The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[fuko2007]

Day4.
Thanks for the advice so far guys. I woke up around 2 because a dream i had and she was in it. But i forced myself to go back to sleep and get up and go to work. It kind of sucks bc i work at my family business and my dad runs it. He is a retired army colonel and is just an *******. So I'm fretting about work everyday on top of this chick and its like there is no break. I could get another job but this is a small town not many options.

I would also vent to that girl about work and my father treating me like **** but that's gone also now. This really sucks guys. I think about taking a day off every now and then but if i do that i either feel bad and feel like i have not accomplished anything or my dad gets mad.

Now this is to Midnight_oil .
Why in the hell would you leave a good job over a girl? Now that's stupid. I've had a breakup make me miss a day or two because i was to stressed out already but never quit. Right now you should work harder and do something good for you. Take a vacation and go on your road trip but don't quit.

 

[SoSuave666]

Day4.
Thanks for the advice so far guys. I woke up around 2 because a dream i had and she was in it. But i forced myself to go back to sleep and get up and go to work. It kind of sucks bc i work at my family business and my dad runs it. He is a retired army colonel and is just an *******. So I'm fretting about work everyday on top of this chick and its like there is no break. I could get another job but this is a small town not many options.

I would also vent to that girl about work and my father treating me like **** but that's gone also now. This really sucks guys. I think about taking a day off every now and then but if i do that i either feel bad and feel like i have not accomplished anything or my dad gets mad.

Still early. Just give it time, that's all you can do. You'll look back in a year and see just how crazy you really were...for no reason. The only way to get to that point is NC.

You're still early so take some time off women. Go out with your buddies and do sh!t you enjoy. Keep it up.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I can't find the link now but I was reading a great post here on SS earlier about plate spinning, and for a solid page or two posters went back and forth over whether or not a girl can "change your life". Great points were made by posters on each respective side, but I'd argue that this thread strongly supports that a girl can certainly at least have an impact on your life. A strange combination of admiration and envy comes over me when I hear another guy shrugging off a girl breaking up with him as if a drop or two of rain landed on him. I wish I were that guy. I hope to one day be that guy.

What I've had to grapple with is why this girl, who I had almost nothing in common with, who without a doubt qualifies as the worst girlfriend I've ever had to date (with the exception of her looks and the sex), has affected me so deeply? The brutal answer I've reached is that I hate where I am in my life right now. It took me about two semesters to get my footing back when I was in undergrad, but once I did, I ruthlessly plowed through whatever was thrown at me, made Dean's List, finished very strong, then decided to take a year off before jumping into Law School...which, 7 years later, never happened. I gradually fell into a deep slump, grew more and more isolated, continued on in a dead end job, even refusing offers to rise up the ranks, until I couldn't take it any longer, quit, and went nearly two years unemployed, sinking further and further into my head, depressed, miserable, so what did I do? I desperately grasped for straws - that is, I reached out to my (now) ex (who originally was a FWB who worshiped the ground I walked on) in a pathetic effort to patch up the ever widening empty space that was my life. She was an anesthetic, a drug, a diversion, a futile attempt to bring back the past and restore things to the way they once were - in short, a total cop out.

Yeah, I somehow succeeded in getting her back, but Jesus Christ was it painful from start to finish, and worse still was the person I allowed myself to become to make it happen - we're talking top to bottom, true blue AFC. Just a few nights ago I came across an email I (wisely) decided not to send before reaching out to her a little over a year ago, one of these typical desperation-soaked 10 pagers that just makes you want vomit until you hite bile.

