The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[fuko2007]

I just wanna set f****** boundaries man. With myself and her. Let her know whos fukin boss. She's with some stupid fagg0t right now but it doesn't matter. He's boring. The truth is (and I know it) if she doesn't respect you she won't love you.

I told her I won't speak to her for a week, its day two now, but I'm thinking of going longer maybe an extra day or two. But I have to say, she manipulates me, scares me and hurts me like a pro.

I just wanna go away, and come back with fire in my belly and lay down the law. Become a Don Juan in a week haha.

Fukin BPDs man

To quote Hank Moody - "I'm flypaper for the emotionally disturbed"

Dude sounds like you have already lost your frame. And you sound like i did a few months ago with a girl i had been seeing for 4 years. If she is with another guy don't talk to her period. What do you think not talking then coming back and setting boundaries is going to do? It will only make you look weak and make her more angry. If she is BPD like mine was you don't need to be with her anyway. Again if she is with another guy its over unless you two have some sort of open relationship. And love you? Respect and boundaries don't make LOVE. Time and trust do and it sounds like to me there is not a lot of that there.

You need to go NC on her and leave her alone. Take this lesson from me. You can ask a lot of guys on this forum about me and this chick that i kept crwaling back to. And every time i did i justified it in some way like your doing. I was going to set boundries etc. Guess what IT DIDN'T WORK!. That is why im on here again and for the last time for her at least. So let it go man. Start the challenge now.

 

[fuko2007]

Day9.

Well i passed my test. Feel good about that. But still hurting inside. Her birthday is this Friday and i know she is going out of town. Probably taking or meeting with whoever she had on the sidelines. This weekend is going to suck really badly for me. I know im going to be thinking about that all weekend. She did find out i passed and sent me a message. I did read it i wont lie. I was at my buddys house having a few beers and it said Her: We need to celebrate.

That set me back some. How do you go from not wanting to see someone to we need to celebrate? Thats that typical push pull **** she does. When this weekend is over and she has gotten all the **** she wants i give it a few days after and ill be getting more and more messages. This sucks guys. I wish we could all meet and throw down haha. I need a good party.

 

[SoSuave666]

Day9.

Well i passed my test. Feel good about that. But still hurting inside. Her birthday is this Friday and i know she is going out of town. Probably taking or meeting with whoever she had on the sidelines. This weekend is going to suck really badly for me. I know im going to be thinking about that all weekend. She did find out i passed and sent me a message. I did read it i wont lie. I was at my buddys house having a few beers and it said Her: We need to celebrate.

That set me back some. How do you go from not wanting to see someone to we need to celebrate? Thats that typical push pull **** she does. When this weekend is over and she has gotten all the **** she wants i give it a few days after and ill be getting more and more messages. This sucks guys. I wish we could all meet and throw down haha. I need a good party.

Don't bother yourself thinking about this chick. She isn't worth it and really low quality. All BPDs are. You need to refocus your life on what matters most. These tests, school, whatever it is you're studying for, is far more important in the grand scheme of life than any BPD ex. Recognize her as a poisonous drug and nothing more.

It probably hasn't been enough time to go out and meet new chicks, which is understandable. But trust me, it DOES get better. It's absolutely imperative that you continue the course. Go out running for miles, or walking long walks. There is something therapeutic about putting one foot in front of the other.

I'm going to tell you what I did when I broke up with my BPD ex, about 4 years ago. It may work for you, it may not. If you're a Christian, it definitely WILL work for you...and it will also bring you closer to God. If you're not a Christian, it won't work.

Anyway, I got myself a journal and a bible and sat down, every night, and read 1 psalm. Then I would reflect on it. Every day was no contact with my ex. There are 150 psalms--that's around 5 months of no contact and bible study. It got to the point where I would look forward to the evenings when I could write in the journal and read the Good Book for 30 minutes to an hour. It was extremely beneficial to my healing and allowed me a chance to reflect on something OTHER than my ex. My days were spent thinking about her, so for at least 30 minutes I found time to really focus on something else. Plus, the psalms are really powerful, sometimes motivational.

If you're a Christian, this can kind of act as a 150 day challenge for you. If you're not, find something else to take your mind off her for just 30 minutes even. You will feel much, much better.

