The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drake33]

Mauser, I need your advice..again. I've been full nc on the ex, feeling great, and living life. Dating and haven't felt great in a long time. She did the whole birthday card thing "from" our daughter..whatever! Our babysitter says there has been strange behavior from our daughter. She says she wants to live with me forever and stuff...she throws fits...what do I do to communicate my concern to her mother, without really breaking NC. Obviously I'll be contacting her but I've almost made it two months and have made such great progress.

 

[drake33]

This is wayyyy too complicated for a simple answer. All I can tell you is your kids have to come first. So NC may be an impossibility for you - so be it.


NC is for you to heal. You may not be able to do NC, due to your daughter's needs. You MUST put her first.
Anyways, the idea is to get some emotional distance and heal . Do this with limited contact. Time is the great healer.


We would need a 20 minute face to face chat for me to even BEGIN to understand the sitch. I suggest you speak with a close friend who has been through similar.

I've communicated with her about our daughter only. She's ignored me, like she's trying to NC me or something. I'm simply respecting her decision. It's like she's bitter because I'm using limited contact and giving her what she wants. So lines of communication are kind of blurry and unclear? I was thinking of saying.."I was chatting with the babysitter and she said that our daughter has been displaying strange behavior. Have you noticed anything? I was planning on having a sit down with her this weekend, maybe you could do the same when she is with you? Something is clearly bothering our child and that is the only reason I am contacting you."

 

[Lozboss]

I've communicated with her about our daughter only. She's ignored me, like she's trying to NC me or something. I'm simply respecting her decision. It's like she's bitter because I'm using limited contact and giving her what she wants. So lines of communication are kind of blurry and unclear? I was thinking of saying.."I was chatting with the babysitter and she said that our daughter has been displaying strange behavior. Have you noticed anything? I was planning on having a sit down with her this weekend, maybe you could do the same when she is with you? Something is clearly bothering our child and that is the only reason I am contacting you."

Drake- Speak to your child first. Get it from the Horse's mouth. Even if she is young.

Then approach it as an adult and be serious:

"We need to talk. I spoke to X and she said that XYZ. This concerns me. When can you meet this week? I'm free Tuesday and thursday evening"

 

[drake33]

Drake- Speak to your child first. Get it from the Horse's mouth. Even if she is young.

Then approach it as an adult and be serious:

"We need to talk. I spoke to X and she said that XYZ. This concerns me. When can you meet this week? I'm free Tuesday and thursday evening"

I like that approach. I think I'll go with that.

 

[soulforge]

She is on POF just a week over i ended it... should i even give a fuk? ?

 

[Lozboss]

She is on POF just a week over i ended it... should i even give a fuk? ?

No. Forget her. There is someone better out there for you.

GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

 

[soulforge]

No. Forget her. There is someone better out there for you.

GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

Yeh i have to think long term... this chick would have been a liability... creating drama out of the slightest tthing.. fuk her

 

[soulforge]

SO WHY CAN'T YOU DO THIS?

I will 100% do this... the fact is, she is willing to sabotage the relationship over the slightest thing... and expects me to grovel and chase her


She has made no effort to try and fix things between us... she talks of marriage etc etc... what a load of ****t

getting through a long term relationship is impossible If this is all it takes... time to move on!!!

She is on POF now looking for new dik.... lesson learnt.. never get emotionally involved with POF girls

 

[finch2015]

She is on POF now looking for new dik.... lesson learnt.. never get emotionally involved with POF girls

Amen to that. Always ropey mentalists,

 

[soulforge]

So guys just here to vent...

Today is a better day for me, as the fog is some what clearing and i begin to realize that this girl was wrong from day one.. lots of red flags, and some quite rude and disrespectful behaviour on her part..

There was bound to be conflict under these circumstances..

I think because i was one of the rare guys who treated her rather well, you got a little bit too ****y and confident..

This girl was getting on my nerves quite often.. she was always nagging, complaining.. making stupid comments and sometimes rude comments..


Man i should have dropped this chick... asap!!


We was on a day trip out.. i accidentally left my wallet in the car.. told her we need to go back for my wallet..

Guess what? She called me a dummy 3 times!!!

I let go of her hand, stopped walking with her.. what did you just call me?

She then started cuddeling me.. told her straight, don't ever call me that again.. later on she apologized..

The was numerous other incidents where she was quite ****y and rude... i,m glad 4 months in i dropped her fukin ass!

