]

Day 41... it's her birthday. Part of me says to be mature and send her a quick text, the other in me says that I've gotten this far and there's no reason to break NC, because she probably wouldn't give a rat's ass either way.
The last time we spoke, by the way, was on my birthday... 41 days ago.
Thoughts?

Nope. No more texts. Delete her number. The relationship is over. Her birthday is special for her, but just another day for you.

 

[Exoduso]

Nope. No more texts. Delete her number. The relationship is over. Her birthday is special for her, but just another day for you.

Thank you, I needed to hear it from someone else.
I deleted her number a long time ago, but I have it memorized lol. -_- Counterintuitive, I know.

 

[astonmartinone77]

Update: DAY 21 (not counting the times we see each other in the halls, because well, that's unavoidable and it happens like 3-4 times a day)

I just sort of felt numb for the last few hours and literally just cried my eyes out in self-pity and about every single thing that was bothering me about the relationship and how literally almost EVERYTHING I saw and thought and heard and smelled reminded me of her when all I want to do is forget about her. I feel vaguely better right now, but I'm just trying to think about things.

I suppose that what my expectation was when I started NC was that once I started it she would immediately stop avoiding me, but alas, she has been doing it harder and harder and harder.... I've heard from some people that this could likely just be her dealing with her feelings and she could still miss you. But hell, even if that is true, she sure as hell isn't showing it. And I will admit that I truly believe that there is no way she got over me that quickly. With the way we broke up after only 10 days of awkwardness, not hostility, not arguing, just awkwardness.

But what I think is going on, spurred on by her over-supportive two-faced friend I described earlier, she is trying as hard as she can to make it clear that she doesn't want to contact me right now JUST to drive me crazy because she knows that I am readily available right now. I believe this because that's honestly what I would do, so don't say "oh, she is an ******* anyways, don't worry about her" because that would also be calling me an *******.

Something that also concerns me though, is how she never sort of got jealous over her ex before me. From what I've heard, he was really quite clingy after the relationship, he even went to her house a couple of times to apologize for something (never found out what) WHEN WE WERE DATING. And this guy is considerably more "popular" than me, and he talks to quite a few girls and has fun and does everything I'm planning on doing and yet she still avoided him and everything while we were dating and still does, to my knowledge. And this doesn't bode well for my chances

So basically, even if there is a small parcel of hope probably locked away in her head somewhere, I simply cannot wait on her anymore. Just seeing her have fun and be happy, even if it is just to "hide feelings", is killing me and I need to stop thinking about this situation entirely.

I'm going to probably say this every time I post, but I know you are probably tired of hearing my story by now because I post every day about it. It's just nice to let it all out. And of course, I really really really appreciate how helpful you all are. This is such a great community. I love you guys!