The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Between_The_Lines]

OK with Christmas coming up, what's the betting we get a message from our ex. My ex finished with me and I reckon she is with someone else now. If she messages me , I'mgoing to be strong and just ignore her.
I'll feel like a duche not replying as she was an excellent girlfriend to me and like I said earlier it was probably my own fault that we finished. Am I definelty right to ignore her if she does indeed message me?

You have to be completely honest with yourself: are you holding onto even a single drop of hope that she will come back to you? If yes, then I'd suggest that anything that she sends your way be disregarded. Last thing you want is to get sucked into a web of "what ifs" and possible things to reply to her as it'll just prolong your healing and ultimately get you nowhere.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

OK with Christmas coming up, what's the betting we get a message from our ex. My ex finished with me and I reckon she is with someone else now. If she messages me , I'mgoing to be strong and just ignore her.
I'll feel like a duche not replying as she was an excellent girlfriend to me and like I said earlier it was probably my own fault that we finished. Am I definelty right to ignore her if she does indeed message me?

They sent it only to feel good about themselves, they dont give **** about you,harsh truth.

 

[expos]

OK with Christmas coming up, what's the betting we get a message from our ex. My ex finished with me and I reckon she is with someone else now. If she messages me , I'mgoing to be strong and just ignore her.
I'll feel like a duche not replying as she was an excellent girlfriend to me and like I said earlier it was probably my own fault that we finished. Am I definelty right to ignore her if she does indeed message me?

1. If she's with someone else that quickly, she doesn't care about you and probably never did. That's the way that some woman are. Red pill lesson No. 151 - Women are selfish.

2. Even if she did and she didn't have someone lined up, you are a temporarily placeholder until she finds someone likes. Look up branch swinging. The only reason she'd reach out is to make herself look great.

3. You are not to talk to this woman ever again. Get rid of her damn number. Read every thread by every experienced DJ here. You came here to get better, so you better learn what we are trying to teach you.

By never talking to her again it shows....

A. You don't give a sh!t about her.

B. That you have moved on to something better, which is your goal here.

C. That you hold the power again.

D. That you are on your path to healing.

 

[Darrenez]

1. If she's with someone else that quickly, she doesn't care about you and probably never did. That's the way that some woman are. Red pill lesson No. 151 - Women are selfish.

2. Even if she did and she didn't have someone lined up, you are a temporarily placeholder until she finds someone likes. Look up branch swinging. The only reason she'd reach out is to make herself look great.

3. You are not to talk to this woman ever again. Get rid of her damn number. Read every thread by every experienced DJ here. You came here to get better, so you better learn what we are trying to teach you.

By never talking to her again it shows....

A. You don't give a sh!t about her.

B. That you have moved on to something better, which is your g mmoal here.

C. That you hold the power again.

D. That you are on your path to healing.

Even though we spent 7 happy years together , I think we maybe just came to the end of our time. Although to be honest she did go on a date with him when we went on a break and I know she has been meeting up with him. Trust me I won't contact her at all at Xmas, I don't even have her number anymore. I didn't wish hera happy birthday and won't wish her a happy Xmas either.

Since we finished , I've taken the gym extra seriously and have put on quite a bit of muscle, moved out of my parents finally into my own flat and my facial hair has come back (suffered with alopecia on my beard area for the last 3 years).._so to be fair after she dumped me earlier this year many good things have happened to me which probably wouldn't have happened if we were still together.

 

[narcissist]

Tell us what happened . Did she contact you first?

Okay just a quick overview of the relationship:

I dated her for about 2.5 years. I BROKE UP WITH HER last November (when i joined the site). Went no contact for 1.1 years, and kept my frame strong. During this time I bettered myself every single day in all aspects of life.

She got with a new guy for about 5-6 months during this no contact phase. I was a little hurt about this but i got over it and realized that its the way life goes. I came to acceptance during this time that me and her were actually over. (a weird feeling, because she was my first GF and i was her first BF, we also took each other's virginities).

Well about a month ago i found out her and her new bf broke up, and instantly i felt amazing. I knew at that moment i never stopped loving her. So i wanted to have her back in my life, even if it was a couple words (afc i know, but i dont care, i get enough puzzy so w/e).