And yes, my head is still spinning a bit, but it's getting better with each passing day and I'm actually slowly gaining gratitude for the experience. No more safety net - I have to confront life head on now, and the way I see it, this was life's way of telling me to face the fire. I used to draw a lot when I was younger, stopped around 20, and picked up again around 28 (I'm 31 now) with the intention of making a career around being an artist, but to be brutally frank, I never had the balls to go for it. "Only when you've lost everything is that you're free to do anything". Alright so that's probably a bit extreme, I haven't lost everything, but I definitely feel free to go after what I want now, without apology. I didn't lose the girl anymore than someone loses a case of pneumonia. No, I gained my sense of freedom back, I gained my purpose back. Forget the girl. She wanted out, and you make it clear to her that she can never come back in by shutting off communication with her permanently. You know the drill - no calling, texting, meeting up, emailing etc. Nothing. That's it. Over. Consider her six feet under. She doesn't exist anymore. Your time is devoted entirely to you and your endeavors from now on. Forgive the long winded cathartic rant, but going back a bit, I think you have to ask yourself (and be as honest as possible) why it is that this girl leaving you burns so badly. Maybe there's another reason, maybe you actually had a solid connection with this girl and it hurts to lose that, but if your situation in any way resembles mine, and deep down you are dissatisfied with your life, brother, NC ALL THE WAY and pour EVERYTHING you've got into YOUR LIFE. Go out there and really make something of yourself, and prove to yourself that ANY girl who jumps aboard the ride that is your life and decides to step off - her loss.

 

[Justme40]

Day 8

Me and my gf broke up . I did a the begging and all that crap. She just wanted to be friends and that just hurt more so I told her I can't talk to her anymore if she wanted to work it out she knows my number but not waiting around for her. So day 7 of no contact she text me saying she had mail for me so I text her brother and told him to bring it to me bc I see him some. It was hard not to text her back but I didn't

 

[fuko2007]

Day5.

I almost did it this morning guys. I almost called her, had my finger on the button. I caught myself and put the phone down asked myself what if she does not pick up? It would send me into a frenzy and i would be useless for a few days. I keep thinking about her with another guy and i just want to call her and see whats been going on. I don't know why i want to still be nice to her. Maybe because she has done some nice things for me in the past?

But i would say she has said and done more hurtful things to me than nice things though. Hell i don't know. I'm glad i didn't mash that button now though even with the fact that feeling of still wanting to text or call her still lingers in my mind. Sometimes the urges are stronger but they are still there. This freaking sucks.

 

[christoff522]

Me and my gf broke up . I did a the begging and all that crap. She just wanted to be friends and that just hurt more so I told her I can't talk to her anymore if she wanted to work it out she knows my number but not waiting around for her. So day 7 of no contact she text me saying she had mail for me so I text her brother and told him to bring it to me bc I see him some. It was hard not to text her back but I didn't

Good, I hope you're working on yourself as well. Nothing will stick in her craw more than you looking smart, savvy and sophisticated and living like you da man.

Keep it up.

 

[Justme40]

Day 11

Havnt text me ex . Still missing her. She posted a pic on Instagram saying let go of the past bc you you don't know what's waiting for you in the future I'm not her friend on there someone showed it to me. I know that was aimed to me. Then one of my friends told me she knows when me and my ex don't talk bc she starts liking all my friends stuff on Facebook I guess so I can she's but funny thing is I have her blocked so I can't see anything I think she's just made I'm not chasing her anymore

 

[Pollo56]

Day 9

Day 9 of NC guys. We were dating for 5 months and were on a LDR. Suddenly 2 weeks after she moved to another school decided to call it quits, really out of nowhere, at first saying she ''i think i have to break up with you "and then refrasing to 'i want to break up with you' to which i was completely in shock. Told her how much she means to me, that i love her, all the sacrifices that i made for us to see each other, etc, she started crying, and saying that she loved me but not anymore. Everything seemed really weird and surreal to me, anyhow, i didnt get much sleep on those next few days, my appetite went south, after that i bounced up a little bit an kinda started going out with friends, drinking, etc to ease my mind a bit, it has worked a little.

