The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[The North Dragon]

We've been split up since beginning of March but she still comes and goes from my life.

She split with me because towards the end I was immature and screwed up with some stuff. After 3 months apart we get meet together for a week and things were great but she couldn't trust I wanst going to hurt her again and after that says we should move on. I told her I know my mistakes and that I'm going to fix them for the future and told her we couldn't be friends coz I still have feelings for her and wanted to sort things out. I wished her all the best In life and hope we both find love again. I've went no contact with her now after that

She still speaks to me at college Though. The other day she came up and spoke to me, we talked about things and said you still don't know my decision ( about our future together) but yet she told me the other day we should move on???
After that I told her again we can't be friends and this hurt her because I was a big part of her life and know other guy knew her like I did and she didn't want to lose that and not be able to come over and speak to me if we bumped into each other outside of college etc. she got emotional and started crying and stormed off after I said ' you can't be friends with ex's ' to which she replied ' but I'm different' and I replied with ' no, exes are exes there all the same'. She got real mad and stormed off and I walked away.

So it's clear there's still something there between us and I still want things to work, We have so much in common and when together we were awesome. She's definitely been the best girl I've been with. She's treated Me like a king when things were good.

Do I still keep in no contact with her or do I fight for her? I'm so confused please help a brother out with this one

Another part I feel I should add is she told me she has this barrier or wall up between us because she doesn't want to be hurt again and feels by the time she's ready to bring that down I'll be long gone and moved on.

 

[drake33]

Checking back in on you D33. Not completely sure where to go from here?? And here I thought your progress was light years ahead. You truly know where to go from here. You just need to let go. Yet part of you chooses to hold on to the pain and drama.

Ask yourself this: If you got back together with your ex, would that truly be the best thing for you? Do you picture some sort of fairy tail reunion where you and her live together with your daughter till death do you part? Would she be the loving and caring girl that you've always dreamt of? Would you feel good having svx with her knowing that some other guy has recently pillaged her cash and prizes?

You and I both know there is only one direction to go from here...Move on! Be happy! Live life!

I don't know if you've seen the news so I'll clue you in on a little secret. The world is not ending today! Neither is your life! There's a world out there worth experiencing right outside of your front door.

Simple choices brother. Things are truly only as complicated as you make them.

Go out and have some fun. Take the new chick and go experience the world. Parks ,beaches ,nature trails, mountains, and more, they're all existing around you waiting to be explored.

And next weekend when you get your daughter, I suggest the same therapy.

Keep up the good fight little brother. You'll be fine, because "every day in every way you're getting better and better". Repeat that to yourself at least 50 times a day.

I was doing light years better. I was doing awesome, but then I slipped, thinking I was over it, and in a moment of weakness, she fooled me. Now for me, I've realized it's goin to be like building a wall up to her. Brick by brick. I have to become hardened to her. Her grandmother came to my work the other day to chat with me, I explained the situation and that as much as I love her,(her Gma)I had to close that off. I wouldn't be too chatty anymore and that there are no hard feelings. She got really emotional and began crying and it sucks to see a 70 year old woman cry, it's what I have to do. I hugged her, told her that it wa going to be okay and got right back to work. I can truly say that I'm boarding off any emotional attachment to her, her family, and all I see is my daughter. Last night her step mom sent a text,it must have been a pic because it didn't come through..idk...it was blank basically, I just deleted it. I'm done. **** that. Had an awesome time at my event last night, wished my daughter could have came, but it wasn't my weekend. Word of advice to guys, don't slip even for a second. Don't think you're too far gone, and you've completed the 60 days, she can still get you. I think the best way to know is if you see her or her family and you feel NOTHING! You don't get that increased heart rate or butterflies. You feel NOTHING! As for me, I'm doing okay. It's been a week since the incident and while it hurts a bit, it was something that needed to happen. "Tables turn, bridges burn, you live and learn" She definitely burnt this bridge and I couldn't care much less about what she does personally. I shouldn't have to beg someone to be in my life. The real people beg and fight to stay. Hope everyone is doing okay. I'm building my wall to her, slowly but surely.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Is anyone else having troubles with this forum loading the recent posts? All im getting is it says page 403, and nothing else. I guess this is more of a test post, post reply if you can see this please!

