Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
December 12.
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
My purpose in doing the program is to get her back....is everyone elses purpose different?DMEDFISIK said:
I have been fine the last couple of days as I have kept really busy with work...but a week ago today we had the sex olympics and I'm having an extremely tough time today....really tough time today...
LAWD HEP ME!
Nearly 12 months NC.
Hi all,
Its been very long since i was posting on these boards. I just wanted to give an update, and maybe this can help or comfort other people that have been affected or hurt by a sudden breakup.
My Ex girlfriend broke up with me last January 2011, after going out for 2 1/2 years. It was her and my longest relationship. It was a roller coaster. I loved her very much, and she often said things to me even 2 months b4 the split "your the best thing that ever happened to me" "I don't deserve you" "Done ever leave me". However she decided to breakup with me giving the old "I love you, but i'm not in love with you anymore" and she wasnt happy line. She was cold to me all last December when i did nothing wrong.This hit me like a train.
I didn't beg her back, or asked her to reconsider, and i accepted it. I told her there is the door, asked her to leave and that was it. I ignored too many red flags in the relationship. I will admit that the breakup destroyed me emotionally for a while, and even all these months later i'm still getting over it. I'm 28, she is 26. She was a very emotional immature girl, who saw things as black and white. I became needy and clingy at the end of the relationship as i was struggling with work, and my confidence was very low at the time. We had planned for a while in 2010 to go travelling together in July 2011 prior to the breakup, and wanted to go to Australia to start a new life. She was unhappy with her job too. After she broke up with me, i removed her from facebook the next day and went NC. However one night a few weeks later, i met her unexpectantly while she was out with her friends. It was late in the morning, and we both exchanged insults, her giving out about me removing her on FB and a few other things. She apologized by text the following day. I didnt respond.
1 week later i decided to call her asking her to meet up with me, as i wanted to clear the air a little and tell her i didn't want to hear from her again unless she wanted to get back with me. She initially agreed to meet up, however on the 11th hour she bailed. She text saying she didn't think it was a good idea, and i replied ok. That was the last time we have been in contact.
So months and months went by,i felt distraught, regretful, angry, ashamed, betrayed, lonely and felt very very unloved. I turned to LS Sosuave, and enotalone, hoping to find answers or people that had been in similar circumstances, so i could relate too. I read about GIGS, regrets, how do i get my Ex back...everything. However I kept in NC. I couldn't figure out what went wrong, and why she had done this to us. I was a good boyfriend, and never cheated or betrayed her trust. I took her out a lot, was considerate and made time for her as best i could. I wasn't perfect either, and often i should have been more assertive and make her feel more secure. I failed. She had been through a lot in her life, but all i wanted was her to open up me, tell her what was wrong in the relationship so i could fix it with her.
My birthday past and i heard nothing, this made me feel terrible but i kept going. "When going through hell, keep going!" I decided that it was time to start doing things for myself again, and make myself happy. I started to work out, hang out with my friends more, and also start going out meeting new people. I finally decided it was time to leave my crappy job, and in June i handed in my notice. Next i booked my flights and left home to see the world. I spent 4 amazing months travelling SE Asia, where i can honestly say i had the best time of my life. Before i left, i received a lot of blocked calls, and blank voice messages. It could have been her, but ill never know. I wrote a post on this before, so check it out. So off to Asia i went I felt my confidence coming back, met loads of new interesting fun people and started to feel a lot more happier and more reassured of myself. I had so much fun, and did things i never did before. I started reading amazing books that made me think different about women and relationships, and started to identify issues, and also that i needed to look at myself and the relationship from a neutral POV. I stopped coming to these boards, as i too busy with living.
Around Halloween while browsing through FB, i saw her Profile pic of her with her new boyfriend. He is much older than me, has kids from a previous relationship, works with her and looks like hell. It took me by surprise, as the picture was the two of them on a holiday abroad! My curiosity got the better of me so i checked her profile, for the first time in months.I saw they had been going out for a few months maybe july/august, and he also had a picture of them together on FB. I felt this set me back a bit, but at the same time i kept NC and accepted that she had moved on. I heard his name being mentioned a few times when we were going out, however took no notice.
