Dgwizdal
Master Don Juan
Uh oh what was the result of our pm's?narcissist said:
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
There was a guy Yellowstar on another dating forum (theattractionforums, i used to visit there, then I came here). I had similar problems (my own beta-ness and mistakes leading to the collapse of whatever I had going with a girl), and his words really helped me. I've transcribed them below:Darrenez said:
"""
First of all, realise that you WILL make mistakes. Period. And I will, and every other living human on the planet.
And then, simply forgive yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "yep, I screwed up and that's totally fine and I forgive myself. The only way I can fail is by quitting, but I didn't and kept on going, and actually got valuable experience on what I should and shouldnt do to be better in the future, and therefore it was a success!"
You cant learn to ride a bike without ever falling.
You cant learn math without making a single mistake.
And you cant learn how to have great relationships without ever doing something really stupid
So get up, be a man and keep on going!
Never quit, and you will never lose.
"""
narcissist
Master Don Juan
You can pretty much guess. Nothing bad. But..... lets just say that we are in contact again. and instantly all the olds feelings just filled my whole being. Its like the feelings were always following me. And uhm... yeah. ahaDgwizdal said:
fvck
1.1 years of no contact - OFFICIALLY BROKEN
Thank you for the inspiring words. In my situation , 3 years ago , I wasn't very supportive when I found out she was pregnant. I really don't want to go into details as I hate talking about it.Konduit said:There was a guy Yellowstar on another dating forum (theattractionforums, i used to visit there, then I came here). I had similar problems (my own beta-ness and mistakes leading to the collapse of whatever I had going with a girl), and his words really helped me. I've transcribed them below:
"""
First of all, realise that you WILL make mistakes. Period. And I will, and every other living human on the planet.
And then, simply forgive yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "yep, I screwed up and that's totally fine and I forgive myself. The only way I can fail is by quitting, but I didn't and kept on going, and actually got valuable experience on what I should and shouldnt do to be better in the future, and therefore it was a success!"
You cant learn to ride a bike without ever falling.
You cant learn math without making a single mistake.
And you cant learn how to have great relationships without ever doing something really stupid
So get up, be a man and keep on going!
Never quit, and you will never lose.
"""
Thing is , I'm beating myself up about it because , I believe its my fault that she dumped me. Don't get me wrong I'm doing No contact and I won't fail it like I did earlier in the summer. In a way I just wish she had done wrong by me so I would feel better about myself.
I won't wish her a happy Christmas if she contacts me and the same for new year , I guess its just something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life, that someone who was perfect for me and perfect to me I treated utterly awful. She's deserves better.
Still onwards and upwards.
Starting my 4 weeks of NC- keep thinking about her smile , keep thinking about her.
But!- i won't fail and contact her , no way in hell. after what she's done to me and they way she treated me i will not give her the pleasure of hearing me.
Since the NC - kept working out , gained weight and the muscles started to show, reading the book of pook , started to look for apartment's , maybe i found one because this apartment that i'm living now keep reminding me this b!tch. i am changing not from the outside but from the inside. i know i shouldn't think about this but i wish she could see all the changes I've mad and the new person i am now. but i don't have any way to do that.
its been 4 weeks , my feelings about her lost . but the thinking of her still there....
Joe.
But!- i won't fail and contact her , no way in hell. after what she's done to me and they way she treated me i will not give her the pleasure of hearing me.
Since the NC - kept working out , gained weight and the muscles started to show, reading the book of pook , started to look for apartment's , maybe i found one because this apartment that i'm living now keep reminding me this b!tch. i am changing not from the outside but from the inside. i know i shouldn't think about this but i wish she could see all the changes I've mad and the new person i am now. but i don't have any way to do that.
its been 4 weeks , my feelings about her lost . but the thinking of her still there....
Joe.
From experience, you are not ready. Go NC for you, to forget about her, and not even think about her. You need to find yourself and be numb to her advances if she does such, because then you then can handle it the way you need to.zorg198 said:
I've been NC from my ex for about 4-5 weeks now. I've been feel down about it at times but I think it's getting better. I just wonder if I should stay NC forever.
I was homeless last year and started going out with more girls and I had met her on Tagged. She was a past escort but she offered to pay for the food so we started dating. I messed up and kept going to jail and now she doesn't want anything to do with me, she says stuff like she doesn't want to talk to me because it's hard enough trying to get over me already and I don't know what to think about that.
