The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[TheMonkeyKing]

Lol well guys it seems I have my own push pull game now:

So ex posted new pic, added new guy she previously deleted or he deleted, they added each other back, I posted a new pic of me looking pretty snazzy in a tux, women commenting on my looks, then my Mother let me know of "hey did you know your ex is in a relationship with some guy
So I hadn't looked at her facebook for 2 months. So I went to look and there it was to see, check the guys profile and its secure as hell but I notice a fat guy and like, oh boy. However I was kinda feeling my heart strings being pulled but then I stopped and pondered. This status change on relationship was done the same day I got new 2 random friend requests. Not only that, something just feels... Off about it. Not only that she still has our pictures up.

I thought to myself: Ploy

And even if it's not it doesn't matter. Guy is fat and has 2 children and she's still an insecure mess. Recipe for disaster. Wait till the honeymoon stage is over after she gets done villifying me.

Time to play the push pull game by not playing it. I talked the game, time to walk it. Better myself in every case and become the person I want to be.

Thoughts and suggestions would be welcomed. Will come back if I show weakness. It does hurt a little but I'm not devestated, I see her for who she really is.

As far as I understand, push-pull is to be reserved for chicks you actually like...??

At the risk of setting off a runaway 'NEXTING' bandwagon, how about just go out and have a laugh and chat to girls who aren't going to start dating a fat bloke with kids just to get back at you. There's a slim chance she's happy, but always analyse your competition. If they are a better prospect, then you have some self evaluation to do; if you are the better prospect, you know that you dodged a curve ball. Either way, move on. They've had their chance.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Thank you brothers, reading your posts really gives me strength.

So I'm at the ER due to a messed up ESI, seeing the hospital flooded me back with the image of her (she works at the hospital, luckily the hospital is huge and I have a slim chance of running into her).

She's not hot. She's not sexy. Not at all.
So why am I so fvcking attracted to her?

Her promiscuity and flirtatious nature attracts me like a butterfly to a fire...but why am I so attracted to it?

 

[Noyou]

As far as I understand, push-pull is to be reserved for chicks you actually like...??

At the risk of setting off a runaway 'NEXTING' bandwagon, how about just go out and have a laugh and chat to girls who aren't going to start dating a fat bloke with kids just to get back at you. There's a slim chance she's happy, but always analyse your competition. If they are a better prospect, then you have some self evaluation to do; if you are the better prospect, you know that you dodged a curve ball. Either way, move on. They've had their chance.

I've been NC with this chick for 11 months. I don't have any problem meeting new women. What it is really is a fell in love with this woman, put up with her crap and baggage, then got dumped when I started to be alpha about things.

Soon as she dumped me, better job, career advancement, got fit, started to get hit on, etc and I'm getting my life together when it was dedicated to her and college.

By far I'm better in looks, career set, and security if there is comparison, I just think the way it ended is getting to me a little bit and what I had to go through for love.

I know I shouldn't let it but it didn't hurt me as much as I thought it would. But I do need to better myself even further than what I've accomplished in the short time.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

The last person in the world I wanted to see...
First, I saw her boyfriend
Hahaha I can honestly say he's like 5ft6 or something! Lol

Standing around and texting I suddenly saw.....
OH FVCKING SHlT, ITS HER

I dropped my eyes to my phone (no idea why), heart racing like CRAZY, chills, unable to move or talk

She might've spotted me as well since I was standing about 10ft away from her wearing uniform..she turned around to face the wall instantly (I think she saw me)....LOL! Then walked away
She was wearing heels and was in fact TALLER THAN HIM.

Holy sh1t guys, totally not the reaction I was expecting from myself.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

The last person in the world I wanted to see...
First, I saw her boyfriend
Hahaha I can honestly say he's like 5ft6 or something! Lol

Standing around and texting I suddenly saw.....
OH FVCKING SHlT, ITS HER

I dropped my eyes to my phone (no idea why), heart racing like CRAZY, chills, unable to move or talk

She might've spotted me as well since I was standing about 10ft away from her wearing uniform..she turned around to face the wall instantly (I think she saw me)....LOL! Then walked away
She was wearing heels and was in fact TALLER THAN HIM.

Holy sh1t guys, totally not the reaction I was expecting from myself.

