The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Swampcamel
Don Juan
Day 8
She texted me today. I still have some **** over at her place. She texted me to say she's moving out soon and I still have some boxes there, that I don't need to get them right away but heads up.
I just replied, Cool, thanks, good luck there. She asked where? I said wherever you go.
Prob didn't need to say that, but trying to bite at the point that she's probably gonna need as much luck as she can get. Her roommate had told me a few days ago that she's moving back in with her mom who is a total fkn wingnut and has caused 10 billion problems for her in life.
Anyway, short and simple, maybe more than needed. She replied Thanks Danny!, trying to be nice, trying to denote that we don't have to be pissy with each other, but I left it at that. I haven't really told her that I've initiated NC, but I think she's basically got the idea from my lack of contact after blowing up at her for flaking 9 days ago before I decided to begin NC.
It drives me ****in mad, though, man. Not the NC, just the whole damn interaction and everything building up to NC. Every time I see the people in my life acting ****ing crazy and sociopathic and I think **** why do people have to cause so many problems for themselves, I end up thinking AND ESPECIALLY HER TOO!
Just pacing and biting my lip waiting for that blissful moment when it's done toiling around my head and my friends stop talking about her. Her moving will be real good for that, keeping her from coming up in conversations since I expect her to abandon all our mutual friends after she moves. Ever onward.
She texted me today. I still have some **** over at her place. She texted me to say she's moving out soon and I still have some boxes there, that I don't need to get them right away but heads up.
I just replied, Cool, thanks, good luck there. She asked where? I said wherever you go.
Prob didn't need to say that, but trying to bite at the point that she's probably gonna need as much luck as she can get. Her roommate had told me a few days ago that she's moving back in with her mom who is a total fkn wingnut and has caused 10 billion problems for her in life.
Anyway, short and simple, maybe more than needed. She replied Thanks Danny!, trying to be nice, trying to denote that we don't have to be pissy with each other, but I left it at that. I haven't really told her that I've initiated NC, but I think she's basically got the idea from my lack of contact after blowing up at her for flaking 9 days ago before I decided to begin NC.
It drives me ****in mad, though, man. Not the NC, just the whole damn interaction and everything building up to NC. Every time I see the people in my life acting ****ing crazy and sociopathic and I think **** why do people have to cause so many problems for themselves, I end up thinking AND ESPECIALLY HER TOO!
Just pacing and biting my lip waiting for that blissful moment when it's done toiling around my head and my friends stop talking about her. Her moving will be real good for that, keeping her from coming up in conversations since I expect her to abandon all our mutual friends after she moves. Ever onward.
Day 9 still
We had to communicate today at work through IM. I got really close to getting personal with her but refrained and kept it short. I found out she had been stalking my twitter and when I found her new one that she has with her lover I saw some of the most foul degrading ****. She doesn't even look happy.
Anyways she deactivated it I'm sure she knew I could see it or something. I think she's getting into heavy drugs with this ******* to kill the pain. I found out she was searching on our work server for lyrics to Circa Survive - House of Leaves. a reference to her favorite movie Eternal sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I think she's starting to realize the error of her ways but she's to ashamed to speak.
We had to communicate today at work through IM. I got really close to getting personal with her but refrained and kept it short. I found out she had been stalking my twitter and when I found her new one that she has with her lover I saw some of the most foul degrading ****. She doesn't even look happy.
Anyways she deactivated it I'm sure she knew I could see it or something. I think she's getting into heavy drugs with this ******* to kill the pain. I found out she was searching on our work server for lyrics to Circa Survive - House of Leaves. a reference to her favorite movie Eternal sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I think she's starting to realize the error of her ways but she's to ashamed to speak.
youngmack
Master Don Juan
o today my ex (who i still got oneitis for) called me over in school and said "hi". I said "hello" and walked away.
Just now she sent me a text saying : "Soo real talk, why didnt you wanna talk to me today?"
What to i reply to this?
Do i even respond?
Today is her birthday, do i tell her happy birthday?