Last note: BPD breakups are the absolute worst. I've said it once I'll say it a million times. Breaking up with my BPD ex 4 years ago made this most recent breakup (around 2 months ago) an absolute piece of cake. It doesn't hurt that I was also the one that initiated the breakup, but still. Piece. Of. Cake. You WILL be stronger after this breakup as long as you stick with NC. I know you can't see it now, but it really is just a small part of your life to get through.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day whatever (about 5 months since breakup, 2 months since last contact)

I'm dating this really cute girl. We're not really dating, for the past week she's been coming to my house to fool around but we seem to behave as a couple.

I keep focusing all my energy into the new girl, studying and working out, but some nights I dream about the ex, distant memories of how she used to shake when I surprised her with a visit or how genuinely happy she was once.

Stupid girl.

 

[fuko2007]

Day10.

Thanks ss666. I am a christian man and will give that a shot. But today through Monday is going to suck for me. I know she leaves today for her "birthday" get away. And i know she wont go alone. Anytime she has gone out of town she has always asked me to go. She told me a while back that she wanted to go alone but i know that was a lie.

All i can think about is how she is having fun and banging some other dude this weekend. It really sucks and im trying my hardest to keep this out of my head but its not working. And what did we do for my birthday? she took me out to eat. I wanted to take a trip but got the whole i don't have time blah blah blah to go out of town. And look she takes days off to leave early and go out of town. That part of it pisses me off.

The other thing is this is messing my game and motivation up with a few girls im working on. All i can think about is HER and then every now and then she reaches out to try and put that carrot out which i have not taken but it still messes with my head. Most of me hopes her birthday sucks. I hope it rains and she gets a flat on the way to where ever she goes. And maybe throw in a little bad food and getting the ****s.

Well here is to the start of a lovely ****ty almost weekend.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Day10.

Thanks ss666. I am a christian man and will give that a shot. But today through Monday is going to suck for me. I know she leaves today for her "birthday" get away. And i know she wont go alone. Anytime she has gone out of town she has always asked me to go. She told me a while back that she wanted to go alone but i know that was a lie.

All i can think about is how she is having fun and banging some other dude this weekend. It really sucks and im trying my hardest to keep this out of my head but its not working. And what did we do for my birthday? she took me out to eat. I wanted to take a trip but got the whole i don't have time blah blah blah to go out of town. And look she takes days off to leave early and go out of town. That part of it pisses me off.

The other thing is this is messing my game and motivation up with a few girls im working on. All i can think about is HER and then every now and then she reaches out to try and put that carrot out which i have not taken but it still messes with my head. Most of me hopes her birthday sucks. I hope it rains and she gets a flat on the way to where ever she goes. And maybe throw in a little bad food and getting the ****s.

Well here is to the start of a lovely ****ty almost weekend.

This is where we, as men, have to employ that tool that is commonly absent in the organism referred to as woman - logic - to both help get us past this kind of bullsh1t and not to behave like the steaming pressure cookers that they so often can resemble. Think of how infinitesimally insignificant this upcoming weekend will be a few years from now, even more so some time beyond that, and so on and so forth. Dwell on that thought for a bit whenever you feel your emotions getting the best you. Think of how someday in the future what you are going through right now will actually be something you have to be reminded of to even remember, sort of like kicking it with an old friend who out of the blue says "...oh, remember that time back in high school when you threw a party at your parent's place, got wasted, stubbed your big toe while frantically cleaning up the house and were convinced you broke it, only to find out it turned out ok? Remember that?"

 

[fuko2007]

This is where we, as men, have to employ that tool that is commonly absent in the organism referred to as woman - logic - to both help get us past this kind of bullsh1t and not to behave like the steaming pressure cookers that they so often can resemble. Think of how infinitesimally insignificant this upcoming weekend will be a few years from now, even more so some time beyond that, and so on and so forth. Dwell on that thought for a bit whenever you feel your emotions getting the best you. Think of how someday in the future what you are going through right now will actually be something you have to be reminded of to even remember, sort of like kicking it with an old friend who out of the blue says "...oh, remember that time back in high school when you threw a party at your parent's place, got wasted, stubbed your big toe while frantically cleaning up the house and were convinced you broke it, only to find out it turned out ok? Remember that?"