So the past few weeks i finally arrived in Melbourne Australia. I have kept myself busy, looking for work and getting a new life setup for myself. I feel very happy here, and its a beautiful city and really like the people. A new life. I feel i can do anything, and don't think about her as much anymore. Her birthday passed, and i didn't message her. I thought about it, but decided y? what would it accomplish. Meanwhile she is at home, stuck in a relationship with old fat guy with kids who is making nothing, and she is making no money in her job, she looks unhappy in her main pic on FB and doesn't look like she is ever going to leave and chase her dreams. Maybe this rebound will burn out, and she will continue her pattern of chasing the perfect guy. When maybe she needs to look at herself, and realize maybe she is the problem, and needs to work on her issues. I almost feel sorry for her, as often when i was travelling i said to myself "if only she could see this with me" or "if she could see me now". So today while on FB, i noticed she had changed her Profile pic again. However its funny, its a pic she had taken a few years ago, and she knew it was always my favorite pic of her.
I wonder as the year went by, is she not regretting things? Maybe/Maybe not. I cant do anything. She made her feelings clear that day she left.
I have had a roller-coaster of a year, i have learned a lot about myself, something i didnt like, other things i did. I have had many up's and down's. I often thought of reaching out, maybe write an email anything. However i respect myself too much, and i stayed NC. No begging, no late night text's,no phone calling. I admit, i have taken a few peeps into her FB during the year, but its like sticking your hand in a fire. Its not easy at the start, but hang in there.
I took charge of my life, and realized this year that your happiness cant be depended on another person. You make your own life. I'm stronger, happier, healthier, more loving, more caring and i'm enjoying life. I have made so many new friends, and i feel my life is back on track and i'm accomplishing my goals.
Christmas is coming up, and maybe im being nostalgic now and thinking of her, as its my first Christmas in 3 years being single, and also thinking over the past year. But i wouldn't change any of it. Life is the best teacher, and i wouldn't be where i am right now , if it wasn't for the experiences and the pain. Im in a lot better place of mind, and i have learned to let go. I miss what we had, the friendship, the trust and companionship. Who knows, maybe some day she might reach out, maybe not. Who cares.
But like the famous Beatles song "Life Goes On"
I want you all to remember this.
Today's Pain is tomorrows strength.
HBK
Hi all,
Its been very long since i was posting on these boards. I just wanted to give an update, and maybe this can help or comfort other people that have been affected or hurt by a sudden breakup.
My Ex girlfriend broke up with me last January 2011, after going out for 2 1/2 years. It was her and my longest relationship. It was a roller coaster. I loved her very much, and she often said things to me even 2 months b4 the split "your the best thing that ever happened to me" "I don't deserve you" "Done ever leave me". However she decided to breakup with me giving the old "I love you, but i'm not in love with you anymore" and she wasnt happy line. She was cold to me all last December when i did nothing wrong.This hit me like a train.
I didn't beg her back, or asked her to reconsider, and i accepted it. I told her there is the door, asked her to leave and that was it. I ignored too many red flags in the relationship. I will admit that the breakup destroyed me emotionally for a while, and even all these months later i'm still getting over it. I'm 28, she is 26. She was a very emotional immature girl, who saw things as black and white. I became needy and clingy at the end of the relationship as i was struggling with work, and my confidence was very low at the time. We had planned for a while in 2010 to go travelling together in July 2011 prior to the breakup, and wanted to go to Australia to start a new life. She was unhappy with her job too. After she broke up with me, i removed her from facebook the next day and went NC. However one night a few weeks later, i met her unexpectantly while she was out with her friends. It was late in the morning, and we both exchanged insults, her giving out about me removing her on FB and a few other things. She apologized by text the following day. I didnt respond.
1 week later i decided to call her asking her to meet up with me, as i wanted to clear the air a little and tell her i didn't want to hear from her again unless she wanted to get back with me. She initially agreed to meet up, however on the 11th hour she bailed. She text saying she didn't think it was a good idea, and i replied ok. That was the last time we have been in contact.