I was homeless last year and started going out with more girls and I had met her on Tagged. She was a past escort but she offered to pay for the food so we started dating. I messed up and kept going to jail and now she doesn't want anything to do with me, she says stuff like she doesn't want to talk to me because it's hard enough trying to get over me already and I don't know what to think about that.
expos
Master Don Juan
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Lots of terrible stories here. All I can say is that when a woman is done, they are truly done. It's not a matter of choice sometimes, it's just the way they have been conditioned over time. Women will go to drastic lengths to survive and get what they need, which is why a lot of them rebound so fast. When they lose you, they seek to attain what they've lost quickly. It's not a want, but a need. Some of you should not take it personally. With women, I equate it to being kicked out of your home. Eventually, you'll need SOMEWHERE to live, and that's why women are so quick to take the next deal offered to them.
This is also where a lot of you guys need to swallow the red pill and realize that woman can shut off their emotions at a moments notice. Much like we lose the attraction to a woman when she gets ugly, fat, etc, women are just as quick to shut down when their needs are not met emotionally or you no longer give her the tingles.
I'm not siding with women here, but it's only fair to describe the thought process behind the event of when a woman loses her commitment, attraction, and desire for you. They are a completely different species.
I'm so glad that a lot of you post here. This forum will kick you some awesome knowledge and a good dosage of truth. I urge you everyone to continue to post their feelings, pain, beta thoughts, etc. It's better to do it here then to make these mistakes on woman and suffer for it.
This is also where a lot of you guys need to swallow the red pill and realize that woman can shut off their emotions at a moments notice. Much like we lose the attraction to a woman when she gets ugly, fat, etc, women are just as quick to shut down when their needs are not met emotionally or you no longer give her the tingles.
I'm not siding with women here, but it's only fair to describe the thought process behind the event of when a woman loses her commitment, attraction, and desire for you. They are a completely different species.
I'm so glad that a lot of you post here. This forum will kick you some awesome knowledge and a good dosage of truth. I urge you everyone to continue to post their feelings, pain, beta thoughts, etc. It's better to do it here then to make these mistakes on woman and suffer for it.
I think the main issue is this for almost 80% of us here:
We were all in a LTR with a woman, they got tired for whatever reason and dumped you and the reason why we were beta once is:
1. You have no women for a backup
2. She was your life
3. You were in love
4. You have no clear goals or career set in stone
5. You have no hobbies
6. You have no women to spin plates/have sex with
I found out at the end of my LTR that I possessed problems 1,2,3 and 6, so I was beta as **** and did the beg/plead **** for about a month when she CLEARLY was wanting to cheat on me.
Everyone, by hanging on to a fickle person, you are utterly wasting your time. STAY NC. Unless they are breaking down your door, calling/texting you 239084230984 times, or LEGITIMATELY reaching out, ignore all attempts. You tried to make it work with a selfish, damaged individual. There are plenty of other people out there who will accept you for you and never make you feel or change you.
I stayed NC and guess what? Career is booming, making money, getting big and cut, and women flock to me. I tell you the women
My ex was a curvy girl with a big chest and I thought, man I won't find anything like that again...
WRONG! Come to find out, there are alot of curvy women of all shapes and sizes. Went to a bar up here near where I live, met this 35 year old, just got divorced and was lonely and she was digging the way I look. To this day we are still FWB, and she is BANGIN', a real freak in the sack, and I love it.
I was missing out on FWB sex with a mega hottie, when I was wasting my time on some cow who didn't deserve me.
Also that is sound advice, YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY! NOT GIVE A DAMN! WHEN YOU VANISH FROM THEIR LIFE, YOU CLEAR YOUR MIND AND GET YOUR **** TOGETHER.
Maybe the ex will meet you down the road and reconcile with you, maybe she'll find some downgrade and marry him and be miserable, maybe she will be happy.
The bottom line is, be GRATEFUL you found this out now and not when things really are serious when other lives are involved like kids, because then your life would be absolute hell.
You dodged a bullet. Consider yourself lucky.
We were all in a LTR with a woman, they got tired for whatever reason and dumped you and the reason why we were beta once is:
1. You have no women for a backup
2. She was your life
3. You were in love
4. You have no clear goals or career set in stone
5. You have no hobbies
6. You have no women to spin plates/have sex with
I found out at the end of my LTR that I possessed problems 1,2,3 and 6, so I was beta as **** and did the beg/plead **** for about a month when she CLEARLY was wanting to cheat on me.
