The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Insidout]

Day 31

I'm torn on plates, might let them all drop. I'm getting lots of interest on OLD but having a hard time escalating to the meet, which sucks some of them are late 20's and hot.
I find that I'm losing interest in women. I don't see that as a bad thing per se. I don't see how a 6-12 month break could be all that bad. (Feel free to comment on this)

CJ.

that's an interesting point if looked at from a rational and sensible perspective..
I think losing interest in women comes from the fact that losing someone we cared about makes us feel empty inside, but I'm positive when you find the right person all these feelings of disinterest will disappear, even if you're not ready or your break hasn't finished yet.

 

[Insidout]

Day 32:
Been a while since I last posted here. Things have gotten LOTS better since then. I had a chat with my ex and my manager together. Ended the work issues and actually gave us some closure. Haven't felt upset or anything at all anymore. I miss her body a little, but that's really all. Her leaving me behind has given me an opportunity to be amazing and move up on the ladder of women, and everything else in life.
That's exactly what I'm trying to do. What I've done so far:
Quit online gaming (long term addiction)
Spending more time doing things I'm passionate about. Big things like Lifting plates 5 times a week, but also small things like properly matching clothes before leaving the door.
Got laid. I'm not much of an experienced women seducer, but it did confirm for me what I already know deep inside: I can pull just fine.
Signed up for a course in hand massaging.
Redecorated my apartment. Looks fly.
Entered in a Progression picture contest at my lifting association. In 6 months pictures will be taken to see who has made the best gains.
Reconnected with my friends and family(this has more to do with quitting gaming than it has with NC, but I did prioritize her over everyone else in my life).
And most importantly, my mind is no longer cursed with thoughts of a woman who in reality was never really that great to me. I can rest, lift, study and live without her popping up every 5 minutes. Gonna keep doing NC and see where it goes.

Good for you, looks like you're doing great, keep it up!

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 32:
Been a while since I last posted here. Things have gotten LOTS better since then. I had a chat with my ex and my manager together. Ended the work issues and actually gave us some closure. Haven't felt upset or anything at all anymore. I miss her body a little, but that's really all. Her leaving me behind has given me an opportunity to be amazing and move up on the ladder of women, and everything else in life.
That's exactly what I'm trying to do. What I've done so far:
Quit online gaming (long term addiction)
Spending more time doing things I'm passionate about. Big things like Lifting plates 5 times a week, but also small things like properly matching clothes before leaving the door.
Got laid. I'm not much of an experienced women seducer, but it did confirm for me what I already know deep inside: I can pull just fine.
Signed up for a course in hand massaging.
Redecorated my apartment. Looks fly.
Entered in a Progression picture contest at my lifting association. In 6 months pictures will be taken to see who has made the best gains.
Reconnected with my friends and family(this has more to do with quitting gaming than it has with NC, but I did prioritize her over everyone else in my life).
And most importantly, my mind is no longer cursed with thoughts of a woman who in reality was never really that great to me. I can rest, lift, study and live without her popping up every 5 minutes. Gonna keep doing NC and see where it goes.

Good to see you're still around and telling your story, most people leave after their thirty days or so. I'm currently finishing up day 42. And I never expected myself to be healed ever when I was in the first twenty days. Now I feel much better, less lonely I've noticed the last couple days now. Still play Xbox and talk to new people. Have five plates spinning and one is a FWB relationship . Everything gets better to those who are in the early stages of this. Keep NC and your life will be so much easier it's crazy!

-Jared

 

[fafo]

Wanted to share some light with you guys :cheer:

Its been a month now and my ex tried to break NC several times. I responded only to the congratz on my birthday with a simple sticker.

Last night I was at the bar with friends and at some point she came to say hi, and wanted to see my new car. As I showed her the car, she asked a lot of questions about me and I happily answered how things at the new workplace are great and I'll be leaving for Germany next month on a business trip etc.
She seemed very excited about it but the best thing is I realized I don't have any feelings for this chick.

I still find her attractive but she is somebody else's problem now
One day you realize that you only remember the good things with that person and she is a part only of your past but not your future.
So guys don't loose hope, soon you will feel great as I feel now

 

[Insidout]

Day5..
It felt even worse than day1, I don't think I'm healing at all.. especially with her contacting me every now and then.
I'm torn between my rational decision of moving on, and my desire to be with her as she contacts me a lot! I know I need a closure..

If a girl dumps you for another guy, does that make you a loser? (this isn't my case, just asking).

 

[Insidout]

She seemed very excited about it but the best thing is I realized I don't have any feelings for this chick.

I still find her attractive but she is somebody else's problem now
One day you realize that you only remember the good things with that person and she is a part only of your past but not your future.
So guys don't loose hope, soon you will feel great as I feel now

Sounds great! this is the problem when you try moving on and healing after a breakup, you always remember good things and good times with her, this makes it incredibly hard to maintain the NC thing, you just want to see her and talk to her..
and it becomes way harder when she tries to contact you during this phase..

 

[Lozboss]

A big congrats to everyone:

Especially Cejay and Evoled- proud of you both.