She would have made my life hell... she is back on POF now looking for fresh dik..

It bothered me alot at first.. but hey i rather be with a girl who is respectful and not a fragile drama queen, nagging bittch..

Gona miss that crazy sex tho!!!

 

[soulforge]

One thing I do regret tho is... i should have down graded her to fuk buddy..

But because i have feelings for her.. I don't think that would have worked out Too well..

I wouldn't mind banging her again at some point tho... the sex was on another level..


How do you guys deal with ****y disrespecful girls? Do you next as soon as you see red flags... or do you keep banging it

 

[Between_The_Lines]

How do you guys deal with ****y disrespecful girls? Do you next as soon as you see red flags... or do you keep banging it

Walk away, especially if one is a novice/early stages of unplugging. Nexting a girl is essentially a muscle, requiring discipline to first build it up, followed by the discipline to keep it strong. Oneitis happens when this muscle has atrophied or has never been built up.

There isn't a shred of honor in getting a piece of ass, no matter how exceptional, in exchange for your self-respect.

 

[soulforge]

Walk away, especially if one is a novice/early stages of unplugging. Nexting a girl is essentially a muscle, requiring discipline to first build it up, followed by the discipline to keep it strong. Oneitis happens when this muscle has atrophied or has never been built up.

There isn't a shred of honor in getting a piece of ass, no matter how exceptional, in exchange for your self-respect.

I agree... i could sense she was quite ****y and rude from day one... also entitled, kept telling me how she wants to be treated like a princes..

As for bad behaviour? Some chicks, you can call them out, and they will apologise or try to behave better

And some chicks if you call them out for bad behaviour, they go into victim mode.. start to create drama... use shaming tactics... never apologise!!


These are the sort of chicks that we need to next ASAP

Yeh the sex was awesome.. but your self respect and dignity must come before that..

 

[drake33]

Spoke to my daughter this weekend, she says she just misses me. Her mom doesnt let her come see me at work like she used to, doesnt let her call me, etc. I spoke to her mom and asked why and she said it wouldnt be fair to her boyfriend, etc. It was in that very moment, in that conversation last night, that I dug a grave in my mind and heart and have decided to place her in it. She's dead to me. I mean, what a ****ing piece of ****. Our child is more important than some piece of **** she dates, just like I have never and would never put any woman above our daughter. I've just decided to completely detach from her in every way. I wont talk to her again. She is nobody to me. Im moving forward with my life, to a greater extent than I ever did before. How long has it been? I dont know. Im just done. My daughter is my only priority. Her mom, is a corpse in my mind now. I have heard a lot of bad things about this guy she is seeing, and I just hope my daughter is safe. He can do what he wants to the ex. Onward and upward. With that said, this will be my last post on here for awhile. I want to thank everyone for their input and advice. All of the advice that I have received here has been invaluable. I need to take some time and truly heal and move on. I cant if Im constantly thinking about it and bringing it up. I plan to post in here and update you guys on the situation and how Im feeling. Stay strong bruhs.

 

[bebold]

So a quick recap/update. I am not sure what day I am on, I am close to the 60 days.

To refresh memories no cheating, no big fights, she had just got out of a 8 year relationship right before we met and we were only causally seeing each other for a few months but it was pretty intense. She had never dated in her life so I kind of pushed for it to end because I could tell she wanted to live the single life for awhile. I am 100% confident I could have got her to stick around but she wasn't fighting for me hard enough so I kind of pushed her to end it.

Anyway, saw her out at the bar last night. I have seen her out twice before. The first time she stumbled over her words and abruptly took off and later when we texted she said she "lost her cool". I started no contact after that. Saw her another time and she almost flat ran out of the bar when she saw me.

This time I saw her and could tell she was having rough night. Looked like she was with a group she didn't know and no one was really talking to her. She saw me as I was leaving the dance floor/bar and she screamed my name and came up in kind of dancing way and tried to give me a hug. I kind of put on a fake surprised (I had already seen her) face and was like "Hey!" kind of gave her a side hug while still dancing her hand was up so I kind of gave her a high five and kept walking on out the bar.

I was definitely abrupt and took some will power not to try and stay and pull her since she was obviously having a rough night and seemed legitimately excited to see me. But that isn't what I want, I don't want to just bang her. I am only getting back with her if she steps up her effort and acting excited to see me isn't enough. So glad I walked out without stopping, even if it might have been a little too abrupt and not quite as smooth as I was during other times I have seen her.