Her birthday is coming up in a week or so, and im dying to talk to her, i know i shouldnt but i have this thought in my head so hard to get rid of that if i talk things out with her we could get back then if we do so..in what position does that leave me after all, i dont really know what to do if just keep going with NC and let her reach out to me, or talk to her.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Day 9 of NC guys. We were dating for 5 months and were on a LDR. Suddenly 2 weeks after she moved to another school decided to call it quits, really out of nowhere, at first saying she ''i think i have to break up with you "and then refrasing to 'i want to break up with you' to which i was completely in shock. Told her how much she means to me, that i love her, all the sacrifices that i made for us to see each other, etc, she started crying, and saying that she loved me but not anymore. Everything seemed really weird and surreal to me, anyhow, i didnt get much sleep on those next few days, my appetite went south, after that i bounced up a little bit an kinda started going out with friends, drinking, etc to ease my mind a bit, it has worked a little.

Her birthday is coming up in a week or so, and im dying to talk to her, i know i shouldnt but i have this thought in my head so hard to get rid of that if i talk things out with her we could get back then if we do so..in what position does that leave me after all, i dont really know what to do if just keep going with NC and let her reach out to me, or talk to her.

Uh, no man, NO. You don't take a beating and put yourself in a position to take another one. Have some self-respect. The attitude you have to adopt is - either she reaches out to me with the explicit intent of getting back together/she messed up etc. (not recommended - if they dump you once you can bank on them doing it to you again in the future, and probably more ruthlessly) or "see you in the next life"

 

[AttackFormation]

Her birthday is coming up in a week or so, and im dying to talk to her, i know i shouldnt but i have this thought in my head so hard to get rid of that if i talk things out with her we could get back then if we do so..in what position does that leave me after all, i dont really know what to do if just keep going with NC and let her reach out to me, or talk to her.

Ok go try to "work things out" when she doesn't want to see you anymore. Why don't you just be honest with yourself and tell her you want her to take you in the @ss too because you like pain? This girl broke up with you, that means for her it's over. Now it's got to be over for you too.

 

[Genos]

About 80~ days NC or so. Feeling a lot better...but what's kind of still on my mind is an incident that happened about a month ago. I was looking at her profile online a lot (this particular website lets you know when anyone has viewed your page), and I think she suspected it was me, and blocked me.

I realize now it was pretty dumb to try gaze wistfully at her online profile, it really wasn't helping the healing process...anyway, I'm moving on from that ok. The only thing now is, I'm finding it difficult to think back on the relationship positively, because I did something kinda stalker-ish post breakup, and kinda lost whatever dignity I had left the relationship with after we separated. I feel like I don't deserve to think back on the good times with her, nor invest myself in other women because of this sort of creepy stuff I did...it's self defeating thinking, I know, but it's difficult for me to kick myself out of it...Any tips or encouragement?

I wrote a thread about this on the main forum, and I've made a lot of progress from moving on, but it's still kinda on my mind. I have yet to meet and start investing in another great woman, so in my idle time my thoughts often wander to her, and how I messed up post-breakup. Just need time I guess...

 

[Noyou]

About 80~ days NC or so. Feeling a lot better...but what's kind of still on my mind is an incident that happened about a month ago. I was looking at her profile online a lot (this particular website lets you know when anyone has viewed your page), and I think she suspected it was me, and blocked me.

I realize now it was pretty dumb to try gaze wistfully at her online profile, it really wasn't helping the healing process...anyway, I'm moving on from that ok. The only thing now is, I'm finding it difficult to think back on the relationship positively, because I did something kinda stalker-ish post breakup, and kinda lost whatever dignity I had left the relationship with after we separated. I feel like I don't deserve to think back on the good times with her, nor invest myself in other women because of this sort of creepy stuff I did...it's self defeating thinking, I know, but it's difficult for me to kick myself out of it...Any tips or encouragement?

I wrote a thread about this on the main forum, and I've made a lot of progress from moving on, but it's still kinda on my mind. I have yet to meet and start investing in another great woman, so in my idle time my thoughts often wander to her, and how I messed up post-breakup. Just need time I guess...