 

[drake33]

So, your PM said you screwed up.

Tell me what your question is?

Read my post a few days back, from last Sunday. I really ****ed up. What do I do now? She played with my heart. I feel stupid. I've gone back no contact but jeez...

 

[drake33]

I just want this ***** out of my life. I don't want to feel a thing for her anymore. I dont want to be bothered with anything pertaining to her. Like I am tired of my thoughts running in circles and the feelings being there. I know time heals all, but this crap seems to just linger on. I need to just make it simple and cut her off. She basically gave me the scissors. I need to know what to say when she tries to contact me. I guess I should just tell her..."If it doesnt pertain to our daughter, I don't want to hear it" I need to protect myself. A week later and I still feel pretty much like ****.

 

[Wisconsin144]

I just want this ***** out of my life. I don't want to feel a thing for her anymore. I dont want to be bothered with anything pertaining to her. Like I am tired of my thoughts running in circles and the feelings being there. I know time heals all, but this crap seems to just linger on. I need to just make it simple and cut her off. She basically gave me the scissors. I need to know what to say when she tries to contact me. I guess I should just tell her..."If it doesnt pertain to our daughter, I don't want to hear it" I need to protect myself. A week later and I still feel pretty much like ****.

Do exactly what you just said and stick to it, no talks aside from ones about your daughter. No small talk, no relationship talk, no "how are you"s. Nada, no contact bro. Live your life, not hers.

-Jared

 

[Machtwo]

I can't get past page 403 either!!

Seems to have sorted itself out.

 

[drake33]

Found the post you referred to. I am in bold

Keep it a business relationship only from now on. You haven't necessarily seen the worst of it yet, once she realizes you are gone for good , all confusion will disappear and the claws will come out. Then she will go for blood. . Marriage anyone?

Marriage for her? If she marries him, good for them. I'll take custody of my daughter and keep it moving. You're right. Business. No more and no less. What I will do now is only respond or react to anything related to our daughter. I sincerely wish at times I could be heartless, like Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck...was always one of my favorite shows. Ive pre-typed a few messages in my phone so that I can simply copy and paste them to her in a defense. I am done. I am building my wall to her. I see her as a ticking time bomb and Im running away as fast as I can before she blows. Hurts to have to do that to someone you once held so high and cared so much about, but ****, it is what it is. Thanks Mauser. Your advice is gold. I have a lawyer on deck and as long as she doesnt bother me, in any way, Ill let things be cool, but if she does, Im not even going to say a word. Going straight to his office and paying the money and going to court.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Marriage for her? If she marries him, good for them. I'll take custody of my daughter and keep it moving. You're right. Business. No more and no less. What I will do now is only respond or react to anything related to our daughter. I sincerely wish at times I could be heartless, like Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck...was always one of my favorite shows. Ive pre-typed a few messages in my phone so that I can simply copy and paste them to her in a defense. I am done. I am building my wall to her. I see her as a ticking time bomb and Im running away as fast as I can before she blows. Hurts to have to do that to someone you once held so high and cared so much about, but ****, it is what it is. Thanks Mauser. Your advice is gold. I have a lawyer on deck and as long as she doesnt bother me, in any way, Ill let things be cool, but if she does, Im not even going to say a word. Going straight to his office and paying the money and going to court.

Seems like you have a solid plan. Keep it upheld and do you man, you got this.

 

[drake33]

Seems like you have a solid plan. Keep it upheld and do you man, you got this.