If you are acting like as childish a****** maybe she was right to dump your ass? I'm 5.5'' and such people make me sick, being taller is more attractive but are not superior. Maybe guy has bigger **** or thicker wallet or better game.If you being so TALLLLLLL is so damn good why she won't dump that guy and come back ? Huh ... now, do you feel BETTER now? She owns you, because you are filled with negative emotions about her new guy, when in fact you should be stoic and don't give a ****.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

If you are acting like as childish a****** maybe she was right to dump your ass? I'm 5.5'' and such people make me sick, being taller is more attractive but are not superior. Maybe guy has bigger **** or thicker wallet or better game.If you being so TALLLLLLL is so damn good why she won't dump that guy and come back ? Huh ... now, do you feel BETTER now? She owns you, because you are filled with negative emotions about her new guy, when in fact you should be stoic and don't give a ****.

Would agree. As opposed to what is often pedaled herein and elsewhere, height and looks play a minimal role in attraction of females. One of the most successful guys I have ever met is no more that 5'7"-8". He's a financial recruitment consultant living in Hong Kong. His recently-former-Playboy-model GF (no work done) just moved from California to HK to live with him this week.

Women find confidence, personality and provisioning attractive, primarily.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Woah, relax buddy, didn't mean to offend you.

My ex always told me that she can't see herself with someone small. I'm way more successful than this guy in every aspect of life, and his way of "stealing" her away from me by buying her gifts and flowers shows more on her than on me.

Why did she leave me for him you ask? For the same reason she begged for me back a week later - because she's fvcking nuts. She wants what she can't have. She's a psycho b1tch and you should've understood it from her last message to me.

Also, his **** is smaller (she said it herself, I'm not surprised since he does seem to lack a healthy dose of testosterone).

Did you just register to post this BS? Fvck off, troll.

TMK - I'd like to refer you to http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=221828

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Cerwin, in response, I'd like to refer you to my own posts on this particular thread - as a 6-1, 200pound 9/10, I can assure you that height and 'looks' are by no means a guarantee. I was being hit on by fully grown women at the age of 14, but have been cheated on since. Therefore, don't get black and white on my ass.

And I would also like to ask you what variance you think that women consider when going in to an LTR, opposed to pur sex. Ever heard of Alpha-fux, Beta-bux? Look it up. I might start a tread on the subject...

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

You know you just get tired, when whole world is pissing on you, women and MEN.

Hahaha I can honestly say he's like 5ft6 or something!Lol
She was wearing heels and was in fact TALLER THAN HIM.

I would expect such pissing from a woman, but from a man it's always low.I got it - OK? , she is a looser because her guy is short.This thread is to post about dealing with ex dump trauma and not to piss on guys for their height.We short guys also deserve at least minimal respect, life ****s us enough.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

It's nothing against people who are short, I was laughing at her incongruence and failed attempt to find a suitable replacement for me.

 

[derailed]

Hi everyone. My 21 yr old girlfriend of 4 months has just given me the "silent treatment" break up. The first 2 months were amazing with her, the last 2 were a nightmare. She had me meet her parents, she said i was hubby material, she would never let me go, blah blah blah. Relationship eventually became her always being tired, always wanting to fight, making me her last priority and being extremely distant.

The last week of the relationship, she disappeared for 2 days stating she was going through "some things". I felt bad so I sent her some edible arrangements to make her smile. She never texted or called me to say she received them. I called up edible arrangements and they were like she picked up our call and we delivered them to her by hand.

I'm thinking wtf. Then I call and text a few more times, I get no response. I check social media, she is constantly on IG and FB. Finally after not hearing from her since Halloween, I finally realize what this is......a silent treatment break up. I didn't send a "it's over text", since clearly it is. I also decided against showing up at her job for a face to face confrontation....if you can't reach out to your BF in 20 days, you're not worth it.

She would always use the silent treatment on me when we got into fights or she didn't get her way. Today is day 5 of me doing NC. I deleted her from all social media sites. Sucks that this happened right before the holidays.

Thanks to everyone who shares their stories, it's very helpful.

 

[Noyou]

This new occurrence of where my ex is in a new relationship made me a tad weak, but the good thing is I shook it off and really got the reality of things.

1. I'm far better off without her in mind, body and spirit. I no longer get panic attacks, have to feel certain ways that her and her ***** of a mother made me feel and the lack there of of the ex not standing up for me and settling and accepting her own ways as, "well, this is her, I have to accept this."