Yeh i i have to agree with you on this. I know that a year from now i will be like "what was i doing"? Also you are spot on about saying we can resemble pressure cookers sometimes. The more i think about it or the few times it goes through my head its so vivid that i can almost see it. Then the pressure starts building and i just want to text her and call her a slvt and say everything i have held in for so long. But i stop myself and think that if i do that im giving her what she wants. I just hope "but i know she wont" that she feels some kind of guilt this weekend. I don't understand how someone can go from wanting to see you then bam going out of town for their birthday with someone else. But oh well its not my battle anymore i guess. But its a hard one to retreat from also.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Yeh i i have to agree with you on this. I know that a year from now i will be like "what was i doing"? Also you are spot on about saying we can resemble pressure cookers sometimes. The more i think about it or the few times it goes through my head its so vivid that i can almost see it. Then the pressure starts building and i just want to text her and call her a slvt and say everything i have held in for so long. But i stop myself and think that if i do that im giving her what she wants. I just hope "but i know she wont" that she feels some kind of guilt this weekend. I don't understand how someone can go from wanting to see you then bam going out of town for their birthday with someone else. But oh well its not my battle anymore i guess. But its a hard one to retreat from also.

I just didn't know what to do anymore toward the end of my relationship in regards to our drying up sex life (my whooped ass should have walked away of course but hindsight is 20/20 right?) We'd go anywhere from 4-5 days to 10-12 days without screwing, and to think that this girl is probably burning up the sheets with an ex right now (or worse, some new dude) because she needs the validation following a break up churns my stomach still, unfortunately. I know exactly what you're going through, wanting to send her disparaging, angry text messages, but that would be handing her your dignity on a platter with one hand, a spiked baseball bat with the other. Resist. I can't imagine what would be worse: getting the silent treatment thrown back at me or a "lol" as a response.

Why do I personally find myself in this position? Because I've backslid so much, I've been out of the game for so long, my life in general has hit such a lowpoint, that I'm convinced replacing her will take me far more work than it will for her to replace me. Sounds juvenile (and it is), but that's where I am at the moment (funny enough, I have a few options available, but none that particularly interest me). In the long run though, I think she's done me a huge favor by helping kill off a part of my personality that, at this rate, wouldn't have gotten me far with women. Sh1t, the girl is largely responsible for getting me into game, so in a sense, I owe her for that. I think that for us to graduate to that level of genuine indifference, where it simply does not matter if she's getting plowed in the bathroom of some rancid bar by several bikers or if she wound up becoming a lesbian, we necessarily have to go through this grueling experience first - that part of our personality has to be eradicated, and they're helping make that happen.

 

[Stuffnu]

30+ days

New to this site but first of all, have to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. Read about every post and it has been very therapeutic.
I've been dumped out of nowhere as many on this site have experienced. Got the old "I love you but my feelings has changed" BS after 2.5 years. Which just means I have feelings for someone else or I got bored of you. Its always funny how one minute the girl can literally worship you and then change with a snap of the finger.
I consider myself more of an alpha as I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve. But it hurts just as much as the next guy. Been in many long and short term relationships - I'm usually the dumper but this one sucked. I truly loved her and I thought of marriage for the 1st time in my life and I'm in my mid 30's. When she told me this crap I just told her I loved her but never begged or pleaded. I basically grabbed my stuff, removed her from social media and went ghost.
Been 30 odd days of n/c thanks to you guys when things got tough. She hasn't tried to contact me besides a friend request from her mother after 2 weeks (we only met 3-4 times??). Ignore.
Not spinning plates just yet, but working my arse off both professionally and at the gym. I know it's all about self improvement and moving on. I would be lying if thoughts of wishing she would come back didn't creep in my mind.
Big difference between alpha and beta is the way u handle things but the pain is real and undeniable.
I know there's a better woman out there for me but I have to purge out these feelings for her before I chase. 20-30 days left of this challenge or more if necessary but I will continue to be strong. Remember we're Lions and they are Giselle's.

 

[fuko2007]

I just didn't know what to do anymore toward the end of my relationship in regards to our drying up sex life (my whooped ass should have walked away of course but hindsight is 20/20 right?) We'd go anywhere from 4-5 days to 10-12 days without screwing, and to think that this girl is probably burning up the sheets with an ex right now (or worse, some new dude) because she needs the validation following a break up churns my stomach still, unfortunately. I know exactly what you're going through, wanting to send her disparaging, angry text messages, but that would be handing her your dignity on a platter with one hand, a spiked baseball bat with the other. Resist. I can't imagine what would be worse: getting the silent treatment thrown back at me or a "lol" as a response.

