The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Cheeks]

If you need a friend to talk to I'm here. Even though we just met, I rather understand you and feel there is hope for yourself.

Not much to talk of. Just have no life and nothing to live for really. I made a thread earlier and came to the conclusion I should join the FFL. Might as well go down in flames (or bullets).

 

[Nabil Nada]

You have value in yourself, you just don't see it. Join the FFL if that makes you truly happy, otherwise it won't work in keeping you productive.

I learned that I have to take responsibilities for my own actions, good or bad. To stay self-less to people who are close to me such as family and friends. Also nothing wrong on being selfish for your self, because like me we need to love and be happy with ourselves. If thats not established we can't move on, we can't start new relationships, we can't fall in love. It's a curse brought upon ourselves.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Tonight has been an AMAZING night.

This cute girl has started messaging me, she's sexually inexperienced and asks me bunch of questions but generally is VERY fun to talk to.

Went to Salsa night, funny thing is that there was the same amount of guys as there were girls with at least half of them were couples, including the instructors (3 guys and 7 girls), most of the men were weak and physically unattractive (balding, overweight/skinny, weak face etc) so I easily bypassed them on terms of looks. The girls were mostly 6's, few 8s but it's pretty hard to game there without knowing how to dance.
Luckily, I am an ex dancer so I know how to move.
It was hilarious how the girls wanted to dance with me, they almost had this spark in their eyes when they saw me...after the class a whole bunch of girls started telling me "you must be a dancer, you move like a pro".
This hb8.5 standing with her boyfriend was talking to me, WHOLE body facing me and ignoring the boyfriend completely and turning him away from the conversation...I haven't had this attention ever since my ex lost her virginity to me and she was all super clingy.

 

[Noyou]

Tonight has been an AMAZING night.

This cute girl has started messaging me, she's sexually inexperienced and asks me bunch of questions but generally is VERY fun to talk to.

Went to Salsa night, funny thing is that there was the same amount of guys as there were girls with at least half of them were couples, including the instructors (3 guys and 7 girls), most of the men were weak and physically unattractive (balding, overweight/skinny, weak face etc) so I easily bypassed them on terms of looks. The girls were mostly 6's, few 8s but it's pretty hard to game there without knowing how to dance.
Luckily, I am an ex dancer so I know how to move.
It was hilarious how the girls wanted to dance with me, they almost had this spark in their eyes when they saw me...after the class a whole bunch of girls started telling me "you must be a dancer, you move like a pro".
This hb8.5 standing with her boyfriend was talking to me, WHOLE body facing me and ignoring the boyfriend completely and turning him away from the conversation...I haven't had this attention ever since my ex lost her virginity to me and she was all super clingy.

I think this is the catalyst that is going to propel you to who you need to be. It sounds like you had a great time.

Day 222

So I won't go into detail but here is what's going on.

1. Getting random requests and adds on facebook and snapchat. Random person said hi to me on snapchat, but when I inquired who it was, "oh nobody important, enjoy your day " proceeded to delete and block. Can only add people you know the screen name or phone number to, I never give out either.

2. In a odd turn of events, I actually saw her in a picture with a mutual friend and what I saw is what I knew what would happen. She got fat, again. And she looked exactly the same when she left me, and she's doing this fake fingernail thing that looks utterly ridiculous. I slightly smiled at the sight that was my, "go getter ex."

Went on 2 dates this weekend. Met one girls parents, was irked on how soon I was seeing the parents, but it was totally laid back, was invited to their house for relaxation by the pool. Actually felt welcome, where before, exs mother hated my existence.

Lol, what a joke. :rockon:

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 33 NC

I still wrestle with the fact she's gone forever but also coming to terms with it more and accepting it.

I'm pretty sure my Ex has gained more weight too. Bad lifestyle choices all around since the break up. My sister, who's a psychologist, says my Ex is a train wreck waiting to happen and to be ELATED she's gone! Most other friends tell me similar stuff, that my Ex is truly crazy and I'm better off without that psycho.

I believe them. I guess I sometimes fear I won't find anybody else and will live a lonely life but I've got to stop thinking like that. Being by myself would still be better than spending my life with a loony chick though.