Sorry for the rookie question ya'll !
Just now she sent me a text saying : "Soo real talk, why didnt you wanna talk to me today?"
What to i reply to this?
Do i even respond?
Today is her birthday, do i tell her happy birthday?
Sorry for the rookie question ya'll !
I'm in a pretty confusing situation right now. I've partially moved on, but I want to get another chance to do right the things I did wrong the first time around.
TL;DR: girl lost interest because I rushed things and believes friendship would be best, what to do now to get it back? ****DAY 2 OF OFFICIAL NC****
We met on 30 November of last year. when we did,we instantly had a connection, and became very close. during the christmas break she went back home to europe, and we kept in touch via skype. Our feelings for each other deepened as we got to know each other. When we both came back to college, things were great, except for the fact that I was rushing things. When she had told me that it made her uncomfortable because it was so soon to be acting like an official couple. I was uneasy at first but I made the adjustment and we became happy again for 2-3 weeks. Then came the struggle with the amount of time we spent together..In one of her past relationships she lost all of her friends because her boyfriend was extremely possessive. I felt upset every time she said that she wanted to go hang out with her friends because I felt she was spending more time with them than with me. I tolerated it because I didn't want her to feel like she did in that past relationship. Around the 4-month mark, we were becoming distant and having a lot of back-and-forth disagreements, and one or both of us would feel unhappy at the end of the night. We both could feel the distancing, but didn't address it (I didn't because I felt that all we needed to do was have more fun together).
She asked to meet up with me one day and when I did she told me she felt unhappy and that she wanted the relationship to stop...I asked her what was wrong and she replied saying that she felt I loved her more than she loved me..And that sometimes she would be happy to see me, and sometimes she felt as if we shouldn't be together. I honestly felt the same about being hot and cold, but I told her that we liked each other the same amount, but it was too soon for me to be so expressive with my feelings. she also said that when she would text me saying she was somewhere, she was just telling me where she was, and that it wasn't an invitation, and It got to the point which she felt smothered..I was oblivious to that because she never addressed it directly, and I told her that she didn't tell me it was a problem until the very end, and that I was disappointed and that it wasn't really my fault we were in that position. I told her not to give up that easily, and that we would always work through the problems together.
She asked for a two-week break to see how she felt and to have space because she felt smothered. I gave her the space, with no contact. I ran into her once, and she was happy to see me. Wednesday before spring break we met up and talked. I told her everything I thought of as a solution, but she told me that she had made her decision when we first had our talk, and that she didn't want a relationship. She thought her feelings would come back but she didn't have feelings for me anymore because she “lost chemistry” with me, and her friends told her that we are only two out of billions of people. She also said that she wasnt going to force herself to like someone even if that person was really good-looking to her (which she says I am). It hurt because I knew we didn't have a connection anymore but my feelings were still there, and I was kind of surprised to see her acting like she didn't want to hear any of what I had to say..
I asked if she saw us getting back together in the future if things changed, and she said yes, but in the future. I told her that we actually may not get back together because Id be graduating in 1.5-2 years and I'd want to be in a strong enough relationship to withstand that milestone. I didn't want to say that but its too late now to take it back.. She said she would give me space and wouldnt talk to me until I was ready, and that maybe we could be close friends or fall out of touch. I agreed to it reluctantly, saying that maybe we could reconnect as friends and see where things go.
I had a hard time dealing with it because I know she still cares about me, and she texted me happy birthday on the 8th, wishing me the best and to have fun over spring break. she was pretty much sending me away from the relationship "with a packed lunch and umbrella for the rain." I was a little sad because we went so well together and made each other so happy and now we arent together anymore, like the flip of a switch. I told her the solution to feeling hot and cold was to go out on more dates and do enjoyable things (which we didn't do much of, we both willingly moved to intimacy with one another), but she said that I couldn't change her mind. Recently she had been trying to keep in touch with me by sending me a random picture from the internet over facebook, and I replied with one myself the next night.
