The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lozboss]

I'm leaving in a next weekend for a few weeks, business and pleasure combined. That trip will occupy a lot of my time. The only sh1tty part is that the ex was supposed to join me part way through.

I'm pretty sure she won't go it on her own, but I moved my seats on the plane just in case. It'd suck to be stuck next to her. Sadly I won't know until the flight home, will try not to think too much about it.

I'm sure that I'll be hit with a few "wouldn't it be nice if she was here" moments but I've changed up the trip and made plans to meet different friends while I'm away.

Her memory continues to fade and I'm fine with that.

I'm doing pretty well against my goals. I'm not actively dating but am sort of spinning plates... they almost seam to spin themselves. Its not taking much time, though.

CJ.

Have a good time mate- focus on having a fun time an use it for positive reflection.

thanks for your support over the last few days.

 

[Insidout]

Day9

Although I spent all day with some friends, but I couldn't enjoy it as I kept thinking about the girl the whole time,..

Anyway, in the evening she texted me!
To be honest, I couldn't be more thrilled because this means one thing, she misses me and she hasn't moved on.. but I didn't reply!

4 hours later. she texted me again..
half an hour later, she sent another message..
in the next 30 minutes, she sent about 10 messages, I didn't reply to any of them.. obviously she was anxious and miserable.. I felt really bad I don't want to see my girl in this condition..
then she called, but I didn't answer..
after that, I sent her a message and told her to stop contacting me because I want to forget her..
she left without saying a word.. but I can tell she got upset and maybe hurt..

My conscious is torturing me.. I feel terrible and awful..
maybe it's just a game she's playing to make me feel guilty..
I don't know.. I hate myself.

Blocking her won't work, I tried it before,..

 

[Lozboss]

Day9
I felt really bad I don't want to see my girl in this condition..

Blocking her won't work, I tried it before,..

How will blocking her NOT work?

You did the right thing here- although would have been better to just ignore her. You caved in there.

"My girl"? She isn't your girl any more! You need to realign your mindset. It's tough and that may sound harsh but until you do you're never going to move on.

I know how tough it is buddy to know someone you care about is Hurting. But it's for the best - don't let her use you to dampen her pain while increasing yours!

 

[Wisconsin144]

Lozz is definitely right here, you two broke up, she's not "Your girl". She's just a girl now. Don't keep your mind on this girl who won't waste her mind on you once you show her attention again. No contact is the way to go my friend. I'm sitting here on day 54 not giving a damn what she's doing, up to, feeling. Can't believe I'm so close to finishing my 60 days already, went so fast. First half was terrible, now it's like she doesn't even exist. You need to block her, it does work, don't even send her a text if she tries contacting you. I deleted my ex's number (luckily I had not memorized it). And that made it so much easier knowing I literally could not contact her even if I wanted to. I highly suggest you do the same!
-Jared

 

[Lozboss]

I'm sitting here on day 54 not giving a damn what she's doing, up to, feeling. Can't believe I'm so close to finishing my 60 days already, went so fast. First half was terrible, now it's like she doesn't even exist. You need to block her, it does work, don't even send her a text if she tries contacting you. I deleted my ex's number (luckily I had not memorized it). And that made it so much easier knowing I literally could not contact her even if I wanted to. I highly suggest you do the same!
-Jared

I hope it does get better?! I'm 2 weeks in and it's tough, especially as I haven't heard anything.

I also deleted the number- best option.

 

[Cejay]

Lozz, InsideOut

Jared is right. It does and will get better. For me it was somewhere in the late 20 days and it wasn't all that progressive, it was more of an "all of a sudden" type thing that she went away.

Keep going with NC. You'll be fine.

CJ.

 

[Cejay]

Day 43

I still think about her almost daily, maybe 1-2x a day. The feelings aren't intense or long but I wish they'd go away. I know they will.

My next few weeks are going to be really busy and good, I'm very excited for them.
I've done a good job at changing the part of the trip that we were to do together. Unfortunately, I will wonder if she is there until I am on my flight home (we were on the same flight of course.) I'm certain she won't be, but I'll wonder until I know.