Why do I personally find myself in this position? Because I've backslid so much, I've been out of the game for so long, my life in general has hit such a lowpoint, that I'm convinced replacing her will take me far more work than it will for her to replace me. Sounds juvenile (and it is), but that's where I am at the moment (funny enough, I have a few options available, but none that particularly interest me). In the long run though, I think she's done me a huge favor by helping kill off a part of my personality that, at this rate, wouldn't have gotten me far with women. Sh1t, the girl is largely responsible for getting me into game, so in a sense, I owe her for that. I think that for us to graduate to that level of genuine indifference, where it simply does not matter if she's getting plowed in the bathroom of some rancid bar by several bikers or if she wound up becoming a lesbian, we necessarily have to go through this grueling experience first - that part of our personality has to be eradicated, and they're helping make that happen.

Day11.

I pretty much feel everything you said. And the sex life was exactly the same with her and i. It went from good sex to ill lay here and let you do your thing to once every 2 weeks. Thats an ego blow in itself . I also have 3 girls im talking to but none of them seem to make me spark. I think its because we still have our old girl on a pedestal and compare the new ones to her. We have to stop that also.

But today is already making me think and ponder where is she? who is she with? what is she doing? Its her birthday today and part of me wishes i could do something for her but my rational mind says "hey guy you offered and she didn't accept so she chose someone else over you". I really dont think she even gives her sheets time to get cold man. This really sucks and is going to be tough weekend for me. i called a FWB of mine and shes coming over tonight to bang but she is not bad looking and i know there are plenty of guys that would bang her but she doesn't turn me on.

I dont even know if ill be able to do it haha. I might just go drink some beer and chug some red bull and see if that works. But right now i have that nervous feeling in my stomach and cant shake it. Also this will be the first time ive had sex since it was with her so that makes me nervous but i dont know why. Anyway hope all is well with you and everyone still in NC. Ill be back on a little later more than likely.

 

[SoSuave666]

Day11.

I pretty much feel everything you said. And the sex life was exactly the same with her and i. It went from good sex to ill lay here and let you do your thing to once every 2 weeks. Thats an ego blow in itself . I also have 3 girls im talking to but none of them seem to make me spark. I think its because we still have our old girl on a pedestal and compare the new ones to her. We have to stop that also.

But today is already making me think and ponder where is she? who is she with? what is she doing? Its her birthday today and part of me wishes i could do something for her but my rational mind says "hey guy you offered and she didn't accept so she chose someone else over you". I really dont think she even gives her sheets time to get cold man. This really sucks and is going to be tough weekend for me. i called a FWB of mine and shes coming over tonight to bang but she is not bad looking and i know there are plenty of guys that would bang her but she doesn't turn me on.

I dont even know if ill be able to do it haha. I might just go drink some beer and chug some red bull and see if that works. But right now i have that nervous feeling in my stomach and cant shake it. Also this will be the first time ive had sex since it was with her so that makes me nervous but i dont know why. Anyway hope all is well with you and everyone still in NC. Ill be back on a little later more than likely.

All that stuff chicks say about "chemistry" and "love at first site" is really dependent on the MALE and how he makes HER feel. They are feminine feelings that are invoked by male game. If you are not in the right mindframe to game a girl, there will be no "spark." That's what it comes down to. Right now, you are in the mindset of trying to replace your woman with a new "spark." Of course, that is highly unlikely as you aren't willing to put in the effort that game requires. Sure, aloofness may be an aspect of game, but all the other necessary features are void.

Take some time off. Bang the FWB if you want, sounds like an easy lay. It may not help you as much as you think. It's good to get another woman, but it's better to get another woman you are at least semi-interested in.

 

[fuko2007]

Well i just found out my worst fear is confirmed. She is out of town with another guy. Doing the things that we used to do not to long ago. I mean as i sit here typing this she is out with someone. Im so down now i cant even begin to express how i feel. I broke down before i found out and said happy birthday and no response yet. So i guess i know why. Day 1 i guess again. But i want to just say **** you and i know thats my ego wanting a response but im not going to cave in.

Guys im hurting like hell right now. I dont cry hardly ever but im fighting to hold my tears back right now. It keeps flashing through my head all the times we went somewhere and had a good time then i see her with someone else . God help me. I hate small towns and her . I dont even want to see the FWB tonight now. i just want to go crawl into a hole and die.