The night afterwards she gave a one-word response of “awesome”, to which I left alone and I havent had any communication with her since. I dont plan on replying to any more of her messages or texts if she sends me any. Ive deleted all of our convos and pics, but not her number. Im not going to be using it but im sure I wont be tempted to talk to her any time soon. Honestly I do want her to change her mind because Im aware of the mistakes I've made and want to fix them, but I dont know what the best method of action is to be; either NC for a while, or stick with her as her friend and show her changes instead of just saying them (rushing, giving her space, and being a little less emotional). What'd be the best thing I could do when it comes to turning things in my favor, if there IS anything I can do? I know my feelings about her after I go back to college at the end of spring break wont be gone completely, and I wont be able to handle seeing her with someone else very well.
TL;DR: girl lost interest because I rushed things and believes friendship would be best, what to do now to get it back? ****DAY 2 OF OFFICIAL NC****
We met on 30 November of last year. when we did,we instantly had a connection, and became very close. during the christmas break she went back home to europe, and we kept in touch via skype. Our feelings for each other deepened as we got to know each other. When we both came back to college, things were great, except for the fact that I was rushing things. When she had told me that it made her uncomfortable because it was so soon to be acting like an official couple. I was uneasy at first but I made the adjustment and we became happy again for 2-3 weeks. Then came the struggle with the amount of time we spent together..In one of her past relationships she lost all of her friends because her boyfriend was extremely possessive. I felt upset every time she said that she wanted to go hang out with her friends because I felt she was spending more time with them than with me. I tolerated it because I didn't want her to feel like she did in that past relationship. Around the 4-month mark, we were becoming distant and having a lot of back-and-forth disagreements, and one or both of us would feel unhappy at the end of the night. We both could feel the distancing, but didn't address it (I didn't because I felt that all we needed to do was have more fun together).
She asked to meet up with me one day and when I did she told me she felt unhappy and that she wanted the relationship to stop...I asked her what was wrong and she replied saying that she felt I loved her more than she loved me..And that sometimes she would be happy to see me, and sometimes she felt as if we shouldn't be together. I honestly felt the same about being hot and cold, but I told her that we liked each other the same amount, but it was too soon for me to be so expressive with my feelings. she also said that when she would text me saying she was somewhere, she was just telling me where she was, and that it wasn't an invitation, and It got to the point which she felt smothered..I was oblivious to that because she never addressed it directly, and I told her that she didn't tell me it was a problem until the very end, and that I was disappointed and that it wasn't really my fault we were in that position. I told her not to give up that easily, and that we would always work through the problems together.
She asked for a two-week break to see how she felt and to have space because she felt smothered. I gave her the space, with no contact. I ran into her once, and she was happy to see me. Wednesday before spring break we met up and talked. I told her everything I thought of as a solution, but she told me that she had made her decision when we first had our talk, and that she didn't want a relationship. She thought her feelings would come back but she didn't have feelings for me anymore because she “lost chemistry” with me, and her friends told her that we are only two out of billions of people. She also said that she wasnt going to force herself to like someone even if that person was really good-looking to her (which she says I am). It hurt because I knew we didn't have a connection anymore but my feelings were still there, and I was kind of surprised to see her acting like she didn't want to hear any of what I had to say..
I asked if she saw us getting back together in the future if things changed, and she said yes, but in the future. I told her that we actually may not get back together because Id be graduating in 1.5-2 years and I'd want to be in a strong enough relationship to withstand that milestone. I didn't want to say that but its too late now to take it back.. She said she would give me space and wouldnt talk to me until I was ready, and that maybe we could be close friends or fall out of touch. I agreed to it reluctantly, saying that maybe we could reconnect as friends and see where things go.
I had a hard time dealing with it because I know she still cares about me, and she texted me happy birthday on the 8th, wishing me the best and to have fun over spring break. she was pretty much sending me away from the relationship "with a packed lunch and umbrella for the rain." I was a little sad because we went so well together and made each other so happy and now we arent together anymore, like the flip of a switch. I told her the solution to feeling hot and cold was to go out on more dates and do enjoyable things (which we didn't do much of, we both willingly moved to intimacy with one another), but she said that I couldn't change her mind. Recently she had been trying to keep in touch with me by sending me a random picture from the internet over facebook, and I replied with one myself the next night.
