The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[StuffofLegends]

She's just feeling guilty and she can't handle it. Screw that b!tch man, you should know better than that. She's sensing your progress and she's trying to pull you backwards again.

Reading what she wrote you made ME feel really bad man. Put on some badass music and go running. Watch a motivational video, whatever works for you man.

Find out what you're missing out of life and it'll help you move on.

Of course she didn't say anything back.. Whatever... Smh.

I appreciate everybody's feedback. I read what everyone said and took it to heart. I just wasn't strong enough yet to ignore her. What she said was too emotional and got me all worked up. She can only say the same stuff to me over a limited amount of time before her words lose power and I don't care. I wish that was yesterday but what she said impacted me, and I couldn't walk away from it no matter how hard I reasoned and tried. Eventually I will get there.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

"As for (other guys name) he payed attention to me and that was what I wanted."

Stuff,

This line right here is the very crux of the matter. She wanted more attention than she was getting.

Ask yourself this. Did you care? Did you attend to her, in your own way and to the extent to which you wanted? If yes, then move on, because she is either BS'ing, isn't grateful of what you did, or simply needs more attention that you gave/could give.

If you think you could/should have done better, then go back. But bear in mind this situation can very easily arise again, owing to the quote below....

He was just there, he asked me out and thought why not, it's not like it matters now anyway.

He was just there = 'it could have been ANYbody, at ANY time'
He asked me out and I thought why not = little or no consideration of consequence OR you.
It's not like it matters to now anyway = 'I only care about my own perspective of the situation, even though it probably DOES still matter greatly to you.'

I have to agree with the others. You should let this one be.

 

[StuffofLegends]

"As for (other guys name) he payed attention to me and that was what I wanted."

Stuff,

This line right here is the very crux of the matter. She wanted more attention than she was getting.

Ask yourself this. Did you care? Did you attend to her, in your own way and to the extent to which you wanted? If yes, then move on, because she is either BS'ing, isn't grateful of what you did, or simply needs more attention that you gave/could give.

If you think you could/should have done better, then go back. But bear in mind this situation can very easily arise again, owing to the quote below....

He was just there, he asked me out and thought why not, it's not like it matters now anyway.

He was just there = 'it could have been ANYbody, at ANY time'
He asked me out and I thought why not = little or no consideration of consequence OR you.
It's not like it matters to now anyway = 'I only care about my own perspective of the situation, even though it probably DOES still matter greatly to you.'

I have to agree with the others. You should let this one be.

I agree too. It's hard but I agree.

I gave her attention but she was needy and I could have improved but that could be said about many things in life.. Always room for improvement.

This girl was a compulsive liar tho.. But just white lies about silly minor stuff so I overlooked it. We had fun and I enjoyed her company other than that but it really got on my nerves when she would make up dumb stuff about pointless things... This is where I began to distance myself I think. That and I was so AFC in my past relationships I was tougher and hard hearted a bit this time around.

I should have probably left a long time ago though because those white lies became big lies in the end.

So yeah I gave her attention but not like I should have had and I distanced myself from her when I should have seen the red flags and left :/

 

[christoff522]

I agree too. It's hard but I agree.

I gave her attention but she was needy and I could have improved but that could be said about many things in life.. Always room for improvement.

She will never be pleased, and will move on no matter what

This girl was a compulsive liar tho.. But just white lies about silly minor stuff so I overlooked it. We had fun and I enjoyed her company other than that but it really got on my nerves when she would make up dumb stuff about pointless things... This is where I began to distance myself I think. That and I was so AFC in my past relationships I was tougher and hard hearted a bit this time around.

Same man, girls like this are mentally unhinged, they were neglected as kids and so crave attention from anyone and everyone. You must move on.

I should have probably left a long time ago though because those white lies became big lies in the end.

So what was her message? A lie

So yeah I gave her attention but not like I should have had and I distanced myself from her when I should have seen the red flags and left :/

Don't worry, we all make this mistake. Just go NC now. It's hard (fVck me I know) but it has to be done, if only to train her to respect you again.

 

[StuffofLegends]

She will never be pleased, and will move on no matter what



Same man, girls like this are mentally unhinged, they were neglected as kids and so crave attention from anyone and everyone. You must move on.



So what was her message? A lie



Don't worry, we all make this mistake. Just go NC now. It's hard (fVck me I know) but it has to be done, if only to train her to respect you again.

Everything you've said makes so much sense...

She will never be pleased.