So, going against everyone's advice on this forum i followed her on Instagram about 2.5 weeks ago. My heart was literally beating out of my chest. I had to go outside for a walk, just to calm down. I turned off my phone before i went out. I came back and went straight to bed.

When i woke up in the morning i turned on my phone. She followed back and liked about 8 of my photos.

A couple days go by and we both like each others photos.

I then msg her on Instagram.

We have a little conversation. I talk to her in a way that shows her that everything in my life is amazing. I DO NOT bring up anything that would show that I'm into her again or that i miss her. I basically keep a strong frame and implement the sh*t on this site. No AFC talk.

I keep the conversation short and simple. End it off by saying that i hope everything is good and I'm sending her positive vibes. She now has the impression that my life is great, and that ive grown to be a fvcking sick dude.

fast forward about 8 days of no talking - but continuing to like each others pics. (i must say that she is liking about 2 of my pics for every 1 that i like)

She now takes the initiative to add me on Facebook. I accept, and the day after i post a pic which gets over 100 likes, which when we were dating my profile pics never broke 25 likes. So she sees that my social status over the past year has exponentially increased.

She then messages me "hey i have a question"

And you can pretty much guess how that convo went.. Lets just say that she still likes me

That was 2 days ago

But damn. I do miss her and will always love her. Im not afraid to admit it. Its how i feel and denying it is lying to myself.

 

[SoSuave666]

Okay just a quick overview of the relationship:

I dated her for about 2.5 years. I BROKE UP WITH HER last November (when i joined the site). Went no contact for 1.1 years, and kept my frame strong. During this time I bettered myself every single day in all aspects of life.

She got with a new guy for about 5-6 months during this no contact phase. I was a little hurt about this but i got over it and realized that its the way life goes. I came to acceptance during this time that me and her were actually over. (a weird feeling, because she was my first GF and i was her first BF, we also took each other's virginities).

Well about a month ago i found out her and her new bf broke up, and instantly i felt amazing. I knew at that moment i never stopped loving her. So i wanted to have her back in my life, even if it was a couple words (afc i know, but i dont care, i get enough puzzy so w/e).

So, going against everyone's advice on this forum i followed her on Instagram about 2.5 weeks ago. My heart was literally beating out of my chest. I had to go outside for a walk, just to calm down. I turned off my phone before i went out. I came back and went straight to bed.

When i woke up in the morning i turned on my phone. She followed back and liked about 8 of my photos.

A couple days go by and we both like each others photos.

I then msg her on Instagram.

We have a little conversation. I talk to her in a way that shows her that everything in my life is amazing. I DO NOT bring up anything that would show that I'm into her again or that i miss her. I basically keep a strong frame and implement the sh*t on this site. No AFC talk.

I keep the conversation short and simple. End it off by saying that i hope everything is good and I'm sending her positive vibes. She now has the impression that my life is great, and that ive grown to be a fvcking sick dude.

fast forward about 8 days of no talking - but continuing to like each others pics. (i must say that she is liking about 2 of my pics for every 1 that i like)

She now takes the initiative to add me on Facebook. I accept, and the day after i post a pic which gets over 100 likes, which when we were dating my profile pics never broke 25 likes. So she sees that my social status over the past year has exponentially increased.

She then messages me "hey i have a question"

And you can pretty much guess how that convo went.. Lets just say that she still likes me

That was 2 days ago

But damn. I do miss her and will always love her. Im not afraid to admit it. Its how i feel and denying it is lying to myself.

Given that you are a narcissist, I would advise you to PM me. I have some advice.

 

[Noyou]

Given that you are a narcissist, I would advise you to PM me. I have some advice.

I kinda loled at that statement a little more than i should have

 

[spax]

UPDATE TO SPAX'S 7 YEAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK UP - 50 DAYS SINCE BREAK UP

- Ex was in town last week but left on Saturday. We did not meet.

- Today (Christmas Eve), she texts me asking to meet up for coffee. Turns out she came back to town AGAIN for Xmas Eve and Xmas Day.

- Feeling pretty confident about myself and my current situation, I agreed.

- I put on my new threads, new cologne, styled my hair and met the girl at a casual coffee place. Why not?

- When she saw me, she started nervously laughing like getting giggles. It was bizarre.