The night afterwards she gave a one-word response of “awesome”, to which I left alone and I havent had any communication with her since. I dont plan on replying to any more of her messages or texts if she sends me any. Ive deleted all of our convos and pics, but not her number. Im not going to be using it but im sure I wont be tempted to talk to her any time soon. Honestly I do want her to change her mind because Im aware of the mistakes I've made and want to fix them, but I dont know what the best method of action is to be; either NC for a while, or stick with her as her friend and show her changes instead of just saying them (rushing, giving her space, and being a little less emotional). What'd be the best thing I could do when it comes to turning things in my favor, if there IS anything I can do? I know my feelings about her after I go back to college at the end of spring break wont be gone completely, and I wont be able to handle seeing her with someone else very well.
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Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Purefilth
Master Don Juan
^^ Paragraph that out or I will not read it buddy.
most people will say the same - WALL of text = NEXT
most people will say the same - WALL of text = NEXT
Day 10
I've become pretty disgusted about what I saw on her twitter, but I'm having a hard time not looking. It causing pain but in a good way I can't believe I spent 2 years with this person and never knew she could stoop so low. I'm coming to the realization that I dodged a bullet, but then I can't help but think this her way of coping with what she's done. She hasn't tried to contact me on a personal level.
I've become pretty disgusted about what I saw on her twitter, but I'm having a hard time not looking. It causing pain but in a good way I can't believe I spent 2 years with this person and never knew she could stoop so low. I'm coming to the realization that I dodged a bullet, but then I can't help but think this her way of coping with what she's done. She hasn't tried to contact me on a personal level.
Swampcamel
Don Juan
@Placcid, I actually managed to read your post last night out of bored interest in following this thread, but didn't have the brain energy to even begin to reply. I'm not even gonna go over it again, I'll just tell you the impression I got last night, because, really, there's very little information there for other members to really go through.
Where you're at with this girl is not a problem. You're already through the worst part, and you didn't get your head torn off, and she's happily providing the distance, but you need to become happy with the distance. There really are billions of girls out there, you've just got a heavy case of oneitis.
You need to stop defining your life in context to this girl. It's your life, not hers. The decisions you are making should be for you, not for her. You shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone, people should be proving themselves to you. Right now, you won't be comfortable with seeing her with someone else because you are stagnant and in the same place you were when you first started having problems. Your life needs to move forward, not just romantically, but in such a way that you're guiding it where you want to go instead of orbiting around this blackhole of a relationship.
NC is not to impress her. It's not about turning things in your favor with an ex, its about turning things in favor for yourself and your life. It might grab her attention, but that doesn't matter. NC is for you. If she comes crawling back, chances are you won't want to take her back when you realize how rich your life has become without her being in control of it.
So, take a deep breath. Tell yourself this is the first day of the rest of your life and start making plans on how you want that life to look sans-ex. This will make NC so much easier for you and you'll forget why you voluntarily leashed yourself so long.
Where you're at with this girl is not a problem. You're already through the worst part, and you didn't get your head torn off, and she's happily providing the distance, but you need to become happy with the distance. There really are billions of girls out there, you've just got a heavy case of oneitis.
You need to stop defining your life in context to this girl. It's your life, not hers. The decisions you are making should be for you, not for her. You shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone, people should be proving themselves to you. Right now, you won't be comfortable with seeing her with someone else because you are stagnant and in the same place you were when you first started having problems. Your life needs to move forward, not just romantically, but in such a way that you're guiding it where you want to go instead of orbiting around this blackhole of a relationship.
NC is not to impress her. It's not about turning things in your favor with an ex, its about turning things in favor for yourself and your life. It might grab her attention, but that doesn't matter. NC is for you. If she comes crawling back, chances are you won't want to take her back when you realize how rich your life has become without her being in control of it.