2. I've met some killer awesome women in the last several months, As well as they think that I'm an awesome guy to which I deserve someone great (ie them, lol)

3. She never really complemented me. As in when you're with someone, you better them and don't have to try to do it. You always stick up for one another through the good and bad. Ex would be there for the good, but would want nothing when it came to the bad. I even had her own neighbors of 20 years tell me that "I was too good for her" and that, "I needed to stay away from her because she is toxic." I'd get this 100/100 times from people we both knew near end of my "begging period" I really should keep this in mind, considering people like that who know her for so long immediately take my side,

4. My career has changed income brackets from 10-15k part time to 50-55k full time and geared to a career that I went to college for. This practically changed in about a week after she dumped me. Something else I really should take into account.

5. Though when I felt a wide range of emotions when I found out she's in a relationship, I realized that I'm in a great position. I have no kids, my life and career are ahead of me. I'm not tied down to someone who wanted kids and quite frankly, might have made my life hell if I had her child, plus she's such a mess that she doesn't even need kids. This other guy has several children, looks like a hermit mountain man minus the mountain man, looks like he tries to be a biker badass and is very obese (that not to make fun of obese people, but she had this mindset to get skinny and she never did so she's settling for someone her weight set). He makes me look like a model compared to him. However it just went to show me that she has some emotional control over me, and that I need to kill for good.

6. http://memestorage.com/_nw/60/98274165.gif

7. I've been NC for 10.5 months, I haven't msged her, responded back to her msgs or take part in these facebook tricks for attention. I've become a much better person and she was holding me back. I really only miss the intimacy and the love she showed me from time to time and the fun times we shared. However that can be overshadowed by the amount of hard times, arguments, her constant inconsiderate naive ways, forgetfulness, belittling, insecure, "I know more than you" ways and times her mother openly detested me because I existed and had to share my ex's time with her mother.

No more
I want more out of life and it's time I fully looked at my own happiness and forget her completely.

 

[Sardines]

@Noyou

That's more like it. Thanks for sharing. I too am just focused on my career at the moment and trying to be a better person for the lucky lady who gets to claim me in the future.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

NC is easy but how you guys stop stalking ex on FB ? She is always one click away ...

 

[djthiago1]

Even worse for me, i got her friggin FACEBOOK PASSWORD.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Even worse for me, i got her friggin FACEBOOK PASSWORD.

Get her to change it. Tomorrow.

1) Don't be that guy.

2) You will cause yourself more harm than good by going there.

This is a strong recommendation.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

NC is easy but how you guys stop stalking ex on FB ? She is always one click away ...

A gradual build up of self-restraint. Take it one day at a time. Force yourself to go at least a single day (assuming you're checking every day) without looking at her page, then remind yourself on day 2 that you were able to go an entire 24 hours, so on and so forth. NC has helped tremendously, but it's not until I stopped dropping in on my exes Instagram/Facebook that I really began to heal.

Even worse for me, I got her friggin FACEBOOK PASSWORD.

MonkeyKing is right - it's crucial that you get her to change her password. I used to have my exes Facebook password until she deactivated her account, got back on and changed her password in the process. Best thing for me (and you too, once that takes place). You do NOT want to see her bashing you to friends, family, new flames through PM, flirting with other guys, intimate messages to other guys etc. It WILL eat you alive.

 

[chaj3_11]

feel like an idiot

I ll keep this as short as possible.

Met a single mom my age (23), she was split up from dad who was abusive for 4 months before we started dating. I was probably seeing her about 5 months but we got very close always went out had a laugh. Booked to go weekend away n that.

Fact she had a kid never bothered me. I loved her n treated her like my own. Everything going fine she was telling me how lucky she is etc, staying at her flat 3-4x a week.

She started having mood swings n when i asked whats up apparently i was being paranoid etc.

Then suddenly she tells me she isnt ready for a relationship n feels bad on me because she isnt over how her ex treated her n she shouldnt think im going to be the same but she cant help it. Basically said shes messed up n needs too be on her own. It all sounds like shes fair and honest but why let me n her kid get attatched like we did the div.