The Nice guy book has helped me, I'm at 75% and will likely read it again in a little while. It lead to some personal breakthroughs about some relationships and my life. It has been worthwhile.

Keeping busy and scheduling things to look forward to really helps. Time with men doing guy stuff helps a lot.

Things are good. I friended one of my plates but things are progressing to physical. She wants a relationship and I just tell her no. I have developed an aloof "I don't care" attitude. This experience has lead to me being quite a bit more guarded with my emotions.

I'm too nice and sensitive so in my case, its not a bad thing.

Progress against the goals has been good for the most part, I'm spending a lot of time thinking about my life and what I want to do with it. Not really spinning many plates, and not really spending much time on it.

I'm grateful for the support on this site and the wisdom of NC. In my case, it is the best way to heal and move on with dignity, as a man.

Keep going guys, it gets better.

CJ.

 

[Lozboss]

I still think about her almost daily, maybe 1-2x a day. The feelings aren't intense or long but I wish they'd go away. I know they will.

My next few weeks are going to be really busy and good, I'm very excited for them.
I've done a good job at changing the part of the trip that we were to do together. Unfortunately, I will wonder if she is there until I am on my flight home (we were on the same flight of course.) I'm certain she won't be, but I'll wonder until I know.

The Nice guy book has helped me, I'm at 75% and will likely read it again in a little while. It lead to some personal breakthroughs about some relationships and my life. It has been worthwhile.

Keeping busy and scheduling things to look forward to really helps. Time with men doing guy stuff helps a lot.

Things are good. I friended one of my plates but things are progressing to physical. She wants a relationship and I just tell her no. I have developed an aloof "I don't care" attitude. This experience has lead to me being quite a bit more guarded with my emotions.

I'm too nice and sensitive so in my case, its not a bad thing.

Progress against the goals has been good for the most part, I'm spending a lot of time thinking about my life and what I want to do with it. Not really spinning many plates, and not really spending much time on it.

I'm grateful for the support on this site and the wisdom of NC. In my case, it is the best way to heal and move on with dignity, as a man.

Keep going guys, it gets better.

CJ.

Great to hear things are going better.

Really hope the next few weeks are great for you- will really help you do the final healing!

Keep on going buddy

 

[Wisconsin144]

I hope it does get better?! I'm 2 weeks in and it's tough, especially as I haven't heard anything.

I also deleted the number- best option.

First few weeks are rough as hell. After that, (I'd say around day 25-30) it gets much easier.

 

[Wisconsin144]

I still think about her almost daily, maybe 1-2x a day. The feelings aren't intense or long but I wish they'd go away. I know they will.

My next few weeks are going to be really busy and good, I'm very excited for them.
I've done a good job at changing the part of the trip that we were to do together. Unfortunately, I will wonder if she is there until I am on my flight home (we were on the same flight of course.) I'm certain she won't be, but I'll wonder until I know.

The Nice guy book has helped me, I'm at 75% and will likely read it again in a little while. It lead to some personal breakthroughs about some relationships and my life. It has been worthwhile.

Keeping busy and scheduling things to look forward to really helps. Time with men doing guy stuff helps a lot.

Things are good. I friended one of my plates but things are progressing to physical. She wants a relationship and I just tell her no. I have developed an aloof "I don't care" attitude. This experience has lead to me being quite a bit more guarded with my emotions.

I'm too nice and sensitive so in my case, its not a bad thing.

Progress against the goals has been good for the most part, I'm spending a lot of time thinking about my life and what I want to do with it. Not really spinning many plates, and not really spending much time on it.

I'm grateful for the support on this site and the wisdom of NC. In my case, it is the best way to heal and move on with dignity, as a man.

Keep going guys, it gets better.

CJ.

I've also noticed myself guarding my feelings much more than I used to, I guess it's just our mind protecting us from more hurt. Currently reading "No More Mr Nice Guy", helps a lot with understanding and seeing how I acted in my previous relationship from a different angle. Glad to see your things are getting better man, keep it up!
-Jared

 

[fafo]

Almost 2 months have passed and the thoughts about my ex are getting rare.
There are days where she wont even pop in my mind.
I wont focus on woman for now, my career and self esteem must be built first.

