Welcome to Sosuave.Joining today as first day after being dumped.
9 month LDR where we would travel to see each/other every 2/3 weeks.
It started with me being appreciative but outcome indifferent, but she showed HI for the first 3//4 months telling me she was falling for me at the end of 4th month.
When I reciprocated in the disclosement of feelings (which I did it in moderation i think) she would pull back, but still her affection, attitude and sex remained very good first 6 months.
After that I started noticing more disinterest, coldness and less happy (hot/cold). When I would ask what was happening shed say all was fine, that she would let me know if something not ok, that I should trust that she loved me.
We travelled to a couple of foreign places and while it was mostly good, our connection had moments of coldness were it felt we are not such a good match. On our last trip she seemed more tense and at times annoyed, I asked about this, she responded she was not feeling well(health). Other than that every time we had meet in person our connection has been quite good, good sex, just not high real chemistry.
After that trip we both were ill, and then coronavirus and lockdown happened. Making it impossible to make any near future plans. During last month she was quite cold, no affection, no initiating sex and awkward/arrogant attitude when we would talk via cam. Last conversation I acknowledged the vibe and that it felt like she wasn't happy to talk, she said again nothing just not feeling healthy. I stopped talking to her other than to ask if she was feeling better. Once she told she was better I stopped contact and only replying back shortly.
2 days later she asked if we could talk and said this wasn't working for both of us as no way of seeing each other plus none of us would relocate. Although I knew something was quite wrong, I was shocked to hear she wanted to end (although I had been mentally preparing for this scenario), thought she would first try to work things out not just present me her final decision politely. She said there was nothing wrong with the relationship we had, that all was good but perhaps not good enough to continue given the circumstances.Offered for us to be friends which I rejected and ended convo.
Im trying to let go of the anger and see my part of ****ing up, which seems to be I gradually attached my happiness to her, and I stopped being cool for her. Perhaps the anger is needed now to get me back on my feet in times of quarantine? I guess Id prefer to be in a place of real acceptance and optimism but far from it at the moment, just feeling broken, reading a lot, resting and exercising.
Inspiring to read others at this thread, which I never though I would be joining any time soon, yet sounds like my story follows patterns expressed here many times. I want to become better not more bitter. Days before breakup I was listening to Corey Wayne as he has many video s on what to do if she is growing distant, I did try to give space, mirror back her disinterest (although I still contacted as her health had been quite bad)
Day 1.
You noticed much earlier than the breakup that you weren't a good match.
Good job at declining LJBF too.
Good attitude of wanting to become better, not bitter.