The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[UnderGround_King]

Wow you guys have no idea how much needed to hear all of this. I was sitting hear thinking about all the what ifs. What if she doesn't know how much I love her? what if she misses me? I even heard from mutual friends that she left up a picture of us together in her profile pic album (most likely by mistake but that tiny part of me had hope) and it was seriously messing with my head. But it doesn't really matter because its over and I NEED to accept that and move on.

Atom Smasher: you are completely right man. She's just not the person I was in love with anymore. She turned into someone who is cold and plays mind games. I don't want to be with someone like that.

Staystrong: Ive been following your story and I can't believe the crap you've gone through, makes me look like a total wuss. "She wants to fluck other dudes and has seriously thought about it?? Ya, sure sounds like she loves you". Hey I really needed to hear that to drill it in my head. If you wanna be with other people you obviously could care less about me. Also, I feel you on 2. of your lessons learned....If it's too good to be true, it probably is and she was too good to be true.

Thanks for the support guys. Here's to day 17 and hopefully a good workout. Hope everyone else has a successful day of NC...can't let these girls take our dignity, they already took everything else.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 2

Day 2

My biggest issue is that my ex is in my mind for way too long during the day!
Day 1 went fine while I was in company of friends, but since I came home yesterday, and until now, I have been thinking too much about her!
I even had a great dream about me and her (wtf).

I still haven't felt the urge to break down crying, but damn do i miss her - and the problem is that I am bored. When I was with her, I was never bored, as soon as I didn't know what to do, I would call her up and go to the movies/dinner/fvck.

I haven't contacted her, I just miss her, and wonder why she never returned that one call I did make (the day before my day 1)...

The reason for this post, is to express my feelings, so that I later on can look back and see the progression I went through during this breakup.

 

[staystrong]

For all my dudes just starting No contact or are in the first month.

You know what kept me with my decision to keep her out of my life during times of weakness?? The fact that i had something 10 times more powerful than her and me ever had, before, during, and after her...

I have a purpose. I will save my people from debt, become a world leader, and change the world.

FIND your purpose, and PURSUE it during this time to rebuild yourself with everything you got. You will die one day, and i bet my life that you would give anything to fulfill your purpose before that day comes.

 

[Changing13]

I want to take a minute and thank everyone on this board. This is my first post. I am a long time lurker. This site has seriously changed my life for the better. It has given me an outlet to grieve and learn.

I too went through an awfully painful break up. I am on day 12 of no contact and I do have the willpower not to give in or give up. I have always understood Rollo's "Plate Theory", and have lived it. I got away from it because I thought this particular one was special. I admit I was wrong.

I won't lie and say that this particular break up still hurts like hell, but, life will always go on. There will always be others. There is no doubt about that. If I can help anyone, it is I know that it hurts. I do know that the best way to move on is to find a new conquest and do not dwell on the past.

For anyone that is hurting from being trashed on and let go, just always remember if you were good that it is their loss. Hold your head high and power on. As many on this very site have said, "The opposite of love is indifference." Do not stroke their egos. Make them realize what they have lost.

The best way to move on is to truly move on and do better. If you have landed one hot chick you can land a million. You just have to re connect with the you that did it before. I have learned that you cannot control or argue with anyone elses emotions. Someone will realize what you have to offer.

Be strong fellas, we all go through this stuff at one time or another. Just make yourself better next time. Realize all the mistakes you made and try to do better next time. You don't need to make any excuses. It will do no good.

I just want to say thanks to everyone on this board. Your input and advice is so valuable. It is a great tool to learn and compare to other peoples problems and triumphs.

The best way to "get somone back" is to throw a much better and rewarding triumph in their face. So go out there and land a mega hottie, or a sweet job promotion or whatever will progress your life for the better. Of course in time we will be too good for them anyway.

Remember what Rollo said, "It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was."

Don't look back and dwell on the past. Just do better next time. Good luck guys. We will get there. I am positive of it.

 

[drellum]

Day 17

Great thread guys.
Split with the ex a few weeks ago. Chased a bit and then pulled myself together and instigated NC. The simple act of doing so is empowering.

I must admit, At the start of NC i would have taken her back at the drop of a hat. Now I'm not so sure.
D

 

[European-DJ]

Day 2

Day 3

For me, it is the mornings which are the hardest - I still have dreams about us, and how we are having a blast, and acting like we did the first 3 months of the relationship.
I think the reason for these very strong feelings this morning, is my retarded friend, that keeps going into my ex's Facebook and yelling it out loud, and man does some of the things she write hurt.... I guess I'll call out my friend the next time, and ask him to stop doing it, and If he doesn't stop, I guess I'll ditch him until I get past my issues of emptiness.

During my relationship I had been holding it open with a lot of girls, which means I am initiation the 'fvck 10 other girls' theory, which I understand as:
'if you fvck 10 other girls, and you are still thinking about her, then it was something special'.
It is 5 days since the breakup, and I have already slept with 2 girls. While I must admit that during the act I totally forget my ex, but when I am done it honestly leaves me with this shallow feeling, because it didn't mean anything to me - hell, the second girl I fvcked, was asked to leave 2 hours after she entered my apparent, she was simply too annoying....

I have decided to follow the advice given to me, and let my girl be in my mind the next 7 days, and just understand that it is the natural process which I must undergo after a breakup. My goal for this weak is to lay another 2 girls, and hopefully reach 10 within day 30.
The reason for doing this, is that I would like to see wether the 'f 10 others' will prove to me that she wasn't that special, or if It's going to tell me that this girl really was/are something special!

However the NC hasn't been broken yet, and will not be broken the next 57 days either... I am determined to accomplish my goal of finishing the NC challenge!
I just hope that I will stop missing her soon!

 

[Dcb73]

No contact

Here is my story in a nutshell. Fell head over heels in love with a stunningly beautiful woman. She was exiting a relationship with someone we both worked with. I stood by her while she did all that (it took a while and we had arguments about it but she eventually did). Told me she wanted my babies (even named them) bought an angagement ring together and she asked me to ask her to marry me by her birthday next mknth - she did thismlast August. We had been arguing over stuff that was carried over from the past relationship. She had lied to me about not being in co tact with her ex and while she begged me to trust her never sat and talked to me when i asked her to to understand how all that hurt. Met her parents at .christmas and she told me how much she loved me and how great her family thought i was. Then abruptly called it off a few days later. I did all the wrong stuff begged pleaded tried to convince her to stay. Then found out she is seeing a new guy She met up with me in January and was all over me and was talkimg about the future again then went cold. So i did all the wrong things again and she ended up changing her phone number and cut me off completely. Have cut contact with her now but it hurts so much. I trusted her when she talked about a future. I live away from my family (on the other side of the world) and most of my mates have moved away or have families so it has been tough to get through the last few months. I know she has moved on for good but struggle to get her out of my mind. Weekends i think of her being with her new guy who seems to be more handsome and who i am sure is a lot calmer than i was but the reason i was nkt calm was all the crap she brought into our relationship. Am really struggling at work, i have a hughly demanding job but struggle to focus. The idea of starting over and dating other women worries me and i am torn between packing up and moving to the other side ofnthe world (which i cant do for at least 8 months) or fighting it out here. I am 39 in August - she is 28 and is the sort of woman that every guy would be after. Have gone no contact. Part of me longs for her to pick up the phone or to email me and ask to meet but i know that is not going to happen. I feel uttlerly depressed and am trying to keep myself busy with other things but i missnher so much and feel broken for having the dream of a family with her come to an end. I know she will get engaged to thisnnew guy quite quickly. I have lost all confidence in going out and meeting someone else. I have read all the books and articles on getting your ex back and subsequently getting over your ex but it is so difficult when she has moved on so quickly and my life is left in a mess. Help!

 

[European-DJ]

Dcb, i actually have some advice for you:
I lost my girl, my first girl - we were seriously in love, and had a perfect relationship in 2 years, things started going the wrong way, and eventually she broke up with me. I, just like you, read all the material and tried to apply it, but it ended up with her moving on and getting a new boyfriend within 1-2 months.

I felt like an idiot, and was shallow, empty, and felt like it was the end of the world. After 2,5 years she had moved on and left me for this idiot.

I acted like a freaking idiot, I would call her, beg her, buy her stuff, please her.. Omg I was 100x worse than an AFC...

Anyway long story short, I moved on, I have had a blast since then! So will you!
Move on, trust me! You will gain lots of experience from this breakup, and use it next time!

I have definatly learned my lesson, and that is why I am much more calm with my current breakup - I still miss her, but I know it is common, and I am just going to give it time!

It hurts, it always does, and it happens to everyone! Give it some time, and you will heal!

 

[staystrong]

Day 33: Our ability to stomach the truth does not change it...

