The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[joker79]

Lotus nailed it. It's a daily struggle against your inner beta. When she gets a reaction from you her hamster will stop spinning the wheel and celebrate with champagne. VANISH! like a ninja

 

[joker79]

I don't have her added, I was not even aware of the pic until today when my friend alerted me.

Good, remove everything (mobile number included)

 

[bateman72]

one of my favorite scenes from the movie Swingers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ST3YffQ4KE

 

[cgr68311]

one of my favorite scenes from the movie Swingers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ST3YffQ4KE

haha "I love y..click!!" svck it biitch

 

[bateman72]

How much of your day does thinking of your ex take up?

This is something I'm very curious about. I'm not talking about those thoughts that jump into your head out of nowhere as we could never really time those, but what I want to know is how much it affects your day to day life and what sort of activities does it lead you onto?

ie. Do you find yourself researching on the net how to get her back or how to get over her?

Do you talk to people about your ex or try to find answers what went wrong?

Do you sit and wallow for long periods and find you don't have the motivation to do anything?

Do you write anything down? Lists, thoughts, things you wish you could say, do you work on letters or potential texts to send?

Do you go out and approach other women? Use dating sites or chat up women online?

Do you have any rebound prospects you talk to?

Have you been dating?

Have you been hanging out with friends or going out?


....
One of the big mistakes I made was thinking the sooner I move on and find someone else, the sooner I can get over my ex. There was also this urgency of thinking "I must find someone before she does". But none of this helps and can make things worse.

Jariel:

I'd like to share a bit about where I am at on these items. I am at day 18 of no contact after breaking no contact at day 18. ( 36 days since my breakup)

ie. Do you find yourself researching on the net how to get her back or how to get over her?

I spent way too much time reading about this stuff. The absolute best resource I found was this forum. there is another guy on you tube called Coach Corey Wayne that has some good material.

This site directed me to some good videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06UnHtD1ZbY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio

Has all this obsessive googling been productive? Not sure yet but I believe in a month of two I might look back on this breakup and think to myself that some of the material in these videos were worth the pain of the breakup.

There is a fine line between productively seeking out advice on the internet and obsessively googling to make yourself feel better. There has been times when I have crossed that line.

Do you talk to people about your ex or try to find answers what went wrong?

One area I have noticed a big improvement from my last breakup is that I don't have much of a compulsion to talk in detail about my breakup with a lot of people and when I do discuss, its usually more about what I can do to get over it.

I might have done some small things wrong or I might have just picked the wrong girl. I am coming to peace with the idea that I probably wont ever completely figure it out.

Do you sit and wallow for long periods and find you don't have the motivation to do anything

My reaction has been more of staying really, really busy because if I sit still I start getting into obsessive thought patterns about her. My big personal disappointment is the amount of mental space I have allowed my ex girlfriend over the last 4 weeks. When we were in love, having intense sex, and talking all day long she occupied maybe 30-35% of my waking thoughts. We break up and that percentage shot up to 80%. I am chipping this away however, constantly redirecting these thoughts when they come up.

Motivation is there, the ability to concentrate is not. This means that I can withstand a painful workout session or a long jog but sitting down and trying to work at a computer for a couple of hours is pretty tough.


Do you write anything down? Lists, thoughts, things you wish you could say, do you work on letters or potential texts to send?

As I approached my second 18th day anniversary I noticed that I started falling into the same thought patterns that caused me to break NC at my first 18th day anniversary. I start thinking that its all a mistake, I over-reacted, she loved me so much etc. The next thought is "I just need to reconnect with her and we will be back to the way we were". I'm not going to break contact but I did do some journaling about her and even wrote the message I wanted to send to her down inside a notebook.

This kind of stuff just brought me down however. I started thinking about an article I read about PTSD in returning war veterans. The treatment has always been to get the soldiers to talk about their experience as a way to get over it. The article I read said studies have shown the traditional way of treating PTSD doesn't work and the trend is for the treatment to change and move away from continuous discussion and therapy focused on talking a lot about the bad things that happened. I now think journaling about your ex or writing letters you will never send is a bit of a step backward.