Insidout- you're on day 1 by my counting. Rules are rules.

Sorry you're feeling bad mate- You need to learn to ignore her. If seeing her getting in touch hurts you and opens wounds then you NEED to block her and then DELETE her number and social media.

Out of sight- out of mind = you healing.

NC lets you heal. She's not interested in you as a Boyfriend- she misses you and wants that security of you as a friend while she looks elsewhere.

You're not a loser if she moves on- you're the winner. She becomes another idiots problem. Let them put up with her sh*t while you date people who are deserving of you.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 0, I guess, sorry for WOT

Seems like I just got dumped for standing on my ground and refusing to take her bull****.
10 months LTR, my second real relationship ever.

Went out with two friends last night just chilling at the park, we haven't seen each other in weeks so I haven't noticed how time flew by.
On my way home at 01:00am me and Y exchanged texts, when I finally got home I texted her if she's not asleep yet, she didn't reply so I texted her goodnight.

Woke up in the morning, she called me all upset and angry, how dare I disturb her sleep. I reminded her how happy I was when she texted me a week ago at 2am, she said "oh yeah well you never told me you went our with your friends" I'm all like wtf? I don't have time to argue with you now, bye.

Seems like she talked to her feminist female friend who *****whips her boyfriend who is a friend of mine because she told me a few details about yesterday.

She called me again about an hour ago, same **** happened, I told her she's right and I was suppose to call her but she went on and on and said I'm hiding things from her, I'm being disrespectful and uncaring because I forget to call her and how can she trust me now (the ****?)
How whenever she fu-cks up I put her through hell and every time I do something bad I ignore her (that's right girl! want to control the relationship? go be with some beta f@ggot, don't do this sh!t on me)
I said listen I don't have time for this ****, she was yelling like a motherf**ker "LISTEN TO ME !!!", I calmly said "Don't yell at me, you're being disrespectful", she busted out crying, yelled "we're breaking up!!!" and hung up the phone.

Going out for a run now, gotta shred this body

 

[Cejay]

Insidout,

You're not a loser.

You stated needing closure, is the break-up convo not closure?

I didn't feel like it was, for me but had to make a decision to call it closure.

I think you need to tell her you guys are NC then block her on social media, phone, etc. Her continuing to contact you is not helping you.

You can get back together later, if you truly want but I recommend some serious NC time to gather your thoughts and heal.

CJ.

Day5..
It felt even worse than day1, I don't think I'm healing at all.. especially with her contacting me every now and then.
I'm torn between my rational decision of moving on, and my desire to be with her as she contacts me a lot! I know I need a closure..

If a girl dumps you for another guy, does that make you a loser? (this isn't my case, just asking).

 

[Cerwin Vega]

So while I was jogging my phone was ringing non-stop. After I've finished I picked it up, she told me she's waiting outside my house for 20 minutes already and where am I, she wants to talk.
I said we have nothing to talk about as she said the final word.
I had no intention of meeting up with her but she was almost begging me so I told her where I am so she drove to me.
We've argued for about 10 minutes, I told her "Do you understand that you are not my girlfriend and we have nothing in common anymore?" She started crying and told me she loves me so much and she doesn't want to break up, she showed me her phone - she talked to all of my friends and asked them to tell me that she's sorry and to make me understand her side of the story.

I told her I'm deeply hurt (yea right) and it'll take me a while to regain my trust in her. We made out a little, I told her it's her duty now to call my friends and tell them everything's OK.
She invited me over for dinner and sex.

Not really what I expected but I guess it's not over yet.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day5..
It felt even worse than day1, I don't think I'm healing at all.. especially with her contacting me every now and then.
I'm torn between my rational decision of moving on, and my desire to be with her as she contacts me a lot! I know I need a closure..

Two words: Block her.

 

[Lozboss]

So while I was jogging my phone was ringing non-stop. After I've finished I picked it up, she told me she's waiting outside my house for 20 minutes already and where am I, she wants to talk.
I said we have nothing to talk about as she said the final word.
I had no intention of meeting up with her but she was almost begging me so I told her where I am so she drove to me.
We've argued for about 10 minutes, I told her "Do you understand that you are not my girlfriend and we have nothing in common anymore?" She started crying and told me she loves me so much and she doesn't want to break up, she showed me her phone - she talked to all of my friends and asked them to tell me that she's sorry and to make me understand her side of the story.

I told her I'm deeply hurt (yea right) and it'll take me a while to regain my trust in her. We made out a little, I told her it's her duty now to call my friends and tell them everything's OK.
She invited me over for dinner and sex.

Not really what I expected but I guess it's not over yet.

You didn't even last a day.

You need to walk away.

She turned on the water works and you came back. You got played.

 

[Cejay]

Allin,

You are doing well and you are right about NC being the only rational thing to do.

Keep going.

CJ.

Again a ****ty day for me. I've blocked her on Facebook as you all told me. It will help. But this morning, I stumbled upon tons of photos of us in my phone. F** technology. Deleted them all but now I don't feel great at all. Anyways, it will pass. I guess.
This NC thing is hard but it's really the only rational thing to do.