 

[Lozboss]

Spoke to my daughter this weekend, she says she just misses me. Her mom doesnt let her come see me at work like she used to, doesnt let her call me, etc. I spoke to her mom and asked why and she said it wouldnt be fair to her boyfriend, etc. It was in that very moment, in that conversation last night, that I dug a grave in my mind and heart and have decided to place her in it. She's dead to me. I mean, what a ****ing piece of ****. Our child is more important than some piece of **** she dates, just like I have never and would never put any woman above our daughter. I've just decided to completely detach from her in every way. I wont talk to her again. She is nobody to me. Im moving forward with my life, to a greater extent than I ever did before. How long has it been? I dont know. Im just done. My daughter is my only priority. Her mom, is a corpse in my mind now. I have heard a lot of bad things about this guy she is seeing, and I just hope my daughter is safe. He can do what he wants to the ex. Onward and upward. With that said, this will be my last post on here for awhile. I want to thank everyone for their input and advice. All of the advice that I have received here has been invaluable. I need to take some time and truly heal and move on. I cant if Im constantly thinking about it and bringing it up. I plan to post in here and update you guys on the situation and how Im feeling. Stay strong bruhs.

Sorry about this mate.

Stay strong, some detachment is good. We are here if you need us. Good luck!

Bebold: Good job- it's tough what you did but you showed her where the power is.

 

[logicallefty]

Initiating NC . Day 0...

Well.. Lost the girl of my dreams 2 weeks ago. I'm 32.
I was actually going to propose in 2 months (after 3 years). I tought everything was all right. Turns out things were not allright at all. Got dumped, biggest surprise of my f*** life. She told me that things began to fall apart a year ago and that she tried to tell me but I would not listen. In retrospect, I was a terrible boyfriend and I actually knew it. I just tought that she loved me so much that I could get away with being a jerk. I learned a lot on myself.. Won't act like that with the next girl.
But god dam***, it hurts like s***, she was awesome and I blew it.

Funniest thing, I can't even go full NC mode because she still has some big furnitures to take out.

PS: Sorry for my english, not my mother tongue.

Welcome to our forum and sorry to hear about your saga. Of course she blames you (by 'not listening'), 99% if women will queef up some kind of blame out of their tw@t and blame the man (or beta lesbian ) lol

Back to your situation, sounds like some time to do some reflection for yourself. Nothing against you, almost all of us on this site have been in your shoes 1,2, who knows how many times..... +1 right here :wave:

Take a look at one of my threads here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2237636 with some reflection questions to ask of yourself.. You may be wayyyy past the contents of this thread in your actions and mindset, but it's a good place to start for someone who just got the unexpected boot, I think.

I hope you stick with your NC goal and stick around here with us. Lots of good info and people here to make sure this never happens to you again.

 

[ZTIME]

Lose the mindset "The girl of my dreams" . If you made mistakes, learn from them, make yourself better.

There is no "one". The next girl of your dreams is right around the corner.

Been doing a lot of good work here in the trenches Mauser. Brings me back to awhile ago when you helped me. Thanks!!

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Initiating NC . Day 0...

Well.. Lost the girl of my dreams 2 weeks ago. I'm 32.
I was actually going to propose in 2 months (after 3 years). I tought everything was all right. Turns out things were not allright at all. Got dumped, biggest surprise of my f*** life. She told me that things began to fall apart a year ago and that she tried to tell me but I would not listen. In retrospect, I was a terrible boyfriend and I actually knew it. I just tought that she loved me so much that I could get away with being a jerk. I learned a lot on myself.. Won't act like that with the next girl.
But god dam***, it hurts like s***, she was awesome and I blew it.

Funniest thing, I can't even go full NC mode because she still has some big furnitures to take out.

PS: Sorry for my english, not my mother tongue.

Check out the link on any one of Mauser's posts dealing with married men's comments on marriage. Your breakup could have been painful beyond words had it been a divorce instead of simply walking away from each other, even more so if children had been involved. This very thread is filled with inspiring words from those who've been in your exact shoes. Do yourself a favor and read as much of it as time permits.

Trust me, you'll be fine, as hard to believe as that may feel right now.

 

[Twist of Cain]

..closer to texting her "i just met your twin."

that would fcuk with her, in a playful way.

36 days.