Chances are that your actions you did post breakup were probably enabled by her actions, or that 6th sense you had about her.

I know what you mean about being the semi stalker actions too, it usually means that your gut and mind are trying to tell you something is amiss.

In terms of my experience, my 6th sense found out she went to a guy's apartment when we were "on a break"

Give yourself time to heal, you'll find the right woman. I haven't found mine yet, but I'm sure having a lot of fun though dating around.

Recently went on a date with a woman 5 years older than I, come to find out, she didn't want a relationship but she wanted a guy she could date and occasionally be intimate with. In the 5 years I was with my ex, she literally dwarfed everything the ex did and we've only know each other for about a month. Instead of me constantly pleasing, she wants to please me, where as the ex never put any effort in, even when I hinted.

It feels good to be a commodity and wanted, whereas being taken for granted by someone who never deserved you.

I cannot say this enough take time for yourself to heal

You really need to get your head screwed back on, THEN go date around again, then and only then will you appreciate women you date and won't compare them to someone who isn't worth comparing to.

 

[fuko2007]

Day7.

Today i have a big test. Nervous as hell, i hope i pass it. The ex texted me last night. Didn't say anything other than good luck tomorrow. I'm freaking out about this test. Its at 230 and i have the shakes already.

 

[fuko2007]

**** them for always timing this sh!t so terribly haha...I feel you man.


anyway, on my end I have been out and about with friends, lost my job(in part due to this girl/chasing women to get over said girl but probably a foregone conclusion anyway) so chasing women now is the furthest thing from my mind. I have no desire to chase women as an unemployed guy. I really need to relax(no vacation for the past 3 years) and kick the caffeine big time. I took a new preworkout and woke up in the middle of the night in an RAGE against my ex haha, so bizarre I was way out of the anger phase but I dont mind it. One trigger might have been discussing the ex issue with some women over drinks and listening to their BS input...almost like breaking NC in a way, which restarts the healing cycle in a small way each and every time.

Damn man im sorry to hear about your job. But if i don't pass this it will probably cost me mine. And it is due to chasing this girl/ girls so ive put it off for a while because i hate tests. So i definitely know how you feel. Hell i dont even feel like chasing them right now due to the way i view my self-worth and not having of done this earlier to help move me up the chain professionally. But if i do make it ill be one of the happiest guys in this forum .

 

[Justme40]

Day 14

I'm so stupid I was missing her so I looked at her dumb Facebook.shouldnt have done that. Iv learned my lesson I want to text her so bad but I'm not

 

[mkj1990]

Been a while since I've written anything on here, but today I feel like venting my feelings

So it is nearly a year since my ex broke it off with me. Long story short: went NC and eventually she came crawling back. I rejected her on multiple occasions with within the space of four-five months. It's been a slow process, especially since I've not been able to rebound with other women. During the summer I feel that I made huge improvements and taken a long step towards being completely over her.

But a few days ago I saw my ex again, with another guy - Clearly in a relationship. (he's known for being a real d*ckhead around town). It felt like a HUGE setback!

I'm positive that I don't want my ex back (if that was the case I would have taken her back when I had the chance). But it's just that feeling of hopelessness that hit me like a brick to the head. Here she is, happy with another guy, while I've been struggeling with girls pretty much all of my life and not making a rapid progress.

I've been talking to a couple of girls over the last couple of weeks, but think I've been friendzoned big-time by both of them, so I feel like I'm back where I was one year ago when she broke up with me. While she on the other hand has moved on just fine eventually.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Been a while since I've written anything on here, but today I feel like venting my feelings

So it is nearly a year since my ex broke it off with me. Long story short: went NC and eventually she came crawling back. I rejected her on multiple occasions with within the space of four-five months. It's been a slow process, especially since I've not been able to rebound with other women. During the summer I feel that I made huge improvements and taken a long step towards being completely over her.