She very much craves attention. Reason why she makes up crazy stories... Her family is crazy and she always talked about how they never gave her any attention. She had to raise herself. Just thinking about this makes my heart go out to her but I have to realize how toxic she is to my life. She is like you said, very much so, "mentally unhinged".

Basically it boils down to that the pool has been peed in and I don't feel like paying the bill to clean it up.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Everything you've said makes so much sense...

She will never be pleased.

She very much craves attention. Reason why she makes up crazy stories... Her family is crazy and she always talked about how they never gave her any attention. She had to raise herself. Just thinking about this makes my heart go out to her but I have to realize how toxic she is to my life. She is like you said, very much so, "mentally unhinged".

Basically it boils down to that the pool has been peed in and I don't feel like paying the bill to clean it up.

Exactly.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

So I'm going NC for the second time in 2014. Obviously with a different chick from the first time.

This second chick is cool, sexy, probably a 9 when dolled-up. But obviously flaky as f*ck. Seeks a lot of attention and gets it from the beta bumchums. Haven't added her to any social network, but can see hers and she can see mine.

She's been flaking/too busy for a couple of months now.Though still initiates, then flakes. Just young (24), naive and a bit scared of losing independence. Whatever.

I offer her to mine two weeks ago. She calls and says she hasn't decided what she's doing. I'm like whatever. Null contact from me.

The email comes at the weekend. She's got two weeks off starting next week. Says sorry for being distant, wants us to go away to the coast (a trip I previously suggested but she flaked on) next week.

TMK obviously doesn't reply. Last night she posts a selfie on insta with TMK's shirt on.

4 days NC. NC works.

The end.

 

[MattTheW]

I dunno, i go away for a week and i come back to this!!!!

Day 34 NC

Got a message from her on facebook. This is what it said...

"I should have told you how I felt instead of pushing it all down and ignoring it. I kept telling myself you did love me and really wanted to be with me but I didn't believe it. I felt like I just made your life worst. I wish I just had the guts to tell you how I felt. Instead I let myself believe that you really didn't care and that you would be better off without me. I felt like we weren't going anywhere. We had just gotten stuck in a rut for a year or so and I kept trying to fix it but didn't know how. Breaking up with you was never the solution. I know that now. As for (other guys name) he payed attention to me and that was what I wanted. I didn't ditch you for him. He was just there, he asked me out and thought why not, it's not like it matters now anyway. We found out fast all we would ever be was friends. What I wanted was to know that someone really wanted to be in my life and I started to feel like you didnt. I got scared and ran. I'm sorry for that, for all of it."

What do u guys think? I feel to not respond makes her feel that I never really cared which is not the case...

The Branch swing guy is never "Just there" - she thought "why not" ha, so she felt soooo much for you then.......

As soon as you read the 2 lines i highlighted you should have been confident that being NC was the right thing to do......

Guys I had to say something... Sorry, I tried to fight it but the thought of her believing I didn't care got to me... She may ignore it, she may not... It's not like I want to get back together. I just told her how I felt. I did get emotional but no begging or anything. Just commented on the situation and what she said. If she doesn't respond then I'll know that she was just looking for ego boost/validation.

You fell straight into her trap, she turned the tables, guilted you into replying.
And now you are thinking "will she reply or wont she" you've just relinquished some of your power that you had built up over the last month.......how much you have just given away we will have to wait and see.......

So yeah, I responded here today but I'm working my way towards not. I trust the wisdom of all the doods here! I just had a weak moment but with time hope to shut the door tight on this one just like the last one. Guess she NEVER gave me any chance of closure and that's what I'm seeking. I'm trying to get to a point of not caring. I'm really freaking trying and it's freaking hard

What have you gained from contacting her, what have you gained from what she told you?
Seriously, from what i read, all she put on the table was that she felt that whatever you did it wasnt good enough, that she was the only one fighting for your relationship and that your relationship meant so much that she could quite easily jump ship and swing straight to any guy who asked her out!!

Thinking about it too still... If she had just said some old stupid stuff like, "How have you been? Haven't talked to you in awhile??" Something like that would have easily been ignored!

I felt in my gut, after giving it a few hrs. I should respond.. It was eating at me...

Why?
The only opinion of you that you should ever care about is your own.....if anyone has an opinion of you that is contrary to your own then they do not truly know you and you should give no more thought to what they think....

Of course she didn't say anything back.. Whatever... Smh.

I appreciate everybody's feedback. I read what everyone said and took it to heart. I just wasn't strong enough yet to ignore her. What she said was too emotional and got me all worked up. She can only say the same stuff to me over a limited amount of time before her words lose power and I don't care. I wish that was yesterday but what she said impacted me, and I couldn't walk away from it no matter how hard I reasoned and tried. Eventually I will get there.