So months and months went by,i felt distraught, regretful, angry, ashamed, betrayed, lonely and felt very very unloved. I turned to LS Sosuave, and enotalone, hoping to find answers or people that had been in similar circumstances, so i could relate too. I read about GIGS, regrets, how do i get my Ex back...everything. However I kept in NC. I couldn't figure out what went wrong, and why she had done this to us. I was a good boyfriend, and never cheated or betrayed her trust. I took her out a lot, was considerate and made time for her as best i could. I wasn't perfect either, and often i should have been more assertive and make her feel more secure. I failed. She had been through a lot in her life, but all i wanted was her to open up me, tell her what was wrong in the relationship so i could fix it with her.
My birthday past and i heard nothing, this made me feel terrible but i kept going. "When going through hell, keep going!" I decided that it was time to start doing things for myself again, and make myself happy. I started to work out, hang out with my friends more, and also start going out meeting new people. I finally decided it was time to leave my crappy job, and in June i handed in my notice. Next i booked my flights and left home to see the world. I spent 4 amazing months travelling SE Asia, where i can honestly say i had the best time of my life. Before i left, i received a lot of blocked calls, and blank voice messages. It could have been her, but ill never know. I wrote a post on this before, so check it out. So off to Asia i went I felt my confidence coming back, met loads of new interesting fun people and started to feel a lot more happier and more reassured of myself. I had so much fun, and did things i never did before. I started reading amazing books that made me think different about women and relationships, and started to identify issues, and also that i needed to look at myself and the relationship from a neutral POV. I stopped coming to these boards, as i too busy with living.
Around Halloween while browsing through FB, i saw her Profile pic of her with her new boyfriend. He is much older than me, has kids from a previous relationship, works with her and looks like hell. It took me by surprise, as the picture was the two of them on a holiday abroad! My curiosity got the better of me so i checked her profile, for the first time in months.I saw they had been going out for a few months maybe july/august, and he also had a picture of them together on FB. I felt this set me back a bit, but at the same time i kept NC and accepted that she had moved on. I heard his name being mentioned a few times when we were going out, however took no notice.
So the past few weeks i finally arrived in Melbourne Australia. I have kept myself busy, looking for work and getting a new life setup for myself. I feel very happy here, and its a beautiful city and really like the people. A new life. I feel i can do anything, and don't think about her as much anymore. Her birthday passed, and i didn't message her. I thought about it, but decided y? what would it accomplish. Meanwhile she is at home, stuck in a relationship with old fat guy with kids who is making nothing, and she is making no money in her job, she looks unhappy in her main pic on FB and doesn't look like she is ever going to leave and chase her dreams. Maybe this rebound will burn out, and she will continue her pattern of chasing the perfect guy. When maybe she needs to look at herself, and realize maybe she is the problem, and needs to work on her issues. I almost feel sorry for her, as often when i was travelling i said to myself "if only she could see this with me" or "if she could see me now". So today while on FB, i noticed she had changed her Profile pic again. However its funny, its a pic she had taken a few years ago, and she knew it was always my favorite pic of her.
I wonder as the year went by, is she not regretting things? Maybe/Maybe not. I cant do anything. She made her feelings clear that day she left.
I have had a roller-coaster of a year, i have learned a lot about myself, something i didnt like, other things i did. I have had many up's and down's. I often thought of reaching out, maybe write an email anything. However i respect myself too much, and i stayed NC. No begging, no late night text's,no phone calling. I admit, i have taken a few peeps into her FB during the year, but its like sticking your hand in a fire. Its not easy at the start, but hang in there.
I took charge of my life, and realized this year that your happiness cant be depended on another person. You make your own life. I'm stronger, happier, healthier, more loving, more caring and i'm enjoying life. I have made so many new friends, and i feel my life is back on track and i'm accomplishing my goals.
Christmas is coming up, and maybe im being nostalgic now and thinking of her, as its my first Christmas in 3 years being single, and also thinking over the past year. But i wouldn't change any of it. Life is the best teacher, and i wouldn't be where i am right now , if it wasn't for the experiences and the pain. Im in a lot better place of mind, and i have learned to let go. I miss what we had, the friendship, the trust and companionship. Who knows, maybe some day she might reach out, maybe not. Who cares.
But like the famous Beatles song "Life Goes On"
I want you all to remember this.
Today's Pain is tomorrows strength.
HBK
I will bite, recently dumped by gf of 4 years. It was a very amicable break-up and we still care for each other immensely, each others best friend etc. But obviously she lost attraction along the way and thats how it goes. I didnt beg etc and tried to maintain my dignity.