"Do you go out and approach other women? Use dating sites or chat up women online? "

I am using three (3) mobile dating apps which I have to work pretty hard to keep a steady stream of prospects coming. I travel a lot so it works for me. however one area I really want to improve in my dating life is cold approaches. I have been forcing myself out (even if alone) just to do more cold approaches.

this part hasn't been easy. I have been blown out pretty bad a few times but also gotten numbers and gone on dates. I rough breakdown of my cold approach success rate is listed below

total (maybe 15?)
blow outs (5) ("your an *******", "sorry not interested", turn back around away from me etc)
numbers (5) (only one out of the five has resulted in a date)
sex (once on new years eve)

The rest of the interactions just kind of faded away.

I have been filling in the gaps with online dating prospects.

Do you have any rebound prospects you talk to?

Have you been dating?

Have you been hanging out with friends or going out?

Its funny, once I took my ex gf and all her pictures off of my facebook a couple of girls who tried to friendzone me actually called or texted me.

I'm essentially dating two people, one person in my home city and one person in the city where my ex lives.

I am not particularly excited about either of them but maybe that's a good thing.

I can look at one girl in particular and say she is actually superior to my ex. she is one year younger, better body, has a decent job, good family and very few early relationship red flags compared to my ex. I actually acted like a total ass on our first date (drank too much, talked about my ex etc). She still stuck around. About the only thing I can find wrong with this girl is she is not my ex girlfriend!

One thing my dating experience has shown me is that ultimately you can't make yourself whole and happy just through women. Men achieve happiness through accomplishments and service I think.


I am happy to be back to my original 18 days, I'm a little weary of all this stuff right now but also wiser.

 

[bateman72]

It's a daily struggle against your inner beta.

nice quote here.

 

[Contrails]

Alright boys, it's been almost 4 months since NC. I have been working on myself since then. Been reading mystery method stuff for bar pick-ups and been getting a few numbers lately. I haven't run into my ex yet but I ran into her brother last weekend. I pretended like I didn't see him. I didn't want anything to do with her or any of her friends or relations anymore.

Had a good nite last night. We were leaving the club and my two mates were trying to pick up these two girls. The girls were sitting at a table while my mates were standing and talking to them. I was sitting at another table with another friend and we were chit chatting about other stuff. I looked over at the table with the girls and said to my buddy at my table, 'would you like me to go over there and cut their lunch?' My buddy laughed and said yeah go for it!

So, I walked over to the other table and said, 'Hello ladies, I am so and so'. After the introductions, I straight away asked the ladies, 'are you two girls planning on sleeping with these two tonight?'. The girls smiled and said no. My mates were drunk but got embarrassed, we were all laughing about it. I put my arm around both of them and turned them around and pretended to walk with them to the other table. They started walking towards it and I turned back around and sat down with the girls.

I talked to the girls for a while and then my two mates showed up again. They tried the same trick I did by asking if the girls were gonna sleep with me tonight. I right away replied that I am just here for a chat not to pick up and we are having a great time, but thanks for asking. My mates then tried to grab me but the girls actually stepped in and said nah he's staying with us. BOOM! But it only ended up being a number as one of the guys almost got into a fight and I had to leave these two, so I just number closed them. But all in all, good practice.

 

[lexa]

Day 1 -

I will do this challenge, I wasn't dumped but discreet friend zoned but no contact is needed regardless.

To be honest I wish I read this thread before, it might have save me from the latest drama. http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211647

During the latest encounter the girl and I have agreed we needed a break which is exactly what I will do. The problem was that good or bad, she was the person I think about. Her txt and update was all I look forward to.

Going to use this time to think about other things. Personal growth as well as career, but also the no fap challenge, I don't fap much anyway but might give me an extra edge.

 

[drakeramore]

Hey,

Today it was a very hard day for me. Thought about my ex girl all the time, saw her face all the time, obsessed over her.

I just had a "conversation" with her once again, whereby I re-enacted something that happened a year ago and that "fixed" everything.

Accidentally saw a new photo of her on Facebook, did not lurk on purpose. She was smiling and my heart sank. Her new bf was not on the picture but still. Her smiling was enough to do me in.

I am falling apart all over again. At the lowest point of the day I wanted to contact her. To ask her if now she is happy, happier than when we were together.

Good that I do not have her number, otherwise I might have done it.

I really don't know what is going on, last week I was feeling better.

Thanks for reading.

 

[lexa]

Hey,

Today it was a very hard day for me. Thought about my ex girl all the time, saw her face all the time, obsessed over her.