Well this was hardly a surprise
So you stroke her ego, let her know that you did care, and by replying to her, that to some degree, you still care
And now she goes silent on you - Quelle Surprise

 

[StuffofLegends]

I dunno, i go away for a week and i come back to this!!!!


The Branch swing guy is never "Just there" - she thought "why not" ha, so she felt soooo much for you then.......

As soon as you read the 2 lines i highlighted you should have been confident that being NC was the right thing to do......



You fell straight into her trap, she turned the tables, guilted you into replying.
And now you are thinking "will she reply or wont she" you've just relinquished some of your power that you had built up over the last month.......how much you have just given away we will have to wait and see.......



What have you gained from contacting her, what have you gained from what she told you?
Seriously, from what i read, all she put on the table was that she felt that whatever you did it wasnt good enough, that she was the only one fighting for your relationship and that your relationship meant so much that she could quite easily jump ship and swing straight to any guy who asked her out!!



Why?
The only opinion of you that you should ever care about is your own.....if anyone has an opinion of you that is contrary to your own then they do not truly know you and you should give no more thought to what they think....



Well this was hardly a surprise
So you stroke her ego, let her know that you did care, and by replying to her, that to some degree, you still care
And now she goes silent on you - Quelle Surprise

Dude... I want to get to the point where I can not reply back but couldn't shake the feeling yesterday... I never initiate contact, it's always her. I did say stuff like of course I wanted you in my life, I loved you and blah, blah, blah.... I kept it all past tense and didn't offer any hope for the future so I don't see how females get off on that just because it's contact? It wasn't a positive response...

I wish she would have commented back, we could have discussed stuff, and closed the book. I don't know why thats too much to ask for but I'm thinking logically I suppose smh...

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Sorry to tell you this, you'll never close the book.

You can only bury it open with time.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I never initiate contact, it's always her.

It seriously doesn't matter who initiates. Your replying amounts to the same result as you texting her - that being, her getting her attention kick and you holding on to the candle (you will likely deny this, but it will be subconscious, and it's pretty plain to see for the rest of us).

No Contact means NO CONTACT, not 'No initiating conversation'.

Everyone is telling you the same thing. When you look back in few months time and dissect this period of your life you will realise that you were not getting over her by continuing to stay in touch with this broad.

She f*cked some other guy, and then proceeded to dismiss it like it was nothing. I'd have nothing to do with her; she's had her chance an ****ed it up. Neither of you will ever learn a thing unless you cut to the chase. Full stop.

TMK says accept the tough love or GTFO.

Regards.

 

[christoff522]

Dude... I want to get to the point where I can not reply back but couldn't shake the feeling yesterday... I never initiate contact, it's always her. I did say stuff like of course I wanted you in my life, I loved you and blah, blah, blah.... I kept it all past tense and didn't offer any hope for the future so I don't see how females get off on that just because it's contact? It wasn't a positive response...

I wish she would have commented back, we could have discussed stuff, and closed the book. I don't know why thats too much to ask for but I'm thinking logically I suppose smh...

Put it like this, why don't you take some time now. Then keep in your head that YOU CAN fvck her and drop her - once you've righted yourself. The problem isn't that you want closure, it's that you feel less of a man because you've been so messed up.

You're filled with guilt, shame and lack of dignity. You want to be the man but you feel like this girl has chopped your dlck off. Thats why you're whining like a little girl about her, because she's made you feel that way. You've caught fleas off her, you've been made beta by it.

Now, I know the intensity of a cluster B girl, I have one in my life. I'm working my utmost to fVck with her head so I can fVck with her vag. But it's always an uphill battle and you never have enough supplies. Trying to emulate crazy when theres a naturally crazy girl is basically like running windows in virtualbox vs a real windows machine. It's never gonna be as quick or as powerful as the original hardware.

You will never understand her, she's just a bag of transient emotions and no logic centre. She will literally say the same thing to you that her bf said to her earlier whist she's charming you and you won't realise it. They're ultimate gamers.

Now this doesn't mean you can't fvck her and drop her in the future. Not that you will, but you have to get over the pvssy stuff now because it's just gonna hurt you more. You need to make a manly retreat now. Let me tell you why she contacted you.