But a few days ago I saw my ex again, with another guy - Clearly in a relationship. (he's known for being a real d*ckhead around town). It felt like a HUGE setback!

I'm positive that I don't want my ex back (if that was the case I would have taken her back when I had the chance). But it's just that feeling of hopelessness that hit me like a brick to the head. Here she is, happy with another guy, while I've been struggeling with girls pretty much all of my life and not making a rapid progress.

I've been talking to a couple of girls over the last couple of weeks, but think I've been friendzoned big-time by both of them, so I feel like I'm back where I was one year ago when she broke up with me. While she on the other hand has moved on just fine eventually.

This supports SoSuave666's view that you don't fully get over them until you get with someone else (pretty sure I read him write that on a much older post, perhaps in this very thread?) How many girls have you been talking to? How many approaches would you say you do a week? If you have a good wing who's good at picking up girls, shadow him and observe carefully. Talk to ALL girls, short, tall, trolls, unicorns, blobs, you name it. Typically, painful experiences like the one you describe bless you with a "I don't give a fvck" attitude that will fuel you to become an approach machine. Try to get X amount of approaches a day and journal your experiences. Talking to one, maybe two girls at a time over a stretch of several weeks or months is an outdated model. You should be striving to be getting numbers CONSTANTLY, like more than you could conceivably handle, and take it from there.

 

[Noyou]

Been a while since I've written anything on here, but today I feel like venting my feelings

So it is nearly a year since my ex broke it off with me. Long story short: went NC and eventually she came crawling back. I rejected her on multiple occasions with within the space of four-five months. It's been a slow process, especially since I've not been able to rebound with other women. During the summer I feel that I made huge improvements and taken a long step towards being completely over her.

But a few days ago I saw my ex again, with another guy - Clearly in a relationship. (he's known for being a real d*ckhead around town). It felt like a HUGE setback!

I'm positive that I don't want my ex back (if that was the case I would have taken her back when I had the chance). But it's just that feeling of hopelessness that hit me like a brick to the head. Here she is, happy with another guy, while I've been struggeling with girls pretty much all of my life and not making a rapid progress.

I've been talking to a couple of girls over the last couple of weeks, but think I've been friendzoned big-time by both of them, so I feel like I'm back where I was one year ago when she broke up with me. While she on the other hand has moved on just fine eventually.

I think that happiness she has can be called "settling" too.
She came crawling back and you rejected her multiple times, so she found someone who will appease her ego, that doesn't mean she's 100% happy. More than likely she's settling. Let it happen. If she goes with him, she has low esteem about herself becuase she's going out with a douche, right? Who cares, she deserves garbage. If she comes crawling back again, she knows she missed out on the real deal and you can do what you want with that.

Day 251

Ok so, I keep getting random friend requests from random women....again on fake profiles, and I got 2 "unknown" calls on my phone right after that... It almost seems too obvious now she's trying to get my attention / her or her friends playing keeping tabs games.

I think I dated a 29 year old who acts 16 for 5 years.

Feels good though being pined after, too bad for her she's still showing how immature she is.
Oh well, on to better things

 

[Rave18]

Misplaced affection

Those who have been on this thread for a longtime, one reason you've held on may be > you are sensitive. It is a good quality and caring for someone you've been so close with is normal, but why cling to someone who doesn't appreciate your affection ?

Just my two cents. Hope time helps you heal

 

[christoff522]

I just wanna set f****** boundaries man. With myself and her. Let her know whos fukin boss. She's with some stupid fagg0t right now but it doesn't matter. He's boring. The truth is (and I know it) if she doesn't respect you she won't love you.

I told her I won't speak to her for a week, its day two now, but I'm thinking of going longer maybe an extra day or two. But I have to say, she manipulates me, scares me and hurts me like a pro.

I just wanna go away, and come back with fire in my belly and lay down the law. Become a Don Juan in a week haha.

Fukin BPDs man

To quote Hank Moody - "I'm flypaper for the emotionally disturbed"