- We sat, chatted about what we had been up to. She was amazed by all the fun activities I had been doing, new friends I'd made, and plans I had for the holidays and next year.

- She said how I looked fit, and I told her how I was training for an upcoming marathon. She was really quite impressed with the 'new me'.

- She really hadn't been up to much, and honestly I didn't care. I found her pretty boring, unattractive, and I had no desire to try get things going again.

- Neither of us discussed the relationship or the break up, just caught up on news and our plans.

- After about half an hour, we both had to go so we left. As we were walking to my car...I was like "Oh yeah, I have some of your belongings to give you." and she gave some response like "Oh..." as in she was hurt/offended by my abruptness and lack of care. I gave her her **** and was pretty chill and said goodbye.

- Around an hour after leaving she sends me some text message like "It look's like you've got your life together. I'm happy for you. My family and I wish you and your family a lovely Xmas and NYE! Have fun at Church tonight, don't play with your phone too much while you're there! "

- I replied like 3 hours later "Ha yeah, unfortunately some habit's can't change. Merry Xmas to you too."

- I get an instant response "I just wanna know...why did you delete me of Facebook?".

- I reply over an hour later... "Hey, didn't intend to be mean or anything...just thought we could do with a bit of space".

- Instant response from her.... "Well it hurt me"

I didn't bother responding because I honestly do not care. I don't care about her feelings, how she is, or our previous relationship.

I have no desire to be friends, or keep talking to her. I've seen what else is out there and I am a converted man!

Keep up the NC guys, but don't take it to the extreme. You still want them to see what they passed up, at least so you know you still got it

Also, getting a new girl helps big time. I was too busy thinking about this new HOTTER girl who's sending me dirty messages while my ex was blabbing on about her boring life.

Who knows how I will feel when I hear she has another guy...but for the time being I know I can get wayyyy better pussssy than her and that she can't get a better guy than me

Peace!

TLDR - Met up with ex today for coffee. Did not give a fuuuck. Gave her her shiit back. Walked away like a boss. She sends some stupid texts later in the evening. I remain unaffected.

 

[Noyou]

UPDATE TO SPAX'S 7 YEAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK UP - 50 DAYS SINCE BREAK UP

- Ex was in town last week but left on Saturday. We did not meet.

- Today (Christmas Eve), she texts me asking to meet up for coffee. Turns out she came back to town AGAIN for Xmas Eve and Xmas Day.

- Feeling pretty confident about myself and my current situation, I agreed.

- I put on my new threads, new cologne, styled my hair and met the girl at a casual coffee place. Why not?

- When she saw me, she started nervously laughing like getting giggles. It was bizarre.

- We sat, chatted about what we had been up to. She was amazed by all the fun activities I had been doing, new friends I'd made, and plans I had for the holidays and next year.

- She said how I looked fit, and I told her how I was training for an upcoming marathon. She was really quite impressed with the 'new me'.

- She really hadn't been up to much, and honestly I didn't care. I found her pretty boring, unattractive, and I had no desire to try get things going again.

- Neither of us discussed the relationship or the break up, just caught up on news and our plans.

- After about half an hour, we both had to go so we left. As we were walking to my car...I was like "Oh yeah, I have some of your belongings to give you." and she gave some response like "Oh..." as in she was hurt/offended by my abruptness and lack of care. I gave her her **** and was pretty chill and said goodbye.

- Around an hour after leaving she sends me some text message like "It look's like you've got your life together. I'm happy for you. My family and I wish you and your family a lovely Xmas and NYE! Have fun at Church tonight, don't play with your phone too much while you're there! "

- I replied like 3 hours later "Ha yeah, unfortunately some habit's can't change. Merry Xmas to you too."

- I get an instant response "I just wanna know...why did you delete me of Facebook?".

- I reply over an hour later... "Hey, didn't intend to be mean or anything...just thought we could do with a bit of space".

- Instant response from her.... "Well it hurt me"

I didn't bother responding because I honestly do not care. I don't care about her feelings, how she is, or our previous relationship.

I have no desire to be friends, or keep talking to her. I've seen what else is out there and I am a converted man!

Keep up the NC guys, but don't take it to the extreme. You still want them to see what they passed up, at least so you know you still got it

Also, getting a new girl helps big time. I was too busy thinking about this new HOTTER girl who's sending me dirty messages while my ex was blabbing on about her boring life.