She feels guilty, not for hurting you, but she just feels that emotion, she's labelled it as hurting you being the reason, but it's just the emotion of guilt, it appeared out of nowhere and its bugging her. She wants to shift it off so she came to apologise hoping it would go. Then the next day the emotion was gone so now she doesn't reply, because she doesn't need to get rid of that feeling anymore. Theres no logic to it, it's just emotions. Thats why when she gets angry she'll flip at someone for nothing, because she 'labels' her emotions with whatever is going on at this specific time. It's called emotional cycling, borderlines and bi-polars suffer from this.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Well you guys are helping me see the light.. God bless everyone of ya!

It's actually all starting to sink in slowly but surely... She didn't contact me for any other reason other than to ease an emotion of guilt she was feeling at the moment. Nothing else. Simply that.

Contact back has had me checking fb since it all happened for a message that was never going to be sent to begin with and has kept her in my effing mind here lately when I was moving on... I'm seeing and feeling the counter productivity...

I guess I'm just real and don't play these stupid games. That doesn't mean just because I'm mature, and want to move on like adults, that she operates in the same manner. Which makes no sense to me at all?! Never will an that's why it's not worth my time to make contact back.. It's just a mind eff!

The relationship is dead. The ONLY way to move forward is keeping NC. There is no opportunity for closure b/c I'm dealing with a POS. That's ok. I'm cool.

Actually hanging out with two good looking chicks tonight!! Strictly friends but it's just me and them so should be fun

Seriously BIG thanks to everybody here!!! You guys are like angels on my shoulder ha

 

[MattTheW]

Dude... I want to get to the point where I can not reply back but couldn't shake the feeling yesterday... I never initiate contact, it's always her. I did say stuff like of course I wanted you in my life, I loved you and blah, blah, blah.... I kept it all past tense and didn't offer any hope for the future so I don't see how females get off on that just because it's contact? It wasn't a positive response...

I wish she would have commented back, we could have discussed stuff, and closed the book. I don't know why thats too much to ask for but I'm thinking logically I suppose smh...

Sometimes you just have to draw a line under something and accept you will never get closure.

In most breakups this will always be the case.

Now - As TMK has stated, it's NO CONTACT, not no initiating.
By replying you are always hindering your progress

Also, you think that by stating everything in past tense shows that you are no longer into her - but we are judged (as we should also judge) on actions and not words, making contact is more of a sign of how you feel over what you say, by saying stuff in the past tense means jack, you broke NC which shows that you still feel something to her even if you dont state what that something is......

 

[StuffofLegends]

@MattTheW

I of course still miss her even though I don't want to be together... Struggling to let go even though I know it's best and what I plan to do.

I let my emotions get the better of me and cloud my judgment. I posted in here right away and talked it over with a friend at work who calmed me down some... It's truly like coming off a drug. Dropping it cold turkey is what I'm trying to do.. No taking any last hits...

 

[StuffofLegends]

I think another reason I'm finding NC so difficult is there is a ton of sh*t I still feel like I need to get off my chest! I guess that's the attention she's seeking to get though. Hopefully my silence will say it all for me...

 

[Cerwin Vega]

SoL, did you get laid since breakup?

 

[StuffofLegends]

CerwinVega, no man.. Not really had any opportunities... I'm not into random hook ups, not my thing really... Would be nice to find someone to build something with and get to that level tho! How are things going for you and that chick from the Salsa class?

 

[Noyou]

Since it's the time for everyone to get tested, I got tested when I starting thinking too much about her again after see her new picture. Started wondering due to the time frame that this was for me. But then I remembered that "force" that exs can feel if you care too much. Also I had a gut feeling that this was her doing, and it might be (more than likely is)

But you know what?
She used, abused, and took me for granted. Lied and cheated on me, and now I have women of all shapes and sizes throwing themselves at me wanting me to bed them down 2nd date in.

Picked myself up, said it's ok to remember, but continue forward.

Move on.

I have a feeling that something life altering is coming. Every time I get weak and think back and move on a bit more, something happens.

Let's see what these next weeks bring.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

CerwinVega, no man.. Not really had any opportunities... I'm not into random hook ups, not my thing really... Would be nice to find someone to build something with and get to that level tho! How are things going for you and that chick from the Salsa class?

She wasn't from my salsa class, I met her on the internet (sad, I know).

We met on Friday and had sex about 40 minutes into the date. I can't stress enough on how important it is to see that there are other girls out there.

She's the second girl I ever had sex with and the first one in 5 months (since the breakup). Most of my anxieties are gone, I'm totally calm now! (not that good since I rely on external validation which is sex with a woman)

I barely think of the ex now, I even met her cousin and his fiance later that day when I was going to the movies with my friends. Gave them a big a-ss smile and asked how's it going, I haven't even thought of mentioning my ex! Ha!