I ve made every mistake going since, drunk texting, trying to change her mind, arguing to the point shes the one saying ur a freak n a weirdo when to be honest all i ve ever said is i miss ya nothing hurtful or stalkerish.

Havent spoke to her in 4 days and i know she wont contact. Keeps putting statuses saying lifes good im so happy blah blah.

So im here too do this and tell people, do not make same mistakes i did by pushing her for answers. She admitted herself if i acted like i didnt care she probably would of said shed made wrong decision. Miss her to f#ck for some reason.

 

[christoff522]

I ll keep this as short as possible.

Met a single mom my age (23), she was split up from dad who was abusive for 4 months before we started dating. I was probably seeing her about 5 months but we got very close always went out had a laugh. Booked to go weekend away n that.

Fact she had a kid never bothered me. I loved her n treated her like my own. Everything going fine she was telling me how lucky she is etc, staying at her flat 3-4x a week.

She started having mood swings n when i asked whats up apparently i was being paranoid etc.

Then suddenly she tells me she isnt ready for a relationship n feels bad on me because she isnt over how her ex treated her n she shouldnt think im going to be the same but she cant help it. Basically said shes messed up n needs too be on her own. It all sounds like shes fair and honest but why let me n her kid get attatched like we did the div.

I ve made every mistake going since, drunk texting, trying to change her mind, arguing to the point shes the one saying ur a freak n a weirdo when to be honest all i ve ever said is i miss ya nothing hurtful or stalkerish.

Havent spoke to her in 4 days and i know she wont contact. Keeps putting statuses saying lifes good im so happy blah blah.

So im here too do this and tell people, do not make same mistakes i did by pushing her for answers. She admitted herself if i acted like i didnt care she probably would of said shed made wrong decision. Miss her to f#ck for some reason.

If a woman isn't happy in a relationship, then she will make up any excuse to account for it. She's a woman, she's flighty in mind. Look at what happened, she had a kid - you took it on. You pursued her when she said it was over.

You need to work on becoming masculine, working on bettering you.

 

[spax]

Got dumped 2 weeks ago after 7 year relationship.... the last 10 months long distance.

My biggest surprise is that she hasn't contacted me at all after this time (2 weeks). I've seen her conversations with her friends where she asks them "Is it okay I haven't said anything to him yet?" and they just tell her "That's excellent! He'll get the message that its finally over!"

She will be coming back to town in 2 weeks. When she dumped me, she said she should meet for coffee at this time. At first I thought I would and show her how alpha and unaffected I was, but after reconsidering it......I'm not going to.

She might text and call a lot, and may even turn up at my house if I just ignore. Don't want to deal with that. Then again, she probably doesn't care that much and I'm probably over thinking things.

Mornings seem to be the worst part. Waking up with that lingering pain. It's like I don't want to accept reality and wish I could wake up in another situation where she is with me. The pain seems to subside during the day and usually channels into dislike for that total b!tch.

I always thought she had a thing for this guy from work. Two months after moving to the country town, I visited her and caught her deleting text messages in front of me between them. I raged, but she explained she was just asking him for relationship advice about us. I was stupid enough to buy it. I would always keep an eye on their Facebook interactions, and always try to check her messages on her phone secretly when I visited her. They definitely seemed to be a bit too buddy-buddy for my liking. She would message him more than me.

The funny thing is that the guy is like 5'5 manlet and I'm 6'2. But the guy has Facebook photos with just tons of girls with him in every pic and seems very "charismatic". Anyway, a couple of times I found out she lied about going to dinner with him when she said she went with a group of people. I raged again, but she explained that she didn't tell me because she "knew I'd get angry and that they are just friends."

I then got told how I was so possessive and controlling and that she should be able to be friends with whoever she wants. Well, now here's the irony - I now see after the break up a Facebook convo which took place 2 weeks before she dumped me where her friends are encouraging her to date this manlet and saying how great he is - even linking her to articles saying how "Short Guys Make Better Lovers". Makes me want to smash their ****ing skulls in to be honest. How dare she accuse me of that when I was right!

I really don't love her any more. But I feel I want to "Get back at her". Not violently. Just I want to "win" the break up. Everyone says "just be the better person"....yeah that's fine.....but is there anything I can actively do? How do I make her suffer? How do I make her regret her decision? How do I make her cry like a baby the way she made me cry?

Any insight is much appreciated.