Who knows how I will feel when I hear she has another guy...but for the time being I know I can get wayyyy better pussssy than her and that she can't get a better guy than me

Peace!

TLDR - Met up with ex today for coffee. Did not give a fuuuck. Gave her her shiit back. Walked away like a boss. She sends some stupid texts later in the evening. I remain unaffected.

I'd be cautious if I were you, about a week ago you were opposite of this. Realistically, i don't believe you aren't affected, but burying those feelings. While a good tactic, it doesn't lead to full healing.

 

[mikey2012]

I'd be cautious if I were you, about a week ago you were opposite of this. Realistically, i don't believe you aren't affected, but burying those feelings. While a good tactic, it doesn't lead to full healing.

He's a fking troll.

 

[fuko2007]

So it's been a few months since I've posted up on SS. One reason duck season came in and deer season has been in. But I don't know if I should post this in the nc thread or not but here goes. Most guys like Mauser 96 backwards man and other older guys know know my story. I hope y'all see this post . I was seeing an older women for a while and she was crazy turns out. BPD according to my shrink. Anyway I'm going over 90 days nc but tonight " Christmas Eve " is hitting me hard . Part of me hopes she sends me something Christmas and part doesn't . I'm just lost right now. I don't know what to do if she does or doesn't . Haha. But it's been 90 days so why do I care so much still!

 

[Noyou]

So it's been a few months since I've posted up on SS. One reason duck season came in and deer season has been in. But I don't know if I should post this in the nc thread or not but here goes. Most guys like Mauser 96 backwards man and other older guys know know my story. I hope y'all see this post . I was seeing an older women for a while and she was crazy turns out. BPD according to my shrink. Anyway I'm going over 90 days nc but tonight " Christmas Eve " is hitting me hard . Part of me hopes she sends me something Christmas and part doesn't . I'm just lost right now. I don't know what to do if she does or doesn't . Haha. But it's been 90 days so why do I care so much still!

I'll say again, if you've been in a LTR with anyone, wither it be good or bad relationship for over a period of time, you WILL feel something for them. IT'S NORMAL, it's called being HUMAN.

Even if you go cold turkey on them for 3 months, you'll still feel something. You loved them. If you DIDN'T love them, you wouldn't be on this forum questioning or doubting yourself would you?

Accept and embrace this feeling, but know that you have to become stronger as a man/woman, because the way she/he let you go requires more strength on your part to walk away and forget them. Your ex all along had the higher power because she/he was able to walk away. Take your power, respect, integrity and dignity back.

Love will find a way, it always does, if she/he doesn't come back to you guns blazing to come back and MEAN IT, then she/he wasn't worth the worry, thought or trouble.

Truly work on yourself and come out of this on top as a better person, because more than likely, you deserve way better than what your ex offered. I know I deserve better.

 

[Noyou]

Merry Xmas all,

Just to emphasize, stay strong. Don't get caught off guard with silly crap from your ex. Even is she/he texts you, calls you, puts pics up on wherever, anything facebook/Instagram/etc. Be strong, don't get caught up in the past, you live for the future. Don't let them make you into a beta or worse a monster. Live life for you and people will flock to you.

Go out because from what we know right now, you only get one life. Live

 

[narcissist]

Merry Xmas all,

Just to emphasize, stay strong. Don't get caught off guard with silly crap from your ex. Even is she/he texts you, calls you, puts pics up on wherever, anything facebook/Instagram/etc. Be strong, don't get caught up in the past, you live for the future. Don't let them make you into a beta or worse a monster. Live life for you and people will flock to you.

Go out because from what we know right now, you only get one life. Live

Man awesome post!

You have actually become one of my fav posters on here man!

You're right. Cant be letting people from the past interrupt the future and what lies ahead!

Grade A post brother. Repped.

I have since realized how stupid it was for me to talk to my ex.

I must continue to better myself and chase a better future, not dwell in what used to be.

I will not deny that I love her and probably always will BUT that does not mean I should dwell on it or let it guide my actions.

I must accept that the love will never go away and thats fine. Im okay with that, but I need to stop talking to her because it is better for me to MOVE ON and live my life, better myself, become the best fcking me I can.

happy holidays bro!