Broke the NC with a simple line about a week ago responding to her funny dog picture thinking she wanted nothing but she typed another line and then I ignored It, this means I'm not a **** but I also don't want to chit-chat with you.
That meant nothing to me so I wont reset the counter

Yesterday I chatted my ex-s girlfriend with an 9gag post and she knew everything I told my ex when I showed her my new car about my career and ****. I don't know how to think of that, either they were bored and had nothing else to talk about or she is still thinking of me. Both ways I don't care but It wasn't something I expected and it felt nice. :rock:

When I realized I'm the maker of my own destiny everything started to make sense and I started to prioritize my goals.I think its the most effective way to forget someone. It's been said many times here on the boards but It's true. Keep it up guys and dont let anyone else control your happiness! :yes:

 

[Cejay]

Awesome on all fronts Allin. Congrats!!

CJ.

 

[Cejay]

Day 45

Day 45.

NC in tact, not much to report, same ole. She comes and goes in my thoughts the same as I've posted the last few times. Sometimes I wish I was getting the texts that you guys do but at the same time I'm grateful that I don't. They would cause dilemmas. Instead I tell myself that she is likely suffering as I have been to a varying degree.

I finished up the Nice guy book. I enjoyed it. It gave me some helpful insights that will help in all aspects of life.

Next up is "The 48 Laws of Power."

I noticed on meetup that there are women's groups for everything but no men's groups. It's not even a category so I am thinking about starting a Men's social club.

I also found 2 organizations I'm going to volunteer at which could be fun and should be rewarding.


I'm not actively chasing women anymore, though some are chasing me. My focus is on building an awesome life for CJ. I'll find someone at some point but women quite honestly are not a priority. I am.

Sounds like everyone is staying strong and doing well. Keep it up.

CJ.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 45.

NC in tact, not much to report, same ole. She comes and goes in my thoughts the same as I've posted the last few times. Sometimes I wish I was getting the texts that you guys do but at the same time I'm grateful that I don't. They would cause dilemmas. Instead I tell myself that she is likely suffering as I have been to a varying degree.

I finished up the Nice guy book. I enjoyed it. It gave me some helpful insights that will help in all aspects of life.

Next up is "The 48 Laws of Power."

I noticed on meetup that there are women's groups for everything but no men's groups. It's not even a category so I am thinking about starting a Men's social club.

I also found 2 organizations I'm going to volunteer at which could be fun and should be rewarding.


I'm not actively chasing women anymore, though some are chasing me. My focus is on building an awesome life for CJ. I'll find someone at some point but women quite honestly are not a priority. I am.

Sounds like everyone is staying strong and doing well. Keep it up. Also can't agree more that we should be our main focuses, not these girls. Sending best wishes!

-Jared

CJ.

Glad to hear you're still doing good. Hope your club works out for you

 

[Wisconsin144]

Well this forum has been dead recently. Glad to see people are not needing it. All I can say is that it's day sixty, almost forgot it was today. I've noticed I'm still healing to this day, but it's getting to the point where it's less about her and more about my ego and such. I cringe at how I acted the first few days. Glad I did this challenge. Good luck everyone!!!

 

[Lozboss]

Well this forum has been dead recently. Glad to see people are not needing it. All I can say is that it's day sixty, almost forgot it was today. I've noticed I'm still healing to this day, but it's getting to the point where it's less about her and more about my ego and such. I cringe at how I acted the first few days. Glad I did this challenge. Good luck everyone!!!

So proud of you Jared. Top effort. Really god my fingers crossed for the next stage for you. Wishing you the best.

Thanks for your support on behalf of everyone on this thread.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Thank you, everyone here has been such a big help. From their advice to me, and even some of the stories other people posted from their personal lives. To mention a few there was Drake, Ceejay, Lozzboss, and so many others. These people were so inspirational to me and in extremely happy I got to meet them.
I still plan on checking on the forum here and there to see how everyone is doing and give out my advice, and maybe even learn a thing or two.

-Jared

 

[fafo]

Hey guys
Just an update, my 60 days are almost over and I feel so distant from my ex. Memories sometimes get to me but they make me smile for the thing we had, not sad for the future because no one knows what the future hold yet. Some very strong words that got to me and made me think were "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery" which I find completely true, you cant change none of them so you may just live now.
I don't know how I was thinking she was "the one" , wish i could go back 3 years in time and slap the **** out of myself. :yawn:

At first I was wondering how her new guy is such an AFC and she likes him despite all the info on SS, I was even doubting the info here but after all I was pretty much king of the AFC-s back then and was with her 3,5 years
so I guess she likes AFC-s or she will eventually grow tired of him.

I still have much to improve, my body, my mindset, my social skills. I have a long road ahead of me but thanks to you guys I'm walking it and not just standing and watching how other people walk ahead.
My goal is that every year I can look back in time and laugh at how bad I was and how much progress I made, no more "im good now, i dont need to change anything or learn anything".
Don't know if I'll become DJ, never really liked the plates thing but at least now I wont be afraid to speak my mind in front of the feminine gender. Not really sure if im not kinda late with this revelation at age of 24 but its better late then never.

Thanks guys, I wish you the best of luck and may you find what you are truly seeking for

 

[Lozboss]

Hey guys
Just an update, my 60 days are almost over and I feel so distant from my ex. Memories sometimes get to me but they make me smile for the thing we had, not sad for the future because no one knows what the future hold yet. Some very strong words that got to me and made me think were "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery" which I find completely true, you cant change none of them so you may just live now.
I don't know how I was thinking she was "the one" , wish i could go back 3 years in time and slap the **** out of myself. :yawn:

At first I was wondering how her new guy is such an AFC and she likes him despite all the info on SS, I was even doubting the info here but after all I was pretty much king of the AFC-s back then and was with her 3,5 years
so I guess she likes AFC-s or she will eventually grow tired of him.

I still have much to improve, my body, my mindset, my social skills. I have a long road ahead of me but thanks to you guys I'm walking it and not just standing and watching how other people walk ahead.
My goal is that every year I can look back in time and laugh at how bad I was and how much progress I made, no more "im good now, i dont need to change anything or learn anything".
Don't know if I'll become DJ, never really liked the plates thing but at least now I wont be afraid to speak my mind in front of the feminine gender. Not really sure if im not kinda late with this revelation at age of 24 but its better late then never.

Thanks guys, I wish you the best of luck and may you find what you are truly seeking for

Great mindset and really glad you are looking forward. Congrats on the 60 days coming up soon!

You're not too late- At least I hope not- I'm 27 and my eyes are just opening (got a few years to make the most of it!).

Read the Rational Male- build on what you've experience and do the final unplugging.

My Update:

3 weeks today NC

It's been tough and last night was really tough. Still battling on and it's been easier than last week.

I've come to realize that this breakup has been her Loss. I'm a catch and I have so much in front of me- she has very little and the wrong side of 30.

When I get back from Holiday on the 25th I'm going to box up her remaining things and post them to her. I'm tempted to send the gifts she got me back as well but I think that's just spiteful and petty (thoughts?).

Still determined to use the next two months to focus on myself, then I'll start spinning plates once again.

 

[Teac-her]

Hey guys I'm joining the group. I was in a 7 1/2 year relationship until I got dumped and friend-zoned Tuesday June 23rd. I did not react in a needy way. I did not beg or blow up her phone. However, I did keep in touch with her - we sent each a few text messages - until Sunday June 28. That Sunday I called her and told her I was not interested in being her friend, and therefore, I did not want to keep in touch unless she changed her mind.

We did not talk or contact each other until Wednesday July 8. She called me that night but I ignored her call. However, I caved in the following day and I called her. I even tried to set up a date with her. I think back and I realize how pho-king weak that was. Since July 9, she has text me several times, but I have been strong and not replied to any of her messages.

Luckily, today, I found this fantastic challenge. I know I was not doing the best I could do, but I could do better by cutting off contact COMPLETELY. So, like most of you fellow brethren, I will join you and we will get through this.

No contact officially started July 9 for me, however, for the sake of this challenge, I will consider today the first day.