So far day 4 of NC.
I think the worst part of this is that I am dreading the off-chance that i will see her out hitting/making out with other dudes (small town). I'm sure this is because im holding on hope that she will want to get back with me in the future, and i know heaps of guys are in this same boat.
Anyone have any experience with how they dealt with that specific problem? I feel like if i moved to another country i'd be much better off as there would be no chance id ever see her (but I cannot move due to work/job until my contract is up without ****ing my career)
So far day 4 of NC.
I think the worst part of this is that I am dreading the off-chance that i will see her out hitting/making out with other dudes (small town). I'm sure this is because im holding on hope that she will want to get back with me in the future, and i know heaps of guys are in this same boat.
Anyone have any experience with how they dealt with that specific problem? I feel like if i moved to another country i'd be much better off as there would be no chance id ever see her (but I cannot move due to work/job until my contract is up without ****ing my career)
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
You've got to make sure YOU are seen out with other girls first.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
Your continually texting her is rapidly eroding your value in her eyes.tatzoo said:
This is the "No Contact" thread, and no contact means NO contact.
It's hard, but it's what you have to do.
Day 85
i think i'm about 70% ok. no contact on either end. she's still in the back of my mind though. i've been talking with other women and keeping busy working on myself doing hobbies and going out with friends meeting new people. i don't know how you all do it getting over the one you loved so quickly. i hope one day i can be completely over her.
i think i'm about 70% ok. no contact on either end. she's still in the back of my mind though. i've been talking with other women and keeping busy working on myself doing hobbies and going out with friends meeting new people. i don't know how you all do it getting over the one you loved so quickly. i hope one day i can be completely over her.
She changed her number and I dont have the new one...my texts went to outer space...lolAtom Smasher said:
Day 4 since last contact via email...
she actually called me a week ago today, called private I answered not knowing...spoke very briefly...her voice sounded like she missed me though. she sent me a fairly ugly email that said she was done, been done, dont contact her anymore....which i havent...
she still has a dresser full of clothes at my house though...i dont get it, she has made no effort to get her stuff....she told me to throw it out at one point weeks ago...
now its 2 days until christmas and im pretty much in deep star 9 depression, and alone...our pics together are still on her facebook, her clothes are still here....can someone explain why the pics and the clothes remain?
MuscleOverSteel
New Member
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2011
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- 1
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Officially Day 2
Background: Well, after 2 years of me giving 1000% she pretty much dumped me for another guy the day before thanksgiving. I went through the pain, the crying, the pleading and I even gave in to her requests to be friends. However i soon realized she was being selfish. I have been working out for the past 7 weeks but have gotten much more serious after the break up. So yes i have been working on myself and have unofficially applied No Contact, except there were certain belongings of her that were expensive that i borrowed and so I had to stay in touch until i was able to give it back after my 3rd college semester was over.
With that said, she sent her mother to pick up her crap, me looking all pumped from my back and bis workout and fresh new clothing and tattoo, her mother was obviously impressed. She tried to start conversation but u brushed her off because I heard from others all the crap she spoke behind my back.
Shortly after i delete my ex from facebook as i no longer need any contact with her. And she doesnt understand why im doing it. Through a small series (about 4-6) messages I tell her we can longer be friends, we have nothing left to talk about or share and that she made her decisions based on her feelings and its time for me to make mine. ended it with "Goodbye."
However, she soon sent this long winded response, to which i did not reply
"I may not be inlove with you anymore but i do care which is why I'm bothering you. Delvin this doesn't really solve much just deleting me, i mean yea you wont't see my future but you'll surely remember me. This makes no sense to me but its fine because you've taught me a hell of a lot and im glad i had you for as long as i did. I will hold on to our memories probably more because you were my first for a hell of a lot and i'll surely will never regret that. Loosing you as a person in my life just isn't easy.....http://www.sosuave.net/forum/images/icons/icon9.gif . Im really sorry for all the hurt i've caused you. I'll miss you a lot and i really wish you the best although you won't need it cause your the most amazing intelligent person i will ever know and your future is beyond bright. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! Muahzzzzzz <3 "
That was wednesday the 21st. So this is day 2... I have already taken steps to move on before the official NC so its a little bit easier, but I thought this would be good for me to share my progress. Stick it out fellas http://www.sosuave.net/forum/images/icons/icon14.gif
Background: Well, after 2 years of me giving 1000% she pretty much dumped me for another guy the day before thanksgiving. I went through the pain, the crying, the pleading and I even gave in to her requests to be friends. However i soon realized she was being selfish. I have been working out for the past 7 weeks but have gotten much more serious after the break up. So yes i have been working on myself and have unofficially applied No Contact, except there were certain belongings of her that were expensive that i borrowed and so I had to stay in touch until i was able to give it back after my 3rd college semester was over.