Thanks bro. I feel really good today. I've just made a conscious decision that I will no longer be this way. I'm getting my **** together and I don't care what she's doing or how she's doing it. I only care about my daughter. I read a quote last night that really resonated with me. "The best way to not get your heart broken is to pretend you don't have one." And that's exactly how I'm approaching things with her going forward.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Just some words of encouragement:

At the end of my 1.5 year LTR, I went NC. After around 200 days straight no-contact with one brief convo about 50 days into that, my ex messaged me from a new number over the weekend. I asked "who is this" bc wasnt sure who it was at first but then did a zip code search and blocked her #.

Absolutely zero emotional reaction whatsoever besides a little morbid curiosity. My guess is I was fully over the b!tch about 130 days in but it shouldnt take any longer for you all. What I did was the following:

Immediately jumped on Tinder and started going out after the breakup.(works in the short term, counterproductive in the medium term as the trashy hoes you run into will start to "trigger" you to miss your ex).

Worked out a lot.
(No brainer)

Made some new guy friends and hung out with old ones more.
(very helpful)

Went to church more.
(extremely important0

Had 3 short term relationships including the one i'm in now with a hotter and better girl.
(Can "trigger" you too, don't really recommend it unless you've really vetted these girls...but it does help you heal in a "rebound" sense, no wonder women always do it. Make sure the woman is nothing like your ex though).

but the absolutely best thing I did I must say is return to some of my old hobbies, like reading, tv, video games, etc....finding yourself apart from women. You lose a lot of that in a relationship.

This guy hits it right on the head. Do your hobbies, talk to old friends. If you're into games with deep story, witcher 3 takes all your time that you would be stressing about the ex . Hope you are all making great progress, good to see the thread is getting slower, means you are all busy living your awesome lives


- Jared

 

[Wisconsin144]

I actually beat DA 1 and 2 during said period lol...worked like a charm

Dragon age will be my next games then haha. But don't forget to surround yourselves with supportive friends. Don't spend every second in front of the screen

 

[Lozboss]

I think a break is good.

Smashing a bit of Poon is key in the short term- but I think you also need to take a break and just focus on you.

I personally don't buy rebound relationships- they help you but it's ****ty for the other person as it's inevitably doomed to fail.

Up to you guys, one thing I've learnt is this:

Be Happy Alone- women must ADD to your happiness- not BE your happiness.

Keep it up guys, focus on you and focus on what you want from life.

There's a lot of soldiers here- keep wading through No Man's land and you'll reach safety soon enough.

 

[Machtwo]

There's a lot of soldiers here- keep wading through No Man's land and you'll reach safety soon enough.

This is one of the best one-liners I've read on here, pure GOLD standard comment.

I still lurk on here from time to time, I'm 95% over 'the enemy' and took a lot of advice off fellow bro's:

HIT THE GYM
WORK HARD
HANG WITH FRIENDS, NEW & OLD
IMMERSE YOURSELF IN PAST OR NEW HOBBIES
VOLUNTEER

 

[fafo]

Wanted to share my story too because Im not sure how to feel :nervous:

I went NC with my ex of 3,5years(a month now).
In that time I started visiting the gym regularly, started hanging with old and new friends, got a new job with perspective and started to alter my mindset with the great posts here on SS which is all great and I feel a boost in confidence .

Ex tried to contact me with some silly video but I didnt respond.
The problem that wont give me peace is the feeling that her new guy is a total AFC by SS standards(always telling how great she is and how he will do anything for her etc.) but that doesent seem to be a problem for him.

Today I found out they got tickets for Milano(Italy) a month ahead and they've been together less than a month.
She even mentioned she is thinking about marrying the guy.
I really couldnt care less but there is a bad feeling in me that I envy the guy and think he is better than me.

Any of you guys got the same feeling over time ? What would you feel if your ex is much happy with the new guy? Wont that make you feel like scum who held her down?
I know that the best way is not to care but we are in the same company and as much as I try to avoid her I still hear things.

 

[Noyou]

All,

Been awhile since I've been on this site. Been really busy with my career and the endless amount of fun women that are on this earth.