I know I need to continue to build my confidence back up after these wounds from the Ex and that's what I'm working towards.

 

[Noyou]

I think this is the catalyst that is going to propel you to who you need to be. It sounds like you had a great time.

Day 222

So I won't go into detail but here is what's going on.

1. Getting random requests and adds on facebook and snapchat. Random person said hi to me on snapchat, but when I inquired who it was, "oh nobody important, enjoy your day " proceeded to delete and block. Can only add people you know the screen name or phone number to, I never give out either.

2. In a odd turn of events, I actually saw her in a picture with a mutual friend and what I saw is what I knew what would happen. She got fat, again. And she looked exactly the same when she left me, and she's doing this fake fingernail thing that looks utterly ridiculous. I slightly smiled at the sight that was my, "go getter ex."

Went on 2 dates this weekend. Met one girls parents, was irked on how soon I was seeing the parents, but it was totally laid back, was invited to their house for relaxation by the pool. Actually felt welcome, where before, exs mother hated my existence.

Lol, what a joke. :rockon:

LOL update

So after all that snapchat business, she changed her profile picture on facebook. I didn't go looking for it, she came up as one of my matches on this dating site.

3. She looks bigger, she's wearing dresses that show off her boobs and that's really all.

I have a feeling though that this is for me and that this is still a power game.

Random person in snapchat texts me, figure it's her, get another friend request on facebook, see a pic of her randomly and notice she hasn't changed, then she changes her profile pic, I see that, stare at titties, observe the rest, nothing has changed but her waistline increasing.

Note also she added more fat snaggle toothed guys.

The feels, they are so good.

 

[SoSuave666]

Day...27. Not too hard. She sits when she pees. She has serious potential to get fat. She lacks discipline and self-control. She has many narcissistic tendencies. She tried to guilt me into a lot of things. She has no current income. She is racking up financial debt. She cried a lot.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Seems like our exes get fat while we get ripped

Summer will end in a couple of months, can't wait for her to pack on the winter weight.

Anyway, been talking to this girl from yesterday.
This is the deal:

The girl confessed to be religious, but it doesn't stop her from being "curious", at all.
When I asked her if she's a virgin she told me "you will see for yourself"
She constantly gives me tons of sexual remarks
She suggested us to meet at a hotel, she then said "but no touching"

I know she's playing and she may even be a bit crazy (she kept asking me who I came home with salsa class [nobody], I didn't answer her) but I like them crazy.

Well..what can go wrong.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

DAY 17 NC

It's been surprisingly easier than I imagined, but I still wake up to the occasional pang of yearning and often catch myself rehashing the story from a variety of different angles, sometimes cursing her, but mostly damning myself. I feel like I'm caught somewhere between a state of anger and acceptance, constantly oscilating between the two.

Has anyone here ever had an experience where you've dated a girl who had you contradicting and basically tossing out the window any and every shred of knowledge of women you've accumulated over the years? That was my most recent experience. Ultimately, I think that's what tears me up the most - the perpetual backsliding that took place on my behalf to accomodate her (which in truth really means: so I could have access to her body) Guys will be guys, huh? My first case of falling prey to a so-called "golden vag" and (I intend it to be) my last as well.

I unfollowed her on Instagram about a week after the breakup (beat her to that one) and after she apparentely realized what I did, she subsequently unfollowed anyone tied to me about a day later. A day after that, she sent me a late night text telling me "not to think for a second" that the week that just passed (post break up) was "hell", that she misses me more than I'll ever know, and that she was just "tired of hurting each other". I read it while waiting to catch a Metromover to a bar and nearly threw my phone down a few flights in disgust. I haven't responded and I won't ever respond. Done. Instead, I charged up my phone a few nights later, opened the voice memos app, pretended to have her on the other line, and emptied out my cup of frustration, almost an hour and half worth of material (very relieving too btw, all while maintaining NC)