With that said, she sent her mother to pick up her crap, me looking all pumped from my back and bis workout and fresh new clothing and tattoo, her mother was obviously impressed. She tried to start conversation but u brushed her off because I heard from others all the crap she spoke behind my back.
Shortly after i delete my ex from facebook as i no longer need any contact with her. And she doesnt understand why im doing it. Through a small series (about 4-6) messages I tell her we can longer be friends, we have nothing left to talk about or share and that she made her decisions based on her feelings and its time for me to make mine. ended it with "Goodbye."
However, she soon sent this long winded response, to which i did not reply
"I may not be inlove with you anymore but i do care which is why I'm bothering you. Delvin this doesn't really solve much just deleting me, i mean yea you wont't see my future but you'll surely remember me. This makes no sense to me but its fine because you've taught me a hell of a lot and im glad i had you for as long as i did. I will hold on to our memories probably more because you were my first for a hell of a lot and i'll surely will never regret that. Loosing you as a person in my life just isn't easy.....http://www.sosuave.net/forum/images/icons/icon9.gif . Im really sorry for all the hurt i've caused you. I'll miss you a lot and i really wish you the best although you won't need it cause your the most amazing intelligent person i will ever know and your future is beyond bright. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! Muahzzzzzz <3 "
That was wednesday the 21st. So this is day 2... I have already taken steps to move on before the official NC so its a little bit easier, but I thought this would be good for me to share my progress. Stick it out fellas http://www.sosuave.net/forum/images/icons/icon14.gif
Well I just finished it with my girlfriend. Mainly because when we discussed the relationship yesterday she said she loved her ex. But didn't want too. Then later that day told me she didn't love him. However, the reason we had the talk was because for two days she completely cut off contact with me. And as she told me she did talk to the ex during that two day period. Therefore, even though it hurts I can't do it. Not a good idea to stay with those feelings... Therefore I'm starting no contact today:
Friday December 30th 2011. Day 1
Friday December 30th 2011. Day 1
ImWithTheDJ
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2011
- Messages
- 39
- Reaction score
- 1
none of this no contact bs crap. Tell her exactly how you feel and what you want. If necessary, drop her.
She initiated contact by text and I gave in. Not sure how well I "handled" it.
Her: Do you think Mitt Romney is a capitalist vulture?
Me: No I don't think that
Her: Oh ok bc that was what that guy perry or whoever that u told me u liked said
Me: uh huh
Her: I was reading an article at the time i sent that--i've lost interest in the subject now- (what's with the dashes in her text?)
Me: k
Doesn't sound like a woman with very high interest, lol
Her: Do you think Mitt Romney is a capitalist vulture?
Me: No I don't think that
Her: Oh ok bc that was what that guy perry or whoever that u told me u liked said
Me: uh huh
Her: I was reading an article at the time i sent that--i've lost interest in the subject now- (what's with the dashes in her text?)
Me: k
Doesn't sound like a woman with very high interest, lol
please help me
from india.i know a girl from past 6 months.she was in my gym and i approached her their.we contacted eachother through facebook.took her phone number after 2 months and after that we became best friends.we use to stay with eachother all day and till late nights.as time moved on we had started feeling for eachother.in our religion their some kudli matching before marriages.girl and boys kudli had to matched.for that you would be requiring date,time and place of birth.i dont know how she got ma all details and went to some astrologer to match that i it hvnt match.after that she started goin far from mr...but somehow i manage to bring her back.we did night stays and had oral sex but at that time she was drunked and pretended in the morning that nothing has happened to her.we use to fight alot but get together most of the time i was the one who make her talk to me.