So, take a deep breath. Tell yourself this is the first day of the rest of your life and start making plans on how you want that life to look sans-ex. This will make NC so much easier for you and you'll forget why you voluntarily leashed yourself so long.
Swampcamel
Don Juan
Hey BP, we're roughly on the same day for NC... If I could give any advice from my past breakups, really try not to internet stalk 'em. You'll tell yourself your just sating some curiosity, but you'll end up checking it over and over because it feeds your need for sliding up and down an emotional gradient with a girl.TeamBp said:
My recent breakup, I haven't checked her FB since NC. She's popping up on my recent posts, and I'm having a hard time deleting her cause I know she'll take offense, but I know for as long as I have some sort of indirect contact with the living, breathing ex, even through the internet, my emotions will spin out every time that happens and I'll be losing focus on where I really want to get to. So, I know I gotta delete her soon. I'm personally waiting another week so that it slides more under the radar, but I'm not cruising FB at all in the meantime.
Truthfully, though, your situation sucks and is harder since your girl is crashing and burning it sounds like, and its much harder to not want to don a knight-in-shining-armor complex. But man, girls thrown in that... they won't let you be the ones to save them, and really, no dude can, because she won't pick that dude until she's hit rock bottom and wants to go back up again. It's probably a long ways away, but there'll be people around and available who care who'll be ready to pick her back up again. So don't worry too much, it's just a gross, ugly woman phase, some proverbial monster menstrual cycle. Even down to the drugs and demeaning sex.
That's what i needed to hear Camel, thank you. I protected my tweets. Now it's just the will power to not pull her up. I deactivated my FB and I think she found out I was Twitter and decided she needed to get one too. As soon as I blocked her she disabled her account. I have to remember she's not my problem anymore.Swampcamel said:
Day 1 NO CONTACT
Well I don't know where to begin. I have a history with this girl that stretches 10 years. I was in a 'serious' relationship but I pursued her anyway. She quickly found out, cause I didn't hide it at all. Fast forward, we went our separate ways, we banged 6 years later, told me im the best. Supposedly still the best but she doesn't put out. blah blah blah .
We finally go out on 3 dates.
They spanned 1 month. Very reluctant txt, broke 2 plans. Gave excuses, but no follow up or other date.
I got hit with muse oneitis i guess. What's funny is that she doesn't look spectacular but I had eyes for her. There's too much ****, and her interest level isn't high enough, she doesn't/refuses to pursue. I feel almost compelled to let it slide since her mother almost passed recently and she just had her first angiogram. But the alpha in me says that's bullsheet. I banged a happily married women with 2 kids, who had no interest in me from the start, for 8 solid months! AND she worked 2 jobs AND was bread winner of the household. And this woman MADE the time to txt, meet and ****. I don't know... I already know im out of the running since she txted me " she has alot on her plate and that she feels she disappoints me." Shes not "there enough " to give me 100% what I want.
O well...
Well I don't know where to begin. I have a history with this girl that stretches 10 years. I was in a 'serious' relationship but I pursued her anyway. She quickly found out, cause I didn't hide it at all. Fast forward, we went our separate ways, we banged 6 years later, told me im the best. Supposedly still the best but she doesn't put out. blah blah blah .
We finally go out on 3 dates.
They spanned 1 month. Very reluctant txt, broke 2 plans. Gave excuses, but no follow up or other date.
I got hit with muse oneitis i guess. What's funny is that she doesn't look spectacular but I had eyes for her. There's too much ****, and her interest level isn't high enough, she doesn't/refuses to pursue. I feel almost compelled to let it slide since her mother almost passed recently and she just had her first angiogram. But the alpha in me says that's bullsheet. I banged a happily married women with 2 kids, who had no interest in me from the start, for 8 solid months! AND she worked 2 jobs AND was bread winner of the household. And this woman MADE the time to txt, meet and ****. I don't know... I already know im out of the running since she txted me " she has alot on her plate and that she feels she disappoints me." Shes not "there enough " to give me 100% what I want.
O well...
Swamp Camel:
thanks a lot for your advice..i copied and pasted it so I can reread it to help me get by. I really appreciate it; That helped me kind of realize where I am right now in regards to the path of my life with respect to hers, and I realized that im trying to make them cross again. I'll keep thinking about what youve posted!
I have put paragraphs to try and make it more comprehensible!
thanks a lot for your advice..i copied and pasted it so I can reread it to help me get by. I really appreciate it; That helped me kind of realize where I am right now in regards to the path of my life with respect to hers, and I realized that im trying to make them cross again. I'll keep thinking about what youve posted!
I have put paragraphs to try and make it more comprehensible!
dap
Senior Don Juan
You dont need to delete her, just hide her from your newsfeed. I did this when I went NC with my ex 5 months ago and haven't seen anything from her since (although I know she is very active on FB).Swampcamel said:
Play it cool brother. Act as though they aren't there smile laugh and have fun. Don't get mad at the guy though after all he didn't force her to leave she chose to. Be indifferent my mans if she speaks nod your head and keep it moving. -LoTeamBp said:
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Swampcamel
Don Juan
Just watch your headspace BP. In the days/hours leading up to it, if you catch yourself thinking about him, her, it, that universally destined moment of irony where worlds collide and all the possible scenarios involved, just pull your head out of that rabbit hole and find something productive to replace it. Work out, read a book, call a friend to hang out, w/e, doesn't matter, the point is that living like it doesn't matter will have the effect that it really doesn't matter.
Thinking and planning for the moment will center your life and that night around that moment, and you'll have a harder time enjoying the party because you'll be anticipating that. Just keep the ball rolling all night, get yourself pumped and excited for all the GOOD experiences your'e going to have, think about those and you'll breeze right past the guy.
This shows that you have more power and control than your average dude, and if he's looking for you and noticing you, he'll be looking to see if you act out aggressively (not in control of emotions, weak) or unfazed (in control, not hung up, positive energy). Chances are he's not going to be looking to engage you, though, so you really don't need to stress yourself over it.
Have a good time, man, SXSW is a blast.
Get in some game while you're there, and you'll forget about the whole thing and have an epic night.
Thinking and planning for the moment will center your life and that night around that moment, and you'll have a harder time enjoying the party because you'll be anticipating that. Just keep the ball rolling all night, get yourself pumped and excited for all the GOOD experiences your'e going to have, think about those and you'll breeze right past the guy.
This shows that you have more power and control than your average dude, and if he's looking for you and noticing you, he'll be looking to see if you act out aggressively (not in control of emotions, weak) or unfazed (in control, not hung up, positive energy). Chances are he's not going to be looking to engage you, though, so you really don't need to stress yourself over it.
Have a good time, man, SXSW is a blast.
Get in some game while you're there, and you'll forget about the whole thing and have an epic night.Swampcamel
Don Juan
Haha like what I can't even imagine whatever scenario you might be thinking.
Wish I was going to SXSW... gonna be in Texas like a week later, always just miss it.
Wish I was going to SXSW... gonna be in Texas like a week later, always just miss it.
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
Dude if he knew she was with you i would monkey stomp his ****i** brains out on general princepal. Now if he didnot know thats a diffrent story. If you go to the party and he makes bold open moves on her i.e. kissing touching etc and hes directing them at you to try and rub it in your face rip his head off and shi* down his throat. I had a guy do that to me once and i tried being nice. I was in high scholl then "military school" and was home on leave. I was nice abt it but he kept on so i walked up to him and asked him to stop. he did what every beta does got in my face and acted like he was going to kiss me soi head butted him and broke his nose. Pulled my **** out and pisse* on him. then looked at my cheating ***** then back at the ******* on the ground kicked him once and walked away. Just dont break anybodys nose.TeamBp said:
Do not be too easy. If you are too easy to get, she will not want you. If you are too easy to keep, she will lose interest in you. If you are too easy to control, she will not respect you.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.