I just had a "conversation" with her once again, whereby I re-enacted something that happened a year ago and that "fixed" everything.

Accidentally saw a new photo of her on Facebook, did not lurk on purpose. She was smiling and my heart sank. Her new bf was not on the picture but still. Her smiling was enough to do me in.

I am falling apart all over again. At the lowest point of the day I wanted to contact her. To ask her if now she is happy, happier than when we were together.

Good that I do not have her number, otherwise I might have done it.

I really don't know what is going on, last week I was feeling better.

Thanks for reading.

Hey man, I wish I didn't break the NC rule. I set as not following on FB but now unfriended her on FB. I suffer from the same as you, been thinking about her a few time today when I was alone, but I notice I wasn't when I was really focus on work and when I was hanging out with friends. So may be that the way to go, No other girls for while, no talk about her with your friends.

I hope you are doing ok buddy.

Lexa

 

[Dgwizdal]

Alright boys, it's been almost 4 months since NC. I have been working on myself since then. Been reading mystery method stuff for bar pick-ups and been getting a few numbers lately. I haven't run into my ex yet but I ran into her brother last weekend. I pretended like I didn't see him. I didn't want anything to do with her or any of her friends or relations anymore.

Had a good nite last night. We were leaving the club and my two mates were trying to pick up these two girls. The girls were sitting at a table while my mates were standing and talking to them. I was sitting at another table with another friend and we were chit chatting about other stuff. I looked over at the table with the girls and said to my buddy at my table, 'would you like me to go over there and cut their lunch?' My buddy laughed and said yeah go for it!

So, I walked over to the other table and said, 'Hello ladies, I am so and so'. After the introductions, I straight away asked the ladies, 'are you two girls planning on sleeping with these two tonight?'. The girls smiled and said no. My mates were drunk but got embarrassed, we were all laughing about it. I put my arm around both of them and turned them around and pretended to walk with them to the other table. They started walking towards it and I turned back around and sat down with the girls.

I talked to the girls for a while and then my two mates showed up again. They tried the same trick I did by asking if the girls were gonna sleep with me tonight. I right away replied that I am just here for a chat not to pick up and we are having a great time, but thanks for asking. My mates then tried to grab me but the girls actually stepped in and said nah he's staying with us. BOOM! But it only ended up being a number as one of the guys almost got into a fight and I had to leave these two, so I just number closed them. But all in all, good practice.

Keep it up - your attitude is great. The light at the end of the tunnel is near.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Day... 45 of No Contact.

Wow. Crazy. So much has gone on. Just felt the need to write here again.

I think I hit calm phase more lately. I think of her. I do. But not as obsessively... more objectively. She's 43 and 5 years older than me. I avoided a party with her the other night I knew her and her guy would be at. The only remarks I got from friends was that "She looks OLD dude."

That helped. Took a chick out that night anyway and home. Saw a bona fide bombshell the next day for the football.

It's strange. The ex is so lost. A middle aged party girl who's been given everything and saved from every mess she's ever created... and all because she's hot.

Now? She's up against it. The looks are going... the fat is accumulating because she drinks like a fish, eats like ****, and doesn't work out.

And it's not my problem. At all.

God its crazy to think about. The bombshell I saw this weekend is 35. In five years she will be 40. In five years the ex will be... 48??????? FORTY EIGHT????

That is OLD for a party girl. That is OLD for a person who refuses to get their crap together. That is OLD for someone who has relied on their looks their entire life!!!!!!!!!

Unreal. I was ready to trade in my life, bank account, future, and family for an old witch who treated me like shvt most of the time.

45 days and getting better every day.

 

[joker79]

Guys, I still do not understand why the **** do you get involved with older women? I'm 34 and I date chicks like 21-33. WTF. I hear here guys getting mad for girls 5-10 year older their age? are you crazy?

 

[Johnny Alias]

Haha. I can understand the confusion man. Suffice it to say when we started dating she was HOT. I mean Playboy hot... and YES she was in Playboy many times in her youth. She also won Miss Mission Beach and a host of other crap.

Belive me. If you'd seen her at 39 you'd say FVCK and jump on it. Promise. Actually I was 34 when I met her... Now... she's toast. It was a fun ride... in the beginning... before it descended into madnesss... but it's over for both of us...