 

[Dcb73]

Thanks for feedback. I was married before and my wife of 6 years (together for 11) left me for someone else. I have to walk past her buildimg every day and on weekends get consumed with jealousy of her new guy. I am scared to move home and more scared to stay. This breakup has brought back all the bad times from my marriage break up. The guys at work who found out about us just say you lucky b***ard not for the break up but because i had her. Am not too proud to say i am in a really dark place. It took a lot to trust her when she let me down but i did because she promised that she was in this for the long haul but as soon as she got her emotional strength back and alpha male banker dude came along im toast. Its been three months and i feel as bad tonight as i did three months ago. I cant cope at work and i feel utterly empty. I know there is no way she is coming back ever but i cant let her go from my heart. f*** this is tough

 

[UnderGround_King]

Changing13- "The best way to move on is to truly move on and do better. If you have landed one hot chick you can land a million. You just have to re connect with the you that did it before. Someone will realize what you have to offer."


Well said. I feel like if we can all just grasp this we'll be set. The big issue is just rebuilding our confidence after such a huge blow. Once we do that...sky's the limit.

 

[SoSuave666]

DCB...

You don't feel the same way you did three months ago. THAT is impossible. The progress you have made is simply diluted because you have lived with yourself every day. One of the purposes of keeping a journal is to track process. Have you ever seen those people that actively work at losing weight and take pictures of themselves daily? After three months they look COMPLETELY different. A rule of thumb for all in this thread is that persistence will take you where you want to be.

 

[Dcb73]

Thanks. Will start journaling from tomorrow morning

 

[drellum]

Day 18

My background: Dated this girl for 5 years. Had a good thing going but we both had baggage that we brought into the relationship. On top of that we live in the Middle east - in a fairly unforgiving country so it was always difficult to develop the relationship. Having said that we were very close as friends and lovers.

In the end the lack of progress in the relationship meant that it was easy to drift apart....but we still cared for each other. I discovered my true feelings (extent of love) for her after the separation....I have told her about my feelings and asked her to reconsider. She says that she is feeling nothing for anything or anybody - including me. I didn't do any begging or crying. She was keen to remain friends but I instigated NC explaining that I needed to get over her and move on. Almost 3 weeks in she has respected this.

I have a holiday planned in another 2 weeks.

NC is not a problem for me to follow but my question is this:

When I return from the holiday should I drop her a mail to say that "I hope she is alright etc but don't feel obliged to reply". My thinking is that there is still a thread of contact.

Alternatively I stay NC.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 4

Day 4

I am now on day 4 and have had dreams about my ex every night since the breakup, I do all of my NC challenge post from my bed, when I wake up, since this is the time where I am most likely to grab my phone and text her!

Yesterday I was on a date, with this 6 feet blonde (hb8.5), I am 5 feet 10" (so i still don't get why she wanted to go). Well none of that matters, the thing is though, while eating, all of the sudden my ex walks right pass us in the restaurant - and acts like the better 'man' gives me a huge smile, and walk out. I did of course smile back, and i said 'Hi' but I think she didn't hear me...
Long story short, at least now she knows that not only she moved on, but that I did as well.

Even though I have laid 2 girls since, dating 2, and just about text with 2 others already, the feeling of emptyness and shallowness continue to arise.

I know that other women are not the solution, but with my ex we had sex about every single day, and all of the sudden going to no sex at all, would probably be the end of me!

 

[Rationale]

Day 1.

Thought I'd chime in. Me and my partner broke up yesterday. First night sleep was pretty difficult.

Friends have been really supportive and have kept me busy and her off my mind.

She rang me three times already today. Ignored them all, and just kept on doing whatever I was doing.

I guess it helps I'm having heaps of job interviews going on, so whether it's my friends or interviews, my mind is busy.

I made my partner aware of my choice to take on NC, so will see how it goes.

 

[staystrong]

Day 34: last night I went to the beach alone to relax. Saw some guy friends drunk, took the two tourist girls they were macking on and bounced them down the beach by myself. Got in their car 2 hours later, aka, i got game.

 

[Changing13]

Rationale,

Read this page, it will help you and give you some good advice.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

Anyway, day 14 for me.

Good luck guys.

 

[SMS 48]

Its been about a month for me and I went out like a complete AFC and was really hurt: http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=192327

I guess I'm the only one here who finds no contact fukking easy. Of course I have urges to contact her because no closure can drive a man fukking insane. But its still easy cause I know that if I contact her, there is a 100% of it not working.

I noticed she's been viewing my profile on the social networking site we're on, which of course, gives me the urge to contact her (could she be baiting me with that?), but I'm not going to give in cause I hate her, even though I miss her. Fukk that stupid kunt.

 

[Rationale]

Rationale,

Read this page, it will help you and give you some good advice.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

Thanks, I'll suss it out.