 

[rhythmic]

Happy Christmas SS! NC for me, I was ****ing this girl from work but she has decided to try work things out with her LTR (poor fool). I got surprisingly attached though, hence the need for NC. Thankfully I don't work in close proximity to her.

She still has things of mine; does it count as breaking NC if I tell her to bring my stuff to work so my buddy can collect it?

 

[Noyou]

Happy Christmas SS! NC for me, I was ****ing this girl from work but she has decided to try work things out with her LTR (poor fool). I got surprisingly attached though, hence the need for NC. Thankfully I don't work in close proximity to her.

She still has things of mine; does it count as breaking NC if I tell her to bring my stuff to work so my buddy can collect it?

If you can let it go, just do that. If it's important or jewelry or whatever, nothing wrong with that, it's business. She might not treat it like that but you absolutely have to.

 

[Noyou]

Man awesome post!

You have actually become one of my fav posters on here man!

You're right. Cant be letting people from the past interrupt the future and what lies ahead!

Grade A post brother. Repped.

I have since realized how stupid it was for me to talk to my ex.

I must continue to better myself and chase a better future, not dwell in what used to be.

I will not deny that I love her and probably always will BUT that does not mean I should dwell on it or let it guide my actions.

I must accept that the love will never go away and thats fine. Im okay with that, but I need to stop talking to her because it is better for me to MOVE ON and live my life, better myself, become the best fcking me I can.

happy holidays bro!

Thank nothing of it. I remember when I was pretty damn beta and begged and pleaded, wanting things to work out etc and it's pretty rough. I just want to help other people who had these same events happen to them and make things a bit easier for them. There is an end to the suffering but usually it continues due to self esteem issues and the lack of getting more attention/sex/love.

What absolutely helped me in my tough times was friends, work and working out. Friends for the fun, work to keep my mind at ease (believe me, I work in an industry where you think 24/7), working out to better my physical appearance and an opening to pick up very attractive women.

What also helped me move on more but I don't recommend, is I saw all the "suitors" that my ex tried to date on Facebook and ultimately one she started to date which is an absolute downgrade/settling material. I picture myself in her shoes and I absolutely get disgusted and ultimately look at her pictures and she is the same as she left me, there has been no progress of positive change.

I reflected on how far I've come from where I was and realized I cannot go back to that weak excuse of guy, straightened up my act and moved forward. The best part of it however is that I never lost who I really was and stayed the genuine good guy

 

[Sardines]

Watched a movie last night that pertains to what most of us have gone through in the past. initial thoughts were oh this is another cheesy cliched 'rom-com' movie but turned out to be quite relevant. "500 Days of Summer"

 

[Hopes4Hope]

Day 30 NC

Reason for NC: To give time for himself to think again of his decision.

This guy i dated for 3mos gave up on me. He said he saw in my eyes that my love for him is growing and his love for me is growing too, he was scared things might not work out in the long run because of his demanding job and because of our big age difference. Im 24 and he is 34. He said is not ready to fall in love.

I tried everything to convince him that i understand his nature of his job and im willing to do everything to work our our relationship but he does not respond to me anymore.
Thus,I went NC.

During NC, I go out with my girlfriends, go meet and hangout with guys to keep him off my mind, to avoid the temptation to contact him. Read blogs and articles online that deals with breakups.

But there are nights i wake up because i dreamed of him. And that it gives me an awful feeling. It is my subconscious mind telling me that i still miss him.

I really want him back.
I dont know how long i can wait for him. Some friends tell me that i will not wait for him to come back.
Im still hoping for him.
I told him that i wont mind waiting for him. days, months,years...i dont mind.
I still have high hopes maybe because i dont hear from him anymore. Unlike my other exes, i can easily move on because i can see them through fb.

 

[Hopes4Hope]

During NC im healing from my pain.
It really helps get me a new perspective.
During my first few weeks, i have struggles every morning i wake up on deciding what should i feel for the day.
Keeping busy myself helps. Acting strong and like im not affected by the breakup helps me too.

Part of my plan to get him back is to break off nc on day 45. it is a few days from his bday. I want to wish him happy bday in advance at the same time act or sound not needy or begging him to be back. I want to know how he is going. However part of me dont want to contact because im afraid he will not respond.