after 5 months she called me up and said that her brother got to know about our relation and told her mom about all this.she cleared me before only that we cant marry but i was having some hope.she used to get jealous when i talk to other girls.her mom scolded her and told her to leave me or them.she talked to me and decided that we will not meet and talk but ya we will talk once in a while.after that i madly kept on calling her but she dnt pick ma calls or ignore me.but on 25th dec she cntctd me thru facebook n asked to celebrate christmas together because her brother was out of station.we went for a night out and that we had nothing she was drunked that time and asked me that i dont love me now..?? i was socked that y she asking me this now.am not getting what she is upto now..after that we hvnt met and talk.she writes on facebook that she miss me.i have read many articels describing no contact rule but i still call her...sometimes she talks properly sometimes gets irritated sometimes she never picks the call.she never calls because her bro sees her call details.she told me to take d new no.but i dont knw whether she will call or not if i take it.she told me that she is the adopted kid of her parents and she cant let them down.one day she says that she wants to stay good friend some time she says i dont want to see you because i start feeling for you again.i am mentally very upset.please please help me.i cant loose her ant any cost i love her a lot.please help me that how i can get her back please.
from india.i know a girl from past 6 months.she was in my gym and i approached her their.we contacted eachother through facebook.took her phone number after 2 months and after that we became best friends.we use to stay with eachother all day and till late nights.as time moved on we had started feeling for eachother.in our religion their some kudli matching before marriages.girl and boys kudli had to matched.for that you would be requiring date,time and place of birth.i dont know how she got ma all details and went to some astrologer to match that i it hvnt match.after that she started goin far from mr...but somehow i manage to bring her back.we did night stays and had oral sex but at that time she was drunked and pretended in the morning that nothing has happened to her.we use to fight alot but get together most of the time i was the one who make her talk to me.
after 5 months she called me up and said that her brother got to know about our relation and told her mom about all this.she cleared me before only that we cant marry but i was having some hope.she used to get jealous when i talk to other girls.her mom scolded her and told her to leave me or them.she talked to me and decided that we will not meet and talk but ya we will talk once in a while.after that i madly kept on calling her but she dnt pick ma calls or ignore me.but on 25th dec she cntctd me thru facebook n asked to celebrate christmas together because her brother was out of station.we went for a night out and that we had nothing she was drunked that time and asked me that i dont love me now..?? i was socked that y she asking me this now.am not getting what she is upto now..after that we hvnt met and talk.she writes on facebook that she miss me.i have read many articels describing no contact rule but i still call her...sometimes she talks properly sometimes gets irritated sometimes she never picks the call.she never calls because her bro sees her call details.she told me to take d new no.but i dont knw whether she will call or not if i take it.she told me that she is the adopted kid of her parents and she cant let them down.one day she says that she wants to stay good friend some time she says i dont want to see you because i start feeling for you again.i am mentally very upset.please please help me.i cant loose her ant any cost i love her a lot.please help me that how i can get her back please.
The No contact works for me! I am happier!!!!
The no contact rule has always been my way when it comes to a breakup. I just never knew the name for it lol!
I have always felt that when someone wants to be in your life.... they will not leave right!? So cutting them out and off along with everything that has to do with them or makes me think about them is the only option!
I am a female.... but I was raised by my father. So my outlook on things are a little different than the average female lol!
The no contact rule is the best and only way as far as I am concerned. I heal faster and feel better about myself :rock: .
I have no illusions about him wanting me back because of the no contact.... it does not matter. I am looking after myself.... and I like who I am as a person! I also have respect for myself....
Thank you for letting me join your group :wave:
The no contact rule has always been my way when it comes to a breakup. I just never knew the name for it lol!
I have always felt that when someone wants to be in your life.... they will not leave right!? So cutting them out and off along with everything that has to do with them or makes me think about them is the only option!
I am a female.... but I was raised by my father. So my outlook on things are a little different than the average female lol!
The no contact rule is the best and only way as far as I am concerned. I heal faster and feel better about myself :rock: .
I have no illusions about him wanting me back because of the no contact.... it does not matter. I am looking after myself.... and I like who I am as a person! I also have respect for myself....
Thank you for letting me join your group :wave:
