So I’ve been doing this myself (I decided to give myself 6 months before I even saw this thread) as a choice since my last girlfriend split up with me.
Bit of background... We’d been going out several months, got on great & the sex was amazing. Looking back now, I can see the problems were:
A) She’d been single a long time & enjoyed a lot of her own time
B) My main previous girlfriend before her had criticised me for not making enough effort to see her, so I decided I wouldn’t make that mistake this time (BIG mistake! I ‘thought’ I was making the effort to see her more, but looking back now it came across as I was always wanting to see her)
C) I’d been recently laid off & had a lot of free time while I set up my new Business, so I thought I’d make the effort to see her now as I’d be so busy later (again, likely looked clingy!)
I said we should split up in December as she was basically too busy to see me, hoping she’d use that as a spur for her to want me properly. She agreed, not what I wanted to hear ha! She said she was too busy for dating & I said let’s see how things are in the new year.
In the meantime I dated other women, slept with a few but realised I still missed her. We went out again early Feb, had sex but afterwards she said the same, didn’t want anything proper at the time.
Carried on other women still, messaged her mid-March as I had tickets for a gin festival where she said it sounds fun, but she is in early stages of a relationship with a guy she knew & it just happened, so didn’t think it’d be appropriate (if she’s really seeing someone or just saying it who knows, but he definitely wasn’t the reason we split up & would not have been around till later)
My sister was pretty ill at the time so I was unfortunately emotionally fragile at the time, & stupidly told her I was crushed (I know, I know!), but not that my sister was ill. She said the sex was amazing but she couldn’t put her finger on why we hadn’t clicked.
I told her it was because I appeared too clingy, which is awkward because I’m not like that.
We agreed we should stay friends, and I figured I’d give myself 6 weeks to sort my **** out & give her enough time to miss me.
Anyway more than 2 months have just gone by on Sun & I haven’t contacted her, but 2 months to the date (last Sun) she deleted me from her Facebook, which I’ll be honest really hurt.
We never actually communicated on Facebook / liked each other’s posts etc, but I kinda wanted her to see how good my life was going ha. What would you all do now?
She’s not blocked me, we’re still friends on whatsapp but I’m pretty hurt. My sister has since died so ive been upset there, but I’ve never been more popular with women. I slept with one the other night, but I was still thinking about my ex then.
I feel I’m doing everything I should but don’t feel any better, I still miss her. Would you still leave it till October time to message, or send a brief funny ping text now? I’m inclined to leave it till the end of the year, but wanted you guys to weigh in with the Coronavirus lockdown as it’s changed dating habits here in the UK especially.
Additionally I have her mates email as she offered to get me a job at her place in Jan. Should I
A) Not message her at all
B) Ask if there’s jobs available and randomly at the end, how’s Clare (my ex)
C) Ask about jobs & make small talk but not mention the ex at all
I have never thought to speak to an ex’s mate before (and never would if it was left to me!), but as I have the details I wondered if any of you pro’s have any thoughts of that?
I’m just wondering the best way forward for me now basically. If we do go out again I know exactly what to do right this time, it’s just letting enough time go by to try and reset things / make her remember my positives & if she is single now ha.