I won't be dating a woman older than me EVER again. Once you hit 40 it all begins to break down. Wrinkles, saggy skin, cellulite, saggy ass, varicose veins, grey hair, pre menopause.... WOOF.

 

[joker79]

Hey,

Today it was a very hard day for me. Thought about my ex girl all the time, saw her face all the time, obsessed over her.

I just had a "conversation" with her once again, whereby I re-enacted something that happened a year ago and that "fixed" everything.

Accidentally saw a new photo of her on Facebook, did not lurk on purpose. She was smiling and my heart sank. Her new bf was not on the picture but still. Her smiling was enough to do me in.

I am falling apart all over again. At the lowest point of the day I wanted to contact her. To ask her if now she is happy, happier than when we were together.

Good that I do not have her number, otherwise I might have done it.

I really don't know what is going on, last week I was feeling better.

Thanks for reading.

delete her fb! :cuss:

 

[Johnny Alias]

Hey,

Today it was a very hard day for me. Thought about my ex girl all the time, saw her face all the time, obsessed over her.

I just had a "conversation" with her once again, whereby I re-enacted something that happened a year ago and that "fixed" everything.

Accidentally saw a new photo of her on Facebook, did not lurk on purpose. She was smiling and my heart sank. Her new bf was not on the picture but still. Her smiling was enough to do me in.

I am falling apart all over again. At the lowest point of the day I wanted to contact her. To ask her if now she is happy, happier than when we were together.

Good that I do not have her number, otherwise I might have done it.

I really don't know what is going on, last week I was feeling better.

Thanks for reading.

For real dude! Delete her FB! Block her!!!!! Take all her mutual friends that could post pics of her OUT of your news feed. This isn't hard and it will kill you! Come on now!!!!!! :cuss: Also, one conversation will NOT fix everything. Come on now! There were many, many problems you two were having. It doesn't matter if she was a b1tch or you two were just incompatible at the time. It wouldn't have worked then and it WILL NOT work now!!! Work on yourself! That is all that matters. Get to gym, take trips, spin plates. NOW.

 

[drakeramore]

I have deleted her fb, guys.

It is just that a picture of hers popped up from some history of messages page.

There was no way for me to react. I have not blocked her in fb, I know I will not stalk her, if I see smth from her it will be accidental.

Social network sites can be a pain at times.

 

[tripod23]

DRAKERMORE - contacting these exes will not do any good at all , what it will do tho is reconfirm in her mind that your still into her.........now lets just see what the result of such an action would be...........

she would be shouting from the fvckin roof tops to her twisted girlfriends that you contacted her........he must still like you then.............yeah i know but im not sure about him anymore.............result .......more mind games.

my answer to this is .......clear off you fvckin slvt and thanks for the memories ......make like a ghost and save your dignity , rather than putting your balls in the palm of her hand like i made the mistake of doing ,,,being the fool i was ............PLEASE DO NOT DO IT ...AS TIME PASSES YOU WILL FEEL BETTER TRUST ME , AND YOU WILL GO THROUGH SOME PHASES OF FVCKIN HATING WHAT SHE HAS DONE , TO REALISING WHAT A BULLET YOU HAVE DODGED , TO NOT GIVING A MONKEYS ABOUT WHO SHE IS NAILING ,,,,,,,,,BUT IT TAKES TIME TIME TIME AND MORE TIME..........BUT TRUST IN THE SILENCE WHICH YOU ARE GIVING HER.....

SHE WILL WONDER ABOUT YOU , SHE MAY EVEN MISS YOU , IF SHE HAMMERS YOUR DOOR DOWN TO SPEAK TO YOU THEN BE POLITE , AND THEN ITS YOUR CHOICE , BUT IF YOU CALL HER , TEXT HER , GO TO HER WORK , OR ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THAT .......YOUR IN FOR MORE TROUBLE.

i hope you feel better soon , and all the floods of emotions go away soon for you.

good luck

 

[tripod23]

drakermore , i just read one of your posts where you saw your exes photo smiling ,,,and it hit you , i know the feeling bro , the little mother fvcker that messed with my head lives right round the corner from me,,,,,something happen last week that knocked me of centre for a full day , but i did not contact her,,,,,,,,,just stay positive , strong , and focus on your goals , future , and anything else that makes you happy.............its there loss after all.

 

[bateman72]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ2BY37FouU

pretty good video here