For those who don't know my story and are new here. In a nutshell
1. Got dumped (For dumb ass reasons)
2. Begged
3. Pleaded
4. Was in a dark place

Believe me, I was giving ALL in this relationship and she was taking everything, until a breaking point (which is her fault BTW, Most all things in this relationship were toxic to me, but i wasn't blameless) and decided to get a lesser mark than I (and a guy that "suits" her)

Well I'm proud to say its been more than a year and a half since then and I'll tell you my before and after

Before:
1. Working a 8.00/hr job, had a gf with a nice set of boobs and a "tomboyish" personality
2. Just graduated from college
3. Dealing with constant gf momma drama
4. Get shamed multiple times in the name of "love"

After:
1. In a career in my field (I'm salaried to 70k currently)
2. Turned my workout into routine and have gotten serious gains
3. I live on my own in my own house, my own yard, my own rules
4. Since my breakup I've had sex with many women, some of them being a learning step, others being a guilty pleasure (more than once, mind you ) The stories I have
5. I've traveled to 5 different states for business and pleasure
6. I found a woman recently that I've struck a bond with and seeing where it goes in a relationship.

Have to say I love my life WAY more than I used to. Ex had a nice body but, there are other women out there that will trump your ex 10 fold.

Stay busy, don't worry about what your ex is doing, he/she left you for a reason, and it was all to make your life better.

 

[Cejay]

Day 26

Killing time in airport, returning home from a business trip.

Its been a long week, kind of an "always on" week with clients and co workers so I haven't really had time to think about her. Lots of action with new plates.

I'm considering dropping them for better plates and possibly some time off.

Keeping really busy helps. Might be time for a new Xbox game.

CJ.

 

[Cejay]

Fafo,

They are in the honeymoon phase. Its not real and it sounds like a rebound relationship.

Tell your "friends" or whoever is giving you these "updates" to quit it. You don't care.

Make a list of crappy things about her and keep it handy. Get busy with work, gym, learning, improving yourself.

Get with your friends, get new friends. read the links at the beginning of this thread and then spend some time reading some of the rest of it.

My point is that it doesn't matter what she is doing, it matters what YOU are doing. If you read some of my thoughts (and others) You'll see I struggled with this a bit too, its normal but counterproductive.

Hope that helps.

CJ.

Wanted to share my story too because Im not sure how to feel :nervous:

I went NC with my ex of 3,5years(a month now).
In that time I started visiting the gym regularly, started hanging with old and new friends, got a new job with perspective and started to alter my mindset with the great posts here on SS which is all great and I feel a boost in confidence .

Ex tried to contact me with some silly video but I didnt respond.
The problem that wont give me peace is the feeling that her new guy is a total AFC by SS standards(always telling how great she is and how he will do anything for her etc.) but that doesent seem to be a problem for him.

Today I found out they got tickets for Milano(Italy) a month ahead and they've been together less than a month.
She even mentioned she is thinking about marrying the guy.
I really couldnt care less but there is a bad feeling in me that I envy the guy and think he is better than me.

Any of you guys got the same feeling over time ? What would you feel if your ex is much happy with the new guy? Wont that make you feel like scum who held her down?
I know that the best way is not to care but we are in the same company and as much as I try to avoid her I still hear things.

 

[joshs1974@live.com]

41 days in now. It's still rough sometimes, but at least I feel like I can approach most days with a sound mind, and I can look at things logically. Sometimes people can surprise you, and then you spend a lot of your time trying to rationalize what they do in your own mind. A lot of times the answer is simple: you were just wrong about them, and you only saw what they wanted you to see, not who they truly were. It sucks, but such is life, and sometimes you have to take things at face value and move on. My heart goes out to all of you in the beginning stages of all of this. I know how excruciating it all can be, but just know that it does get better. It just takes time. Maybe more time than any of us would like, but if life were easy would we ever really appreciate the good things?

 

[Lozboss]

Stick in there Brothers. Just dropping in to say I'm proud of you all sticking in there.

Sundays are the hardest for most of us.

Remember that you have to weather a storm to see the sunshine, and after a storm it feels ten times better than it ever did- focus on that,.