See, I've been down this road before with her - I succesfully got her back almost a year ago after she decided to break up with me following two months of courting by me. Problem is that about a month before we split apart for good (just over two weeks ago), I came to the conclusion that I had reached my breaking point, that I had allowed myself to be castrated - this was all my doing. The slow buildup of self-loathing was causing me to lash out at her for what I perceived to be the smallest infractions. I felt impotent, defeated, undesirable. I wanted nothing more than for her to both respect and want me again, but to no avail. Precedent had already been set. I had it all completely backwards. Besides, of the several billion women on this Earth, why was it so important that she express an unwavering allegiance toward me? It's so easy to point the finger, say she sucks, that she's mentally unstable, has issues (all true btw), but it's really me who has to take a good look in the mirror. Why did I put up with this for long? What happened to my standards? Would you believe if I told you that about 90% of our 'conversations' were really just me going off on monologue? The girl had nothing to say. I don't know what her spirit animal is, but it's definitely an inanimate object. Alright, so I'm a bit jaded for the moment, but that too shall pass. All I can really say for myself, regrettably, is that clearly I don't value myself as much as I ought to. I once did though, so all hope is not lost...


Someone wrote somewhere on the interwebs that whenever he's been dumped by the woman he was dating, he assumed it to be a clear indication that he is not living up to his potential as a man. Great perspective, I think. I got into this relationship for all the wrong reasons. Pure neediness drove me to basically twist her arm into a relationship with me. Without a doubt the most catastrophic train wreck of a romantic situation I've ever been involved in to date, and I deserved it ("be careful what you wish for, you might just get it") To be honest, I wouldn't get into a relationship with me right now, but this was the wake up call I needed. I resented her, but I knew deep down that that was misguided - you can't change a zebra's stripes. It was me who allowed the inmates to run the asylum.

I've read a lot of stories on this very thread about people who had long lasting and deep connections with their exes. In a way, I suppose that makes me fortunate - going through something like that probably hurts a hell of a lot more than what I went through - but facing a longwinded pattern of self-deceit is crushing too let me tell you. I used to call her out left and right on her emotionally-based flip flopping, for being disingenuous, for trying to hide behind a veil of being a "nice girl", for this thing and the other, but I could have gotten out a hell of a lot sooner. I actually do miss her some, but I fully recognize now that I had a drug-like attachment to her, and everyday is a step toward complete sobriety.

It's one thing to read or hear about it, and something else entirely to actually experience it, but any advice I have to offer probably won't deviate much from what's already been posted (and expressed much better):
First, accept that it is over. You're not dead, and you won't die because of this break up. Hate to pull this card, but there are people in much worse situations than you are and who probably would trade their situation with your own if given the chance (ex. cancer diagnosis) Toughen up. Promise to yourself that you will get your balls back. Love yourself. Take pride in everything about yourself, but continue to strengthen every possible dimension about yourself - how you speak, how you dress, how you carry yourself etc. Go out and experience new things. Push your boundaries. Break out of your comfort zone. Go out alone without a single drop of alcohol to fall back on. Use the adrenaline as fuel. Talk to girls about whatever you so please. Don't become a misogynist. Instead, improve your game. Learn to become a better judge of character. Learn to develop a will that strives toward making things happen as opposed to things just happening to you. Make yourself laugh. Laugh at the things you come up with. Embrace rejection. Learn to be more social with everyone. Before taking up anything, ask yourself how it will improve your lot in life. Find something you are passionate about and pour your heart and soul into it - art, music, weight training, your career, whatever speaks to you. Dedicate yourself to yourself, and not to a woman Your emotions will eventually catch up to your concerted effort to crawl out of the black hole you presently find yourself in, and not only will you make it out, but you'll be overwhelmed with happiness to find an almost unrecognizable version of yourself once you reach the proverbial 'light'. Last but not least, when you get to the other side, when you gain back for yourself the most masculine and prized thing that underlies you as a man - your sense of freedom - in the spirit of this forum, don't forget to offer a bit of guidance to someone trying to battle their way out of their own similar prison of despair.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 34 NC

Got a message from her on facebook. This is what it said...