Keep it up guys.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Insidout: you are doing great man, don't stop. If you really need closure you could write her a last e-mail. But do it for you and don't expect an answer. I did that and honestly it gave me closure. Had to tell her I was sorry for everything I did wrong (I really was a bad boyfriend, didn't take care of her). I didn't do it to get her back, I did it for me, to admit my responsibility in the break up and start being a better me.


Again a ****ty day for me. I've blocked her on Facebook as you all told me. It will help. But this morning, I stumbled upon tons of photos of us in my phone. F** technology. Deleted them all but now I don't feel great at all. Anyways, it will pass. I guess.
This NC thing is hard but it's really the only rational thing to do.

Keep it up guys.

Deleting pictures brings up memories that will open that wound. I still have one of us, but I never look in my photos. Just remember, "Out of sight, out of mind." The pain will fade and you will see it as the most intelligent thing you've ever done. Keep up all of the hard work and keep making your progress man!

-Jared

 

[Lozboss]

It's weekend and I guess Is the first milestone- One week NC.

Hitting me hard but focusing on myself now.

Going on a few dates next week but think I might delete tinder and just take a break for 3 months. Got a lot of important things coming up and need to focus on them.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

You didn't even last a day.

You need to walk away.

She turned on the water works and you came back. You got played.

Sometimes you gotta cut her some slack. Remember, after all we're all human.
No point in turning your girl into a sack of dirt, I know that girls do that but that's the difference between girls and men.

Doing something on purpose aka faking only makes you a loser (if I were to block her and avoid her on purpose just "to make her feel the pain")

 

[Cejay]

Lozboss,

Congrats on the first week. Glad you made it.

CJ.

It's weekend and I guess Is the first milestone- One week NC.

Hitting me hard but focusing on myself now.

Going on a few dates next week but think I might delete tinder and just take a break for 3 months. Got a lot of important things coming up and need to focus on them.

 

[Wisconsin144]

It's weekend and I guess Is the first milestone- One week NC.

Hitting me hard but focusing on myself now.

Going on a few dates next week but think I might delete tinder and just take a break for 3 months. Got a lot of important things coming up and need to focus on them.

Gratz on the hardest part of the 60 days. It gets easier and easier from there, and good idea to take a break. Focus on yourself, be a better you before you even bother with another woman. After all, only you can make you happy.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 2

Long time lurker, first time poster.

Dumped my ex last night. Basically found out she'd been at the very least texting and going on dates with a guy she got with while we were on a "break" as well as another guy from work, both of whom she had told she didn't have a boyfriend anymore.

A lot to take in but I'm ok. In the 2 years we've been together I have never once checked her phone. I'm just not that kind of boyfriend. So she's constantly talking about "trust" and "new beginnings" and I think ok let's try that but let me check your phone. And she freezes and starts calling me controlling - even though she checks my phone all the time, "forbids" me to meet women one on one and hates my lad's nights out.

I knew she'd be caught of guard because this isn't something I've ever asked for. She gets up to leave and I see what's happening. I tell her if she leaves then we're done, I'm not stupid and know why she's react that way. She doesn't care. If she had nothing to hide she would gladly have shown me. Later she emails me saying I was right and that she'd been speaking with a coworker but "nothing happened" and that I can check her phone. I suspected they'd be some editing but who knows what I might fine.

Had a little rummage and low and behold, she really isn't great at covering her tracks. I go into whatsapp and I go the call log page. Mainly me and her Dad and then one call on Monday from a number that isn't save. The profile pic is a high end car. I phone it and a guy picks up. I put the down and confront my ex. She says "I'm crazy" and that "she's going home". Basically the same sh*t she said early. Massively implied guilt. Fortunately I saved the number so I type it in google alongside the first name of the guy who I suspect it will be and low and behold the first link is his company's website page with his full name and that number.

I send her an email with a link to the website and sign off. I actually remember Monday evening. We had a bit of an argument and I told her to leave my place. Think we can all connect the dots. God knows how long this pattern of behaviour has been going on. The big issues is she lies lies lies so much and she has very likely cheated.

I'm going to take some time off women - atleast a month or two. Take every day at a time and after 30 or so days of NC I'm going to pick apart my relationship and work out what went wrong. For example how much of it was me being an assh*le vs her being poor quality. It's necessary because I don't want to repeat this again. I'm happy for two reasons. I saw her for what she really was and it made the decision to break up a whole lot easier. (Gent's I can't stress how important this part is - she is very good at painting herself as a romantic who is simply a victim of her circumstances) Secondly this could genuinely be a massive learning experience. If I do this right I can learn a lot about myself and really grow.

My goal is basically to hit the gym every morning and do something to keep myself active during the evening. I don't want to be "alone with my thoughts" until I feel clearer and can think more objectively.

 

[Cejay]

BeTheChange,

Well handled. She sounds like a piece of work.

I find podcasts really good to help with the mind thing.

CJ.