Everyone, by hanging on to a fickle person, you are utterly wasting your time. STAY NC. Unless they are breaking down your door, calling/texting you 239084230984 times, or LEGITIMATELY reaching out, ignore all attempts. You tried to make it work with a selfish, damaged individual. There are plenty of other people out there who will accept you for you and never make you feel or change you.
I stayed NC and guess what? Career is booming, making money, getting big and cut, and women flock to me. I tell you the women
My ex was a curvy girl with a big chest and I thought, man I won't find anything like that again...
WRONG! Come to find out, there are alot of curvy women of all shapes and sizes. Went to a bar up here near where I live, met this 35 year old, just got divorced and was lonely and she was digging the way I look. To this day we are still FWB, and she is BANGIN', a real freak in the sack, and I love it.
I was missing out on FWB sex with a mega hottie, when I was wasting my time on some cow who didn't deserve me.
Also that is sound advice, YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY! NOT GIVE A DAMN! WHEN YOU VANISH FROM THEIR LIFE, YOU CLEAR YOUR MIND AND GET YOUR **** TOGETHER.
Maybe the ex will meet you down the road and reconcile with you, maybe she'll find some downgrade and marry him and be miserable, maybe she will be happy.
The bottom line is, be GRATEFUL you found this out now and not when things really are serious when other lives are involved like kids, because then your life would be absolute hell.
You dodged a bullet. Consider yourself lucky.
Because they:zorg198 said:
1. Had someone in wait
2. Cheating on you with someone already
3. Enjoying the new found "attention"
4. Never really loved you
There are the rare cases they want to be single, but that's just to ***** around.
Because you still care about her. You need to get to the point where you don't care.zorg198 said:
For example, what would happen if you saw her in public with another guy?would you feel bad?
Pine Over her?
Or would you ignore it?
You need to not care, because you KNOW what she is now. You should count your blessings and be done with her. It's hard, and most of us know this.
Like I said previous, the ex might be in the cards later, who knows, maybe another woman will knock your socks off but you won't know by not making yourself social.
Read my above example, my ex was a curvy, busty woman, but she couldn't last 15 mins in bed nor did she want to explore our sexuality, I'll go as far as say I had to FAKE things so that way I could end it so she'd be satisfied. She was insecure and played the role of the victim princess.
I go out, meet other women, I've met a couple that absolutely blew my mind.
You need to make yourself busy and get your mind off her because she isn't minding you at all. Also who knows on that one too, she might realize down the line she made a horrid mistake. But you cannot wait around for that moment. You treated her with love and respect, but maybe she doesn't want that, maybe she wants a guy who will treat her less. Odd, but true
That's easy , i won't see her ever again.
She never said we are done , she just said i don't know , give me time... she wanted me to be second choice. i wrote her that i will not contact her again. so its been a month and i keep my promise. whatever ....
Joe.
She never said we are done , she just said i don't know , give me time... she wanted me to be second choice. i wrote her that i will not contact her again. so its been a month and i keep my promise. whatever ....
Joe.
Similar story to mine.zorg198 said:
We broke up and 3 weeks she started talking to another dude and going on dates after a 3 year relationship. Of course it hurts but she showed me her true feelings and colours. I went on Facebook and she was flaunting this new guy during the guys birthday. I didn't tell her nothing I just deleted her from every platform and limited contact with our mutual friends.
Now nobody knows what I'm up to , on days I'm not even busy I appear busy. Started talking to other women and now I'm focused on getting my life back. That should be your number 1 priority...because women & people in general come and go.
Suck it up if it hurts and plan to live better as a person.
She made a choice , if by any chance she tries to come back let her know she made a choice and you are happy for her. Don't keep the convos longer than 5 mins.
No contact over xmas
OK with Christmas coming up, what's the betting we get a message from our ex. My ex finished with me and I reckon she is with someone else now. If she messages me , I'mgoing to be strong and just ignore her.
I'll feel like a duche not replying as she was an excellent girlfriend to me and like I said earlier it was probably my own fault that we finished. Am I definelty right to ignore her if she does indeed message me?
OK with Christmas coming up, what's the betting we get a message from our ex. My ex finished with me and I reckon she is with someone else now. If she messages me , I'mgoing to be strong and just ignore her.
I'll feel like a duche not replying as she was an excellent girlfriend to me and like I said earlier it was probably my own fault that we finished. Am I definelty right to ignore her if she does indeed message me?