 

[fuko2007]

Man you should be doing what she's doing...yeah it feels hollow but she IS hollow, as was everything about the relationship you had with her(cold truth)...
You're in SC dude you are in the land of milk and honey when it comes to hot, friendly women. Come up here and join the rat race chasing entitled, overeducated 6's and 7's and you'll feel less sorry for yourself haha.

I might need to take a trip man. Come up there and raise some hell.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Well i just found out my worst fear is confirmed. She is out of town with another guy. Doing the things that we used to do not to long ago. I mean as i sit here typing this she is out with someone. Im so down now i cant even begin to express how i feel. I broke down before i found out and said happy birthday and no response yet. So i guess i know why. Day 1 i guess again. But i want to just say **** you and i know thats my ego wanting a response but im not going to cave in.

Guys im hurting like hell right now. I dont cry hardly ever but im fighting to hold my tears back right now. It keeps flashing through my head all the times we went somewhere and had a good time then i see her with someone else . God help me. I hate small towns and her . I dont even want to see the FWB tonight now. i just want to go crawl into a hole and die.

How on Earth did you find this out? If she texted you this, you HAVE to block her number RIGHT NOW. If through social media, delete it all completely. Don't make it any worse on yourself. And I suggest spending as little time as possible this weekend alone. Hang in there man.

 

[YeeZus]

Man this is tough. Day 5 of no contact. She is about to get married and that's and I am not sure how to control my emotions and feelings for her. We've been off relation since this January but ended up in contact again a. I started working in the same office. Its been wonderful all this while util she told me she is about to get married. Today she was suppose to meet that guy and take it forward.

Its going to be a long road. She works with me and I see her almost everyday. I've been on leave for 5 days I can't take anymore leave how am I suppose to stay NC? Its her birthday on 10th and she will be spending her birthday with her man. I can't imagine her doing all that stuff she did to me to someone else.. All those hugs,kisses, sweet talks man I just feel so weak.

 

[fuko2007]

How on Earth did you find this out? If she texted you this, you HAVE to block her number RIGHT NOW. If through social media, delete it all completely. Don't make it any worse on yourself. And I suggest spending as little time as possible this weekend alone. Hang in there man.

Mutual friend. She is his boss. He is one of those types that just blurts crap out. I was like I didn't need to hear that. But **** it . Dudes married to but all her friends are guys and most of them are married . Red flag. This still sucks . But I'm going to be around some people later. Came home I live in the country aka woods . It's peaceful out here so I can think.

 

[fuko2007]

Man this is tough. Day 5 of no contact. She is about to get married and that's and I am not sure how to control my emotions and feelings for her. We've been off relation since this January but ended up in contact again a. I started working in the same office. Its been wonderful all this while util she told me she is about to get married. Today she was suppose to meet that guy and take it forward.

Its going to be a long road. She works with me and I see her almost everyday. I've been on leave for 5 days I can't take anymore leave how am I suppose to stay NC? Its her birthday on 10th and she will be spending her birthday with her man. I can't imagine her doing all that stuff she did to me to someone else.. All those hugs,kisses, sweet talks man I just feel so weak.

Same deal here bro. Except she isn't getting married. But she out with another guy right now for her birthday. The only thing you can do is be thankful that it's over. It sucks but go do something and force yourself to do it if you have to. You will feel better after .

 

[YeeZus]

Bro at least you are totally NC. I have to deal with her everyday. We both work together and man its not easy. How are you suppose to heal when you have your ex just nearby your desk. Its heart breaking to see someone else beside during lunch. Anyways if there is anything I could do to.move on please please help me with your suggestion or advise. I don't wanna be this way man. No food, no sleep life is miserable.

 

[fuko2007]

Bro at least you are totally NC. I have to deal with her everyday. We both work together and man its not easy. How are you suppose to heal when you have your ex just nearby your desk. Its heart breaking to see someone else beside during lunch. Anyways if there is anything I could do to.move on please please help me with your suggestion or advise. I don't wanna be this way man. No food, no sleep life is miserable.

Ok. I will help you. Private message me your number and I'll give you a call

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Bro at least you are totally NC. I have to deal with her everyday. We both work together and man its not easy. How are you suppose to heal when you have your ex just nearby your desk. Its heart breaking to see someone else beside during lunch. Anyways if there is anything I could do to.move on please please help me with your suggestion or advise. I don't wanna be this way man. No food, no sleep life is miserable.

I feel you, man.

I went through a similar process:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=218259


As much as it hurts, just assume the worst. At some point you get so numb, that you stop caring.