"I should have told you how I felt instead of pushing it all down and ignoring it. I kept telling myself you did love me and really wanted to be with me but I didn't believe it. I felt like I just made your life worst. I wish I just had the guts to tell you how I felt. Instead I let myself believe that you really didn't care and that you would be better off without me. I felt like we weren't going anywhere. We had just gotten stuck in a rut for a year or so and I kept trying to fix it but didn't know how. Breaking up with you was never the solution. I know that now. As for (other guys name) he payed attention to me and that was what I wanted. I didn't ditch you for him. He was just there, he asked me out and thought why not, it's not like it matters now anyway. We found out fast all we would ever be was friends. What I wanted was to know that someone really wanted to be in my life and I started to feel like you didnt. I got scared and ran. I'm sorry for that, for all of it."

What do u guys think? I feel to not respond makes her feel that I never really cared which is not the case...

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Day 34 NC

Got a message from her on facebook. This is what it said...

"I should have told you how I felt instead of pushing it all down and ignoring it. I kept telling myself you did love me and really wanted to be with me but I didn't believe it. I felt like I just made your life worst. I wish I just had the guts to tell you how I felt. Instead I let myself believe that you really didn't care and that you would be better off without me. I felt like we weren't going anywhere. We had just gotten stuck in a rut for a year or so and I kept trying to fix it but didn't know how. Breaking up with you was never the solution. I know that now. As for (other guys name) he payed attention to me and that was what I wanted. I didn't ditch you for him. He was just there, he asked me out and thought why not, it's not like it matters now anyway. We found out fast all we would ever be was friends. What I wanted was to know that someone really wanted to be in my life and I started to feel like you didnt. I got scared and ran. I'm sorry for that, for all of it."

What do u guys think? I feel to not respond makes her feel that I never really cared which is not the case...

I struggled with this for a little when my ex sent what I guess amounts to her parting message to me but it likely only was just a feeler text to see where I stood and if I'd fight for her (again, like a complete tool) First I thought, screw her, not responding. Then I bounced to, I'll respond, but whenever I want since we're broken up anyway. Then it hit me: who cares? what does it matter at this point? Wasn't my big issue getting my dignity back toward the end of the relationship?

You know how people say stuff like, "man if you can make it here (NYC), you can make it anywhere"? Well, if you can maintain a stoic resolve in the face of a situation such as the one you are now facing, you will carry that reference with you into whatever lies ahead - that is to say, it will prepare you to walk away much more easily from a situation that does not meet your standards because you've done it before and you know it can be done.

I struggled with thinking, "she'll think I'm butthurt" "she'll win if I don't respond" "she'll think I never gave a ****" blah blah blah. Man, F all of that. I don't care what she thinks, I care what I think and what I do from this point onward. Let it go. She let you go, so do the same. Move on. She already did. Forget what's possibly going on in that chaotic headspace of hers and live your life. Even if it was "your fault", she chose to boot you out and swing straight into another branch if I'm getting your story correctly (apology if I'm not) It's hard, but this is how you enforce value for yourself. This is how you write into your brain that you're worth something and demand self respect.

 

[Shaka]

@stuff

Keep NC.

Yeah, it might have the side effect of her falling for you again. But stay strong. It will be difficult, it won't feel right, but believe everyone on this thread. It's the right choice.

If you don't stay NC, I'll guarantee you that you'll feel worst. You'll give her validation/ego boost, then she is gone again, leaving you miserable, more than before.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 34 NC

Got a message from her on facebook. This is what it said...

"I should have told you how I felt instead of pushing it all down and ignoring it. I kept telling myself you did love me and really wanted to be with me but I didn't believe it. I felt like I just made your life worst. I wish I just had the guts to tell you how I felt. Instead I let myself believe that you really didn't care and that you would be better off without me. I felt like we weren't going anywhere. We had just gotten stuck in a rut for a year or so and I kept trying to fix it but didn't know how. Breaking up with you was never the solution. I know that now. As for (other guys name) he payed attention to me and that was what I wanted. I didn't ditch you for him. He was just there, he asked me out and thought why not, it's not like it matters now anyway. We found out fast all we would ever be was friends. What I wanted was to know that someone really wanted to be in my life and I started to feel like you didnt. I got scared and ran. I'm sorry for that, for all of it."

What do u guys think? I feel to not respond makes her feel that I never really cared which is not the case...

Hang in there brother. Don't respond.

I get your pain. Mine kinda said the same thing "he was there for me at the hard times"...very counter intuitive when we're talking about PUA aye?

 

[StuffofLegends]

Guys I had to say something... Sorry, I tried to fight it but the thought of her believing I didn't care got to me... She may ignore it, she may not... It's not like I want to get back together. I just told her how I felt. I did get emotional but no begging or anything. Just commented on the situation and what she said. If she doesn't respond then I'll know that she was just looking for ego boost/validation.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Guys I had to say something... Sorry, I tried to fight it but the thought of her believing I didn't care got to me... She may ignore it, she may not... It's not like I want to get back together. I just told her how I felt. I did get emotional but no begging or anything. Just commented on the situation and what she said. If she doesn't respond then I'll know that she was just looking for ego boost/validation.

Aww man, dude, you caved! Now you shifted from "should I reply?" to "will she reply?" which poses a greater threat to your getting over her. As they say, the struggle is real man. If she responds, you don't reply - EVER. If she doesn't reply, same thing - no reply from you EVER. Here you are, suffering, trying to figure out the 'right' chess move (which really is F this stupid attention seeking game) while she gets to make herself feel better for ditching you as her new boy toy brings her to one orgasm after another. Don't kid yourself, she's in PARADISE right now, loving life! It's all a big show! Keep reminding yourself that your brain is trying to play tricks on you and get you to yield to your emotions. Be a man, stay logical. Pack your stuff, remove yourself entirely from her theatrical BS and go create YOUR MOVIE.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Aww man, dude, you caved! Now you shifted from "should I reply?" to "will she reply?" which poses a greater threat to your getting over her. As they say, the struggle is real man. If she responds, you don't reply - EVER. If she doesn't reply, same thing - no reply from you EVER. Here you are, suffering, trying to figure out the 'right' chess move (which really is F this stupid attention seeking game) while she gets to make herself feel better for ditching you as her new boy toy brings her to one orgasm after another. Don't kid yourself, she's in PARADISE right now, loving life! It's all a big show! Keep reminding yourself that your brain is trying to play tricks on you and get you to yield to your emotions. Be a man, stay logical. Pack your stuff, remove yourself entirely from her theatrical BS and go create YOUR MOVIE.

Yeah, man... I just felt she was accusing me of not caring and then I felt to not say something just proved her point even more...

I've been NC with my last gf, before this one, for 2 yrs. I NCed her before I even found this site or even knew what NC was lol. She was a piece of work let me tell you... I of course didn't NC her right away and made my worst AFC mistakes ever with her... Reason why my Ex we are talking about now felt I was so distant and didn't care was b/c I was trying not to make the same stupid mistakes...

Anyways, the Ex before her was horrible to me, I would take her back and never learn... I did eventually learn though, and have left that door shut for 2 yrs! She still contacts me and I never respond :box:

So yeah, I responded here today but I'm working my way towards not. I trust the wisdom of all the doods here! I just had a weak moment but with time hope to shut the door tight on this one just like the last one. Guess she NEVER gave me any chance of closure and that's what I'm seeking. I'm trying to get to a point of not caring. I'm really freaking trying and it's freaking hard

 

[StuffofLegends]

Thinking about it too still... If she had just said some old stupid stuff like, "How have you been? Haven't talked to you in awhile??" Something like that would have easily been ignored!

I felt in my gut, after giving it a few hrs. I should respond.. It was eating at me...

 

[Cerwin Vega]

She's just feeling guilty and she can't handle it. Screw that b!tch man, you should know better than that. She's sensing your progress and she's trying to pull you backwards again.

Reading what she wrote you made ME feel really bad man. Put on some badass music and go running. Watch a motivational video, whatever works for you man.

Find out what you're missing out of life and it'll help you move on.

 

[rawson-1992]

Day 1 of full no contact -

Posted on here a few times about a girl I was seeing around 5 months who pretty much treat me like $hit throughout and then proceeded to start seeing my best friend.

Anyway, carried on been her friend and got two bangs out of her in the past 3 weeks whilst she was still seeing my best friend or should I say ex best friend?!? But I saw them together last night and pretty much hit a low point and will now be fully initiating full no contact.

Deleted her from all social media platforms, all message logs from whatsapp/Imessage but i'm still struggling to delete some nice emails we had and the first time she ever initiated contact with me over email (we work together) and pictures of us. Which I think I should?

But here goes, it's for the best and I go to Vegas Wednesday so fu*ck her. She's the most manipulative evil person i've ever met and i'm down with her. She's one of those people who won't take the blame for anything and puts the blame on me for everyone thinking she's a grade a slu*t when it's her actions that are causing this.

Wish me luck, I don't know why I stuck around for this long in the first place. Feels good to post on here about it!

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Thinking about it too still... If she had just said some old stupid stuff like, "How have you been? Haven't talked to you in awhile??" Something like that would have easily been ignored!

I felt in my gut, after giving it a few hrs. I should respond.. It was eating at me...

Quick story - when I was 19-20 (I'm 31 now), there was a girl I would hang around with a ton, regarded as nothing more than a friend, and one day I went out with her and a group of people to a club on South Beach, passionately made out with her (awwww!) and wound up catching feelings for her shortly thereafter, feelings which went unreciprocated too, btw. A good mutual friend of her's later explained several things to me: 1) she just wanted me to "like her" (translation: the girl was a typical attention succubus) 2) she was already seeing some other guy anyway when this took place, a massive @ssh*le I should add who'd end up making two kids with her and abusing her verbally and physically over the years and 3) she never would have taken me seriously anyway because I was just "too nice".

I can't begin to explain just how deep the lacerations of those revelations were to my sensitive little ego during the time, but it was a major game changer as far as how I viewed girls and dating and myself in relation (to them) and I decided I was going to drive a stake through the heart of the get-me-nowhere "nice guy" persona. I unapologetically put 'me' first, dedicated myself wholeheartedly to my path, didn't apologize for basically anything that came out of my mouth (within reason of course), and now I was getting chased left and right.

I committed to this path for about 10 years until last Summer - sighhhh, last Summer.... - when I relapsed and became psychologcally captive to the most intoxicating oneitis I've ever experienced in my life, a former FWB who, at one point during our sexual relationship, I strongly considered letting go of because I was getting tired of having sex with her and she had nothing to offer by way of conversation - nothing. Not to get too wrapped up in the details, but Jesus did I project non-existent qualities onto this girl. She dumped me almost three weeks ago now as our relationship progressively spiraled out of control, leaving me where I am now: nearly three weeks deep in my NC journey.

But you know, I'm actually extremely optimistic of where I stand now, largely because of where I am going this time around. See, I knew my relationship was on very thin ice, so I went out solo a few times while we were still together just over a month before we went our separate ways. I didn't cheat, but I began what was (and will be) a long and challenging process to sharpen my gaming skills so the likelihood of this sh1t happening again drops to the lowest figure possible. And who do I have to thank for this driven mindset? My ex of course (although I'll never tell her).

I encourage you to do the same. The more consumed you are by the breakup, the better. That's raw leverage right there for you my friend - pure gold. Don't waste it on this girl who left you. She's in the rearview now, and you're headed for greener pastures - no doubt. There's a vast world out there - of different women, of different destinations, of diffirent cultures, of different foods, of different activities - EXPLORE THEM. Focus on that world that I described and do your best to knock her out of your head as your moping has led her to become your world! - and she's not even with you anymore! - and she's depriving you of all the great things out there waiting for you!
So to hell with that broad! I know it's next to impossible to stamp out the thinking, and that's why I and everyone else urges you to start doing It will seem mechanical at first, but your emotions will synchronize eventually. You can sit around, waste more time, more energy, prolong the healing process, miss out on more cool opportunities while she lives her life free of you with this new troll boyfriend of hers, or you can take a stand and fight back. Choice is yours. Really, you get to choose here, and that's the beauty of it, so in a way, she's actually doing you a HUGE favor. Use this breakup to become the badass you never even dreamed you could possibily become, and one day you will tell some other poor broken hearted chap about how this girl tore your heart out and how it helped make you the man you are today. Forgive me for packing two cliches into one sentence, but fake it til you make because success is the best revenge, soget on it.